Shay-Pari'e
Senior Member
I should have just "DITTO'D" this. That's what I get coming in late on a thread.stealth2 said:
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Holiday Trip cost me my children
- Thread starter laurakaycraig
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laurakaycraig
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first of all i did not meet my husband in a chat room. I was playing yahoo Chess - at least i was home in my home with my children and not out drinking and at bars. Second of all i never even went out and left my children at a babysitter or with any one so I could go drink, movies, etc. i dedicated my life to home life. I went to church with them everything.
Cost of travel means nothing to me- I just did it already I flew my kids here and had to fly back with them. that is 4 plane tickets. so what. i am finacial stable now. i can do it and I will do it.
You can meet anyone anywhere I am very blessed that the man I met is honest ,faithful and doesnt drink or do drugs. he is a man that doesnt walk out like my ex everytime he gets mad.
My ex was telling everyone that I met my husband on the internet - and how dumn it was. Well look at him now he married Miss australia and cant even live together as man and wife. They did meet in the site "looking for someone"
Cost of travel means nothing to me- I just did it already I flew my kids here and had to fly back with them. that is 4 plane tickets. so what. i am finacial stable now. i can do it and I will do it.
You can meet anyone anywhere I am very blessed that the man I met is honest ,faithful and doesnt drink or do drugs. he is a man that doesnt walk out like my ex everytime he gets mad.
My ex was telling everyone that I met my husband on the internet - and how dumn it was. Well look at him now he married Miss australia and cant even live together as man and wife. They did meet in the site "looking for someone"
laurakaycraig
Member
Those are the most encouraging words I have had from here so far. Bless you!!!! I will never give up.
laurakaycraig
Member
What does pales in comparison mean? I dont quiet get that one.
stepmom&mom
Member
Laurakaycraig~
Let me try to offer up an explanation that you can understand.
Parents have one window of opportunity to prove that they are a more fit parent than the other parent in a divorce proceeding. That time is at the time of divorce. If one parent fails to prove this, or simply does not show up, then they have lost that opportunity.
From that point on, if the noncustodial parent (even in the case of joint custody) wishes to have custody changed so that they gain primary physical placement, they must show a change in circumstance which affects the welfare of the child. This is not simply proof that the parent doesn't do dishes often enough or talks on the phone too much. That is not enough. Generally, you have to show severe neglect or abuse for such to even be considered. You cannot show such, therefore, you will not get a change in custody. Furthermore, you do not even live in the same state, much less the same country, so a judge will not even consider it.
Now, I know that you said you made mistakes and you regret them and if you could go back you would change it all, and so on and so forth...
Let me ask you this, how many noncustodial parents do you think change for the better?
How many noncustodial parents wish they could be there to tuck their children in at night, help them with their schoolwork and be available for all their needs?
How many noncustodial parents think they are a better parent than the custodial parent?
Probably most. The point is, just because you realized you made a mistake, doesn't mean the courts are going to change anything. We all make mistakes, and sometimes we have regrets, but most of the time, we still have to pay for those mistakes.
Heck, sometimes we pay for mistakes we didn't even make (just imagine being the noncustodial parent when you didn't even do anything wrong! It happens all the time.)
My dh never even had a chance at being the custodial parent, because bm automatically got it by default.
The point is, the mistakes you have made, whether you are sorry or not, have cost you primary placement. There is nothing you can do about this, except to move back home so that you can see them more often. The fact that you STILL live in the UK indicates to most people here that your children are not your first concern. You should have put your new love on hold, because while you may be sorry for the mistakes you made, you still haven't changed. You're STILL in the UK!!!
If your husband loves you, then he will move to the US so that you can be with your children. It's that simple.
Let me try to offer up an explanation that you can understand.
Parents have one window of opportunity to prove that they are a more fit parent than the other parent in a divorce proceeding. That time is at the time of divorce. If one parent fails to prove this, or simply does not show up, then they have lost that opportunity.
From that point on, if the noncustodial parent (even in the case of joint custody) wishes to have custody changed so that they gain primary physical placement, they must show a change in circumstance which affects the welfare of the child. This is not simply proof that the parent doesn't do dishes often enough or talks on the phone too much. That is not enough. Generally, you have to show severe neglect or abuse for such to even be considered. You cannot show such, therefore, you will not get a change in custody. Furthermore, you do not even live in the same state, much less the same country, so a judge will not even consider it.
Now, I know that you said you made mistakes and you regret them and if you could go back you would change it all, and so on and so forth...
Let me ask you this, how many noncustodial parents do you think change for the better?
