If she can't afford 1/2 of kids Private School

[bd420]

What is the name of your state?
Michigan

I currently have a temporary court order on Child Custody which states I have Joint Physical and Joint Legal custody for both of our kids, ages 7 and 11.

Our 2 kids have been going to a Private School their whole lives, my oldest is finishing up 5th grade. Tuition is currently close to what Child Support (Despite Joint Physical, I'm paying 'salary inequality???') is for me. In my spouses newest proposal, she has decided to NOT pay her share of Tuition, and instead 'compensate' me by buying 'All' the kids clothes instead?!!

I don't see how this stipulation could even be enforceable by FOC, much less what my incentive for actually accepting a deal like this would be? I've calculated future Tuition, factoring in cost of living adjustments, for the duration of the childrens remaining school years, and it's about $56,000, so half would be $28,000.

If our case goes to the judge, which my spouse vehemently wants to avoid, can the judge rule that since my wife says she can't afford Private School, that she doesn't have to pay for it or compensate me in any way, even if it was her idea to put them there, it's the only school the kids have ever gone to, and both kids are adamant about wanting to stay at the school???

If so, could it further mean that I could be in a situation for funding their entire private school education with no tangible/realistic negotiable compensation prior to the case going to the judge, or is this a real source of leverage for me?? Obviously, if the jugde would most likely rule the opposite than the aforementioned, and that the kids MUST stay in the private school regardless, then she would have to give up something of a little more tangible substance than her offer to 'buy all the kids clothes' from now on, right?

I just don't know the 'rules' when it comes to maintaining Private School in the kids lives when one Spouse is going to claim they can't afford it, but everyone else involved wants it to continue, and I'm willing to pay my share or all, provided I'm compensated a whole lot better.

Thanks,

bd

 

[absconder]

Your exwife isnt stupid because clothes can be bought onsale, on tax holidays LOL. Someone will come along who knows alot more about this buddy but it seems your wife is avoiding the judge for a reason. To me private school is a choice you both make or 1 of you does. It seems you might get stuck with the bill but then you might be able to get some more $$$ outta the ex there at the same time.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?
Michigan

I currently have a temporary court order on Child Custody which states I have Joint Physical and Joint Legal custody for both of our kids, ages 7 and 11.

Our 2 kids have been going to a Private School their whole lives, my oldest is finishing up 5th grade. Tuition is currently close to what Child Support (Despite Joint Physical, I'm paying 'salary inequality???') is for me. In my spouses newest proposal, she has decided to NOT pay her share of Tuition, and instead 'compensate' me by buying 'All' the kids clothes instead?!!

I don't see how this stipulation could even be enforceable by FOC, much less what my incentive for actually accepting a deal like this would be? I've calculated future Tuition, factoring in cost of living adjustments, for the duration of the childrens remaining school years, and it's about $56,000, so half would be $28,000.

If our case goes to the judge, which my spouse vehemently wants to avoid, can the judge rule that since my wife says she can't afford Private School, that she doesn't have to pay for it or compensate me in any way, even if it was her idea to put them there, it's the only school the kids have ever gone to, and both kids are adamant about wanting to stay at the school???

If so, could it further mean that I could be in a situation for funding their entire private school education with no tangible/realistic negotiable compensation prior to the case going to the judge, or is this a real source of leverage for me?? Obviously, if the jugde would most likely rule the opposite than the aforementioned, and that the kids MUST stay in the private school regardless, then she would have to give up something of a little more tangible substance than her offer to 'buy all the kids clothes' from now on, right?

I just don't know the 'rules' when it comes to maintaining Private School in the kids lives when one Spouse is going to claim they can't afford it, but everyone else involved wants it to continue, and I'm willing to pay my share or all, provided I'm compensated a whole lot better.

