How to notify court of noncompliance

[t74]

We have it written out in the final judgement that I will call during the summer on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at a specific time. If he needs to change the time, he can send a message through OFW to change it.

During other times (not summer), I will call once during a 3 day period...usually, the day before they return home so that I can remind them to do homework, pack things for school, etc.

Their father goes through phases where he will answer and allow communication and phases when he will ignore calls or say he didn't hear the phone or had no signal, so OFW helps me to document all that. If he doesn't answer, or I can't reach the kids, I send a message on OFW saying, "Dear xxxx, I tried to call the kids today at xxxx. Please have them call me when it is convenient."

This usually also prompts him to be sure to have them return my call because he knows it is admissible in court. If I was harassing him or calling too much, it would also be evident to a third party in OFW.

OFW is a great tool that really works for both parties...if they use it.

Take Care.

Since you have an order, keep good records and file for contempt when a pattern of non-compliance is evident. Remember that as kids get older, they would rather talk to friends than parents and would rather text. If they have their own phones (even stupid ones), you may find a text conversation (which I personally hate but my children use almost exclusively with their friends) to be a more satisfying substitute for a voice call. Remember too that with texts they can send pictures of their activities when they want and you can send pictures of, for example, their pets.

I assume dad has the same phone privileges. If not, why not?

Adapt your contact choices for changes in technology and the children's ages. You do not want to have telephone calls become a source of stress and conflict. You want them to call you when they are 20 and 30 and 40 because they want to and not because it is court ordered.

 

[empressj]

Since you have an order, keep good records and file for contempt when a pattern of non-compliance is evident. Remember that as kids get older, they would rather talk to friends than parents and would rather text. If they have their own phones (even stupid ones), you may find a text conversation (which I personally hate but my children use almost exclusively with their friends) to be a more satisfying substitute for a voice call. Remember too that with texts they can send pictures of their activities when they want and you can send pictures of, for example, their pets.

I assume dad has the same phone privileges. If not, why not?

Adapt your contact choices for changes in technology and the children's ages. You do not want to have telephone calls become a source of stress and conflict. You want them to call you when they are 20 and 30 and 40 because they want to and not because it is court-ordered.

Thank you. The children are 11 and 12 (just turned 11 and 12). They do not have their own phones.

Dad may contact the children any time he wants. He usually does not call them. The 12-year-old usually asks to call Dad, which is also, always allowed.

At the time of mediation, he did not request a calling schedule, as it is his preference to not contact the children when they are with me. The calling schedule during the summer was his idea because he wanted to take them camping where he believed he would have no signal or low signal. The plan was that he would bring them into town on those days.

For my kids, I do not believe 3x a week is excessive. It is not a long phone call, and the length is guided by what the children have to say (or not say). I am happy to facilitate the same contact for their father, but every parent is different.


Thanks.

 

[stealth2]

One kid just turned 11, one kid just turned 12. They do not have their own phones.

At those ages, I got my two a basic phone to share - mostly due to school activities, but also because it made comms while at Dad's easier.

While it shouldn't be necessary? It's also an easy fix. Consider it.

 

[empressj]

Hi. Thanks.

I've considered it. I do not want to provide my children phones at this time.

My primary issue is not telephone communication with the children. I use OFW to record any issues with lack of telephonic access to children, but it is not my primary issue. My primary issue is the other parent not complying with the court-ordered communication through OFW, and his undocumented relocation out of state.

Thanks.

 

[stealth2]

Since you have an order, keep good records and file for contempt when a pattern of non-compliance is evident. Remember that as kids get older, they would rather talk to friends than parents and would rather text. If they have their own phones (even stupid ones), you may find a text conversation (which I personally hate but my children use almost exclusively with their friends) to be a more satisfying substitute for a voice call. Remember too that with texts they can send pictures of their activities when they want and you can send pictures of, for example, their pets.

I assume dad has the same phone privileges. If not, why not?

Adapt your contact choices for changes in technology and the children's ages. You do not want to have telephone calls become a source of stress and conflict. You want them to call you when they are 20 and 30 and 40 because they want to and not because it is court ordered.

