Frustrated with new support order

[pelletierjason]

What is the name of your state? New Hampshire

Hey all,
I was with a woman for 4 years and had a child with her. We never married and separated when my child was almost 2. Shortly after, she took me to court for CS (obviously expected) and everything was going ok. I didn't make a lot of money at the time and the support order was for ~ $75/week.
It has been over ten years since that support order was issued so she took me back to court to for a support modification. Neither one of us could afford an attorney so we both went on our own behalf. I have made my child support payments on time and have even been overpaying a little...which started getting mailed to me in small checks since she instantiated the new court appearance. Well, in ten years I have worked my tail off and studied and done everything I can to get myself a good job and earn some decent money. I also since got married and had another daughter with my wife whom both live with me in a house I just purchased last November.
So, I get the court order in the mail last week and my new support payment is just over $800/month and I now have to provide health insurance and cover medical expenses 50/50, etc. and the best part is that it says the order goes into effect a month ago (the date of the hearing) so I am already behind.

I am well aware that the law states that the person that makes more (me) has to share the wealth with the other party in order to provide both sides an "equal" lifestyle.

My current living situation is now in jeopardy and my wife and youngest daughter are major stress (as well as myself) because of this severe cut in my pay. I'm not sure I can even afford this house now and have had to cancel my youngest daughter's gymnastics and wasn't able to afford to take my oldest to the fair (which she desperately wanted to go to). I honestly felt like telling my oldest to ask her mom why I couldn't bring her but I don't get my kids involved in this kind of stuff. This new order is going to basically pay my ex's mortgage while I struggle to pay mine and put my family in a situation of struggle that I have worked so hard to avoid.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown and I'm so angry that this can be construed as "fair". I know I need(ed) a lawyer but especially now, there's no way I can afford one. I need to use every extra dime I have to make sure my family can eat and so I have gas to get to work. Which is also in jeopardy because I need to get some auto repairs done which I also can't afford now.

Any feedback is greatly appreciated. I seriously doubt there's anything that can be done for me, I guess I just needed to vent.

A final thought: Why does it feel like I am being punished for trying to better my life and my ex gets rewarded for not trying to better hers?

 

[CJane]

So your support went from $325/month to $800/month - an increase of 'only' $475/month and it's putting you in such dire financial straits that you're thinking foreclosure?

Seriously, take a deep breath. Couldn't your wife get a job, even part time in the evenings when you can be home with your daughter of this marriage, and make up that less than $500?

 

[Zephyr]

does your wife work?

 

[Accountable]

I need to use every extra dime I have to make sure my family can eat and so I have gas to get to work. Which is also in jeopardy because I need to get some auto repairs done which I also can't afford now

You just described the life of a single mom who doesn't receive enough or ANY child support.....living paycheck to paycheck. Sorry.....but this shouldn't have caught you completely off guard. Surely you realized that if your lifestyle improved, so should your oldest daughter's.

 

[Silverplum]

Are you saying that you got legally *screwed*? Or did the court go by the NH guidelines?

 

[pelletierjason]

You just described the life of a single mom who doesn't receive enough or ANY child support.....living paycheck to paycheck. Sorry.....but this shouldn't have caught you completely off guard. Surely you realized that if your lifestyle improved, so should your oldest daughter's.

Did it catch me completely off guard, no. I was making offers to my ex to settle this out of court for $150/week which she refused. I know she deserves to get more money, it's been 10 years.
My real problem with the system is that it does not benefit me or my family to improve my pay to in turn, improve our lifestyle. I totally hear what you're saying about single moms and my heart goes out to the one's that are honestly trying to take care of their kids and getting no help from the father. That is just downright wrong. I am not one of those dads which is why I'm really trying to come to terms with this.

To answer the other questions, my wife does work but makes very little money. Enough to pay for her car, insurance and a little bit for food. Her grandmother helps her out with money as much as possible. Sure, I could get a 2nd job and so could she. And where would that put my youngest daughter when she doesn't get to see one of us? This is my point...by making my ex's life better, it is putting a major strain on my family.

Keep in mind, my ex has a house, brand new SUV, new live-in boyfriend and just got her bathroom remodelled. This doesn't sound like someone that's struggling, so how is it so "fair" to put me in such a situation? Do I deserve this?

