Is joint legal custody for real?

[daddenied]

Congrats!!! It's good to hear that you will finally be able to see your sons!!!

THANK YOU! I cannot wait to just hug them all away from their mother's influence even just for an hour. There is not a happier man alive today! At least for now.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I thought the same thing too. Apparently he stated that my therapist has a great reputation with the courts! I'm so glad!

This is great, I confirmed that your therapist indeed has been involved doing therapy in Fresno for more than 10 years, some of that time as an intern even though he is licensed for just over 2 years doesn't mean that he is not qualified or less qualified than the counselors at CYS. As I said most of them are also licensed for a short period of time, don't even meet the qualifications to do clinical supervision and the clinical coordinator is an intern! The court is allowed in their descretion to order the therapudic visits as the court has done. When you speak to him today see if there is any way to have a double session on Saturday, 1 hour may not be enough time, if not tomorrow, perhaps next time, the insurance should cover it. I would think that there will be need for more therapy after the court requirement is met, expect that mom will not willingly present them for therapy once the court order expires until you have naother extention, so you will have to play it by ear you will also have your 2006 allotment of sessions incase it takes a while for that, but the therapist should be able to give you an objective report for the mediation.

I hope we didn't mess up. My girlfriend filed it and actually served my ex in person prior to the hearing time. Later we wondered if that was okay to do. Oh well...too late now to be worried. I'm glad it is on record though.

No. that worked, don't forget to file the proof of service. In the future, be sure to leave several copies of the signed declaration page withthe paralegal, some courts will accept the faxed copy if they already have the original, some courts even accept ones that cannot be verified.

When I see the mediator again which I hope is the 1st or 2nd week of Novemebr, I will give her a copy of my response to her response right? Should I bring it to mediation or should I send it in advance to the mediator so he or she can actually review it? And, I'm sorry I know you told me before but can't remember...would I be able to request a different mediator than the one we saw in June?

You definately will want to have a different mediator, there should be a challenge process, talk to the FLF office about that and how to get your evidence to the mediator, including your filings and any additional declarations, remember they must be signed under penalty of perjury best of on the proper form but can be attached to the form, but must have the signature page. File declartions with the court. The FLF should be able to fill you in and answer your specific questions.

his Saturday! It's on the minute order to start this Sat. at 12pm. I can't wait! Yet, I am nervous and worry how much damage has already been done. Did I already tell you all that upon the suggestion of my girlfriend as soon as the hearing was out we drove to my sons' high school and I went to his football practice..the oldest son. At first he didn't seem to want to see me, turning his back to me and all, but when I got there I started talking to him (first time really seeing him since January) I asked how he was and we started talking a little bit. I felt later that a lot of things must contribute to his attitudes, besides the obvious negative influence and alienation caused by my ex. He is on the team, but doesn't play (I was a successful football player in college-Fresno State at that ; the last time we spoke over the phone around Christmas in a conversation we had about athletic skills, I told him there was always someone better than us, etc...after I felt he and his brothers were being cocky and of course his ears heard after speaking to his mom, translated what I said into "Dad said I suck at football"; The entire practice he and a few guys just watched everyone play. I was sad for him. I also feel like his self esteem and confidence is shot. His younger brother stands about 7 inches taller than him-my 2nd son is unusually tall for his age and apparently is taller than Shaq was when Shaq was his age. My girlfriend gave me that piece of trivia. ) Anyway, I was so happy to see him and I spent an hour there while my girlfriend read in the car and we had a wonderful, but tiring drive home.

Well I'm glad you got an opportunity to see your son and that he talked to you. You are right, there are many dynamics to his attitude and most having nothing to do with you other than you are the obvious target. While you didn't say he sucked at football, he isn't first string either, that is a fact, something all the second string players struggle with as well. Fact is, He has not been recruited for de la Salle and he won't get a full ride anywhere. He will have to fight for everything he gets and earn his way in the world like most everyone else. I've know fantastic athleates, one who turned down full ride scholarships at major schools to become a teacher like his father. BTW he was the 2nd son of a family of 4 sons, the oldest was the smallest and was always overshadowed by his 3 younger brothers, he ended up in prision and he had help and was from an intact and respected family. The other was 6'7' and automatically recruited for basketball even though he had no interest, he went to a good school and became a successful engineer. So wanting to be a sports star, having enough talent to be recruited or get a scholarship, is another, being successful is another, but in every case a person can enjoy what ever gifts they have and move forward in the world using what they have. Both of my sons loved sports, both have had their disappointments and still love and participate, but they have moved on and put it into perspective.