LOL I have to say t74 - I much prefer text convos. No awkward pauses, easy for simple reminders (oh hey - don't forget Grandma's birthday tomorrow), much easier when the kids are occupied (at Dad's, at college, etc. - "hey, you.... just touching base. Hope all is well. Call when you can."). I remember what a nuisance it was when *I* was in college - Mom would call at the worst times. When the kids were with their Dad, it made it easier for them. If/when a call was inconvenient, it was easy to shoot beck a text. When they were in college? They knew I was available, but not needy. MY Mom still can't understand why I don't insist on twice-daily calls as were required of me. My two are 26 & 28...

 

[t74]

You expect the kids and dad to interrupt their camping trips to come to town for a phone call! You have got to be kidding! These calls are not for the kids but for you. Your kids cannot go to a week or two week long scout or church camp with that calling schedule. If they can go to camp without calling you, they can certainly go camping with dad without the need to wait for your call. How would you like to interrupt your vacation time because your mother demanded to talk to you essentially every other day?

You seem extremely dependent on your kids if you cannot go more than 2/3 days without talking to them while they are with their dad.

I am not in favor of children that age having unrestricted use of their own cell phones. One or both are in middle school and are at the age when taking a dumb cell phone to call when they are finished with an extracurricular activity is a step in learning to use a phone responsibly. I would not give a child - especially a bright boy - access to a smart phone because of the unsavory sites they are likely to find; my 40 something son agrees with that philosophy since he is one who would be out searching the web.

 

[empressj]

Thank you.

The kids did go to camp two years ago and did not call me and that was fine. We communicated via old fashioned mail, like most kids at camp do.

Again, Dad came up with the schedule. I am happy to be flexible.

Your kids...your schedule. This schedule was agreed to and signed by dad in mediation and is not up for argument now.

Neither of my kids have their own phones and we have no plans to purchase phones for them at this time.

Again, the initial problem is not telephone access to the children and I am not requesting advice or tips regarding this.

If their father has an issue with the phone schedule that he created and signed off on, he is more than welcome to communicate through OFW. His lack of communication through this forum (that he agreed to) is what the main issue is. That and his relocation to another state that has made any visitation of his kids other than 60 days during the summer all but impossible.

Thanks!

 

[t74]

LOL I have to say t74 - I much prefer text convos. No awkward pauses, easy for simple reminders (oh hey - don't forget Grandma's birthday tomorrow), much easier when the kids are occupied (at Dad's, at college, etc. - "hey, you.... just touching base. Hope all is well. Call when you can."). I remember what a nuisance it was when *I* was in college - Mom would call at the worst times. When the kids were with their Dad, it made it easier for them. If/when a call was inconvenient, it was easy to shoot beck a text. When they were in college? They knew I was available, but not needy. MY Mom still can't understand why I don't insist on twice-daily calls as were required of me. My two are 26 & 28...

Mine are all in their 40s. One calls me every Sunday pm when he is at home (and lets me know in advance when he will be gone). Another usually emails; phone calls are multiple times a day when we are working on a project together; he has been known to fly half way across the country to surprise me for Mothers Day - much better than a phone call. The one in town checks in several times a day to see if we need anything since he is our driver, shopper, caregiver,..., The last has the grandkids who are far mor fun to talk to. I talk to the youngest almost daily because he loves to talk on the phone, and I am available. Mom or dad can then go back to what they are doing while he is entertained via long distance. Mom regularly calls because he wants to talk to someone. We do arithmetic problems; he tells me about the book he read; I listen to what he is doing at the moment; and just about anything else he wants to tell me. I certainly will not have a meltdown if I don't hear from them.

 

[stealth2]

Thank you.

The kids did go to camp two years ago and did not call me and that was fine. We communicated via old fashioned mail, like most kids at camp do.

Again, Dad came up with the schedule. I am happy to be flexible.

Your kids...your schedule. This schedule was agreed to and signed by dad in mediation and is not up for argument now.

Neither of my kids have their own phones and we have no plans to purchase phones for them at this time.

Again, the initial problem is not telephone access to the children and I am not requesting advice or tips regarding this.

If their father has an issue with the phone schedule that he created and signed off on, he is more than welcome to communicate through OFW. His lack of communication through this forum (that he agreed to) is what the main issue is. That and his relocation to another state that has made any visitation of his kids other than 60 days during the summer all but impossible.

Thanks!

Honestly? The court will not be amused to hear such drivel. I'm sorry, but you are coming off as unreasonable. It's hard to believe you're 8+ years into this.

 

[t74]

You want OFW because of its recognition in court. Your complaint in his not using OFW is phone calls. You appear to be wanting to show dad the you are the "boss".