Some of you might not think an extra $500+ a month is much money but I sure do. I am in the process of looking to sell some of my instruments I've had for many years (I am a 20+ year musician) to make things work out for a while but I know where things are headed.

When you talk about improving my oldest daughter's lifestyle, does it not take into account the times she is with me?

 

[pelletierjason]

Are you saying that you got legally *screwed*? Or did the court go by the NH guidelines?

I believe they just went by the guidelines and I'm sure they were crafted with good intentions and probably work well most of the time. I guess I'm just really frustrated at myself for getting in this position. I should have stayed in an apartment

 

[haiku]

Though New Hampshire does take the CP income into account, it does not really affect the amount you will pay as NCP.

A court order for support can be reviewed every 3 years automatically. You now have to adjust your home expenses accordingly.

did the court follow New Hampshire guidelines? If so, thats "the breaks". if not?.....

 

[pelletierjason]

Though New Hampshire does take the CP income into account, it does not really affect the amount you will pay as NCP.

Does this not seem completely insane to anyone else?

 

[Silverplum]

Does this not seem completely insane to anyone else?

No, it doesn't "seem completely insane." CS is calculated many ways. NH does it that way.

I don't mean to shoo you away, hon, but this board is not for discussing whether or not CS is fair -- it's for providing legal info. If you want a link to a site about NH CS, we're here for ya. If you want to be bummed...well, I'm not here for ya!

 

[haiku]

Does this not seem completely insane to anyone else?

you don't think I don't know this from experience...

 

[pelletierjason]

You all seem pretty knowledgable about the laws regarding this subject so here is a question...
Is there any way to verify that my ex did not lie on her financial affadavit? Here is the part that really kills me...supposedly she makes around $2200/month gross. I saw her name in the paper last year for a DWI arrest, she just bought a new Ford Explorer 6 months ago, she owns a home and has 2 other kids beside mine that live with her. I just don't get it. I am pretty good with my money and there's no way I could make that happen. I also know for a fact that she gets NO money from her other ex (father of the 2 other children). He's mostly unemployed and in jail.

 

[Zephyr]

Did it catch me completely off guard, no. I was making offers to my ex to settle this out of court for $150/week which she refused. I know she deserves to get more money, it's been 10 years.
My real problem with the system is that it does not benefit me or my family to improve my pay to in turn, improve our lifestyle. I totally hear what you're saying about single moms and my heart goes out to the one's that are honestly trying to take care of their kids and getting no help from the father. That is just downright wrong. I am not one of those dads which is why I'm really trying to come to terms with this.

To answer the other questions, my wife does work but makes very little money. Enough to pay for her car, insurance and a little bit for food. Her grandmother helps her out with money as much as possible. Sure, I could get a 2nd job and so could she. And where would that put my youngest daughter when she doesn't get to see one of us? This is my point...by making my ex's life better, it is putting a major strain on my family.

Keep in mind, my ex has a house, brand new SUV, new live-in boyfriend and just got her bathroom remodelled. This doesn't sound like someone that's struggling, so how is it so "fair" to put me in such a situation? Do I deserve this?

Some of you might not think an extra $500+ a month is much money but I sure do. I am in the process of looking to sell some of my instruments I've had for many years (I am a 20+ year musician) to make things work out for a while but I know where things are headed.

When you talk about improving my oldest daughter's lifestyle, does it not take into account the times she is with me?

why can she not make more? what does she do for a living?

 

[Silverplum]

You all seem pretty knowledgable about the laws regarding this subject so here is a question...
Is there any way to verify that my ex did not lie on her financial affadavit? Here is the part that really kills me...supposedly she makes around $2200/month gross. I saw her name in the paper last year for a DWI arrest, she just bought a new Ford Explorer 6 months ago, she owns a home and has 2 other kids beside mine that live with her. I just don't get it. I am pretty good with my money and there's no way I could make that happen. I also know for a fact that she gets NO money from her other ex (father of the 2 other children). He's mostly unemployed and in jail.

I believe it's too late for that now that the order has been established.

Please don't obsess on her lifestyle or expenses. It's not good for you. Focus on the fact that she has been taking care of your daughter.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

It's unfortunate they didn't step the support. On the other hand, you've NOT had to shell out the extra $500 per month for how many years? You should consider yourself lucky in that regard.