he won't be there...

[Proserpina]

Who cares? Parenting time is for the PARENTS, not for legal strangers and legal stranger's children.

I've yet to see even one single court order stating that during parenting time the child cannot be left with anyone else at all other than the parent, period.

But we're getting off track - Mom, if you're uncomfortable, you don't have to do a darned thing.

 

[happybug]

but dad knows who she is. in fact, she has kids. and they are still alive. so she seems to be able to handle it. dad isn't going to know EVERYONE you come across for the rest of your life. why are you supposed to know EVERYONE in his?

I do have to say I know plenty of parents with kids who lived to adulthood. It doesn't mean I would leave my kids with them. Some of them I wouldn't allow to pet sit. Some kids live through childhood on sheer luck not because they had stellar parents.

 

[Zephyr]

would you allow someone you don't know to watch your child for a weekend?

here's the thing- if mom and dad have a good co-parenting relationship now- she could wreck it because she is being a ninny-

just because one has "the right" to do something doesn't mean it's the right thing to do

NOW- MOM what are your ACTUAL concerns regarding your child???

 

[Isis1]

I do have to say I know plenty of parents with kids who lived to adulthood. It doesn't mean I would leave my kids with them. Some of them I wouldn't allow to pet sit. Some kids live through childhood on sheer luck not because they had stellar parents.

being a stellar parent has NOTHING to do with it. i know a few people that should never be parents. my own father in law included. but he is allowed to babysit for minutes at a time. he's not dangerous. just not very smart. and we disagree HEAVILY on parenting issues.

 

[rowenasmum]

the fact of the matter is:: he and i are her parents. as her parent, i get to keep her if he isn't around to do it. even if it is his scheduled weekend. i don't know this woman and i'm not letting her take my child. i don't care how much my ex trusts her or how healthy her kids are. he expects to know the people i leave her with when she isn't with him.. and i expect to know the people he leaves her with when she isn't with me..
we agreed that we would only hire a babysitter if the other wasn't available. we live close to each other so this has never been an issue till now. and even if i ruffle a few feathers by not letting my daughter go over there this weekend, i'm going to stick to my guns because if he can't be with her this weekend, i'd love to. and, based on what i'm reading here.. since she's MY child.. legally, i have that right.

i'm not being a ninny.. i'm being a responsible parent.
once again i ask.. would you let someone you didn't know keep your child for a weekend?

 

[Zephyr]

the fact of the matter is:: he and i are her parents. as her parent, i get to keep her if he isn't around to do it. even if it is his scheduled weekend. i don't know this woman and i'm not letting her take my child. i don't care how much my ex trusts her or how healthy her kids are. he expects to know the people i leave her with when she isn't with him.. and i expect to know the people he leaves her with when she isn't with me..
we agreed that we would only hire a babysitter if the other wasn't available. we live close to each other so this has never been an issue till now. and even if i ruffle a few feathers by not letting my daughter go over there this weekend, i'm going to stick to my guns because if he can't be with her this weekend, i'd love to. and, based on what i'm reading here.. since she's MY child.. legally, i have that right.

then why did you even bother to ask

 

[Isis1]

the fact of the matter is:: he and i are her parents. as her parent, i get to keep her if he isn't around to do it. even if it is his scheduled weekend. i don't know this woman and i'm not letting her take my child. i don't care how much my ex trusts her or how healthy her kids are. he expects to know the people i leave her with when she isn't with him.. and i expect to know the people he leaves her with when she isn't with me..
we agreed that we would only hire a babysitter if the other wasn't available. we live close to each other so this has never been an issue till now. and even if i ruffle a few feathers by not letting my daughter go over there this weekend, i'm going to stick to my guns because if he can't be with her this weekend, i'd love to. and, based on what i'm reading here.. since she's MY child.. legally, i have that right.

legally, that is correct.

just as long as you realize, it will upset the co-parenting process. not to lecture, just letting you know.

is there a right of first refusal in your order?