When you go back to court, dad should ask for a long distance plan and a more reasonable phone schedule based on the kids aged. You should also be required to have the lids available to speak with him on the schedule he is to have them available to speak to you; neither of you should be required to utilize this time.

It is time for you to stop digging your hole. The more you say, the worse you look.

 

[LdiJ]

You expect the kids and dad to interrupt their camping trips to come to town for a phone call! You have got to be kidding! These calls are not for the kids but for you. Your kids cannot go to a week or two week long scout or church camp with that calling schedule. If they can go to camp without calling you, they can certainly go camping with dad without the need to wait for your call. How would you like to interrupt your vacation time because your mother demanded to talk to you essentially every other day?

You seem extremely dependent on your kids if you cannot go more than 2/3 days without talking to them while they are with their dad.

I am not in favor of children that age having unrestricted use of their own cell phones. One or both are in middle school and are at the age when taking a dumb cell phone to call when they are finished with an extracurricular activity is a step in learning to use a phone responsibly. I would not give a child - especially a bright boy - access to a smart phone because of the unsavory sites they are likely to find; my 40 something son agrees with that philosophy since he is one who would be out searching the web.

See, once acting as though your personal opinion is the only valid one.

That is a very normal telephone schedule and not overly burdensome. Not that many kids go to summer camp, particularly kids who are spending time with another parent. That parent doesn't want to give up that time. These days anyway, even camps are set up so that kids can maintain phone schedules with their parent.

 

[Ohiogal]

See, once acting as though your personal opinion is the only valid one.

That is a very normal telephone schedule and not overly burdensome. Not that many kids go to summer camp, particularly kids who are spending time with another parent. That parent doesn't want to give up that time. These days anyway, even camps are set up so that kids can maintain phone schedules with their parent.

OP, as an attorney I agree with T. I strongly disagree with LD. She knows nothing and tries to pretend she doesn't have a mom bias. You are digging yourself a hole as looking to be controlling.

 

[empressj]

Honestly? The court will not be amused to hear such drivel. I'm sorry, but you are coming off as unreasonable. It's hard to believe you're 8+ years into this.

Thanks.

Not sure what is unreasonable? Me calling the kids three times a week during the summer?

Or me wanting Dad to abide by the parenting plan and communicate through OFW?

Or is it that I believe he should live in the state that he signed the agreement in, abiding by the same rules that I abide by? Or file a relocation notice with the court.

I'd be happy to explain it all to a judge. That would be a great day. Fortunately, I have all of those years of OFW, too.

Again, every family is different. These are the terms he and I agreed to in mediation. There are some parts of it that I don't enjoy or like or think are fair, but it's our agreement, and unless both of us agree to change it, or unless one of us gets a modification, this is the way it is.

Mind you, Dad has not complained about anything other than OFW. Is the fact that all communication between parents is required to be done on OFW what you find unreasonable?

Take Care.

 

[stealth2]

Thanks.

Not sure what is unreasonable? Me calling the kids three times a week during the summer?

Or me wanting Dad to abide by the parenting plan and communicate through OFW?

Or is it that I believe he should live in the state that he signed the agreement in, abiding by the same rules that I abide by? Or file a relocation notice with the court.

I'd be happy to explain it all to a judge. That would be a great day. Fortunately, I have all of those years of OFW, too.

Again, every family is different. These are the terms he and I agreed to in mediation. There are some parts of it that I don't enjoy or like or think are fair, but it's our agreement, and unless both of us agree to change it, or unless one of us gets a modification, this is the way it is.

Mind you, Dad has not complained about anything other than OFW. Is the fact that all communication between parents is required to be done on OFW what you find unreasonable?

Take Care.

The court sort of expects parents to be adults and figure out ways to compromise. OFW apparently no longer works for Dad, and he has offered alternatives. A court would kind of expect you to work together. After 8+ years? You should not require the court to do this.

At 11 & 12? Yeah, I think they can manage to go a week without talking to Mommy. Really. I would expect that, if you make that an issue in court? Expect it to be scaled down to one call/week, unless initiated by the child otherwise.

Things really do change as kids get older. And it's up to you what hill is worth dying on. So.... you do you.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Not sure what is unreasonable? Me calling the kids three times a week during the summer?

Yes, at their age there is really no reason for that much contact during your ex's time.