First Time Mom: Custody & Visitation Threats! Please Help!

[soco25]

Why would you have a baby with an irresponsible angry person? You are making assumptions. Would you allow your daughter to go to your friend's home without you? What about a babysitter?

Well I have been with this man for quite a bit of years & I unfortunately didn't think this would happen (stupid way of saying it, I know.) & no I would not.

 

[Silverplum]

I understand. What he's not aware of is the child support they will place him on. He has already threatened me when I warned him of child support! And honestly, it's not about my feelings at all. I am thinking of my daughter. He's very irresponsible and I do not know what can happen to my daughter over there while she's unable to protect herself. Why I say this? Well, the girl he's with already has two young kids who may be very ill-mannered! Am I wrong for just wanting him to come visit her at my home first until she's old enough to talk? I just do not want my daughter touched or anything harmful happening to her. She's still a newborn!

The new girlfriend's children "may be very ill-mannered," and this is an Insurmountable Problem?

I agree with CJane: you need to breathe and calm yourself and ride out the hormones.

 

[soco25]

Until a court orders otherwise - and that's certainly not an overnight process - Dad can only see the child on your terms. Why? Because until a court orders otherwise, he DOESN'T HAVE A CHILD. Likewise, he doesn't "owe" any financial or emotional support. Why? Because until a court orders otherwise, he DOESN'T HAVE A CHILD.

So breathe. Stop freaking out. Let your post-birth hormones and protectiveness settle a bit. Then breathe some more. Do what you think is best for your child. Because right this minute, you're the only parent she has.

If Dad files for custody, visitation, etc, come back for specific advice based on whatever he's filed. If you need financial assistance with the child, you can file for child support and paternity establishment through the state's child support enforcement department. This will result in the biological father being declared the legal father, and an order for financial support being issued.

Because you're not in a relationship with this man, expecting emotional support at any time is unrealistic.

Good luck.

Thank you! I did not realize that post birth hormones can be a big problem. Seriously, am I overthinking? Also, he has threatened to hurt me if I place him onto child support. But little does he know that if he takes this to court, the court will place him on support anyway after visitation is set and scheduled, correct?

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you! I did not realize that post birth hormones can be a big problem. Seriously, am I overthinking? Also, he has threatened to hurt me if I place him onto child support. But little does he know that if he takes this to court, the court will place him on support anyway after visitation is set and scheduled, correct?

Yes, you are overthinking. However, that is pretty normal for the mother of a newborn...particularly a first time mother.

Yes, filing to establish paternity, custody and visitation will result in him getting ordered to pay child support as well.

 

[Ladyback1]

Thank you! I did not realize that post birth hormones can be a big problem. Seriously, am I overthinking? Also, he has threatened to hurt me if I place him onto child support. But little does he know that if he takes this to court, the court will place him on support anyway after visitation is set and scheduled, correct?

If he threatened to hurt you (physically) and you feel as if he is serious about that....how come you haven't filed a police report???

And yes, you REALLY need to settle down and breath. If/When he petitions the court for visitation or a parenting plan, you will have the ability (and hopefully a family law attorney) to provide your side of things.

It's obvious (to me) that you are a first time mom, and probably rather young (I am 40+, so anyone under 35 is rather young! )
But really, people go through this sort of thing all the time--and by and large it is usually handled well by the courts.

Good Luck....you've got at least 18 years to co-parent with this man. How good those 18 years are, are up to you.

 

[soco25]

Another question, you guys!
If and when paternity is established, will the judge only order visitation schedule on the father's "off" days from work? Does the father have the right to let other people watch our child?

 

[soco25]

If he threatened to hurt you (physically) and you feel as if he is serious about that....how come you haven't filed a police report???

And yes, you REALLY need to settle down and breath. If/When he petitions the court for visitation or a parenting plan, you will have the ability (and hopefully a family law attorney) to provide your side of things.

It's obvious (to me) that you are a first time mom, and probably rather young (I am 40+, so anyone under 35 is rather young! )
But really, people go through this sort of thing all the time--and by and large it is usually handled well by the courts.

