Heh.

[CJane]

I know I'm new, but can someone tell me what asshat refers to? I get that you're talking about someone's ex, but what is the origin of the nickname?

Once upon a time, I hung out at an entirely different forum, and my ex stalked me there. He posted near constantly about how he's not the father of my child, that I'd 'trapped him' and 'convinced him' to sign the AOP and he was going to be VINDICATED when the DNA results came back... that I'd only named him as the father because he had money (see his income above ) and he'd only signed the AOP because he's such a good guy and now he was getting the short end of the stick about it.

Of course, as soon as he had the DNA results in hand, he deleted all his posts.

I got an email shortly after that, from a friend from that other forum, and she said "Your exasshat is back"... and the name stuck.

There. Now everyone knows.

 

[bryce's_mom]

Would love a pm of what I missed. Geesh....that is what I get for actually working today.

I saw a post where he's giving advice....LOL!!!! Do the administrators have a buyer beware disclaimer? HAHAHA!!!!!

 

[ezmarelda]

I always miss all the good stuff

 

[VeronicaLodge]

me too! and ive been here all day!

 

[CJane]

Sorry guys. You'll just have to wait til he returns. I have page 2 of the thread, but not page 1.

 

[ncpdad]

Once upon a time, I hung out at an entirely different forum, and my ex stalked me there. He posted near constantly about how he's not the father of my child, that I'd 'trapped him' and 'convinced him' to sign the AOP and he was going to be VINDICATED when the DNA results came back... that I'd only named him as the father because he had money (see his income above ) and he'd only signed the AOP because he's such a good guy and now he was getting the short end of the stick about it.

Of course, as soon as he had the DNA results in hand, he deleted all his posts.

I got an email shortly after that, from a friend from that other forum, and she said "Your exasshat is back"... and the name stuck.

There. Now everyone knows.

Thanks for the info CJane, and I truly am sorry for what you've had to go through...

I'm also curious then, since it is intended as a derogatory name, why is it that everyone got so offended when I used the abbrieviation BM to describe my husband's ex? I clearly didn't intend it derogatorily, and I know that she hasn't stalked him over to this forum and done his nasty business in front of everyone, but isn't he still the only father your children has, just as the mom in my sd's life is the only mom that she has, and should accordingly be given respect?

I'm seriously not trying to flame here, and maybe I should shut up and watch for awhile, but I just don't understand it...

Thanks, and please, please don't think I'm flaming or being an ass... your ex sounds like a piece of work just like my husband's ex, and I don't envy you the trip you've taken with him...

 

[Silverplum]

I'm seriously not trying to flame here, and maybe I should shut up and watch for awhile, but I just don't understand it...

Thanks, and please, please don't think I'm flaming or being an ass... your ex sounds like a piece of work just like my husband's ex, and I don't envy you the trip you've taken with him...

Really...yes, you should. Look at CJane's post count. That's a lotta posts. There's a lot to know.

And yes, the culture of this board is as described to you in your thread.

 

[CJane]

I'm also curious then, since it is intended as a derogatory name, why is it that everyone got so offended when I used the abbrieviation BM to describe my husband's ex?

Well, partially because I've been here for a LONG time and people know the back story. Also, he IS behaving like an Asshat.

Incidentally, I found the definition at Wikipedia:

Asshat is a slightly more trendy and less severe variation of *******, graphically describing someone who has his "head up his ass" (i.e., not knowing what's going on), or a variation of "butthead." In the former sense, it is suggested that one is wearing one's ass for a hat, or alternately, a hat for one's ass (Some people view it as that from the waist up, you are a hat for your own ass).

A more modern usage of asshat describes a person doing something stupid, and can apply to anyone: "The boss is up to asshattery because he broke the computer even though he knew he was doing the wrong thing."

I clearly didn't intend it derogatorily,

I DO intend it derogatorily. But again... history. We can't see your tone of voice and a LOT of us are Moms who have ex's who DO refer to us as BioMom or some variation thereof and it rubs us the wrong way.

but isn't he still the only father your children has, just as the mom in my sd's life is the only mom that she has, and should accordingly be given respect?

