He walked out on mediation!

[bliss_in_texas]

What is the name of your state?
Texas
My ex filed suit to take my son, even though it was ordered mediation first. We went to court and the judge ordered us to mediation. We went today and we were making progress. Except for his lawyer, she never let him say a thing and just kept piping up and arguing every point. I finally told her that she needed to stop interuppting me and let us talk this out..ten minutes later, they were gone. I am very upset over this. Is there any way to let the judge know that they walked out on the mediation even though I was agreeing to almost everything they said. BTW, he barely has seen his son in five years due to lack of desire on his part.

 

[Phnx02]

What is the name of your state?
Texas
My ex filed suit to take my son, even though it was ordered mediation first. We went to court and the judge ordered us to mediation. We went today and we were making progress. Except for his lawyer, she never let him say a thing and just kept piping up and arguing every point. I finally told her that she needed to stop interuppting me and let us talk this out..ten minutes later, they were gone. I am very upset over this. Is there any way to let the judge know that they walked out on the mediation even though I was agreeing to almost everything they said. BTW, he barely has seen his son in five years due to lack of desire on his part.

Funny you should post about TX mediation. I just had a Texas mediation hearing for child support last Thursday. It was for an increase since it's been 6 years since the original order and my ex's income has tripled. We didn't have lawyers, but my ex argued about everthing. The AG people kept telling him all his arguments were mute and pointless because according to state law, he will have to pay a certain amount more. No ifs, ands or buts about it.
They got so tired of arguing with him they finally said "fine, we'll see you in court" and walked out of the room. He called them back in and argued some more, and then he left. I was not happy about the lack of cooperation or progress from this meeting. But the AG called me 4 hours later and said he agreed to sign the orders for the increase. No court needed.

If we had gone to court, the AG told me the judge would certainly be told about his argumentive behavior and lack of cooperation. The judge would not be happy. If you go to court, YES, let the judge know about him and his lawyer walking out. This is a Big X against him.

 

[jslopez711]

If we had gone to court, the AG told me the judge would certainly be told about his argumentive behavior and lack of cooperation. The judge would not be happy. If you go to court, YES, let the judge know about him and his lawyer walking out. This is a Big X against him.

Or the judge might not care and just render her/his decision. Judges don't want to hear people whinning. In your case Phnx (I'm going there in April), it was just about $$. The law is pretty clear here in TX so there is no room to negotiate much, unless there are other children involved. However, if the mediation did not yield a visitation agreement, then it's an entirely different deal. When we (ex and I) mediated, it did not work. It was fustrating at best and both of us walked away. The judge in our case looked at us, then order the visitaion.

To the OP. What where the points that were beeing agrued?

 

[snostar]

The judge will not likely listen to the specifics of mediation, but will likely be interested in knowing which party (or both if it applies) was unwilling to settle.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

visitation

Or the judge might not care and just render her/his decision. Judges don't want to hear people whinning. In your case Phnx (I'm going there in April), it was just about $$. The law is pretty clear here in TX so there is no room to negotiate much, unless there are other children involved. However, if the mediation did not yield a visitation agreement, then it's an entirely different deal. When we (ex and I) mediated, it did not work. It was fustrating at best and both of us walked away. The judge in our case looked at us, then order the visitaion.

To the OP. What where the points that were beeing agrued?

He hasn't been a presence in the childs life and suddenly wanted standard visitation. I was basically agreeing to it, with a few tweaks. My son is very attached to me and has not spent more than three days in one stretch with his father. (once in his life) I wanted to step the visitation up slowly, give my son (he's 3 1/2) time to adjust. His lawyer was arguing about stupid stuff like length of phone calls. I told them it didn't matter to me how long the dad talked on the phone, I have now and always have given him unlimited access. I told the dad he could call the son anytime, just like now (he doesn't and hasn't). The sticking point became the Thursday overnights. I didn't think that this was a good idea at this age, in that if Dad was to pick up son at 6pm and son's bedtime was 8pm, and bring him home the next morning, what is the point? I proposed that Dad come whenever he likes (any day or days of his choice), take the son for a few hours, the park, dinner, whatever, and bring him home by 8 or 9pm. They came back with..why don't we just pick up son Thursday night and keep him through Sunday. I had to think about it and said so. The other point was the month in the summer. I didn't want a month right away, not until son had plenty of time to adjust. The opposing lawyer demanded the full 30 days. My ex wasn't even speaking at all, no input, just sitting there stonefaced. I suggested three 7 day periods with at least a week in between. We were stuck, so the mediator said to take a break for a few minutes...we were in the break and suddenly the mediator came in to me and said that the other lawyer and my ex were leaving. I was shocked. I thought we were so close to agreeing . The mediator came back and said that his attorney - who was very young, aggressive and snotty - was angry and decided we weren't getting anywhere.
Now we have to go to court and the lawyer says we can't use any of what happened in mediation against him because we signed confidentiality agreements. Furthermore, there is no way to tell the judge who walked out of the mediation...the judge might not even care.
My ex has a PhD yet he works two days a week as a bartender. He says he doesn't have another job. This baffles me and I want to know how the man lives if he has no job. I work, go to school and take care of three kids. It's crazy.
I never wanted to go to court, I would have given him all this without ever involving a lawyer, what do you think my chances of getting my attorney fee's are?

