Few questions? Any advice?

[NSA4answers]

You would be correct. oldest daughter 8 years old. his youngest daughter is 3 years old she is not biologically his (proven by DNA).

All the more reason you should back off. She has a mother, all-be-it a not so great one, she still has one. As does the older daughter.

Just because mom has not returned calls from dad for 15 days, and chose not to utilize her spring vacation parenting time does not sound like to me grounds for termination of parental responsibilities. Dad needs to get with mom and find out why she's not doing her part as a parent, and you need to stay out of it. This is not your place. Love them, but remember they already have a mom. You said it yourself she's been seeing the girls.

 

[summerdawn]

Since the seniors are off napping after being spoon fed their pureed peas, (they go to bed early) I will attempt to guide you with several "senior-esque" mantras in their absence. Some may apply to you, some may not-in no particular order:

1. "Oh well. You KNEW s/he was like that when you had BABIES with her/him!"

2."WE do not do anything. YOU are a LEGAL STRANGER."

3. "Please look over the FAQ and edit your post accordingly."

4. "Is your husband as concerned as YOU are with all of this? Why doesn't HE get to a computer and make a post if he is so worried?"

5. "What change in circumstance can you show to the court when you go to modify this {custody, visitation, irregularity, question about fiber} arrangement?"

6. "Please keep all of your custody related matters confined to one thread. No, we don't care that it has been locked. Go find it and make it resurface."

7. "OHHHH i'm sorry-you must have gotten us confused with dr.phil.com-if you go there you will get the huggilywuggilycuddilyhappyeverafter response you were looking for."

Please take the ones you may need and leave the ones you don't. I am sure there are TONS more but I don't have all night to post silly stuff.

My disclaimer: Seniors, please know that this was all done in good fun and I am not in any way trying to insult you. Taking the time to do what you do on this forum is invaluable to those you have helped, including but not limited to, me.

 

[Isis1]

summer!! LMFAO!!

 

[NSA4answers]

SummerDawn *snicker* that was funny

 

[ConcerndStepmom]

if i read that correctly...mom has absolutely no contact with the children since she dropped them off Easter day. and she has not been reachable by dad either. not to sound morbid....but would your hubby consider her suicidal? i jsut found what teh girls said normal for someone who is getting snippy over not getting her own way in court, but when she can't be reached....it sounds a bit creepy.

Honestly no my husband doesn't think she is suicidal. In fact she is very much alive. She is employed at the same company my husbands brother is employed at and he has confirmed she has been at work.

Mom at her Order to Show Cause hearing got irate and was willing to sign her rights away then. Begged and pleaded with the Judge to do it. But he would not do it because her emtions was getting the best of her.

 

[ConcerndStepmom]

You counted right. I just went back through her posts a bit because I saw that 86 had been posted by her. I'm NOT impressed to say the least. By reading just this post she almost had me pegged for thinking she was actually a top notch step mom, and mom was a dead beat. However she slipped up a bit and mentioned youngest SD's age and how long her and her now Husband had been together. Longer than the daughter was old. Didn't slipped I merely stated a fact. That is what this forum wants is the facts, right? Much to no suprize we're not living in the early 1900's. For whatever reason people seperate with/without divorcing. Had I of known it in the beginning my now husband and I probably would not be together now. It was months after we were dating before I found out he was "married". Oh did I mention aside from the two above said children Mom gave birth to a 3rd child just 4 months after they were divorced?

Well in another post she claims that the mother of these children and dad were married. Interesting? to say the least

Then she claims in that same post that mom doesn't have any problems with her. WHY do I not believe that..... hard to believe eh? believe it. it's not me Mom hates it's Dad ..

Yeah I lost any respect I had for the woman....

And a side not for this concerned step mom..... When the man you are "with" is already married to someone else, you are not "with him." *shakes head*

Was "with him" then and married to him now.

 

[ConcerndStepmom]

I browsed through your threads quickly. Seriously though-from what I have read ALL OVER these forums if the mom is still making an effort to see her kids, and somebody else said "even a crappy effort" I don't see a court letting you rush in to adopt after two weeks of no shows.

In your other threads you say you don't want to be the overstepping step parent, but by talking adoption after TWO WEEKS I kind of think that's overstepping. Not to be harsh.

This must be a seriously frustrating situation for all involved, but you sound way overeager here, IMHO.

I will say this again.. There is NO ONE going to rush down to the Courthouse tomorrow and file anything. We are simply researching this for down the road.

I am not overstepping on anything. I have been accused of it in the past and will probably be accused of it in the future. I am simply asking questions, BIG difference.

If in fact what the girls said was true and if and only if Mom confirms this to be true and consents. Then at that time would we proceed. However if she does not confirm and continues to have no contact or support for a year or so then we will move forward with a involuntary TPR & adoption.

Not only is it frustrating to continue to see these girls suffer but it is heartbreaking because they do love her very much. It's not like the girls came running in and told us what their Mom said to them it took Mom NOT showing up for her parenting time 3 days later and at that time is when it all came out.

Both girls have a picture of Mom in their bedrooms and oldest SDhas said several times that everytime she looks at her Mommy's picture it reminds her of what Mommy said to her.
Then everytime she asks to call and doesn't get to talk to her Mom. She says I know why Mommy is not answering the phone because "T" tells Mommy not to answer Daddy's calls.

The oldest daughter is in counseling and has been in counseling since she was 5. Dad contacted her counseler to inform him of what the girls said. This is effecting the 3 year old as well. She will start counseling (play therapy).

