Ex moving switching schools

[HRZ]

SHe has already sent clear signals she intends to,change the status quo, disrupt the children's education setting and expect you to pick up driving duties and be happy with less actual time ...now think you have two basic choices...roll over ..or get started NOW with counsel on a clear yet flexible battle plan...you might jawbone results...but have a serious battle plan!

 

[cryptic2010]

Yes you should based upon the fact that she is willing to move and cut you out. Where did you get the other information that she wants you to have less time?

This is the exact email. Town and Name turned to XXXXX. The we she is talking about is her current boyfriend of less than 2 years that she just had a baby with.



We agree that he needs to finish this year in XXXXX. We are willing to bring him back and forth on our days. I think we need to make the days of the week permanent instead of fluctuating,
such as he is either always with us Monday Tuesday or Wednesday Thursday, and I’d like to have him Fridays and then we continue every other Saturday and Sunday. Also I will no longer be able to get him after school on your days you will need to work that out and we will get him to school on our mornings. This would be much easier to discuss in person since it is important to make sure we come up with the best possible scenario for XXXXX.

 

[Just Blue]

Blue is from MA. Blue's post reflects the reality I've observed for my MA relatives. Maybe you are presenting yourself poorly.

OG is a family law atty. OG told you to file for change of custody based on change of circumstance being your ex's move.

Not only do I live in Ma but I live in, and have dealt with, Worcester County Probate Court.

 

[cryptic2010]

I spoke with another attorney and he said to wait as well because she hasn't technically done anything yet.

 

[HRZ]

Layman not up on MA issues ..mere suggestions : I think you UNWISE to wait until Mom does thing her way ...your plan should be in hands of good lawyer now and you plan to be in court .

GIven the information to date I don't think it's prudent to wait until she actually violates something ...I d want a clear warning salvo over her bow darn soon .

1. WIth her twisting , failure to soundly disagree up front may sound like your acquiescence or approval ....
2. IF Mom enrolls child elsewhere ...to move 2d time even back to prior school might be postured as not in child's best interest to be parental png pong ball.


AN accepted offer is far from a done deal ...but failure to make your views solid early on invites a big long sob story later ?

I think the risks of a premature early warning shot missing the point are far less than the issues and costs to restore status quo after Mom has changed things to suit her.

I think the early warning shot is best worded by counsel ..and sent on attorneys letterhead

 

[LdiJ]

This is the exact email. Town and Name turned to XXXXX. The we she is talking about is her current boyfriend of less than 2 years that she just had a baby with.



We agree that he needs to finish this year in XXXXX. We are willing to bring him back and forth on our days. I think we need to make the days of the week permanent instead of fluctuating,
such as he is either always with us Monday Tuesday or Wednesday Thursday, and I’d like to have him Fridays and then we continue every other Saturday and Sunday. Also I will no longer be able to get him after school on your days you will need to work that out and we will get him to school on our mornings. This would be much easier to discuss in person since it is important to make sure we come up with the best possible scenario for XXXXX.

She wants every Friday so that it will no longer be a 50/50 timeshare. Do NOT agree to that. If you want to agree to a fixed schedule...for example, every Monday/Tuesday night mom, every Wednesday/Thursday night Dad, and then rotating Friday night to Monday morning that is still a 50/50 timeshare...but on a 5-2-2-5-2-2 You would have 5 days in a row on your weekend (Wed to Mon morning) and she would have 5 days in a row on hers.(Friday evening until Wednesday morning).

However, if you are going to go that route, you might even consider just alternating weeks. That is actually better for many children. It lets them settle in one place for a week at a time instead of constant changing.

 

[HRZ]

I think if you agree to drive one added mile or let her pick the school you will have opened the door to a one way downhill ride...invest in a good attorney up front.


Btw who is paying for new house..and who if anyone pays CS to whom. Does this new location, if it happens, result in a great better job for Mom? So far I haven't a clue how child might be better off under Moms plan!

ANd how,does mms lover wo,benefit of marriage figure into all this ? THis is not a moral,question that that might be moot in 2017 anyway...but a move to benefit a lover has nothing to do with how your child might benefit ?fr...

ANd if the status quo was that Mom would pick child up on your days...she seems to be ducking that in her proposed plan.

AGan I think your views of what is better for child and you deserve an attorney to advocate .

 

[cryptic2010]

Layman not up on MA issues ..mere suggestions : I think you UNWISE to wait until Mom does thing her way ...your plan should be in hands of good lawyer now and you plan to be in court .

GIven the information to date I don't think it's prudent to wait until she actually violates something ...I d want a clear warning salvo over her bow darn soon .

1. WIth her twisting , failure to soundly disagree up front may sound like your acquiescence or approval ....
2. IF Mom enrolls child elsewhere ...to move 2d time even back to prior school might be postured as not in child's best interest to be parental png pong ball.