Good Luck....you've got at least 18 years to co-parent with this man. How good those 18 years are, are up to you.

Yes I am pretty young, in my early 20's .

I didn't file a police report because I have no proof. He spoke it to me. I only have a txt that says " OUR life will be ruined if you place me on child support". But I don't think that's quite enough evidence for police or the judge.

Is it too late to file? He has said this while I was pregnant! And I still have that text.

 

[LdiJ]

Another question, you guys!
If and when paternity is established, will the judge only order visitation schedule on the father's "off" days from work? Does the father have the right to let other people watch our child?

You are getting waaaay ahead of yourself. That won't even become an issue until a lot further down the road. Dad hasn't even filed to establish paternity yet. Take a deep breath and stop even thinking about it until or unless dad actually files and you know exactly what he has filed for.

 

[anearthw]

I didn't file a police report because I have no proof. He spoke it to me. I only have a txt that says " OUR life will be ruined if you place me on child support". But I don't think that's quite enough evidence for police or the judge.

Is it too late to file? He has said this while I was pregnant!

That is not a threat, it is the whine of someone who knows it is going to be a messy road. There is nothing to report to police.

I think us mothers remember how hard life was at two weeks postpartum, but I think you would benefit from a good breather and reality check - he can get visitation, you can get support, he WILL be allowed to exercise his constitutional rights as a father.

 

[soco25]

That is not a threat, it is the whine of someone who knows it is going to be a messy road. There is nothing to report to police.

I think us mothers remember how hard life was at two weeks postpartum, but I think you would benefit from a good breather and reality check - he can get visitation, you can get support, he WILL be allowed to exercise his constitutional rights as a father.

I.understand where you are going with this but out of his mouth were "I will hurt you, paralyze you, or find a way to permanently damage you if you place me on child support." The text was jst a settled one because he thought of me saving his words. He has been abusive in the past so I put nothing past him.

 

[LdiJ]

I.understand where you are going with this but out of his mouth were "I will hurt you, paralyze you, or find a way to permanently damage you if you place me on child support." The text was jst a settled one because he thought of me saving his words. He has been abusive in the past so I put nothing past him.

Then don't put yourself in a position where he has the opportunity to hurt you. Make sure that there is always another adult in the house when he comes to visit his child.

 

[anearthw]

Well, here is the problem with the alleged threat - in one breath, you state he is abusive and makes physical threats, and in another, it is perfectly fine for him to visit your home to see the baby, and he can take her when she is walking.

Dad will simply say you are fabricating abuse to control the baby. So whether or not you make allegations of abuse or threats is your decision, but inconsistency does not lend credibility.

 

[soco25]

You are getting waaaay ahead of yourself. That won't even become an issue until a lot further down the road. Dad hasn't even filed to establish paternity yet. Take a deep breath and stop even thinking about it until or unless dad actually files and you know exactly what he has filed for.

Okay. I am trying. It's just that I am trying to gather as much information and advice as possible to prepare myself. The reason being because he is the type of person that will try to harm or hurt you just because he feels like it or he wants to feel better.

 

[soco25]

Well, here is the problem with the alleged threat - in one breath, you state he is abusive and makes physical threats, and in another, it is perfectly fine for him to visit your home to see the baby, and he can take her when she is walking.

Dad will simply say you are fabricating abuse to control the baby. So whether or not you make allegations of abuse or threats is your decision, but inconsistency does not lend credibility.

That is true. Thank you! It's just that I have no proof of his threats which is why I allow him in my home to even see the baby. Plus I am also afraid of court!

 

[soco25]

Well, here is the problem with the alleged threat - in one breath, you state he is abusive and makes physical threats, and in another, it is perfectly fine for him to visit your home to see the baby, and he can take her when she is walking.

Dad will simply say you are fabricating abuse to control the baby. So whether or not you make allegations of abuse or threats is your decision, but inconsistency does not lend credibility.

So even if I file a police report for his threats, can he still say I fabricated to keep him away from his daughter?

I fear this man & what he may possibly do which is why I even am allowing him around my daughter!