Custody

[Zigner]

Again, be prepared for the order to be changed so that visitation is no longer a choice for the child.

 

[Just Blue]

Again, be prepared for the order to be changed so that visitation is no longer a choice for the child.

I agree with Zig.

OP You may want to request some therapeutic visits (Son and Dad together with therapist) at first...Say 10 or so visits. It's would be a good setting for son to resolve his issues with Dad. Keep in mind that it will be a GOOD thing for your son to eventually have a healthy relationship with his father.

 

[LdiJ]

Again, be prepared for the order to be changed so that visitation is no longer a choice for the child.

Zig, I am sorry but I completely disagree with you on this one. A law guardian made a recommendation that visitation was to be agree upon between the father and son for a reason. The judge obviously agreed with that recommendation. The father is coming into the child's life for the first time when the child is already 15. I think its highly unlikely that a judge would change that at this point if the child wants nothing to do with his father.

 

[Zigner]

Zig, I am sorry but I completely disagree with you on this one. A law guardian made a recommendation that visitation was to be agree upon between the father and son for a reason. The judge obviously agreed with that recommendation. The father is coming into the child's life for the first time when the child is already 15. I think its highly unlikely that a judge would change that at this point if the child wants nothing to do with his father.

I am fine with you disagreeing.

The fact is that the father has a constitutional right here. If the child is refusing reasonable requests for visitation, then it is highly likely that the judge will modify the order to take the "choice" away from the child.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I honestly couldn't tell you that, first they said IWO and they couldn't find his employer I guess. That's why I went to family court for CSCU to get the payments.

I'm confused by your statement here.

I'm in NY. Once you're set up with the Child Support Enforcement Bureau, they stick with it, enforcing the order for you. It can take months or years to get the kinks worked out, and the employer tracked down, but if he has documentable income in the United States, they can and will enforce the order, with minimal effort from you.

You only pay ($35/ year) if they collect at least $550/yr.

https://www.childsupport.ny.gov/DCSE/HomePage

The suggestion of therapeutic visitation is a good one. One of my nieces has a similar relationship with her father, and therapeutic visitation was the only positive thing, visitation wise, that ever happened between them. Legally, it is also a positive thing to have your son in therapy.

Your son has a crappy relationship with his father, and there are 2 possibilities.
Case 1: Your son's reasons are unfounded. Therapy can help him work out why, and therapeutic visitation can help them work through this together. (<-- This would be a good thing. Really.)
Case 2: Your son's reasons are founded and supportable by facts. Therapeutic visitation with a competent therapist will reveal that, giving you an independent 3rd party who can attest to that, and bonus: your son gets some help. Because although your son may say he doesn't need his particular Dad, deep down he might still want to have an at least okay Dad, and he might worry about growing up to be like him.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

A law guardian made a recommendation that visitation was to be agree upon between the father and son for a reason. The judge obviously agreed with that recommendation.

And I'd be willing to bet THE COURT THOUGHT that the father and son could have been able to work it out. They didn't and now the court will have to do it.

 

[stealth2]

And I'd be willing to bet that the father and son could have been able to work it out. They didn't and now the court will have to do it.

Not necessarily. BTDT.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

I skipped three words of my thought because I got a phone call while typing my last post. I have fixed that now.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm confused by your statement here.

I'm in NY. Once you're set up with the Child Support Enforcement Bureau, they stick with it, enforcing the order for you. It can take months or years to get the kinks worked out, and the employer tracked down, but if he has documentable income in the United States, they can and will enforce the order, with minimal effort from you.

You only pay ($35/ year) if they collect at least $550/yr.

https://www.childsupport.ny.gov/DCSE/HomePage

The suggestion of therapeutic visitation is a good one. One of my nieces has a similar relationship with her father, and therapeutic visitation was the only positive thing, visitation wise, that ever happened between them. Legally, it is also a positive thing to have your son in therapy.

Your son has a crappy relationship with his father, and there are 2 possibilities.
Case 1: Your son's reasons are unfounded. Therapy can help him work out why, and therapeutic visitation can help them work through this together. (<-- This would be a good thing. Really.)
Case 2: Your son's reasons are founded and supportable by facts. Therapeutic visitation with a competent therapist will reveal that, giving you an independent 3rd party who can attest to that, and bonus: your son gets some help. Because although your son may say he doesn't need his particular Dad, deep down he might still want to have an at least okay Dad, and he might worry about growing up to be like him.

