he won't be there...

[rowenasmum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia

ok. this might be a silly question, but i'm really not sure what i should do.
my ex is out of town at a company conference and will be gone till tuesday. this weekend was his scheduled visitation, and he called and said that he wants his new wife to pick our daughter up and keep her this weekend so that our daughter can have time with her new step-siblings.
i don't mind arranging a play date for the kids at a local park or something, but i'm not comfortable letting this woman take my child if my ex isn't going to be there.. it took a long time for me to be ok with him taking her..
our divorce was rocky to say the least, but we're back on somewhat friendly terms..
it is his scheduled weekend, but if he's not going to be there, do i have to send my daugher to their house anyway?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia

ok. this might be a silly question, but i'm really not sure what i should do.
my ex is out of town at a company conference and will be gone till tuesday. this weekend was his scheduled visitation, and he called and said that he wants his new wife to pick our daughter up and keep her this weekend so that our daughter can have time with her new step-siblings.
i don't mind arranging a play date for the kids at a local park or something, but i'm not comfortable letting this woman take my child if my ex isn't going to be there.. it took a long time for me to be ok with him taking her..
our divorce was rocky to say the least, but we're back on somewhat friendly terms..
it is his scheduled weekend, but if he's not going to be there, do i have to send my daugher to their house anyway?

Hmm...would it have mattered if he hadn't have said anything and you found out on Monday? (I'm not being facetious - it's a genuine question)

 

[Brownsgirl]

I'm assuming since it's his new WIFE that your daughter has known them and been around them for a while now. I think it is important for children to have some routine/structure they can rely on. I don't see an issue in letting her go spend time with her stepmom and stepsiblings. I find it to be healthy (unless of course there are severely unhealthy concerns)

Legally speaking, I'm not sure what the rule is on that.

 

[rowenasmum]

of course it would have mattered.
he and i are very open with each other when it comes to our daughter. the divorce was pretty rocky, but we agreed on one thing, which was that we were both to know all the details of our daughter's life and we were both going to be equals in making the parenting decisions and it's worked for us.
if i go out of town, then i call and ask if he can keep her. if he can't keep her while i'm gone, we both decide who's going to be watching her.. his mother, my mother, one of her aunts or uncles. it's been a very amicable arrangement..
but today he called and demanded that i let his wife pick her up..
i'm not ok with that. he knows her, he trusts her.. i get that.. but i don't know her very well yet. as i said, if it's face time with the step-siblings that's his issue.. i have no problem arranging a play date. it would be fun for the kids and give me the opportunity to get to know his wife better so that this may not be an issue in the future.. but for now i'm not comfortable with it.
i wouldn't expect him to be ok with my fiance keeping her while i went out of town, and i wouldn't even ask..
do i have to let her go?

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia

ok. this might be a silly question, but i'm really not sure what i should do.
my ex is out of town at a company conference and will be gone till tuesday. this weekend was his scheduled visitation, and he called and said that he wants his new wife to pick our daughter up and keep her this weekend so that our daughter can have time with her new step-siblings.
i don't mind arranging a play date for the kids at a local park or something, but i'm not comfortable letting this woman take my child if my ex isn't going to be there.. it took a long time for me to be ok with him taking her..
our divorce was rocky to say the least, but we're back on somewhat friendly terms..
it is his scheduled weekend, but if he's not going to be there, do i have to send my daugher to their house anyway?

legally, you don't have to.


however, if you want to maintain somewhat friendly terms with a chance of fantastic, you balking will cause issues later.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Why not offer to trade a weekend so that dad can be present for the weekend parenting time?

 

[Brownsgirl]

So, if it were a weekend that he were going to pick her up on a Friday, then leave town all day and night Saturday to return home sometime on Sunday, would you expect him to return the daughter while he's gone?

Legally speaking, I would assume since it's his weekend he can choose who to leave her with in his absense no matter how you two have verbally agreed to handle such situations.