 

[Phnx02]

He hasn't been a presence in the childs life and suddenly wanted standard visitation. I was basically agreeing to it, with a few tweaks. My son is very attached to me and has not spent more than three days in one stretch with his father. (once in his life) I wanted to step the visitation up slowly, give my son (he's 3 1/2) time to adjust. His lawyer was arguing about stupid stuff like length of phone calls. I told them it didn't matter to me how long the dad talked on the phone, I have now and always have given him unlimited access. I told the dad he could call the son anytime, just like now (he doesn't and hasn't). The sticking point became the Thursday overnights. I didn't think that this was a good idea at this age, in that if Dad was to pick up son at 6pm and son's bedtime was 8pm, and bring him home the next morning, what is the point? I proposed that Dad come whenever he likes (any day or days of his choice), take the son for a few hours, the park, dinner, whatever, and bring him home by 8 or 9pm. They came back with..why don't we just pick up son Thursday night and keep him through Sunday. I had to think about it and said so. The other point was the month in the summer. I didn't want a month right away, not until son had plenty of time to adjust. The opposing lawyer demanded the full 30 days. My ex wasn't even speaking at all, no input, just sitting there stonefaced. I suggested three 7 day periods with at least a week in between. We were stuck, so the mediator said to take a break for a few minutes...we were in the break and suddenly the mediator came in to me and said that the other lawyer and my ex were leaving. I was shocked. I thought we were so close to agreeing . The mediator came back and said that his attorney - who was very young, aggressive and snotty - was angry and decided we weren't getting anywhere.
Now we have to go to court and the lawyer says we can't use any of what happened in mediation against him because we signed confidentiality agreements. Furthermore, there is no way to tell the judge who walked out of the mediation...the judge might not even care.
My ex has a PhD yet he works two days a week as a bartender. He says he doesn't have another job. This baffles me and I want to know how the man lives if he has no job. I work, go to school and take care of three kids. It's crazy.
I never wanted to go to court, I would have given him all this without ever involving a lawyer, what do you think my chances of getting my attorney fee's are?

Being from Texas I wanted to reply again to your latest post. No one can tell you for sure what will happen in court....each case is different. However, I will tell you when I had my hearing about visitation in a (Dallas) Texas court years ago, I was floored what was ordered. My son was only 9 months old at the time and nursing, and his father had never laid eyes on him. I suggested a few brief "get to know each other" visits first, but the judge gave my ex immediate visitation according to the "standard schedule". He could take the baby on Wednesdays and every other weekend - for the entire weekend from Friday to Sunday - beginning that weekend. My son was only 9 months old, nursing, and was running a fever that Friday - but the judge said he could take the baby beginning that night! My ex didn't have refridgeration - his lawyer said he could keep my son's medicine that needed to be refridgerated - on ice in a cooler!

Even with a confidentiality agreement, (what's up with that anyways?), you can still certainly make the judge aware that he walked out of the mediation. If never formally addressed, then just mention it when it's your turn to speak! Sorry, but you probably can't get your attorney fees paid. From what I know about Texas law, the only time you can get these paid by the ex is if he's behind in child support and you had to hire an attorney to get him into court about it. And then you'll only get them paid if you ask......fees won't be addressed without a formal request.

 

[jslopez711]

He hasn't been a presence in the childs life and suddenly wanted standard visitation.

And the Standard Order of Possession is what he will probably get, so start preparing yourself. Texas wants to keep family contact often and close.

(once in his life) I wanted to step the visitation up slowly, give my son (he's 3 1/2) time to adjust.

@ 3 1/2 he will bond quickly. Try not to worry about this.