Thanks,

bd

Private school is a really tricky issue. Its tricky because its totally discretionary and many parents legitimately CANNOT afford it. Judges are usually fairly reluctant to force a parent to absorb tuition for private school if the parent is opposed....particularly if the parent's income normally wouldn't support private school. In your case, since the kids have been in private school since the beginning, there is a possibility that a judge could order her to share the cost. However, I think that if a judge did, it would be far more likely to be a proportional share rather than 50%.

Example: You make 75k per year, she makes 25k. The total between you is 100k. Therefore 75% of the tuition cost would be your responsibility and 25% would be hers.

 

[bd420]

Makes sense, our ratio is 71.5% to 28.5%, so...

Private school is a really tricky issue. Its tricky because its totally discretionary and many parents legitimately CANNOT afford it. Judges are usually fairly reluctant to force a parent to absorb tuition for private school if the parent is opposed....particularly if the parent's income normally wouldn't support private school. In your case, since the kids have been in private school since the beginning, there is a possibility that a judge could order her to share the cost. However, I think that if a judge did, it would be far more likely to be a proportional share rather than 50%.

Example: You make 75k per year, she makes 25k. The total between you is 100k. Therefore 75% of the tuition cost would be your responsibility and 25% would be hers.

Makes sense, our ratio is 71.5% to 28.5%, so..., perhaps I can get her to take slighly less than 28.5% as a 'break' and good faith on my part of the large credit card debt before it's split, say 25% of the 28,200. That would be the equivalent of 7,000k, which would significantly reduce my payoff .

I shall put that into my latest proposal, thanks!

 

[nextwife]

How long has she already been sharing 50%? If she is now voluntartily unemployed or underemployed, it is unlikely that the judge will order any change in the agreement to suit her choice to stay home. CS is SUPPOSED to help with the cost of all a child's expense, including clothes. Not CS PLUS clothes support!

 

[bd420]

CS PLUS Clothes, this whole idea has me confused..

How long has she already been sharing 50%? If she is now voluntartily unemployed or underemployed, it is unlikely that the judge will order any change in the agreement to suit her choice to stay home. CS is SUPPOSED to help with the cost of all a child's expense, including clothes. Not CS PLUS clothes support!

My ex hasn't paid a dime towards any of our debts or for Tuition since the date of separation.

She's been employed the entire time, making just under $11 an hour.

I don't understand what my CS is other than glorified alimony. We have Joint Physical, we both have the kids equal over nites, 7 for her, 7 for me, in a 2 week (14 day span) for instance. I was told by a lawyer fr of mine that this is NOT alimony, but rather what he termed 'Salary Inequality'??? Is there such a thing? For every $5 I make, she makes $2, so there is a difference, but I still thought for Joint Physical with even overnites, it would be $0.00.

In any event, what then, is the $239 for per month in CS? Is it simply to raise up her salary, and she can do whatever she wants with the money? If so, why not pay for Tuition with it!

I really don't understand why I'm paying 'child' support if it's not for the 'children'.

Basically, you have also made the same point as me about the Clothes she has so graciously 'offered' as compensation for me paying FULL Tuition, this seems incomprehensible to me, I hope it is.

More insight would be greatly appreciated.

bd

 

[LdiJ]

Makes sense, our ratio is 71.5% to 28.5%, so..., perhaps I can get her to take slighly less than 28.5% as a 'break' and good faith on my part of the large credit card debt before it's split, say 25% of the 28,200. That would be the equivalent of 7,000k, which would significantly reduce my payoff .

I shall put that into my latest proposal, thanks!

If I understand you properly...and you are now talking about credit card debt rather than the private school tuition......Actually...I wouldn't recommend that. That puts you (and your credit report) at the mercy of her payment habits/ability to pay. For the credit card debt you would be better off structuring the division of assets so that you keep a higher amount of the assets in exchange for taking responsibility for the credit card debt. That way you can be certain that its paid and can keep your credit record clean.

 

[LdiJ]

My ex hasn't paid a dime towards any of our debts or for Tuition since the date of separation.

She's been employed the entire time, making just under $11 an hour.

