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CJane
Senior Member
One more thing... IF the judge rules in favor of the ex... is that usually immediate? Court is on a Monday - would it happen that I'd go into court on Monday morning after dropping the kids off at school, and then not be able to see them for 2 weeks?
If the answer to that one is yes... what are the situations that I read about on here that people go to court and then have to wait for the order to come through?
If the answer to that one is yes... what are the situations that I read about on here that people go to court and then have to wait for the order to come through?
Sometimes it's immediate- sometimes there is a designated exchange time/date- sometimes it's sooner & other times later. If your X won supervised visitation...then yes, it's likely a court would order custody change quickly. If it results in a simple change of schedule (& not the supervised visitation)...then the judge would address when that change should be implimented.CJane said:
If people are "waiting for final orders"...That usually just means they are waiting for the court order to be signed by all the parties & the judge- and for them to receive their stamped/filed copy.
LdiJ
Senior Member
The way that I, myself, would explain it to the GAL is by telling the pure truth. I would tell her that he is working out of town on a temporary contract (up in June) and that he couldn't get away without losing the contract. I would tell her that you are NOT happy with the situation or with him for not finding a way to do it, but that at the same time you understand his position as well, because the contract IS important to his livelihood....and its not easy to find new work when you have lost a contract.CJane said:
Let her understand on her own that its straining your relationship.
I really have a different opinion than you are getting from the others (and your attorney) on this particular situation. While I understand why the GAL really wants to see how the kids react to the bf in a normal family setting....I also know that (while its not ideal) the GAL really can get a feel for how the kids feel about him by simply talking to the kids.
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
I think the problem comes in with the accusations the ex has made regarding the b/f. True or not, the situation as presented does make it smell (*) as though - for some reason - there is a reluctance to have the b/f present for the GAL visit. (*) I'm not saying that I don't believe CJane, but it easy to see how it would appear that way. It's not a simple case of tweaking a custody arrangement - there are allegations that the b/f brings with him a less than suitable living situation for the children. The GAL really can't simply ignore those allegations. I can easily see the GAL making the recommendation that the ex be awarded the supervised visitation until such a time as b/f can and is made available for a home visit.
Smoke and Mirrors
The picture you have created is less than ideal.
You initiated the divorce giving up a stable 5 bedroom home in which you were well provided for and could be a stay at home mom.
You agree to a 50/50 parneting time split with dad having sole legal custody, he does cooporate with you and communicates with you.
There are some issues.
When there was the potential that dad would move, you knew all about the required 60 days notice of a move, but he doesn't move afterall.
Dad wanted the agreement to include language that there will be no unrelated adults, e.g. gf/bf spending the night with children present. You knew that dad as a new born again Basptist will do that in his own life and waited to get married before moving in his wife where she also became a SAHM and became pregnant.
Well there goes all hope of regaining your control over your family.
You, being a Pagan, wanted the freedon to have boyfriends over and chose not to marry. Thus you knew this would be an issue especially living in the same community where he could drive by and see who's truck was parked in front especially when the children were at your home.
Dad spoils your fun by not moving and getting married and staying in YOUR home and she can afford to be a SAHM doing all the things with your girls that you could be doing.
Now comes the bf who you at first referred to as your fiance, but that is all a sham because you don't intend to marry, apparently you don't even bother to use birth control knowing you are playing with fire.
OOPS! You get pregnant.
Now you try a few strategies.
First of all you move so you have some privacy and begin this long commute with the children, with them eating, getting dressed and doing homework on the run.
But what is it really?
Your bf isn't around enough to have a relationship, but at least you can help him out by subletting his place since he is hardly there and provide him a little consortium when he is in town and thins gets you away from dad's control because he can't drive by to see that bf is there when his kids are there and of course you got pregnant when they were not there.
To be honest, he isn't contributing to the household because he has to support his other 2 children he has had in the past meaning that it you file for child support, you will get less and have to force him to pay and who will want a homeless Pagan with 1-3 kids to support.
He also has to support himself as he works out of town, who does he bunk with then? When does he see his other children? These are things the GAL will consider.