The sticking point became the Thursday overnights. I didn't think that this was a good idea at this age, in that if Dad was to pick up son at 6pm and son's bedtime was 8pm, and bring him home the next morning, what is the point?

The POINT is that dad get's to bond more with his kid. He's going to have to bathe him put him into bed, read stories, the sort of stuff that creates trust and warmth between a father and his kid. Don't simplify it.

This actually standard. My ex fought this one with me to because we reside 45 minutes from each other. She lost. Here is why.

§ 153.312. PARENTS WHO RESIDE 100 MILES OR LESS
APART. (a) If the possessory conservator resides 100 miles or
less from the primary residence of the child, the possessory
conservator shall have the right to possession of the child as
follows:
(1) on weekends beginning at 6 p.m. on the first,
third, and fifth Friday of each month and ending at 6 p.m. on the
following Sunday or, at the possessory conservator's election made
before or at the time of the rendition of the original or
modification order, and as specified in the original or
modification order, beginning at the time the child's school is
regularly dismissed and ending at 6 p.m. on the following Sunday;
and
(2) on Thursdays of each week during the regular
school term beginning at 6 p.m. and ending at 8 p.m., or, at the
possessory conservator's election made before or at the time of the
rendition of the original or modification order, and as specified
in the original or modification order, beginning at the time the
child's school is regularly dismissed and ending at the time the
child's school resumes, unless the court finds that visitation
under this subdivision is not in the best interest of the child.

The part that I placed in bold is to remind you that the fith weekend of each month means that if the father gets the kid on a Friday, that is considered the 5th weekend and the very next weekend is considered the First weekend. So he'll get him back-to-back weekends. Also, he can change the 6 p.m. on Sunday to just drop him off at school on the Monday. Pretty standard too.

They came back with..why don't we just pick up son Thursday night and keep him through Sunday.

This too is in the SOP.

The other point was the month in the summer. I didn't want a month right away, not until son had plenty of time to adjust. The opposing lawyer demanded the full 30 days.

This is why he WILL get his 30 days.

2) if a possessory conservator:
(A) gives the managing conservator written
notice by April 1 of each year specifying an extended period or
periods of summer possession, the possessory conservator shall have
possession of the child for 30 days beginning not earlier than the
day after the child's school is dismissed for the summer vacation
and ending not later than seven days before school resumes at the
end of the summer vacation, to be exercised in not more than two
separate periods of at least seven consecutive days each; or
(B) does not give the managing conservator
written notice by April 1 of each year specifying an extended period
or periods of summer possession, the possessory conservator shall
have possession of the child for 30 consecutive days beginning at 6
p.m. on July 1 and ending at 6 p.m. on July 31;
(3) if the managing conservator gives the possessory
conservator written notice by April 15 of each year, the managing
conservator shall have possession of the child on any one weekend
beginning Friday at 6 p.m. and ending at 6 p.m. on the following
Sunday during one period of possession by the possessory
conservator under Subdivision (2), provided that the managing
conservator picks up the child from the possessory conservator and
returns the child to that same place; and
(4) if the managing conservator gives the possessory
conservator written notice by April 15 of each year or gives the
possessory conservator 14 days' written notice on or after April 16
of each year, the managing conservator may designate one weekend
beginning not earlier than the day after the child's school is
dismissed for the summer vacation and ending not later than seven
days before school resumes at the end of the summer vacation, during
which an otherwise scheduled weekend period of possession by the
possessory conservator will not take place, provided that the
weekend designated does not interfere with the possessory
conservator's period or periods of extended summer possession or
with Father's Day if the possessory conservator is the father of the
child.


Look at the bright side, you get TWO weekends during his stay with dad.

My ex wasn't even speaking at all, no input, just sitting there stonefaced

Actually a pretty smart move on your ex since all they are asking for is standard. You are the one making all these sudgestions.

we were in the break and suddenly the mediator came in to me and said that the other lawyer and my ex were leaving.

Yeah, they left because everything they asked for is standard and you and your lawyer did not want to agree. He was not asking for anything unusal. You need to become familiar with the family code ( here is your link to bookmark http://www.capitol.state.tx.us/statutes/fa.toc.htm)

I never wanted to go to court, I would have given him all this without ever involving a lawyer, what do you think my chances of getting my attorney fee's are?

chances of gettying Attorney fees?, almost NONE.

