he won't be there...

[Ohiogal]

it was answered twice and i thank you for your answers, however the person who asked the original question continued to ask what are my concerns for my child... so i felt the need to reiterate that my concern is allowing my child to spend three nights away from home with someone that i don't know very well..



also, for anyone who is interested.. pending a conversation with my suddenly unreachable ex, i believe that we're going to handle this weekend as follows..
playdates with the children at the park on saturday.. a second play date at their house on sunday afternoon.. so that i have plenty of time to talk to new step mom. (who i already like better simply because she was understanding and agreed that she wouldn't send her children with someone she didn't know either)!!

then my ex will keep our daughter for a long weekend.. thursday, friday, saturday, and sunday.. then resume our regular schedule.

sound fair? i think so..

Legally you wouldn't need to send the children if dad is not going to be there at all depending on the wording of the court order. However coparenting is sometimes more important than what the court order states. KWIM? Your compromise that you reached with dad is fair and best of all it preserves a coparenting relationship.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

In that mom and stepmom thought that a playdate where the children play and the two women get to know each other is probably one of the best ways for this to stay OUT of court.

Mom's contention is that she doesn't "know" this other woman. They thought that by meeting, they would learn more of each other. Is this not in the spirit of co-parenting?

Now, if dad says no to the plans, then the child should go in the absence of an ROFR. But, if dad says yes, the mom's have a playdate and dad gets the following weekend, is that not best for the CHILD?

It CAN work outside of a court order. My boys' dad and I had a "reasonable rights of visitation" clause. Nothing more. You see, dad worked swing shift and he didn't have a set schedule. So, dad got the kids on his days off every week. It saved me on daycare and dad spent time doing the "routine" things, like taking them to school, etc.

Believe me CJane, I thought the same way you did on what some posters said. But, it sounds like this one involves to "reasonable" parents.

 

[CJane]

This case really isn't the same as yours.

Mom isn't going and picking up the children from stepmom. The children are already in mom's care and she isn't comfortable releasing them to the stepmom when dad isn't going to be there at all.

If dad picked up the kids, turned them over to his new wife, and then went away for the weekend there would be nothing that mom could do.

This would be like you being gone for a week, and D'Man showing up at your ex's house to pick up the kids and keep them for the weekend. I can't see your ex cooperating with that or a court dinging him for not cooperating.

Actually, yes, the court WOULD ding him. And it's not just in MY case. It was made VERY clear in court on multiple occasions to several people that I know that if a competent adult shows up to pick up the children, for the other parent's time, the children WILL be allowed to go with that adult.

SMom shows up to pick up the girls ALL THE TIME while Ex travels for work - and he has always traveled several days/month and almost always on his time - it would never occur to me to NOT let her have the kids, and I know if I DID refuse, I'd get ripped apart.

Same if D'man or my sister (much more likely) or my Mom showed up to p/u the girls when I wasn't going to be around.

I'm not saying that OP's arrangement isn't ok. If it works for them, great. I AM saying that constantly giving the advice that a parent can always refuse to send the kids with a "legal stranger" just because the parent won't be home CAN and WILL bite someone in the azz. And sooner rather than later.

 

[LdiJ]

Actually, yes, the court WOULD ding him. And it's not just in MY case. It was made VERY clear in court on multiple occasions to several people that I know that if a competent adult shows up to pick up the children, for the other parent's time, the children WILL be allowed to go with that adult.

SMom shows up to pick up the girls ALL THE TIME while Ex travels for work - and he has always traveled several days/month and almost always on his time - it would never occur to me to NOT let her have the kids, and I know if I DID refuse, I'd get ripped apart.

Same if D'man or my sister (much more likely) or my Mom showed up to p/u the girls when I wasn't going to be around.

I'm not saying that OP's arrangement isn't ok. If it works for them, great. I AM saying that constantly giving the advice that a parent can always refuse to send the kids with a "legal stranger" just because the parent won't be home CAN and WILL bite someone in the azz. And sooner rather than later.

I have honestly never seen it happen...ever. I have only seen it happen when the parent was going to be there, but just not there the whole time. However, I will conceed that I am not familiar with any MO cases out in the "world".