This is good advice, but I will point out that a third party (the law guardian) already found the child's reasons as founded and supported by fact, or the law guardian wouldn't have made the recommendations that he did.

 

[Zigner]

This is good advice, but I will point out that a third party (the law guardian) already found the child's reasons as founded and supported by fact, or the law guardian wouldn't have made the recommendations that he did.

SMH -

The law guardian likely made the recommendation based upon the (now-known-to-be-flawed) assumption that the child would cooperate.

 

[LdiJ]

SMH -

The law guardian likely made the recommendation based upon the (now-known-to-be-flawed) assumption that the child would cooperate.

You want this mother to believe that she should try to force her son to work out something with the father or otherwise the judge is going to force a relationship between he and his father. I do not believe that is a given.

OP, if you have an attorney then talk to your attorney about this. If you don't have an attorney, then consult with one who can review everything and advise you.

 

[momof3nji]

This is good advice, but I will point out that a third party (the law guardian) already found the child's reasons as founded and supported by fact, or the law guardian wouldn't have made the recommendations that he did.

I really can't say why the CSCU has not found the employer and I have been going through this for many many years with family court. He was supposed to be paying the arrears of $271 a week on top of the regular support. Although he is making the effort it is always on his terms and not what is ordered. I haven't received a payment since 10/9.

As for the visitation, I honestly have tried over the years. I would try and contact his dad to come watch my son play basketball or come to his practices, to come meet us at the park and he would have an excuse each time. Then I just gave up, why should I be the one to keep trying when he had made no effort at all. I always would ask my son if he wanted to call his dad on holidays or his birthday and my son would say call who? I don't know that guy nor do I want to. My son has many good male influences in his life that he looks up to. Who are good to him that are my close friends for many years and family as well. He is a very well rounded, outspoken, intelligent young man. One time when he was young his father called him a little piece of shit and to go F himself. I think my son was about 6-7. I DO NOT ever nor have I ever spoken to my children this way. I don't think he remembers this thank God, but who talks to their child like this? Yes, the law guardian had in depth conversations with my son and was very impressed with the way he spoke and the things he said. So whatever was said was presented to the court and the decision was made. And it is not the fact that my son is refusing at this time to visit, his father doesn't even make an effort. He will randomly text him once a month or maybe less possibly just saying what's up? And if my son doesn't respond he doesn't call he just leaves it alone. I promise you this is all because he is now forced to pay support. He has a new life with another child (daughter) and if he honestly cared he would have tried a lot harder 15 years ago and kept it going. My oldest son has a different dad, they have a great relationship and I have a great relationship with him as well. I am 52 years old and I am proud of my children and who they are becoming. I just want everyone to enjoy their lives happy and healthy and not have to deal with insanity with the court. My foster son's therapist at the agency wrote me a character witness letter that actually made me cry because I know I am doing the best that I can and it's so nice to see it in words how others feel and see me.
With gratitude to all that have been in this forum to try and help me with some answers.
"L"

 

[momof3nji]

This is good advice, but I will point out that a third party (the law guardian) already found the child's reasons as founded and supported by fact, or the law guardian wouldn't have made the recommendations that he did.

I really can't say why the CSCU has not found the employer and I have been going through this for many many years with family court. He was supposed to be paying the arrears of $271 a week on top of the regular support. Although he is making the effort it is always on his terms and not what is ordered. I haven't received a payment since 10/9.