(Personal Advice) My ex is so imposible about everything that I don't waste my money on my attorney doing this dog and pony show. I put everything in front of the judge anymore. I have a consultation with my attorney, we send the offer, if it comes back denied, I don't play my-attorney-will-call-your-attorney game, that has cost me thousands of dollars and yielded NOTHING. I just clean my suit, show up in court, stand in front of the judge, keep my mouth quiet (unless the judge or attorneys ask me a question) and let my lawyer do the talking. It's cheaper this way. Everything I ask for is STANDARD so I don't have to worry about curtailing anything.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

oh brother

I am so sick and tired of the non custodial parent getting all the breaks. He shows up when he wants, does what he wants and I have to be here no matter what. I can't even move. I'm sick of the court saying "this is the law". The law isn't always right and standard is b/s. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..he's not getting my baby to bond with again and then abandon again.

 

[casa]

I am so sick and tired of the non custodial parent getting all the breaks. He shows up when he wants, does what he wants and I have to be here no matter what. I can't even move. I'm sick of the court saying "this is the law". The law isn't always right and standard is b/s. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..he's not getting my baby to bond with again and then abandon again.

It feels that way Now...but you are the one who gets to watch and experience your child grow up. Trust me...it's worth it in the long run. (No regrets )

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I am so sick and tired of the non custodial parent getting all the breaks. He shows up when he wants, does what he wants and I have to be here no matter what. I can't even move. I'm sick of the court saying "this is the law". The law isn't always right and standard is b/s. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..he's not getting my baby to bond with again and then abandon again.

Hell, there's an easy solution to your problem. Sell the damn rugrat. After all, it's YOUR baby right. you should be able to just sell it on the black market then never have to deal with the consequences of having sex with someone who's name you vaguely remember

 

[jslopez711]

I am so sick and tired of the non custodial parent getting all the breaks.

How do you figure this?

You sound like my ex, are you sure you are not the crazy Italian woman I deal with? Your kid is going to win because the court is likely going to give dad the SOP. And if the judge even smells this attitude on you, your is grass and the judge is a lawnmore.

 

[jslopez711]

I can't even move.

What, do you already know about the "Domicile Restriction" that follows?, that is usually the next shoe that drops in cases like this but if you know about it, you don't get to get pist-off anymore.

 

[stealth2]

he's not getting my baby to bond with again and then abandon again.

If the judge says he is - he is.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

Oh my God

Now THAT is something to think about the next time you spread your legs.....isn't it? Hell, there's an easy solution to your problem. Sell the damn rugrat. After all, it's YOUR baby right. you should be able to just sell it on the black market then never have to deal with the consequences of having sex with someone who's name you vaguely remember

What is the matter with you!!! What a HORRIBLE thing to say. I lived with this man for over four years, he kept saying he wanted to marry me when he was done with his PhD and he acted as a father to my older children then left suddenly when a younger woman decided she wanted him. I am appalled and disgusted at your attitude and at others comments. Yes, this is my baby. I have been mother and father to this child since he was born. This man left me to carry him, raise him for almost three years all on my own and repeatedly denied that this child was his, that he didn't want him and that the only thing he cared about was the other woman. The woman who told him that she didnt want a child and couldn't handle a child. So he decided he didn't have a child. Now suddenly, without even discussing options with me (which I would likely have agreed to) he files suit. Why? Because he's getting married, the girlfriend decides that now she is, indeed ready to have a child, and she wants mine.
Yes..this is MY son. And yes, by all appearances, his biological father, whom I did love dearly at one time gave up his right to claim a say in all this by abandoning him.
I don't know why you are so cruel and bitter. But I will tell you this...Truth wins in the end.

We went to court on Friday..

The judge struck all his proceedings, save the scheduled visitation pleading, and tossed his "evidence" as hearsay.

He lied on the stand numerous times..the facts I presented and backed up with evidence clearly showed the truth.

The judge, my and even his own attorney caught him lying. Listening to his attorney try to save that was pathetic.

He can only see my son on Thursday from 4-630pm and Saturday from 11am to 3pm...He cannot take my son out of my county and he cannot bring any other adult with him to his visitation.

A social study and psychological study has been ordered on my ex.

That, for now, is justice. I'm sure you won't agree, because of course, you must assume I am a whore for not aborting my child, raising him to be a wonderful child and doing it on my own.

His lawyer turned out to be his future sister in law and was dressed down by the judge for trying to offer herself as both counsel and witness and for drafting his affidavit without input from him and then the judge threw out his affidavit as well once he admitted that he did not write it.

The court may charge him with perjury and by God I hope they do.

I suggest you get some counseling for your anger issues. If you have children I pity them.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

If the judge says he is - he is.

He isn't..the judge said so.