I don't understand what my CS is other than glorified alimony. We have Joint Physical, we both have the kids equal over nites, 7 for her, 7 for me, in a 2 week (14 day span) for instance. I was told by a lawyer fr of mine that this is NOT alimony, but rather what he termed 'Salary Inequality'??? Is there such a thing? For every $5 I make, she makes $2, so there is a difference, but I still thought for Joint Physical with even overnites, it would be $0.00.

In any event, what then, is the $239 for per month in CS? Is it simply to raise up her salary, and she can do whatever she wants with the money? If so, why not pay for Tuition with it!

I really don't understand why I'm paying 'child' support if it's not for the 'children'.

Basically, you have also made the same point as me about the Clothes she has so graciously 'offered' as compensation for me paying FULL Tuition, this seems incomprehensible to me, I hope it is.

More insight would be greatly appreciated.

bd

bd....I am going to be VERY honestly with you here. From a purely practical standpoint. Its extremely difficult to support a household, and children 50/50 on 11.00 an hour. That is reality and that is why you have to pay some child support. You are paying some child support so that your children can have relatively reasonable living standards in both homes.

I will also tell you that if she is only making 11.00 an hour, there is absolutely no way that a judge will force her to contribute much, if anything, towards private school tuition. Even WITH the small amount of child support that you have to pay, she is going to be struggling and the judge will know that.

Its more likely that the judge will suggest that its time for your children to attend public school. The judge certainly won't order you to send them there, but the judge may well see it as the necessary solution to the problem.

 

[bd420]

I agree with you to an extent...

bd....I am going to be VERY honestly with you here. From a purely practical standpoint. Its extremely difficult to support a household, and children 50/50 on 11.00 an hour. That is reality and that is why you have to pay some child support. You are paying some child support so that your children can have relatively reasonable living standards in both homes.

I will also tell you that if she is only making 11.00 an hour, there is absolutely no way that a judge will force her to contribute much, if anything, towards private school tuition. Even WITH the small amount of child support that you have to pay, she is going to be struggling and the judge will know that.

Its more likely that the judge will suggest that its time for your children to attend public school. The judge certainly won't order you to send them there, but the judge may well see it as the necessary solution to the problem.

I agree to an extent, although my sister did the same making the same with 2 kids, she's 100% more financially savvy that my ex has or will ever be.

I STILL don' t understand why my ex didn't move in with her Dad, there is precedence in our relationship for that, at one time, all 4 of us were living in his 4 bedroom house that he occupies soley, and it's only 5 miles away.

However, she instead insisted on renting a place for $650 a month the day of the separation, which is about 85% of one of her bi-weekly checks, why she did that instead, is anyone's guess, my guess is the boyfriend aspect (he's over all the time during parenting and non).

If she wants to take this to the Judge and break the kids hearts by having it ruled they attend a public school and lose all the fr's they've ever had in an awesome school, then she'll just have to live with that stigma the rest of her life, what else can I do?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I agree to an extent, although my sister did the same making the same with 2 kids, she's 100% more financially savvy that my ex has or will ever be.

I STILL don' t understand why my ex didn't move in with her Dad, there is precedence in our relationship for that, at one time, all 4 of us were living in his 4 bedroom house that he occupies soley, and it's only 5 miles away.

However, she instead insisted on renting a place for $650 a month the day of the separation, which is about 85% of one of her bi-weekly checks, why she did that instead, is anyone's guess, my guess is the boyfriend aspect (he's over all the time during parenting and non).

If she wants to take this to the Judge and break the kids hearts by having it ruled they attend a public school and lose all the fr's they've ever had in an awesome school, then she'll just have to live with that stigma the rest of her life, what else can I do?

What else can you do?
Please! You are playing games with your children, quit your whining and do what is in their best interest. She shouldn't have to go live with her Dad because you don't want to support your children in the manner to which they were accustomed. To play your last game is beyond belief.

 

[LdiJ]

What else can you do?
Please! You are playing games with your children, quit your whining and do what is in their best interest. She shouldn't have to go live with her Dad because you don't want to support your children in the manner to which they were accustomed. To play your last game is beyond belief.