AN accepted offer is far from a done deal ...but failure to make your views solid early on invites a big long sob story later ?

I think the risks of a premature early warning shot missing the point are far less than the issues and costs to restore status quo after Mom has changed things to suit her.

I think the early warning shot is best worded by counsel ..and sent on attorneys letterhead

One of the three attorney's said to pull her into to court to define the school system so there would be a clear line of violation. The other two said wait to see if she goes through with it.

 

[cryptic2010]

I think if you agree to drive one added mile or let her pick the school you will have opened the door to a one way downhill ride...invest in a good attorney up front.


Btw who is paying for new house..and who if anyone pays CS to whom. Does this new location, if it happens, result in a great better job for Mom? So far I haven't a clue how child might be better off under Moms plan!

ANd how,does mms lover wo,benefit of marriage figure into all this ? THis is not a moral,question that that might be moot in 2017 anyway...but a move to benefit a lover has nothing to do with how your child might benefit ?fr...

ANd if the status quo was that Mom would pick child up on your days...she seems to be ducking that in her proposed plan.

AGan I think your views of what is better for child and you deserve an attorney to advocate .

I pay her CS almost $200 a week. Her new bf is unemployed. She already works in the town she is proposing to move to. Nothing has changed. She gets my son after school to watch him till I pick him up and she drops him with me in the morning on her way to work and I get him on the bus. I see my son currently 12 out of every 14 days no matter what happens this move is a huge change.

 

[cryptic2010]

She wants every Friday so that it will no longer be a 50/50 timeshare. Do NOT agree to that. If you want to agree to a fixed schedule...for example, every Monday/Tuesday night mom, every Wednesday/Thursday night Dad, and then rotating Friday night to Monday morning that is still a 50/50 timeshare...but on a 5-2-2-5-2-2 You would have 5 days in a row on your weekend (Wed to Mon morning) and she would have 5 days in a row on hers.(Friday evening until Wednesday morning).

However, if you are going to go that route, you might even consider just alternating weeks. That is actually better for many children. It lets them settle in one place for a week at a time instead of constant changing.

I'm not sure that would be best for him. He's expressed to me before that he doesn't see me enough sometimes after the weekend. He is overall well adjusted to the schedule. It has been this way since the spring of 2015.

 

[HRZ]

Well if she moves and by status quo picks up child after school daily you have an extra leg to go get him ..is this small extra time or what.

 

[HRZ]

Personally I am a fan of picking the better ranked school district ..especially if there is a marked difference ...and I see parents jump thru all sorts of hoops near me to have kids in better school district . In your case, status quo coincides with the better ranked school district . BUt by itself a better naked ranking does not mean it's better for your child ...Id leave that point in hands of my attorney ...along with copies of the ranking source docuements.

 

[cryptic2010]

Well if she moves and by status quo picks up child after school daily you have an extra leg to go get him ..is this small extra time or what.

She's indicated that she will no longer do this and that she will no longer drop him off in the mornings. I haven't been told the address but it would at least be 30 minutes each way because it's the opposite direction of my work so 1 hour about. I also would no longer see him 5 days out of the 14 day rotation. I can and will adjust my work schedule to accommodate getting him after school. Which I said I would do whatever is necessary to keep him in his current school and the same amount of overnights. The real fear is if the school changes it will be the beginning of me marginalized in all aspects.

 

[not2cleverRed]

She's indicated that she will no longer do this and that she will no longer drop him off in the mornings. I haven't been told the address but it would at least be 30 minutes each way because it's the opposite direction of my work so 1 hour about. I also would no longer see him 5 days out of the 14 day rotation. I can and will adjust my work schedule to accommodate getting him after school. Which I said I would do whatever is necessary to keep him in his current school and the same amount of overnights. The real fear is if the school changes it will be the beginning of me marginalized in all aspects.

Look, cryptic. You've been given advice. You seem to not be getting that everyone here is advising you to be a bit more assertive.

*We* are not being cryptic about this. Don't roll over and play dead or you'll get squished.

 

[LdiJ]

She's indicated that she will no longer do this and that she will no longer drop him off in the mornings. I haven't been told the address but it would at least be 30 minutes each way because it's the opposite direction of my work so 1 hour about. I also would no longer see him 5 days out of the 14 day rotation. I can and will adjust my work schedule to accommodate getting him after school. Which I said I would do whatever is necessary to keep him in his current school and the same amount of overnights. The real fear is if the school changes it will be the beginning of me marginalized in all aspects.

Look, if you will just stand up and be a little more assertive about this she might back out of buying that house. You do not necessarily have to take her to court immediately, but you need to make it crystal clear to her that you will do everything in your power to keep your parenting time and to keep him in your school district.

If he remains in your school district then her whole reason for buying that particular house flies out the window.