It's Finally Somewhat Over

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

And you haven't blocked him from Facebook why? Do NOT allow any avenue that isn't Family Wizard for communications. He texts you ... your response? Please put the information in Family Wizard as the judge ordered. He emails you? Please put the information in Family Wizard as the judge ordered.

Send him a copy of the pertinent information along with a note that says, it has been 3 months since the judge ordered Family Wizard. I will communicate with you only in that manner for anything that is NOT an emergency. What constitutes an emergency? Something that could require a 911 phone call.

Then repeat and repeat and repeat. You are allowing him an avenue to continue to ignore the court order.

 

[breezymom]

Gotcha. I'll have to send it next week after pay day since I want to send it registered mail. Just don't have enough money to do that right now.

 

[breezymom]

Update...

Thanks, everyone. I filed a violation. I'm so annoyed. I hate going to court, but, geez, he was given at least 3-4 different opportunities since November to register. My anxiety rose just dropping off the petition. I. HATE. COURT!

That's all...just an update and a thank you. My lawyer said to request her at the initial hearing. Pretty sad when you're the petitioner and your lawyer says she can't say no to representing you court appointed...ever. Isn't that a clue of the absurdity of this entire situation.

On a side note...since the over night parenting time hasn't happened, kiddo has had not one single time out at school.

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to trust a man again. Love certainly is blind. I'm just sorry I am responsible for kiddo having to go through everything she's been through and will go through. But I wouldn't change her for the world, and if I had her with any other man she wouldn't be the same child, so, that's the way I will continue to look at it.

 

[breezymom]

Update

We had our initial appearance, today, for the violation petition.

Foremost, I have to say he outright lied that he told me he was having trouble logging into OFW. It's NOWHERE in the logs of our communication, recorded or written, and there is not much vocal communication anyway. Now, sadly, there's very little at all.

Secondly, to sum things up, he was told that he's had more than enough time to comply with the order. He was also told that if he took the time to watch video tutorials and/or read instructions and/or to talk to customer service, that the judge is sure he can figure out the program, with all the testimonials about how easy it is to navigate, as well as the fact that he uses facebook. Heck, one of the testimonials even SAYS the site is much like facebook.

Thirdly, he admitted he was in contempt as far as getting the psych eval done. He then proceeded to confuse the judge as to what the order actually said. I want to read it again, myself, as I'm SURE it was known that he's had one or two done in the past and that this is actually a new one wanted done.

He was also told that the one of us who is responsible for the child on a particular day should also be responsible for finding daycare if we're working, etc., so my conclusion on that is him not picking her up solely because he has to work starting an hour before her bed time until about 1 AM, isn't an excuse. When the judge asked his mother, since grandparents are usually JUMPING at the chance to spend time with the grandchild, what she was doing and if she could care for her during that time, his mother replied with that she's 71 and has health issues and cannot care for a child of our child's age alone. (Side note: my kiddo's grandfather on my side is the SAME age as his mother and has issues of his own, but has shown perfectly capable of caring for kiddo when necessary.) The judge actually said he is sure that, provided there's an emergency, that his mother should be capable of calling 911. His mother kept rambling and the judge just kept right on talking over her.

So, all in all, he was told he had more than enough time in which to comply, but he's being given until the next court date in a month or so to get things wrapped up and he was strongly advised to apply for an attorney, as well as given and advice/warning sheet about, I guess, what could happen in a contempt hearing if he goes pro-se.

Ugh. It continues. And our child continues to lose out, due to all of this and that he is nowadays using her as a messenger and questioning her.

 

[breezymom]

...but really...I'm not sure anything WILL ever end this ridiculousness.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I know this isn't the answer you want. It has taken **14** years for my X to finally communicate a LITTLE bit with me. And if I didn't know any better, your X sounds like mine.

 

[gam]

I know this isn't the answer you want. It has taken **14** years for my X to finally communicate a LITTLE bit with me. And if I didn't know any better, your X sounds like mine.