So you considered going on welfare and started playing with the numbers trying to make it look like you have more parenting time when in fact, you have less, you also know that if you apply for welfare, they will go after your infant son's father not the girl's dad. So you move away without proper notice knowing 60 days notice is needed, about the time your pregnancy can't be hidden.
So the money is tight because now you are driving a lot more everyday you have the children. Driving over country roads and highways where travel time can vary especially in winter with bad weather or with children distracting your driving. But you are angry and stubborn, well you manage to keep the children for a while while the court business grinds on. You are offered a reasonable solution of standard visitation which would keep you children's lives stable and allow you the time you need with your new infant and time to enjoy your children on weekends without all the daily grind of commute and such.
You complain because dad signs the girls up for Brownies because it might fall on your parenting time when in fact his wife provides child care and would be the one transporting them no matter who's time it fell on. Usually in small towns there is only 1 small trop so the available days are limited as are ECA's anyway.
But you stick it out, somehow hoping you can win, knowing it is an uphill battle at best, because dispite what you have implied about dad, he is a fit father and his wife is proving to be a dedicated and loving stepmother.
Money is tight, so you ignore your insurance bil, never expecting to be in an accident, bad assumption. DO you have a joint account with your bf with all this money he is saving to build you a house? Boom, you have an accident a few weeks before baby is born and you have to pay to repair the vehicle you hit.
You know about the GAL and what the GAL will require insofar as your homestudy since at least October and have delayed it as much as possible. You know the GAL considered the involvement of your "fiance" who is not present, important. It is important because your story doesn't jive, your bf, you finally dropped the "fiance" story, is not contributing to the home and not even there for his own child and who you don't intend to marry or he doesn't intend to marry you, so that story is wanting as well but not you have to stick with it to justify all your failed stratigies thus far.
He could get off work for this if it was important to him, but it is not. Now you face losing your children and getting supervised visitation instead of standard visitation which you have been offered several times.
You really need to consider all the outcomes and how to cut your losses.
The picture you have created is less than ideal.
You initiated the divorce giving up a stable 5 bedroom home in which you were well provided for and could be a stay at home mom.
You agree to a 50/50 parneting time split with dad having sole legal custody, he does cooporate with you and communicates with you.
There are some issues.
When there was the potential that dad would move, you knew all about the required 60 days notice of a move, but he doesn't move afterall.
Dad wanted the agreement to include language that there will be no unrelated adults, e.g. gf/bf spending the night with children present. You knew that dad as a new born again Basptist will do that in his own life and waited to get married before moving in his wife where she also became a SAHM and became pregnant.
Well there goes all hope of regaining your control over your family.
You, being a Pagan, wanted the freedon to have boyfriends over and chose not to marry. Thus you knew this would be an issue especially living in the same community where he could drive by and see who's truck was parked in front especially when the children were at your home.
Dad spoils your fun by not moving and getting married and staying in YOUR home and she can afford to be a SAHM doing all the things with your girls that you could be doing.
Now comes the bf who you at first referred to as your fiance, but that is all a sham because you don't intend to marry, apparently you don't even bother to use birth control knowing you are playing with fire.
OOPS! You get pregnant.
Now you try a few strategies.
First of all you move so you have some privacy and begin this long commute with the children, with them eating, getting dressed and doing homework on the run.
But what is it really?
Your bf isn't around enough to have a relationship, but at least you can help him out by subletting his place since he is hardly there and provide him a little consortium when he is in town and thins gets you away from dad's control because he can't drive by to see that bf is there when his kids are there and of course you got pregnant when they were not there.
To be honest, he isn't contributing to the household because he has to support his other 2 children he has had in the past meaning that it you file for child support, you will get less and have to force him to pay and who will want a homeless Pagan with 1-3 kids to support.
He also has to support himself as he works out of town, who does he bunk with then? When does he see his other children? These are things the GAL will consider.
So you considered going on welfare and started playing with the numbers trying to make it look like you have more parenting time when in fact, you have less, you also know that if you apply for welfare, they will go after your infant son's father not the girl's dad. So you move away without proper notice knowing 60 days notice is needed, about the time your pregnancy can't be hidden.