Ditto that one. OP completely lost my sympathy with that post.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Ditto that one. OP completely lost my sympathy with that post.

I'm thinking about wet rawhide, stakes, fire ants Nah, that would be too good

 

[abstract99]

When you were married were you the one that had to provide all of the school tuition? I don't really know if mom can afford a private school at 11 dollars an hour (depending on how much you pay her in CS) Public schools are not that bad, it might be a better option unless you want to pay all money for the schooling out of your own pocket. If mom wants them to stay in the private school then inform her that she will at least have to pay some portion of it. I don't see how it is fair that she demands that they go but won't pay for some of it. Private schools are an optional expense. Your ex would have to prove that the public school system is inadequate in order to send them to a private school and even then she would still be more than likely required to pay for part of it.

 

[ablessin]

Private School

I agree with the post about the judge - private schools are expensive and I highly doubt a judge would force you to continue sending them to it (the kids probably don't want to change schools because their friends are at the private school).......
The CS payments should go towards the kids' needs -whatever they are - and if she feels they NEED private school then the CS payments should go towards that.
I agree that it may not be 50/50 split for tuition. My ex and I make roughly the same salary and we split custody and visitition (50/50) so I get no CS (and I am glad)
But it should be legit needs, not a highly priced education that is going to be soley your bill. That's not fair. Not that life is fair, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere.......
And that you've split 50/50 thus far is going to look very good in your favor in the long run.... You know, parents have to make sacrifices too - I worked 2 jobs for quite some time after my ex and I split up for the "nice-eties" the extras, whatever you want to call them....... it's an option for everyone.
I don't know why everyone always expects the men to bend over backwards while moms sit at home, or work lower paying jobs crying broke like that.
Mom's can (and should) do what it takes to make ends meet - even if it means getting a 2nd job.
I am sorry but if a divorced mother can say this in all honesty than I think that it should be heard. It just makes me so freaking mad - because it's the spiteful - bakstabbing ex- wives that make us reasonable females look bad.

 

[LdiJ]

I agree with the post about the judge - private schools are expensive and I highly doubt a judge would force you to continue sending them to it (the kids probably don't want to change schools because their friends are at the private school).......
The CS payments should go towards the kids' needs -whatever they are - and if she feels they NEED private school then the CS payments should go towards that.
I agree that it may not be 50/50 split for tuition. My ex and I make roughly the same salary and we split custody and visitition (50/50) so I get no CS (and I am glad)
But it should be legit needs, not a highly priced education that is going to be soley your bill. That's not fair. Not that life is fair, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere.......
And that you've split 50/50 thus far is going to look very good in your favor in the long run.... You know, parents have to make sacrifices too - I worked 2 jobs for quite some time after my ex and I split up for the "nice-eties" the extras, whatever you want to call them....... it's an option for everyone.
I don't know why everyone always expects the men to bend over backwards while moms sit at home, or work lower paying jobs crying broke like that.
Mom's can (and should) do what it takes to make ends meet - even if it means getting a 2nd job.
I am sorry but if a divorced mother can say this in all honesty than I think that it should be heard. It just makes me so freaking mad - because it's the spiteful - bakstabbing ex- wives that make us reasonable females look bad.

In this case its not backstabbing ex....its a dad that makes almost three times what mom does (and a mom who makes only 11.00 a hour to boot) who thinks that mom should pay 1/2 of private school tuition...and that states that if the judge doesn't agree then the kids won't be going. This is a dad who actually CAN AFFORD the private school. AND....who are you to say what kind of salary ANYONE is qualified to earn?

Wake up honey.....no parent should be required....or even chastised in any way, shape or form, because they can't afford, and don't get a second job, in order to be able to pay for private school.

You know something, I am a woman, and if I could afford private school....and I knew darned well that my ex couldn't....I would PAY FOR IT MYSELF......NO WAY would I expect my ex to get a second job!