How many noncustodial parents wish they could be there to tuck their children in at night, help them with their schoolwork and be available for all their needs?
How many noncustodial parents think they are a better parent than the custodial parent?
Probably most. The point is, just because you realized you made a mistake, doesn't mean the courts are going to change anything. We all make mistakes, and sometimes we have regrets, but most of the time, we still have to pay for those mistakes.
Heck, sometimes we pay for mistakes we didn't even make (just imagine being the noncustodial parent when you didn't even do anything wrong! It happens all the time.)
My dh never even had a chance at being the custodial parent, because bm automatically got it by default.
The point is, the mistakes you have made, whether you are sorry or not, have cost you primary placement. There is nothing you can do about this, except to move back home so that you can see them more often. The fact that you STILL live in the UK indicates to most people here that your children are not your first concern. You should have put your new love on hold, because while you may be sorry for the mistakes you made, you still haven't changed. You're STILL in the UK!!!
If your husband loves you, then he will move to the US so that you can be with your children. It's that simple.
laurakaycraig
Member
I understand what you are saying. Now let me say this...
I give up my home in the Uk to move back to The USA (will do it) if i dont get the kids
Because my ex is married to a foriegn woman and he cant move the children there either(court ordered) wife does not live in the USA
I live there give up my home here--wa la I now have the children in my care, he decides he is moving to Australia (leaving his children behind) There for I then have custody he will be NCP :
Answer: He won again, again i had to give up my husband my home , etc. I lost again. But the thing I won is my children back. (MOST IMPORTANT)
Its like going back 3 years ago. He dangles my children in front of me like they are a puppet. "want them here they are" but you will have them under his terms.
Its people like him that dictate lives of others. How can anyone get away with it. Its unfair.
I give up my home in the Uk to move back to The USA (will do it) if i dont get the kids
Because my ex is married to a foriegn woman and he cant move the children there either(court ordered) wife does not live in the USA
I live there give up my home here--wa la I now have the children in my care, he decides he is moving to Australia (leaving his children behind) There for I then have custody he will be NCP :
Answer: He won again, again i had to give up my husband my home , etc. I lost again. But the thing I won is my children back. (MOST IMPORTANT)
Its like going back 3 years ago. He dangles my children in front of me like they are a puppet. "want them here they are" but you will have them under his terms.
Its people like him that dictate lives of others. How can anyone get away with it. Its unfair.
stepmom&mom
Member
Welcome to the wonderful world of the NCP.
laurakaycraig
Member
Found a website Alllaw.com fantastic site. talks about divorced parents advise from a Judge. Emailed them to my ex . had even sent a personal email to him taking blame for my part and telling him I forgive him even tho he didnt ask .
Tired of sitting around blabbing about him and his faults.
I am taking control of my own. Not worried about him anymore My heart is focused on what is the best for my children.
I also believe what a parent does today is a lesson for a childs future.
The lesson i will now begin to teach is what a mother does for her children.
Today my goal is start a new relationship with my children. tomarrow will bring great joy- I have to realize the children are not mine - they are "ours".
I wont wait anymore for the father to take a look at what is right as long as I do what is right I can't go wrong.
I believe If i sincerely stick to the New approach and he still stays the same I can gain something from it. If not Custodal residence At at least i gain more respect from my children.
Tired of sitting around blabbing about him and his faults.
I am taking control of my own. Not worried about him anymore My heart is focused on what is the best for my children.
I also believe what a parent does today is a lesson for a childs future.
The lesson i will now begin to teach is what a mother does for her children.
Today my goal is start a new relationship with my children. tomarrow will bring great joy- I have to realize the children are not mine - they are "ours".
I wont wait anymore for the father to take a look at what is right as long as I do what is right I can't go wrong.
I believe If i sincerely stick to the New approach and he still stays the same I can gain something from it. If not Custodal residence At at least i gain more respect from my children.
It makes perfect sense legally that a judge would not want to allow children to move out of the country- If your husband is truly wonderful, ask him to move to the US.
The same reason your X can't move with the kids to Australia is the same reason you can't move the kids to the UK.
Regardless of why you moved- you left your children with your X which demonstrated to the court that you felt he was competent to have custody of them. Fairly obvious.
I don't think the judge will let either of you remove those children from the United States. So both of you need to stop thinking with your genitals and think about your children first.
The same reason your X can't move with the kids to Australia is the same reason you can't move the kids to the UK.
Regardless of why you moved- you left your children with your X which demonstrated to the court that you felt he was competent to have custody of them. Fairly obvious.
I don't think the judge will let either of you remove those children from the United States. So both of you need to stop thinking with your genitals and think about your children first.
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