If she can't afford 1/2 of kids Private School

[bd420]

I think that if you go back and re-read his original post...you will find that wasn't the message. He wants the kids to go there, and the kids want to go there (and mom probably wants them to go there too) but mom simply CANNOT afford the tuition on a salary of 11.00 an hour. The child support she recieves is only 239.00 a month and that certainly doesn't add much to the budget for two kids.

When I first responded to him, I assumed that his child support was higher than that since he was more or less complaining about having to pay it. (I believe he called it "hidden alimony". I also figured that that their incomes really weren't as far apart as they are. When I heard what mom really made, and heard how little his child support was, I felt very differently. Therefore I answered him honestly. That there was a very small chance (since the kids have been enrolled from the start) that a judge might order her to pay some small proportional share, but even that wasn't very realistic because it would be obvious to a judge that she couldn't afford it.

His response made it clear that if mom didn't have to pay that they weren't going to be going any longer and that it would be all mom's fault. That truly disgusts me. Why?

Because he has been paying it all along. Since day one. Therefore he quite obviously CAN afford it. He is making a decision NOT to provide that to the children because mom can't ALSO afford it....and plans on blaming it on mom.
That is spite...pure and simple...and his kids are the ones who will pay for that. if the roles were reversed I would be just as disgusted with mom.

11.00 an hour is 22880.00 a year. Based on the info provided and the ratios he gave he has to be making at least 60,000....if not more because he is probably getting credit for health insurance etc. Normal child support would somewhere around 1200.00 a month for two kids at that salary level. He is paying 239.00 (which is totally fair since the custody is 50/50)...however its absurd for him to think that mom can pay half of private school tuition for two kids on an income of 22880.00 a year plus 239.00 a month in child support. It simply isn't realistic.

Plus mom isn't the one making the decision NOT to send them to private school anymore. HE is. mom has no power in this situation because mom cannot afford it. Maybe he can't either....hard to believe...but possible....maybe he would need to give up a few "toys"... However if that is the case then its NOT mom's fault, its the fault of the change in the circumstance of BOTH parents.

Look...I know that I am on a "roll" here...but COME ON.

Yes, we would all like the kids to go there, even her mom, who was very vocal about this schooling selection 11 yrs ago as well.

To say MOM simply can't afford 'some' tuition on 11 an hour is extremely presumtious on your part, my sister made 26k after CS, and sent her kids to public school, all while absorbing actual credit card bill payments AND car payments, which my ex will not have at all. Her ONLY payments are rent, utilities, 'some' tuition, and utilities. Give me 1800 a month to play with, and I could easily handle that. Currently, I'm using my 3200 per month to pay for 2,000 worth of minimum payment debt, All of Tuition, 242.50 (applicable fees), ALL of childrens health care related expenses, utilities, etc, so, it's very possible, I can assure you of that, it's called being frugal and making ends meet thru extremely creative financing and just staying home with candles on sometimes, I've done it all when she left me with a nice amount of debt 7 yrs ago, literally unplugged appliances, clocks, etc.

My $5 to her $2, if you want me to be insanely specific, is more like my $5.26 to her $2.28. I will not be making 60k at the current 3% COLA around this place for about another 5 years.

In being moms fault, it would also be grandmas, and anyone elses fault that either decided 'we' could afford tuition in the first place, and that 'she' can NOW afford to have her cell phone, land line, handy 1/4 oz, smokes, and the $300 per month she gives herself in 'miscellaneous' spending money. All I want is a small part of the eventual 28k to be taken out now, so who's being selfish, she can't part with 3k of her massive payout?, egads, what about 5k? a nice trade for 28k in anyones book.

I HAVEN'T been paying for tuition all along, it was from a joint account, all the while, she avg'ed racking up approx $900 in CC debt per month, every month for over 6 yrs on top of that, soooooooo, maybe 'we' couldn't afford it? Incredibly, with her NOT having ANY taste of a MY CC's now, WE should be able to afford it with ME paying the bulk of it bc I DON"T USE CC's, get it?

If mom just loses either the land line or her cell, she can continue both of her favorite smokes, but if she doesn't, I WON'T be NEEDING to blame mom, the kids will already know why 'WE' could not afford tuition. I spose it would be better for me to 'try' foot the whole bill by taking out an 8th loan, at the expense of not having Santa able to come around during xmas time, then we could just say he got lost every year or something. You can't breed money out of thin air, for every monetary give, there is a take, whether it's new ball gloves, going to the County Fair, getting gifts, going bowling, going out to eat on your bday, etc, you get the idea, I hope.