So the money is tight because now you are driving a lot more everyday you have the children. Driving over country roads and highways where travel time can vary especially in winter with bad weather or with children distracting your driving. But you are angry and stubborn, well you manage to keep the children for a while while the court business grinds on. You are offered a reasonable solution of standard visitation which would keep you children's lives stable and allow you the time you need with your new infant and time to enjoy your children on weekends without all the daily grind of commute and such.
You complain because dad signs the girls up for Brownies because it might fall on your parenting time when in fact his wife provides child care and would be the one transporting them no matter who's time it fell on. Usually in small towns there is only 1 small trop so the available days are limited as are ECA's anyway.
But you stick it out, somehow hoping you can win, knowing it is an uphill battle at best, because dispite what you have implied about dad, he is a fit father and his wife is proving to be a dedicated and loving stepmother.
Money is tight, so you ignore your insurance bil, never expecting to be in an accident, bad assumption. DO you have a joint account with your bf with all this money he is saving to build you a house? Boom, you have an accident a few weeks before baby is born and you have to pay to repair the vehicle you hit.
You know about the GAL and what the GAL will require insofar as your homestudy since at least October and have delayed it as much as possible. You know the GAL considered the involvement of your "fiance" who is not present, important. It is important because your story doesn't jive, your bf, you finally dropped the "fiance" story, is not contributing to the home and not even there for his own child and who you don't intend to marry or he doesn't intend to marry you, so that story is wanting as well but not you have to stick with it to justify all your failed stratigies thus far.
He could get off work for this if it was important to him, but it is not. Now you face losing your children and getting supervised visitation instead of standard visitation which you have been offered several times.
You really need to consider all the outcomes and how to cut your losses.
Whyte Noise
Senior Member
You know Rmet, I know "Pagans" with a more Christ-like attitude than some of the "Christians" I meet. Quit spewing the venom when you type that word. One can tell by your tone that you're downing her because of her religious choice.
"You, being a Pagan, wanted the freedon to have boyfriends over and chose not to marry." Hate to tell you sweatpea, but Christians do it too.
"To be honest, he isn't contributing to the household because he has to support his other 2 children he has had in the past meaning that it you file for child support, you will get less and have to force him to pay and who will want a homeless Pagan with 1-3 kids to support." Who'd want a homeles "Christian" with 1-3 kids to support? And just because he has 2 prior children doesn't mean he isn't contributing to the household either. My husband has a court order for child support for 2 prior children as well but contributes to our household just fine.
Breathe in, breathe out, Rmet. And get a taste of religion.... lick a witch.
"You, being a Pagan, wanted the freedon to have boyfriends over and chose not to marry." Hate to tell you sweatpea, but Christians do it too.
"To be honest, he isn't contributing to the household because he has to support his other 2 children he has had in the past meaning that it you file for child support, you will get less and have to force him to pay and who will want a homeless Pagan with 1-3 kids to support." Who'd want a homeles "Christian" with 1-3 kids to support? And just because he has 2 prior children doesn't mean he isn't contributing to the household either. My husband has a court order for child support for 2 prior children as well but contributes to our household just fine.
Breathe in, breathe out, Rmet. And get a taste of religion.... lick a witch.
seniorjudge
Senior Member
Hmmmmmmmmm....Whyte Noise said:
CJane
Senior Member
THank you for your largely incorrect input.rmet4nzkx said:The picture you have created is less than ideal.
You initiated the divorce giving up a stable 5 bedroom home in which you were well provided for and could be a stay at home mom.
Not true. He filed/initiated.
You agree to a 50/50 parneting time split with dad having sole legal custody, he does cooporate with you and communicates with you.
There are some issues.
When there was the potential that dad would move, you knew all about the required 60 days notice of a move, but he doesn't move afterall.
Dad wanted the agreement to include language that there will be no unrelated adults, e.g. gf/bf spending the night with children present.
Not true. That's never been suggested, then or now. He did ask, after about a year that I promise him that I not have anyone spend the night when the kids were there til I was in a LTR. No problem, since I never had anyone spend the night there anyway.
You knew that dad as a new born again Basptist will do that in his own life and waited to get married before moving in his wife where she also became a SAHM and became pregnant.
Not true. She spent the night at his house several times before they were married, and with the kids present.
