Custody question

[stealth2]

My main question was as stated in my post about the therapists recommendations and if it is worth filing for modification.

It's actually very hard to find your question and what the specific recommendations are, buried in rather large blocks of text as they are. Could you possibly restate them, perhaps concisely, with bullet points? Thanks.

 

[tsdaughe]

It's actually very hard to find your question and what the specific recommendations are, buried in rather large blocks of text as they are. Could you possibly restate them, perhaps concisely, with bullet points? Thanks.

Absolutely.
Our current order states the children shall have minimal contact, in passing, to conduct visitation exchanges.

Our daughters therapist brought up to me that she wants the kids to have controlled interactions with each other with 2 parents there to help them develop a better relationship. She recommended a family dinner, in public, once a week. Also, that our son be allowed to be present when I see our daughter for softball practice and games so step dad can be there also as they are close.

I discussed this recommendation with our son's therapist and he agreed. His therapist has also stated our son isn't a risk to his step brothers as his dad and SM are alleging.

I presented this information to dad and SM to discuss following the therapists' recommendations. I was told by dad he will decide when things change and not what the therapists' recommend.

Both therapists are willing to put their recommendations in writing. With that information, would it be worth filing for a modification of the current order to replace "minimum" contact to accomplish visits to what the therapists are recommending?

Note: I know I can't make SM take our son more. I am more concerned with the weekly family dinner and our son being allowed at events in public with adult supervision. Right now, my husband ie step dad has to stay home with him and miss my daughters events and our son is missing all family events

 

[Zigner]

If dad contests this, then you are not likely to be successful without an attorney.

 

[tsdaughe]

I meant if I used my attorney. Is it even likely? There is a long history of dad not coparenting and being uninvolved which is why the GAL recommended the kids stay with me until the incident between the kids occured. It's a reoccurring theme of him doing anything he can to push me away and I feel he is trying to alienate me from our daughter. He suprisingly admitted to some things in court.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Posting hx adds some relevant details.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/threads/child-custody-case.639267/

The son is on the autism spectrum, which explains some of the social devopmental delays.

The daughter was diagnosed with a neuropsych disorder.

 

[stealth2]

The therapists will likely be required to appear, not simply write recommendations. Dad is entitled to cross-examine them.

I agree that you would absolutely need to have a lawyer. The odds? No clue - I'm not a bookie, but I'd consult with a few lawyers.

 

[stealth2]

Now that I've gone back to reread earlier threads, questions arise in my mind. In your thread from last year, you bring up your son's allegations regarding Dad's actions, yet make no mention of your son's molestation (mentioned at the beginning of this thread, occurring in 2016 - a year prior to the allegations against Dad). Nor do you make mention of your daughter's diagnosis.

Honestly - those are both rather significant points. So your not mentioning them, even in passing, is curious.

While I process all of the additional info, I do have a question. Are they each seeing the same therapists they were seeing two years ago? If not, why not? Psychiatrists/psychologists?

 

[tsdaughe]

You made me laugh with the bookie comment. I honestly am just so sick of this whole process and dad never being there the way our kids need. I agreed to the order on advice from my attorney to let go of the past and move forward so I did. But everything I was concerned about is happening. Our daughter is in school from 730 am until 245 pm and then after school care until 7 to 730 pm and doesn't eat dinner until 730 to 8 pm and then is up late doing homework. Everytime I see her now she is tired and falling asleep. Even if I file he is in florida, at minimum, until June 2019. So I know even if I file there is no possible resolution for awhile.

 

[Just Blue]

You made me laugh with the bookie comment. I honestly am just so sick of this whole process and dad never being there the way our kids need. I agreed to the order on advice from my attorney to let go of the past and move forward so I did. But everything I was concerned about is happening. Our daughter is in school from 730 am until 245 pm and then after school care until 7 to 730 pm and doesn't eat dinner until 730 to 8 pm and then is up late doing homework. Everytime I see her now she is tired and falling asleep. Even if I file he is in florida, at minimum, until June 2019. So I know even if I file there is no possible resolution for awhile.