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Man do I hate those folks who think they should swoop in and snatch the children when the other parent is down. I do NOT use the word **hate** lightly.

It is DAD's job to facilitate a relationship between the children and their MOTHER. It is YOUR job to sit back and be quiet.

When the children ask about their mother, just tell them that mommy loves them very much and is having a hard time right now. Chances are that she is off in the corner licking her wounds and possibly having a pity party of 1.

From the looks of it, the person who was the interloper in mommy/daddy's relationship was YOU. I looked at the ages of the children and figured out that daddy was doinking both of you at the same time. From my math, you came after mommy so there was an affair?

Now, you used an interesting term: paramour. Use of that word is inflammatory. You could just as easily said boyfriend, but used that word instead. That shows how you personally view yourself as SOOOOOOO much better than mommy.

Now matter what my personal opinion of my child's other parent is, my daughter is HALF that person. So, if I were to go around putting down that other parent, would I not be putting down my daughter as well? What message are you giving these children? Dad obviously thought something positive about mommy because he was around long enough.

My opinion: you are an overbearing stepmom who is trying to replace mommy.

Now, as for the legal, dad needs to facilitate the relationship between the children and their MOTHER. He needs to put out the olive branch and help mom to be a better mom. Because you know what, these children need to know and love both their parents. Children have that right.

 

[txrose1998]

I will say this again.. There is NO ONE going to rush down to the Courthouse tomorrow and file anything. We are simply researching this for down the road.

I am not overstepping on anything. I have been accused of it in the past and will probably be accused of it in the future. I am simply asking questions, BIG difference.

If in fact what the girls said was true and if and only if Mom confirms this to be true and consents. Then at that time would we proceed. However if she does not confirm and continues to have no contact or support for a year or so then we will move forward with a involuntary TPR & adoption.

Not only is it frustrating to continue to see these girls suffer but it is heartbreaking because they do love her very much. It's not like the girls came running in and told us what their Mom said to them it took Mom NOT showing up for her parenting time 3 days later and at that time is when it all came out.

Both girls have a picture of Mom in their bedrooms and oldest SDhas said several times that everytime she looks at her Mommy's picture it reminds her of what Mommy said to her.
Then everytime she asks to call and doesn't get to talk to her Mom. She says I know why Mommy is not answering the phone because "T" tells Mommy not to answer Daddy's calls.

The oldest daughter is in counseling and has been in counseling since she was 5. Dad contacted her counseler to inform him of what the girls said. This is effecting the 3 year old as well. She will start counseling (play therapy).

OP, what you seem to be missing is that just by having the audacity to ask this question....you are overstepping. That being said.....my mother went through a similar period when she first lost custody of us kids in the divorce. She was devastated....tore up....emotionally a wreck. She would state things to my father such as "I might as well be dead since I do not have my kids. Just tell them I am dead." Dad does need to step in here. I do not know how far you live from mother, but maybe Dad driving over that way would be a step in the right direction.

 

[txrose1998]

And just in case anyone forgot or did not review this women's old threads....this is one of those stepmoms who believe because she married the father, she is the children's mother. Take a look at her first thread.

 

[3UofMfans]

Was "with him" then and married to him now.

I am confused...are you saying mom and dad were married and you had an affair? Or are you saying that they were separated and she got pregnant with another mans baby and your DH took custody of that child too? Either way, I can see why mom has some issues. Instead of running to your attorney to adopt these children your husband should give mom some time to deal with her feelings and issues....especially in this situation.

 

[stealth2]

I was going to say the same, txrose. Her first thread is VERY telling. https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=327157

 

[Ohiogal]

Since the seniors are off napping after being spoon fed their pureed peas, (they go to bed early) I will attempt to guide you with several "senior-esque" mantras in their absence. Some may apply to you, some may not-in no particular order:

1. "Oh well. You KNEW s/he was like that when you had BABIES with her/him!"

2."WE do not do anything. YOU are a LEGAL STRANGER."

3. "Please look over the FAQ and edit your post accordingly."

4. "Is your husband as concerned as YOU are with all of this? Why doesn't HE get to a computer and make a post if he is so worried?"

5. "What change in circumstance can you show to the court when you go to modify this {custody, visitation, irregularity, question about fiber} arrangement?"

6. "Please keep all of your custody related matters confined to one thread. No, we don't care that it has been locked. Go find it and make it resurface."

7. "OHHHH i'm sorry-you must have gotten us confused with dr.phil.com-if you go there you will get the huggilywuggilycuddilyhappyeverafter response you were looking for."

Please take the ones you may need and leave the ones you don't. I am sure there are TONS more but I don't have all night to post silly stuff.

My disclaimer: Seniors, please know that this was all done in good fun and I am not in any way trying to insult you. Taking the time to do what you do on this forum is invaluable to those you have helped, including but not limited to, me.

I have NOTHING to add.

 

[stealth2]

I am confused...are you saying mom and dad were married and you had an affair? Or are you saying that they were separated and she got pregnant with another mans baby and your DH took custody of that child too?

In a nutshell, Mom and Dad were separated. Both apparently found new lovers (Dad - OP). Mom got knocked up. Still married. So Dad is legal father. Blah blah.

 

[Just Blue]

In a nutshell, Mom and Dad were separated. Both apparently found new lovers (Dad - OP). Mom got knocked up. Still married. So Dad is legal father. Blah blah.

Do you recall off hand way paternity wasn't disestablished at the divorce?