Getting deadbeat mom's attention

[Becki C.]

state: Tennessee

My husband's ex-wife owes us over $17,000.00 in child support. We want to get her attention in an "in your face" kind of way for non-payment of child support. My husband got an idea. He literally wants to make up "wanted posters" for "failure to pay child support" and post them in various locations throughout his wife's neighborhood. I told him I didn't know if this was a good idea as she might be able to sue us for harrassment; however, my husband argued that they put photos of deadbeat parents on pizza boxes, list their names in newspapers, etc. So.....why not "wanted posters"? Any thoughts? And yes, we've hauled her to court many times and she pays for a while then stops. However, the only thing that has ever riled her up ispublic humiliation. She tells everyone she's payng her support. She's due to get remarried in June and my husband wants her new future victim to see what type of woman he's marrying as well as embarrass her for not supporting the two children she has brought into the world previously. So, my basic question is.....can we get sued if we try to pursue child support in this way? Basically, humiliate her into paying to shut us up?

 

[Grayson]

Extortion comes to mind.

 

[SopranoKris]

Do you really think it would be fair to the kids to have "wanted" posters of their own mother all over town? Think about it for a minute...

 

[stealth2]

This is a perfect example of how NOT to stay on the high road. Publicly humiliate your own kids. *Nice*.

 

[Ohiogal]

This is a perfect example of how NOT to stay on the high road. Publicly humiliate your own kids. *Nice*.

Actually they aren't her kids. She is the stepmother and it is her and her darling hubby that want to humiliate mom. Legally dad could probably do it. Legally stepmom is a legal stranger and the idea that SHE has taken mom to court for non payment is preposterous. Legally stepmom needs to learn her place.

 

[mommyof4]

My husband's ex-wife owes us over $17,000.00 in child support.

No, she doesn't.

 

[stealth2]

Actually they aren't her kids. She is the stepmother and it is her and her darling hubby that want to humiliate mom. Legally dad could probably do it. Legally stepmom is a legal stranger and the idea that SHE has taken mom to court for non payment is preposterous. Legally stepmom needs to learn her place.

Actually, I was talking about Dad's desire to do this. Legal or not, a 14 and 17yo are going to know about it and will be humiliated. Dad should get the "Crappy Parent of the Year" award if he pulls this stunt. Stepmom can have "Crappy Bedwarmer of the Year".

As for the $17k Mom's behind.... a few years ago it was $20k (according to Becki's posts), so Mom's paying it off. Slowly, I'm sure, but nonetheless....

 

[Becki C.]

Since I've been attacked, let me explain my "place" as one poster put it.

My "place" has been with these kids since my step-son was 3 yrs. old and my step-daughter was 18 months old b/c their "mother" decided she'd rather bar hop, have abortions and chase men instead of own up to her obligation of being their mother. She fell in and out of their lives with a different boyfriend to introduce them to every few months. My "place" was beside my step-children when they were in therapy because of their mother's mental and emotional abuse of them. My "place" was holding their hands when they were sick or needed their immunizations. My "place" was taking them to dental appts. and gymnastics class. My "place" was sitting in the stands cheering on my step-son as he ran track. My "place" was arranging their b-day parties and sleep overs. My "place" was to raise them, love them and worry about them while apparently being expected to bow down to the biological egg donor whenever she had a spare hour every few months to show up to call herself "momma", but never put any positive action behind it. And even tough evil ol' stepmom asked this question of the forum, it might interest you to know that the kids have not even seen their mother in over a year of their own choosing.

And yes, she owes "US" the money. When my husband and I combine our incomes and money comes out of our mutual account to make up for his ex's financial failings, then the recoupment we get is OUR reimbursement. Frankly, the kids don't care what we do to their bio egg donor because she's never done a thing for them. They know how she conducts her life from their sporatic visits with her and my step-son refers to her as "the skank". They've seen the random beer cans sittiing about her run down house, they watched her lose custody of their half-sister for physical abuse and she actually took my 14 year old step-daughter to the strip club she was working in at one point!