Well there goes all hope of regaining your control over your family.
You, being a Pagan, wanted the freedon to have boyfriends over and chose not to marry. Thus you knew this would be an issue especially living in the same community where he could drive by and see who's truck was parked in front especially when the children were at your home.
We lived in different towns 20 minutes apart from the time I moved out of his house. Again, no one ever spent the night while the kids were home.
Dad spoils your fun by not moving and getting married and staying in YOUR home and she can afford to be a SAHM doing all the things with your girls that you could be doing.
Really, I'm not at all jealous that he kept the house. I don't want $800 house payments on a 120 year old house.
Now comes the bf who you at first referred to as your fiance, but that is all a sham because you don't intend to marry, apparently you don't even bother to use birth control knowing you are playing with fire.
OOPS! You get pregnant.
OOps is right, since I was on the pill at the time. And yeah, there is intent to marry, just no hurry at all.
Now you try a few strategies.
First of all you move so you have some privacy and begin this long commute with the children, with them eating, getting dressed and doing homework on the run.
Privacy wasn't and isn't an issue. And the kids don't dress in the car. The commute is 10 minutes longer. This is getting OLD.Oh, and just to clarify... I found out I was pregnant AFTER I moved, and AFTER I filed for the modification.
But what is it really?
Your bf isn't around enough to have a relationship, but at least you can help him out by subletting his place since he is hardly there and provide him a little consortium when he is in town and thins gets you away from dad's control because he can't drive by to see that bf is there when his kids are there and of course you got pregnant when they were not there.
Yup, I did get pregnant when they weren't there, considering it was at his house and we hadn't moved in yet.
To be honest, he isn't contributing to the household because he has to support his other 2 children he has had in the past meaning that it you file for child support, you will get less and have to force him to pay and who will want a homeless Pagan with 1-3 kids to support.
He only pays child support on one kid - that's all that's ordered. The other one, he has full custody of. I have no intention of filing for child support from him at this point. Again, there are no child related costs.
He also has to support himself as he works out of town, who does he bunk with then? When does he see his other children? These are things the GAL will consider.
He stays w/friends. Or his other wife.
So you considered going on welfare and started playing with the numbers trying to make it look like you have more parenting time when in fact, you have less, you also know that if you apply for welfare, they will go after your infant son's father not the girl's dad. So you move away without proper notice knowing 60 days notice is needed, about the time your pregnancy can't be hidden.
I haven't 'considered welfare' beyond medicaid. You're correct that I gave improper notice. I've never disputed that. However, my pregnancy was about 10 days along when I moved. I could have hidden it until about a week before the birth considering I gained 12 pounds.
So the money is tight because now you are driving a lot more everyday you have the children. Driving over country roads and highways where travel time can vary especially in winter with bad weather or with children distracting your driving.
We've covered this as well. It's an extra $12 a week MAYBE. Money just ain't that tight.
But you are angry and stubborn, well you manage to keep the children for a while while the court business grinds on. You are offered a reasonable solution of standard visitation which would keep you children's lives stable and allow you the time you need with your new infant and time to enjoy your children on weekends without all the daily grind of commute and such.
Not angry, but definitely stubborn. Why would I need 'time' with my new infant, but his wife doesn't? It's her first kid, I'd think she'd need more 'time' than I do. And we happen to ENJOY our commute. Excellent bonding time/conversation time/listening to books on CD time/stopping to pick wildflowers/take pictures of the countryside time.
You complain because dad signs the girls up for Brownies because it might fall on your parenting time when in fact his wife provides child care and would be the one transporting them no matter who's time it fell on. Usually in small towns there is only 1 small trop so the available days are limited as are ECA's anyway.
Not true. They were never signed up. The argument wasn't anything at all to do with the commute, and everything to do with them being involved in too many activities. They now have church youth group and yoga - that's 2 days a week that they're 'busy' and I think that's plenty.
But you stick it out, somehow hoping you can win, knowing it is an uphill battle at best, because dispite what you have implied about dad, he is a fit father and his wife is proving to be a dedicated and loving stepmother.
I've never said he was unfit or that she wasn't dedicated and loving. I've never tried to change the physical split, and have in fact offered dad one more night/week on his weekends.