 

[Zigner]

I'm assuming since it's his new WIFE that your daughter has known them and been around them for a while now. I think it is important for children to have some routine/structure they can rely on. I don't see an issue in letting her go spend time with her stepmom and stepsiblings. I find it to be healthy (unless of course there are severely unhealthy concerns)

Legally speaking, I'm not sure what the rule is on that.

LEGALLY SPEAKING, step-mom is a stranger. Would you be ok with dad bringing a bum off the street in to watch the kids? Legally speaking, it's the same.

Mod does NOT have to allow the children to go if dad is not going to be there at all.

 

[Proserpina]

of course it would have mattered.
he and i are very open with each other when it comes to our daughter. the divorce was pretty rocky, but we agreed on one thing, which was that we were both to know all the details of our daughter's life and we were both going to be equals in making the parenting decisions and it's worked for us.
if i go out of town, then i call and ask if he can keep her. if he can't keep her while i'm gone, we both decide who's going to be watching her.. his mother, my mother, one of her aunts or uncles. it's been a very amicable arrangement..
but today he called and demanded that i let his wife pick her up..
i'm not ok with that. he knows her, he trusts her.. i get that.. but i don't know her very well yet. as i said, if it's face time with the step-siblings that's his issue.. i have no problem arranging a play date. it would be fun for the kids and give me the opportunity to get to know his wife better so that this may not be an issue in the future.. but for now i'm not comfortable with it.
i wouldn't expect him to be ok with my fiance keeping her while i went out of town, and i wouldn't even ask..
do i have to let her go?

The reason I asked was that this is how I read it:

He told you ahead of time, which does show a certain amount of trust and respect for you...that has to be a point in his favor (yes, I know, he "demanded" - but he didn't actually have to tell you at all).


How about you invite her over for the day on Saturday, then if all goes well....the kids go back with her Sat night?

 

[rowenasmum]

thank you, tinkerbell.. that is a good idea.. i'm calling him right now to suggest that.. and then i'll call his wife to ask to schedule a play date..
as i said.. it's not the wife i have a problem with.. just the fact that i don't know her very well.

and even though it's a verbal agreement as to how we handle situations like this.. i expect him to give that agreement the same respect i have. we are equally her parents and we have equal say in the parenting decisions. this is how we've agreed to handle these situations, so yes.. i would expect him to call and ask if i would be able to take our daughter while he's away.. and if i wasn't, then we'd decide together who would be keeping her.
i don't think that's an unreasonable arrangement.

 

[Zephyr]

thank you, tinkerbell.. that is a good idea.. i'm calling him right now to suggest that.. and then i'll call his wife to ask to schedule a play date..
as i said.. it's not the wife i have a problem with.. just the fact that i don't know her very well.

and even though it's a verbal agreement as to how we handle situations like this.. i expect him to give that agreement the same respect i have. we are equally her parents and we have equal say in the parenting decisions. this is how we've agreed to handle these situations, so yes.. i would expect him to call and ask if i would be able to take our daughter while he's away.. and if i wasn't, then we'd decide together who would be keeping her.
i don't think that's an unreasonable arrangement.

so what are your actual concerns for the child?

 

[rowenasmum]

so what are your actual concerns for the child?

would you allow someone you don't know to watch your child for a weekend?

 

[txmom512]

so what are your actual concerns for the child?

Who cares? Parenting time is for the PARENTS, not for legal strangers and legal stranger's children.

 

[Isis1]

would you allow someone you don't know to watch your child for a weekend?

but dad knows who she is. in fact, she has kids. and they are still alive. so she seems to be able to handle it. dad isn't going to know EVERYONE you come across for the rest of your life. why are you supposed to know EVERYONE in his?

 

[Proserpina]

would you allow someone you don't know to watch your child for a weekend?

Well....that's not a fair question.

There's "don't know", as in "weird bloke off the street offered to take my kids for the afternoon".

And there's "don't know" as in "ex's new spouse/aunty/cousin/best friend from school who I really don't know that well...".


Y'know?