She lives 30 minutes away from us so I hardly think the kids would even see a poster of her. And as I've pointed out in my original post, deadbeat parents photos are plastered on pizza boxes, their names listed in newspapers, their faces on the internet. If no one has an objection to that, what's so wrong with my husband's idea? But thank you to all those who responded with an attack on the character of the people who have scarificed for these kids instead of the person who abandoned them emotionally and financially. And one more point, yes the bio egg donor paid a paultry sum toward her arrearage; however, she hasn't paid a dime since Feb. 2007. But she did stop long enough to put a stamp on an envelope that had a note inside that said "Don't you wish you knew where I was working so you could get some child support? Ha!"

 

[mommyof4]

The fact is that Mom has paid off $9,000 in the past 3-4 years. YOU are not owed a penny. YOUR name is nowhere on the CS order. Your husband's plan is despicable.

 

[NSA4answers]

Actually, I was talking about Dad's desire to do this. Legal or not, a 14 and 17yo are going to know about it and will be humiliated. Dad should get the "Crappy Parent of the Year" award if he pulls this stunt. Stepmom can have "Crappy Bedwarmer of the Year".

As for the $17k Mom's behind.... a few years ago it was $20k (according to Becki's posts), so Mom's paying it off. Slowly, I'm sure, but nonetheless....

That city bank card commercial comes to mind where this big man is wearing work out clothes and walks around the gym one time, and then gets on the scale. And the narrator says something like "not getting the immediate rewards you were looking for?"

While 3k in a few years for 2 kids is not that great in payment, (obviously we don't know what the order is for) it's probably best to not expect to be able to live off child support Besides, I've got OP's hubby beat, my ex owes over $36k. and many posters on here are owed much more than that in child support arrears.

While I think that the NCP's should always help support their children, I find it rather amussing when step parents get on here and rave about how their spouse is owed this and that and the NCP doesn't see the kids and doesn't pay child support and is a total loser.... uhm... So you think you have enough of a place to go start questioning about child support owed to "us" (meaning u and the CP) on a message board but you don't feel they are good enough to just raise yourself and be quiet about it? No, it's not legally their responsibility, but neither is trying to collect the CP's child support. But I guess with one of those people think they'll get something out of it. (tic) Trust me.... if the ncp owes you 10's of thousands of dollars you can probably bet on NOT seeing it in the kids minor lifetime. JMO

Oh and I'm glad someone else said something about the kids, because that was my initial thought... Yeah I'd pretty much hate my father if he did that to my mother when I was teenager. How could you even think of that?!

 

[fairisfair]

Extortion comes to mind.

Although a bad plan at best. This is hardly extortion.

 

[fairisfair]

apparently, not everyone thinks it is a bad idea though.

These guys will put your poster up for you.

http://www.tndeadbeats.com/

 

[Neal1421]

apparently, not everyone thinks it is a bad idea though.

These guys will put your poster up for you.

http://www.tndeadbeats.com/

That's good ol' Tennessee for you! (sarcasm)

The Volunteer State.

 

[Just Blue]

Although a bad plan at best. This is hardly extortion.

Actually....If Dad were to say to Mom " If you don't pay your support I will do blah blah blah..." That very well COULD be blackmail.

But as you say it is a really bad plan.

 

[SopranoKris]

I was in no way attacking you. I was asking you to think about what it could do to the kids if you put up posters like that. You can say all you want to about the history of your relationship with the children, but they're not your children. They're your step-children.

Yes, the mom sounds like a deadbeat. Yes, you have done a great job being there for the kids and treating them as if they're your own. It's sad that the mother would purposely taunt your husband about ducking CS. But, seriously...you & your husband need to be the better person here. Think about what type of lesson this is going to teach the kids by viewing your actions. What is that teaching them? No matter how you, your husband or the kids feel about her, she's still their mother. And they may call her "the skank" in front of you guys, but you know deep down inside, they're probably wishing she WASN'T like that. Don't stoop to her level. In the big picture, it boils down to money. Is it really worth it? Enjoy your time with the kids. Love every moment you spend with them and be the example of a GOOD parent. No amount of money can replace the quality time you & your husband spend with the kids. Focus on that instead of "revenge".