Money is tight, so you ignore your insurance bil, never expecting to be in an accident, bad assumption.
It was an oversight. Not because money is tight.
DO you have a joint account with your bf with all this money he is saving to build you a house?
Nope, as I stated before, he pays his bills, I pay mine.
Boom, you have an accident a few weeks before baby is born and you have to pay to repair the vehicle you hit.
So? I'm not exactly living hand to mouth.
You know about the GAL and what the GAL will require insofar as your homestudy since at least October and have delayed it as much as possible. You know the GAL considered the involvement of your "fiance" who is not present, important. It is important because your story doesn't jive, your bf, you finally dropped the "fiance" story, is not contributing to the home and not even there for his own child and who you don't intend to marry or he doesn't intend to marry you, so that story is wanting as well but not you have to stick with it to justify all your failed stratigies thus far.
I haven't delayed it at all. The GAL and I have spent many hours in her office trying to hash this out. This is when schedules were open.
And really, I could care less if he's contributing to the home. Even if I pay ALL the bills, it costs me $300 less/month to live there than my townhouse.[/i]
He could get off work for this if it was important to him, but it is not. Now you face losing your children and getting supervised visitation instead of standard visitation which you have been offered several times.
You really need to consider all the outcomes and how to cut your losses.
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M
MominMass
Guest
Help?[/QUOTE]
Has boyfriend been subpoenaed for deposition or to appear at trial? What evidence does father have to substantiate his claims? Just curious.
Your attorney is telling you that you will risk losing your children if your boyfriend is not there. Your boyfriend is telling you he will lose his job if he comes home for one appointment. Tough call, but boyfriend can always get another job, can't he? It's not like you're asking him to come home for a P.T.A. meeting. A negative GAL report could cost you custody of your KIDS.
Your attorney and several respected posters here have told you that. Personally, I wouldn't risk it with the GAL. I'd tell boyfriend he really needs to be there no matter what the consequences to his job, or there will be consequences to your relationship. Your call.
Has boyfriend been subpoenaed for deposition or to appear at trial? What evidence does father have to substantiate his claims? Just curious.
Your attorney is telling you that you will risk losing your children if your boyfriend is not there. Your boyfriend is telling you he will lose his job if he comes home for one appointment. Tough call, but boyfriend can always get another job, can't he? It's not like you're asking him to come home for a P.T.A. meeting. A negative GAL report could cost you custody of your KIDS.
Your attorney and several respected posters here have told you that. Personally, I wouldn't risk it with the GAL. I'd tell boyfriend he really needs to be there no matter what the consequences to his job, or there will be consequences to your relationship. Your call.
Ithildriel
Member
MominMass
This isn't a job flipping burgers at McDonalds...this is him not completing contracted work, and from the sounds of it putting himself at risk for further contracted work if that happens. It sounds like it could put his career in jeopardy.
On the other hand, her time with her children is at jeopardy.
CJane appears to be between a rock and a hard place on this one. Which looks worse to the GAL? Staying with a man who wont put his job at risk to be at this meeting, or breaking up with him right before the meeting when they just had a child together.
I think most can admit that this is not an enviable position.
I was curious if you have contacted the GAL yet, explained the situation to her, and asked her what she would prefer that you do?
This isn't a job flipping burgers at McDonalds...this is him not completing contracted work, and from the sounds of it putting himself at risk for further contracted work if that happens. It sounds like it could put his career in jeopardy.
On the other hand, her time with her children is at jeopardy.
CJane appears to be between a rock and a hard place on this one. Which looks worse to the GAL? Staying with a man who wont put his job at risk to be at this meeting, or breaking up with him right before the meeting when they just had a child together.
I think most can admit that this is not an enviable position.
I was curious if you have contacted the GAL yet, explained the situation to her, and asked her what she would prefer that you do?
Ithildriel said:
I was going to suggest the same thing..If you can call the GAL ahead of time, and let her know that he has tried to get off of work, and explain the ramifications of him missing/losing his job..That way when she shows up on Saturday she already knows what to expect, and doesn't feel like you are trying to hide anything from her. Let her know that you would be willing to provide documentation to show that he is in fact going to be at work.
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