Frankly you daughter has hours while in ASC to do her homework. She is old enough to be self-starting and take responsibility getting her homework done.

 

[tsdaughe]

Now that I've gone back to reread earlier threads, questions arise in my mind. In your thread from last year, you bring up your son's allegations regarding Dad's actions, yet make no mention of your son's molestation (mentioned at the beginning of this thread, occurring in 2016 - a year prior to the allegations against Dad). Nor do you make mention of your daughter's diagnosis.

Honestly - those are both rather significant points. So your not mentioning them, even in passing, is curious.

While I process all of the additional info, I do have a question. Are they each seeing the same therapists they were seeing two years ago? If not, why not? Psychiatrists/psychologists?

I don't know why I didn't mention it. Other than at that time, we were under the impression it was exposure to inappropriate sexual behaviors vs molestation. He didn't disclose the touching etc until August of this year. Sometimes, I just get overwhelmed with everything and forget or think I mentioned it but didn't.
I did mention my daughters diagnosis in the thread last year. I didn't in this one but I did recommend reading previous posts for other details.
Our son is seeing a completely different therapist. His dad didn't like our sons therapist even though he only attended maybe 3 appts in several years. He made a big deal about it in court and I was asked by the GAL to find a new provider. I did. Our son saw him for about a year. His dad didn't like him either and demanded a new one again. So, he picked this current therapist whom I like and have no issues with. Dad again doesn't seem thrilled with this one either. The therapist told me dad is fixated on residential or juvenile detention when they talk but that dad hasn't contacted him in over a month.
Our daughter is seeing the same female therapist she started seeing that I mentioned in a previous post.
Our sons psychiatrist is the same. Our daughters specialist took over her meds at my request. I did this because during court my ex had interactions with our daughters psychiatrist that the psychiatrist told me were aggressive and threatening and she was going to press charges if it happened again and if so she was going to discharge our daughter. It caused the psychiatrist to start acting in a negative way towards me so that is why I asked her specialist to take over. Dad doesn't talk to or interact with our son's psychiatrist.

 

[tsdaughe]

Frankly you daughter has hours while in ASC to do her homework. She is old enough to be self-starting and take responsibility getting her homework done.

She needs alot of 1 on 1 help due to her math struggles. She is in 5th grade but at a 3rd grade level in math in some areas. Her attention span is awful which is being evaluated. However, I do tell her she can at least do what she can such as reading and ask for help. She has gotten better recently.

 

[Zigner]

The therapist told me dad is fixated on residential or juvenile detention when they talk but that dad hasn't contacted him in over a month.

In other words, dad feels that son needs more intensive treatment than he is receiving and would like to see treatment in a residential setting.
Based on your post, I can see his point...

 

[t74]

"I discussed this recommendation with our son's therapist and he agreed. His therapist has also stated our son isn't a risk to his step brothers as his dad and SM are alleging."

SM is in a far better situation to view the interactions between son and step-brothers than a therapist who likely has information filtered through your perspective. Her children should not be put at risk from a child with demonstrated problems.

You all have a difficult situation to deal with. What is not helping is your apparent conflict with SM. She is acting as a single parent while dad is away of her two children and your troubled ones. You mention only your children in your household. If you have no step-children involved with your son, you have no concept of the problems she is facing.

This is not about you - or even your children. The people that MUST be protected first and foremost in this situation are her children who have nothing to do with the issues your children are facing.

 

[tsdaughe]

No. He has never asked for more intensive treatment. He just repeats the same stuff over and over per the therapist. He doesn't meet criteria for residential. Per his therapist and I agree. I am a therapist myself.

 

[Just Blue]

She needs alot of 1 on 1 help due to her math struggles. She is in 5th grade but at a 3rd grade level in math in some areas. Her attention span is awful which is being evaluated. However, I do tell her she can at least do what she can such as reading and ask for help. She has gotten better recently.

What exactly is your daughters Dx?