As for the visitation, I honestly have tried over the years. I would try and contact his dad to come watch my son play basketball or come to his practices, to come meet us at the park and he would have an excuse each time. Then I just gave up, why should I be the one to keep trying when he had made no effort at all. I always would ask my son if he wanted to call his dad on holidays or his birthday and my son would say call who? I don't know that guy nor do I want to. My son has many good male influences in his life that he looks up to. Who are good to him that are my close friends for many years and family as well. He is a very well rounded, outspoken, intelligent young man. One time when he was young his father called him a little piece of shit and to go F himself. I think my son was about 6-7. I DO NOT ever nor have I ever spoken to my children this way. I don't think he remembers this thank God, but who talks to their child like this? Yes, the law guardian had in depth conversations with my son and was very impressed with the way he spoke and the things he said. So whatever was said was presented to the court and the decision was made. And it is not the fact that my son is refusing at this time to visit, his father doesn't even make an effort. He will randomly text him once a month or maybe less possibly just saying what's up? And if my son doesn't respond he doesn't call he just leaves it alone. I promise you this is all because he is now forced to pay support. He has a new life with another child (daughter) and if he honestly cared he would have tried a lot harder 15 years ago and kept it going. My oldest son has a different dad, they have a great relationship and I have a great relationship with him as well. I am 52 years old and I am proud of my children and who they are becoming. I just want everyone to enjoy their lives happy and healthy and not have to deal with insanity with the court. My foster son's therapist at the agency wrote me a character witness letter that actually made me cry because I know I am doing the best that I can and it's so nice to see it in words how others feel and see me.
With gratitude to all that have been in this forum to try and help me with some answers.
"L"

 

[momof3nji]

You want this mother to believe that she should try to force her son to work out something with the father or otherwise the judge is going to force a relationship between he and his father. I do not believe that is a given.

OP, if you have an attorney then talk to your attorney about this. If you don't have an attorney, then consult with one who can review everything and advise you.

I really can't say why the CSCU has not found the employer and I have been going through this for many many years with family court. He was supposed to be paying the arrears of $271 a week on top of the regular support. Although he is making the effort it is always on his terms and not what is ordered. I haven't received a payment since 10/9.

As for the visitation, I honestly have tried over the years. I would try and contact his dad to come watch my son play basketball or come to his practices, to come meet us at the park and he would have an excuse each time. Then I just gave up, why should I be the one to keep trying when he had made no effort at all. I always would ask my son if he wanted to call his dad on holidays or his birthday and my son would say call who? I don't know that guy nor do I want to. My son has many good male influences in his life that he looks up to. Who are good to him that are my close friends for many years and family as well. He is a very well rounded, outspoken, intelligent young man. One time when he was young his father called him a little piece of shit and to go F himself. I think my son was about 6-7. I DO NOT ever nor have I ever spoken to my children this way. I don't think he remembers this thank God, but who talks to their child like this? Yes, the law guardian had in depth conversations with my son and was very impressed with the way he spoke and the things he said. So whatever was said was presented to the court and the decision was made. And it is not the fact that my son is refusing at this time to visit, his father doesn't even make an effort. He will randomly text him once a month or maybe less possibly just saying what's up? And if my son doesn't respond he doesn't call he just leaves it alone. I promise you this is all because he is now forced to pay support. He has a new life with another child (daughter) and if he honestly cared he would have tried a lot harder 15 years ago and kept it going. My oldest son has a different dad, they have a great relationship and I have a great relationship with him as well. I am 52 years old and I am proud of my children and who they are becoming. I just want everyone to enjoy their lives happy and healthy and not have to deal with insanity with the court. My foster son's therapist at the agency wrote me a character witness letter that actually made me cry because I know I am doing the best that I can and it's so nice to see it in words how others feel and see me.
With gratitude to all that have been in this forum to try and help me with some answers.
"L"

 

[momof3nji]

I am fine with you disagreeing.

The fact is that the father has a constitutional right here. If the child is refusing reasonable requests for visitation, then it is highly likely that the judge will modify the order to take the "choice" away from the child.

Although it really would have been nice for them to establish a relationship, a young adult at the age of 15 nor any age over this should not be forced into a relationship in my opinion it seems unhealthy. The therapist at the agency also feels this way as well. They are not forcing my foster son to have a relationship with his mother which he is choosing not to because of the trauma that she has caused. When he is trying to live a normal life and hearing her name or voice sets a trigger off and he regresses. Then we start over again. It's a never-ending cycle. I am in no way an expert but I have taken classes at the agency about child psychology and outside of the agency for CE, and the more I learn the more I realize that sometimes the courts decisions are not in the best interest of the child in my opinion.
With gratitude,
"L"