I called the therapist yesterday and will actually get to speak to him tomorrow. I want to give him a hug when I see him on Saturday. I have been so run down and tired. My girlfriend may drive with me to Fresno and she said she would walk the hour I was in session. (She is walking in the Breast Cancer 3 Day-60 miles in Atlanta on the 30th of Sept.) So, I may take her up on that. She said she'd come and help me with the drive if I feel extra tired. At this point and time I don't care if the therapist gives her an assessment...it may just help with our mediation because he is the one who is doing the recommendation regarding my visitation with the children for the next mediation. Again, the July 1st judge pro tem said what comes out of mediation the next time will be the order and we will not have to come before the judge again unless it is for other issues. I have not heard from the therapist who refused me information about our oldest son, but did sign a waiver and release with my therapist for him to get it, so I'm crossing my fingers for that.

I will fax a copy of the court's order to that therapist tomorrow and my therapist already has the July 1st order and on Saturday I will give him a copy of the minute order that only modifies the place for service to his agency and his name.

I don't believe there was anything ever cancelling my regular visitation, but my girlfriend was saying that she interpreted that July 1st order as although it stated we both still had joint physical and legal custody of the children due to the circumstances the visitations would only be for now during the therapeutic supervised visitation sessions with the therapist unless my ex agrees to other visits (which we already know she won't) But, the judge pro tem said that it would not affect my CS and only after the set visitation is determined in November will the possibility of CS modification be an option. I think I understood that as if things go as planned and I get visitation to where I want it to be, I or my ex can file a motion to modify the CS. ????

 

[rmet4nzkx]

My ex has stated how dangerous Long Beach was. I actually am fortunate enough to live in a very nice area of Long Beach, with the assistance of my church while my finances are in crisis. And, as far as athletics as well as the local high school in my area, the opportunities far surpass Fresno's.

Lol! Can she believe the FBI?

[/QUOTE] Of course you are tired! Lots of faxing to do and there is time for the therapist who say your son to get the records to the COURT ordered THERAPIST by Sat as they are in the same town. She should have no problem no that there is a court order to supply the records with a waiver to another therapist. Can you PM that info so I can check things out?

Not having the order, but as I remember, your visitation was not cancelled because the mediation report that contianed that order was rejected pending the therapy, and Wednesday's order said that all orders remained in place. So you might want to try for at least lunch after therapy to start, depending on the actual orders, that is, perhaps the therapist will even suggest some homework along the lines of increasing your contact during your visitaitons and telephone or email communication. You might also offer to provide phone cards if mom won't let them use the phone at home.

You have an opportunity in mediation to work out many aspects of your parenting plan and other modifications. Because of mom's interference with the court's orders, the fact that the DA office was involved is evidence of that there should be a modificaiton of your child support to offset the cost to you and for her to cover the cost of your transportation after she moved away to Fresno which is a more dangerous city according to the FBI, you can also get comparisons of the actual schools. You might press for her driving the children to you on friday by 6pm and picking them up on Sunday at 6 pm, so yu get you ful time, for your visitations and picking them up along the lines we discussed previously discussed as a starting point. If you meet halfway, that will only lead to problems. If you start with her being responsible for providing the transportation and recalculating child support based on the 50/50 parenting time that existed prior to her moving the children away would offset somewhat the cost to you and in fact she might owe you money, however she will not go for that because the cost of transportation and disruption of her weekends will be too much. But that is where you start, you could start by asking for primary custody if in therapy the children indicate they would welcome to change in custody. Then you have wiggle room so you may end up being able to pick up your children and have your visitation but not paying as much child support to offset the cost of transportation.

If it doesn't work out in mediation you can file later for modification or contempt as needed.

Yes, fewer sessions prior to mediation, but if my therapist wants us to finish out the 12 sessions even after the mediation I don't have a problem with that. My insurance company covers up to 22 a year, so I am alright about it. And, yes the PACT program, I will do in October, the soonest I can get in IF they allow me to. My girlfriend said she called and is waiting to hear from them about my participation. Do you think I can suggest to the mediator since I have gone through counseling and PACT that my ex enroll in that CYS program you suggested?