"mom can't afford it", BS based on her misc spending alone, actually, she could pay for it all with her misc spending money AND losing her cell or land line, lol, as I said, very presumtious and where's the frugality, you think mom turns off lights? I've turned of 11 lights one day at our house when mom 'used' to be there, and now she also claims about high utilities at her new pad, egads, I can't imagine how that could be?!

roll away is all I can say.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Assuming the x and n don't stand for xtreme nonsense, you do have 1 aspect correct, in that this is about the children, as always.

They are used to this school, and to clarify, the 7 yr old is in 2nd grade, this is her 3rd yr in this system.

If you had the mental acumen to understand 1/10th of any of my other threads, you would note that I obviously am NOT 'very contorlling', rotflmao, that's an incredibly hypocritcal thing to say given my current status of uncontrolled debt.

The 'tco' that you refer, you are erroneous about it saying that it is "disallowing 3rd party visits during parenting time and wanted to enforce it retroactively", I won't flatter you with an emoticon. What it does say is that there are to be no romantic interests over during parenting time, in an attempt to keep my children from crying over this topic at the family counselor visits that I'm taking them to, bc I'm so 'controlling', ha.

"When that didn't work", wrong again motormouth, it has worked, drugboy is only over on her time.

I "went to the local narc", nice of you to belittle any of our hard working law enforcement agencies across the nation, why am I not surprised? She has many 'friends' that are dealers, but just one boyfriend that is a dealer, keep up with me metlife.

The Deputy took my report, told the appropriate DEA in our area, and forwarded my complaint number to BAYANET, along with informing the Sargeant, I guess he had nothing better do to, right?

BAYANET told me that Jason Michael Green, age 28, is NOT what they consider a major 'player' at this time, which may have been an obvious lie, as any covert operation isn't going to necessarily tell someone who could easily be a fr of the dealer calling and acting the part of a concerned parent such as myself up, and tell them squat, if they are telling the truth, I'm relieved he's small potatoes at least. But, I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, am I?

I pay nearly 2k in minimum marital debt, so I don't understand your 'complain' comment, if she's too broke that she can go to the smoke shop BUT not save something for tuition, then I'll agree to disagree, moving to her moms or dads is an easy, less expensive option for her that she's done many times in her life, most recently 7 yrs ago, I'm shir you have a point in there somewhere, although it's quite diluted at best.

"OP is controling and manipulative, he is upset that he got dumped, I wonder why", I wonder too, since I've personally never been happier about how MY life is going, I've never been unhappier about how the children's life is going either, starting to become as wrong as my wife has been recently, quite an amazing feat.

If you see anything I've written as a threat, you really need to join the real world bro, and you haven't exactly been less than inflammatory in your own right, I don't think the word angelic comes do mind when describing your diatribes.

You wouldn't last a day in the 313, that's all I'll say about numbers mr. met.

"let some judge teach him what a court can do", I have contended all along that I hope this DOES make it to court, and that my ex is the one that doesn't want it to go to court, gee, I wonder why, lol. If we do get to court, we are slated to have the same judge that ruled on her OUIL and driving the wrong way with drugs in her car that were not found, I wonder what the 'court could do' with that, eh met-wrong?

Like I said, if you don't remember things about this situation all to well, or you have your own agenda against me, then just remove yourself from the thread, you are coming off as something most people dislike: A sanctimonious, know-it-all, that slants things to make themselves appear better than others.

 

[LdiJ]

OP I have made a lot of effort to help you, both on this thread and another. However, I will tell you right now that you need to lose the anger....and you need to lose the urge to "punish" mom.

Its not going to help you for you to continue to feel this way, and its not going to help your kids. It will only make them miserable. If you can't afford to continue to send your kids to private school....then don't place the blame on mom. Place the blame on the fact that neither of you can afford it anymore.

 

[ENASNI]

OP I have made a lot of effort to help you, both on this thread and another. However, I will tell you right now that you need to lose the anger....and you need to lose the urge to "punish" mom.

Its not going to help you for you to continue to feel this way, and its not going to help your kids. It will only make them miserable. If you can't afford to continue to send your kids to private school....then don't place the blame on mom. Place the blame on the fact that neither of you can afford it anymore.

