I am so amazed that no one answered one important question in my post. If it is o.k. to put the faces of deadbeat parents on pizza boxes and post their faces online and their names in newspapers, then why are we terrible people? What is the big difference in my husband's idea and those ideas?
Again, whether I am the "legal" step-parent or not, if I invest my time, my love and my concern into your upbringing, I'm not going to stand by like a knot on a log and not have my opinion heard. I'm not a "silent partner" in this deal. If I treated my bio children different from my step-kids, everyone would be attacking me telling me how awful I am for not being involved; however, because I am willing to fight just like I would for my own bio kids, now I'm forgetting my "place". Do I love them equally or not? Do I treat them equally or not? If I "treat" you like my bio kids, then you ARE my bio kids. In my belief, I don't have to give birth to you to be your mother. You're "mother" sits with you when you're sick, takes you to parties, makes sure you have your vitamins everyday, helps you with your homework, takes you to the doctor, is there for the fun stuff like going to the zoo and the not so fun stuff like dental visits, etc. You cannot say to me "Well, you better treat the step-kids the same as your bio kids and be ready to live and die for them the same and all that, but by the way, remember you're a nobody who sleeps with the bio dad. The person who abandoned them is still more important." I don't believe that and never will.
The bio mom isn't going to get away with not paying just because she's being difficult about it. That's not the way it works as far as I'm concerned. We, that's right, "WE" will chase her until she dies or we do. Just because she decided she didn't want the bother of raising her children after she had them and walked off doesn't mean her obligation to them is over. You had 'em, you're going to help out financially. Period. I'm amazed at how lax some of your attitudes are toward the mother. The "oh well, just let it go" type of mentality. That's why people get away with so much today. No one wants to put in the time or effort to put these people's feet to the fire and see that they pay for what they've done. I can't believe everyone is saying that a piece of garbage that abandons her children is "still their mother". Not in my book. Remember this: Any animal can give birth. That doesn't make it a mother. If I am in the "mother" position, I am going to speak for, defend and raise these kids as if I am the mother.
For the poster who asked, we have approached the biological egg donor about adoption of the kids she obviously doesn't want, and she said she'd fight us on that unless we "write off" all the child support she owes. Well, in the state of Tennessee you can't just go into court and say, "We want to let the non-custodial parent off the hook for all the cs she owes". She legally has to pay whatever added up prior to the adoption. Therefore, a lawyer said to force her into an adoption will be very costly. Over $3,000.00. That is alot of money for us.
Additionally, the reason my husband said he wanted to warn her new victim is because the half-sibling to my step-kids that she just lost custody of is an issue. If she has another child and ends up abusing it to the point it is taken from her, that's more emotional baggage for my stepkids. And everytime their mother has another child, they say, "Why does she keep having kids? She didn't want to keep us, why does she want another one?" What should I say to that?
And I have told my step-son that his comment is inappropriate; however, when I told the therapist about it, she said he needs to vent his years of anger and frustration. She said if all he does to "act out" is call the bio egg donor a "skank", we're lucky. She said alot of kids turn to drugs and alcohol, have problems with the law, etc. She said to allow him to get those feelings out, even if it's hard to hear because in the long run it's healthy for him.
And again, I don't have to speak ill of her in front of them. I believe I mentioned earlier that she took my step-daughter on a field trip to the strip club she worked at, my step-daughter came home complaining of the beer cans sitting all over her "mom's" house and the random men she thrust in their lives, as well as my step-daughter choosing on her own to go to court and testify against her "mom" for the abuse she witnessed her then 4 year old half-sibling go through. A 14 yr. old and a 17 yr. old aren't as blind as a 3 and 4 year old would be to those obvious signs of abuse and bad living conditions.
Since we're taking the high ground here, I trust no one on this forum is taking their ex to court for cs. I mean, wouldn't that hurt your kids to know mom is dragging dad to court to squeeze money out of him? Wouldn't it be detrimental to the kids if they found out mommie was trying to have daddy thrown in jail over something as petty as money? Why not just enjoy your kids and leave the non-custodial parent alone, right? Let's just be grateful for all the time we have with the kids and screw the financial help?
Lastly, she has been charged with contempt three times and has yet to spend one day behind bars. We can't afford a lawyer at this point and in our juvenile court here, it takes 8 to 12 months to get a court date without an attorney. Did we file yet another contempt charge? Yes, we have. And in the meantime, we still have no cs coming in.
If anyone possibly could, please answer the various questions I have posted. Thank you in advance.