 

[rowenasmum]

then why did you even bother to ask

i asked because i wasn't sure..
i read the replies..
i made some calls.. now i'm sure..


i don't think that i will upset the parenting agreement simply because i'm sticking to the arrangement that we BOTH agreed to.
he's a reasonable man..

as for the right of first refusal, i'd never even heard of that, but when i looked it up.. it's basically the arrangement that we already have and have been using since the divorce.

 

[Proserpina]

once again i ask.. would you let someone you didn't know keep your child for a weekend?

I believe that was answered at least twice.

 

[sometwo]

the fact of the matter is:: he and i are her parents. as her parent, i get to keep her if he isn't around to do it. even if it is his scheduled weekend. i don't know this woman and i'm not letting her take my child. i don't care how much my ex trusts her or how healthy her kids are. he expects to know the people i leave her with when she isn't with him.. and i expect to know the people he leaves her with when she isn't with me..
we agreed that we would only hire a babysitter if the other wasn't available. we live close to each other so this has never been an issue till now. and even if i ruffle a few feathers by not letting my daughter go over there this weekend, i'm going to stick to my guns because if he can't be with her this weekend, i'd love to. and, based on what i'm reading here.. since she's MY child.. legally, i have that right.

i'm not being a ninny.. i'm being a responsible parent.
once again i ask.. would you let someone you didn't know keep your child for a weekend?

Be prepared that either 1. Next time dad won't let you know and you won't know until its over with and then there won't be much you can do about it unless you get FROF in the court order or 2. If he has the time and money, he comes back picks up child Friday , drops off with wife then leaves back out.

Just scenarios that could very well possibly happen. Not saying your right or wrong just pointing out.

 

[rowenasmum]

I believe that was answered at least twice.

it was answered twice and i thank you for your answers, however the person who asked the original question continued to ask what are my concerns for my child... so i felt the need to reiterate that my concern is allowing my child to spend three nights away from home with someone that i don't know very well..



also, for anyone who is interested.. pending a conversation with my suddenly unreachable ex, i believe that we're going to handle this weekend as follows..
playdates with the children at the park on saturday.. a second play date at their house on sunday afternoon.. so that i have plenty of time to talk to new step mom. (who i already like better simply because she was understanding and agreed that she wouldn't send her children with someone she didn't know either)!!

then my ex will keep our daughter for a long weekend.. thursday, friday, saturday, and sunday.. then resume our regular schedule.

sound fair? i think so..

 

[Isis1]

it was answered twice and i thank you for your answers, however the person who asked the original question continued to ask what are my concerns for my child... so i felt the need to reiterate that my concern is allowing my child to spend three nights away from home with someone that i don't know very well..



also, for anyone who is interested.. pending a conversation with my suddenly unreachable ex, i believe that we're going to handle this weekend as follows..
playdates with the children at the park on saturday.. a second play date at their house on sunday afternoon.. so that i have plenty of time to talk to new step mom. (who i already like better simply because she was understanding and agreed that she wouldn't send her children with someone she didn't know either)!!

then my ex will keep our daughter for a long weekend.. thursday, friday, saturday, and sunday.. then resume our regular schedule.

sound fair? i think so..

i'm glad you and dad worked it out!

 

[sometwo]

i'm glad you and dad worked it out!

I don't think dad has agreed yet. Mom came up with this

also, for anyone who is interested.. pending a conversation with my suddenly unreachable ex, i believe that we're going to handle this weekend as follows

 

[rowenasmum]

i'm glad you and dad worked it out!

my ex and i haven't worked it out yet.. i'm trying to reach him but he isn't answering.. the arrangement i posted was worked out between myself and his wife.. and is my suggestion to him if i can ever get him on the phone..
he still has to agree or it's back to square one.. but i see no reason why he wouldn't agree.. he gets what he wanted.. our child spending plenty of time with her step siblings.. and i don't have to send her off for a weekend with someone i don't know. and also works toward me knowing his wife better so that i don't have a problem with letting her keep our daughter in the future..

 

[Isis1]

I don't think dad has agreed yet. Mom came up with this

bummer. you're right!

in that case, GOOD LUCK OP!

if SM agrees, i'd say let her talk to dad first.