Yup. Which is why I capitilize it.

Also... I post here often enough about both my Ex-husband (whom I refer to as Stupidhead) and the babydaddy (Asshat) and they needed names to be referred to as. I knew I could remember those.

I'm seriously not trying to flame here, and maybe I should shut up and watch for awhile, but I just don't understand it...

I HAVE been chastised for it, by the way. By OhioGal, same as you - only IN PERSON (and she's way scarier there) - and I know that she DESPISES the idea that I call them that. But I do it anyway.

 

[Silverplum]

OhioGal, same as you - only IN PERSON (and she's way scarier there) - and I know that she DESPISES the idea that I call them that. But I do it anyway.

LOL!



I ain't askeered of no OhioGal!

 

[CJane]

LOL!



I ain't askeered of no OhioGal!

Shhh... don't tell. I was lying.

 

[VeronicaLodge]

i think maybe another difference is is that CJane is speaking about her ex not her husband's ex. you see? if your husband came on her and wanted to call his ex names, that would be one thing, but you coming on and doing it is another... does that make sense?

i say this as someone who is also dating a NCP father who has an ex.

 

[CJane]

i think maybe another difference is is that CJane is speaking about her ex not her husband's ex.

That's because after Asshat, I swore off men w/kids. D'man is blissfully child-free. So his ex's? No connection to him at all. Ever. It's wonderful.

I would be the world's WORST step mom. Really.

 

[toomuchstress]

Thanks for the info CJane, and I truly am sorry for what you've had to go through...

I'm also curious then, since it is intended as a derogatory name, why is it that everyone got so offended when I used the abbrieviation BM to describe my husband's ex? I clearly didn't intend it derogatorily, and I know that she hasn't stalked him over to this forum and done his nasty business in front of everyone, but isn't he still the only father your children has, just as the mom in my sd's life is the only mom that she has, and should accordingly be given respect?

I'm seriously not trying to flame here, and maybe I should shut up and watch for awhile, but I just don't understand it...

Thanks, and please, please don't think I'm flaming or being an ass... your ex sounds like a piece of work just like my husband's ex, and I don't envy you the trip you've taken with him...

I have never posted on here before, but my husband has and I read this forum almost daily. I have followed CJane's saga and it's actually one of the main reasons I read this website anymore. I am no longer a stepmom so I don't really need the legal advise because while my husband and his ex didn't get along at all, the relationship with my ex is good and my children are not subjected to being used to hurt the other parent. I do enjoy watching CJane kick some butt though!!!

I just wanted to clarify to you that while the other websites use the term 'BM' (I know, I've read them too), this website is very strict about the rights of the parents. They are absolutely correct that the father and mother should be raising the children and the stepparents must stay back and be supportive. I know this is a hard thing for some stepparents because we love the children and feel we are also raising them. Guess what??? We're not! That is a hard pill for a stepparent to swallow. I know...I've been there. The Senior Members of this forum are forever getting hounded by stepmom's that think they have all the rights of a parent in addition to Mother's that are trying to replace the father with their new husbands. I'm sure it's extremely frustrating to them. So while you may have meant no insult, they are just stating what they seem to have to state everyday: Stepparent means Legal Stranger...no exceptions! Stay with them and they will help you. I've watched them help so many and I've learned alot. I wish I could go back and use the knowledge I've gained to 'do it right', but we can't go back (and truthfully, I never tried to replace Mom or take her place in anyway). But I did try to help with the communication because they couldn't speak to each other and I should've just left them to deal with it by themselves.

I'll shut up now before I get in trouble for a long post.

 

[CJane]

I have never posted on here before, but my husband has and I read this forum almost daily. I have followed CJane's saga and it's actually one of the main reasons I read this website anymore. I am no longer a stepmom so I don't really need the legal advise because while my husband and his ex didn't get along at all, the relationship with my ex is good and my children are not subjected to being used to hurt the other parent. I do enjoy watching CJane kick some butt though!!!

OMG. Now I'm embarassed. My life is a soap opera that people actually TUNE IN TO!

I need a drink.

 

[Zephyr]

asshattery

I cannot wait for a real life opportunity to use this word!!!!!