Ditto on that... and you know Ken...Each time you come here... the thread gets long.. you get those "barbs" thrown at you.. you argue... then you put your tail between your legs and say... "oh... okay I guess I see your point.."
I think you like confrontation too... some kind of S & M thing going on so I ain't gonna play anymore... Good luck everybody...I am starting to get the ickies from this dude...

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Ditto on that... and you know Ken...Each time you come here... the thread gets long.. you get those "barbs" thrown at you.. you argue... then you put your tail between your legs and say... "oh... okay I guess I see your point.."
I think you like confrontation too... some kind of S & M thing going on so I ain't gonna play anymore... Good luck everybody...I am starting to get the ickies from this dude...

Watch out it gets worse, it could be cyber scabies

 

[ablessin]

attention

You, know ldij - I DO pay attention - and I AGREE with nextwife - the dad was paying the tuition from A JOINT account when they were together.

AND - I personally know women who "settle" on a low paying job FOR THIS REASON - - -to soak the man dry of his paycheck.

It's freaking WRONG and it makes me sick.

I DO NOT think that dad is going to blame the mom for pulling the kids out of private school......... it's a fact of life that things change, situations change and we all have to adjust to the changes. Too f---ing bad.

Why are the fathers ALWAYS beaten up in these situations?? While the moms get a free ride.

As far as the CS goes - I thought I read it as weekly, I didn't realize it was $250 a month, or whatever it is........ That is low, I agree, and I KNOW that when they DO make it to court, that will change...... rest assured - his support will most likely go up....... and she should prepare for that - which is probably part of the stem for not being able to afford the PS tuition.

So there. It's a free world and we're all entitled to our opinion - mine is that you're probably soaking your ex dry so you're justifying yourself here so that you can personally feel better

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You, know ldij - I DO pay attention - and I AGREE with nextwife - the dad was paying the tuition from A JOINT account when they were together.

AND - I personally know women who "settle" on a low paying job FOR THIS REASON - - -to soak the man dry of his paycheck.

It's freaking WRONG and it makes me sick.

I DO NOT think that dad is going to blame the mom for pulling the kids out of private school......... it's a fact of life that things change, situations change and we all have to adjust to the changes. Too f---ing bad.

Why are the fathers ALWAYS beaten up in these situations?? While the moms get a free ride.

As far as the CS goes - I thought I read it as weekly, I didn't realize it was $250 a month, or whatever it is........ That is low, I agree, and I KNOW that when they DO make it to court, that will change...... rest assured - his support will most likely go up....... and she should prepare for that - which is probably part of the stem for not being able to afford the PS tuition.

So there. It's a free world and we're all entitled to our opinion - mine is that you're probably soaking your ex dry so you're justifying yourself here so that you can personally feel better

This is a site for legal issues and advice, not a support group or rant or venting site. Advice is based on facts and legal application re those facts, not opinion or facts not in evidence.

It is obvious by your posts that you have not read or understood the information OP posted here or in related posts. You have a right to your personal opinion and agenda, but it doesn't belong here. OP looks for excuses to justify his behavior. He is in the process of a divorce iniated by his stbx, yet he still want's to control who she associates with, he doesn't want her to have any friends or to associate with her sister yet wants her to go and live with her father so she won't have to pay rent.

He retained the family home and doesn't want his children to have what they had before and to blame that on the mom. This is the big issue and the cost of school is reasonable. This has nothing to do with private school and as you say, when he gets to court he is likely to pay much more for child support in addition to more for childcare. OP's other issue is with credit card debt he allowed to accumulate during the marriage, all of which he tries to blame on the stbx, although he did nothing about it during the marriage, he still has responsibility. He blames everything on his wife's bipolar disorder and drug problems of her sister. There is no proof of any of this.

If you started sorting out what was actually spent, most likely he and the children were benefiting by what was spent, thus why he allowed the credit card expenses to grow. He doesn't say what he spends his money on, what are his addictions? If there was a drug problem, there would be court ordered testing for both? He has reported her and her friends to the police and even posted the friend's name on the internet, the police have not found any problem, just an angry spouse. He got an order to prevent 3rd party visits during parneting time and tried to enforce it retroactively, but admits that since the order, it has been obeyed. Ouch, he was hoping to get her with that one.

The stbx is not trying to soak him dry, she is only trying to maintain her childs happiness by continuing their schooling, schooling they have always known rather than opting for higher child support that she could spend on just about anything. If she was as bad as he makes her out to be she wouldn't be asking for tuition for her children, she would have his you know what booted out of the marital residence and both higher child support and spousal support. Actually by asking for the tuition, it limits the use of the finds. $239 per month hardly covers the misc expenses of children.