I probably won't be able to do that Saturday, but my girlfriend said next week will be a better week, time wise for her to get this done and I will drop it in the drop box the next time I am there for therapy. IF the building is closed the paralegal I spoke to said as long as she has the originals she can do it for me. I'm so grateful for that.

I will call her and email her tomorrow. I laugh thinking about some of the things she told the judge yesterday that were not true. At one point she told the judge I emailed her only Friday nights 9:30pm and after giving her information on the sessions. I only email her once a week now for the last 4 weeks I think either Thursday night or early Friday morning, reminding her of the sessions she has refused each time to come to. She truly is an idiot sometimes. I feel sad at what her actions have caused. I'm sure she is ticked

How many sessions you get in before mediation will be less than 6 unless you can double up somehow with longer sessions that is sometimes needed, no doubt you will need more than 6, but 6 should be sufficient to prepare a report. Yes sign up for the PACT program that will be a good sign to the mediator and the court of your intent. It wil be interesting to see if mom takes the suggestion to heart without the court's order since it is in the response?

OK but plan to get that done ASAP so you can comply with the court's request 7-1-5 also include that you attempted to file them and they were refused, and be sure to file under CCCP 473.... allowing for the filing....
Also get the transcripts!!!!!

Keep documenting.

Just everytime you think about her stewing.

See how far you have come on your own?

Have a great day!

 

[daddenied]

Lol! Can she believe the FBI?

Of course you are tired! Lots of faxing to do and there is time for the therapist who say your son to get the records to the COURT ordered THERAPIST by Sat as they are in the same town. She should have no problem no that there is a court order to supply the records with a waiver to another therapist. Can you PM that info so I can check things out?

Not having the order, but as I remember, your visitation was not cancelled because the mediation report that contianed that order was rejected pending the therapy, and Wednesday's order said that all orders remained in place. So you might want to try for at least lunch after therapy to start, depending on the actual orders, that is, perhaps the therapist will even suggest some homework along the lines of increasing your contact during your visitaitons and telephone or email communication. You might also offer to provide phone cards if mom won't let them use the phone at home.

[/QUOTE]

Hi Miss Met. It's daddenied's girl . He called me to read your reply. You are awesome! Thanks again for helping. I actually stayed home sick this morning, but will PM you the information you want. He thinks you want us to PM you the therapist info? I hope so and if not, just reply to let us know exactly what info you need to check things out.

Okay, I think he will try to get lunch in or some extra time. I may drive with him and I told him however long he is with them I can keep walking. I am training for a 60 mile breast cancer walk. He thinks his therapist will have them doing homework and asking for more contact in the week and we can work something out with the kids having calling cards. His ex doesn't seem too pompous this morning. Here is what she wrote after sending ugly messages for the last 8 months:

I forgot (2nd son) has a basketball seminar scheduled for Saturday morning with (Adidas Jr. Phenom Camp http://www.adidasjrcamp.com/). It’s supposed to run from 8AM – 12N. Is there anyway the appt. can be delayed a few minutes?

Please let me know.

We both laughed because it is quite different from her previous emails all year long. We are grateful though, don't get us wrong. But, we laughed because the coach told us 2nd son is there from 10am-12pm. She just seems to distort every part of any truth. Why? We have no idea. We think she has just lost her mind.

This was his reply:

2nd son will be leaving 15mins early to make it to the session. I’ve already cleared it with his coach yesterday. You can pick him up at 11:45am. Remember the judge said that these sessions are a priority. His coach is aware that these sessions will take place every Saturday. I look forward to seeing the boys. I didn’t know that 1st son was still receiving treatment from (her therapist name). In court you said he had been in therapy for 3yrs, which means he is still treating??? (your therapist) stated that she had discontinued treatment with him. I’m concerned. I will also follow up with your therapist.

Thanks


And, her last response:

FYI . . I’d already emailed the coach myself. See below. Tomorrow morning, we’ll be scheduling the next 6 sessions in advance.

Per the judge’s order, please advise your therapist to return my phone call.

We both laughed again. I am concerned though, because I get worried when she starts to send simple, almost civil email messages like this, because I feel like she is stewing something else up and I thought to tell daddenied to limit any contact with her unless it is informing her of visitation time. I don't know...then again, I don't really want to interfere now that things may go well you know?