As to the mom's employment. OP isn't complaining about the amount of money she makes or claiming that she took a lower paying job to get more child support, or that she is reentering the workforce. He is complaining that because she makes less, that she and his children should suffer because she left him, that she should be blamed if the children can no longer attend their school and they should not have a stable home with their mother in their own apartment.

What is this all about? Right not they have 50/50 custody. He is trying to force her to move in with her father, which would limit her access to her friends and not provide the children with a home of their own whith their mother being the parent during her time, her father would have control over them that way, see, control. Then once he forces her into a compromised position, he will petition the court to get primary custody so the can come to the rescue and once again provide the children with the same things he has provided in the past and wants to deny now, but wants to blame it on mom. It's all a game of control.

 

[LdiJ]

You, know ldij - I DO pay attention - and I AGREE with nextwife - the dad was paying the tuition from A JOINT account when they were together.

And his paycheck made up the bulk of that joint account. However I don't disagree with you...you just don't "get" what made me stop feeling sympathy for him.

AND - I personally know women who "settle" on a low paying job FOR THIS REASON - - -to soak the man dry of his paycheck.

It's freaking WRONG and it makes me sick.

Sure there are women who do that...just as there are men that deliberately do the same to make child support lower. That doesn't mean that the major of women do that, just as it doesn't mean that the majority of men do that. Since the mom in this case has been working all along...at that level...(which you would know if you were actually READING the posts) that obviously isn't the case here.

I DO NOT think that dad is going to blame the mom for pulling the kids out of private school......... it's a fact of life that things change, situations change and we all have to adjust to the changes. Too f---ing bad.

Again, please read...he SAID he was going to do that...that is what started the WHOLE problem on this thread. Otherwise I wouldn't have lost sympathy for him.

Why are the fathers ALWAYS beaten up in these situations?? While the moms get a free ride.

Sit back, thoroughly read, and pay attention. Just as many moms get beat up on these boards as dads.

As far as the CS goes - I thought I read it as weekly, I didn't realize it was $250 a month, or whatever it is........ That is low, I agree, and I KNOW that when they DO make it to court, that will change...... rest assured - his support will most likely go up....... and she should prepare for that - which is probably part of the stem for not being able to afford the PS tuition.

They have already been to court for CS and custody. That is how 50/50 custody and 239.00 CS got ordered.

So there. It's a free world and we're all entitled to our opinion - mine is that you're probably soaking your ex dry so you're justifying yourself here so that you can personally feel better

Actually, my ex isn't currently paying child support...with my blessing. His financial situation is messed up right now and he honestly can't. We are good friends and I trust him to make it up to our daughter in the future.

Again...you really need to READ thoroughly before you respond.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Again...you really need to READ thoroughly before you respond.

Decisions, decisions

Read
or
Rant?

Read
or
Rant?

Read
or
Rant?
Rant

 

[ablessin]

Well, rmet - look who is posting their opinion and NOTHING to do with legal advice, etc.


Some people like/want to see other people's thoughts and experiences.

And, no- we don't know what his habits are, you're right.

I am sure men do it to, to get out of paying support- but it catches up to them when they get higher paying jobs - there are laws out there regarding a man's "earning capabilty" - so that "say" a lawyer making $100 grand a year can't reduce his earnings to a position I don't know -as a burger flipper say-
He can't WILLINGLY make substainatially more to get out of paying child support- I have heard this from lawyers etc........

I have yet to see a mother get beat up on this board - I will look harder

Maybe I am just reading things differently than you are.
I don't necessarily feel sorry for dad - I am just trying to give him the benefit a little...... he kept the marital home because she could not afford it.
When I separated, I had the option, and I let my ex keep the marital home because I couldn't afford it myself.
I don't get child support either, and I don't want it. I agree with you there, however, I don't even care if his financial situation changes..... we split ALL costs for my son 50/50 - time wise and all money related matters
That is how it should be (in the perfect world!) I know it's not how it always is -

 

[Silverplum]

(snip)
Some people like/want to see other people's thoughts and experiences.
(snip)

Those people are located at DivorceSource and at DivorceNet. They like to type about their personal experiences, and they have no legal knowledge whatsoever. They tell each other all about what they heard from friends and coworkers. Even when a new poster asks for legal specifics, no one there can help.