Going to add to this, it took 4 years before my one daughters X communicated with her. From that point on they have co-parented and have a 50/50 situation.

It's been 9 years that my Niece's X has not communicated with her. I hope by year 14 he starts even a little bit like Tinkerbelle's X. But I always tell her, that based on the past, based on domestic violence, the chances of that are very slim. His behavior continues and his children see it, but she has given them outside help to learn to cope and understand it. Bumps in the road, but they are doing well, despite it.

Point being your X may change and he may not. You keep going and you keep trying, but it just may never happen. Despite that possibility, if you keep trying it will make it better for you and the child. There are others on here, that have never gotten anywhere with their X's, and they have kept on going and kept on trying and done very well raising their children. Keep reading other posts here, you will see them reply with all kinds of tips on how to deal with it.

 

[breezymom]

Update

So, summary of how it's STILL going:

Intial in April. Council assigned in May for pre-trial. Trial today. Still continuing next month, as we had less than a half hour because of court emergencies and stuff popping up.

He admitted, again, maybe 3-4 times or more, of being in contempt and trying to backtrack.

He called the court officer "bud," and got told he's not his 'bud,' he's an officer.

He first said he didn't get the letter from my lawyer, then that he did, then that he didn't get it November, but got it in April of this year.

He also told me Saturday, in front of kiddo, that, "I'll have you know, I passed ALL psychological testing!" yet told the judge, today, that he just had the eval THIS Monday.

I'm. Seriously. Exhausted. ...Just drained.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

It is draining.

He believes his lies, just like my X believes his lies.

 

[breezymom]

Seriously

So, I am sure I know the answer and I'm sure it's yes, but, well...

Kiddo has had Strep since at least the 5th of this month. I've had her in the doctors more times than I can count, since, because it just has been nasty.

Pediatrics calls today to tell me the new blood test came back positive--she has it again.

The child's tonsils are so freakin swollen, I'm nearly positive that she'll be now having them removed and we may end up with an emergency trip to the doctors or hospital because they are *that* swollen.

When pediatrics called, they explained to me that Daddy phoned them and told them he had been battling strep for awhile, now, too, and that they didn't use antibiotics when he was growing up, so he's left it untreated. HENCE why our child has it back again and with a vengeance after at least one weekend of being there while he had it and wasn't treating it.

I have no right to NOT send her, regardless of whether or not he chooses to treat the strep, correct? So we can expose her to it, yet again, if it clears up before she goes back... The poor child is going to end up in the hospital.

 

[breezymom]

...not that he'd read OFW to get any messages asking if he's gotten himself treated, anyway...it took him two months to log in and get the last three messages.

 

[Ohiogal]

...not that he'd read OFW to get any messages asking if he's gotten himself treated, anyway...it took him two months to log in and get the last three messages.

So what you do is put all this on OFW and if he doesn't read YOU tried. Be the bigger parent.

 

[breezymom]

Thanks, OG. And I have been, which is why I'm irritated. I've not said anything much in a year, though he still continues to not comply with the order. This time is just different because kiddo is really sick. I just don't want her to keep getting it back again because it's so bad this time.

 

[LdiJ]

So, I am sure I know the answer and I'm sure it's yes, but, well...

Kiddo has had Strep since at least the 5th of this month. I've had her in the doctors more times than I can count, since, because it just has been nasty.

Pediatrics calls today to tell me the new blood test came back positive--she has it again.

The child's tonsils are so freakin swollen, I'm nearly positive that she'll be now having them removed and we may end up with an emergency trip to the doctors or hospital because they are *that* swollen.

When pediatrics called, they explained to me that Daddy phoned them and told them he had been battling strep for awhile, now, too, and that they didn't use antibiotics when he was growing up, so he's left it untreated. HENCE why our child has it back again and with a vengeance after at least one weekend of being there while he had it and wasn't treating it.

I have no right to NOT send her, regardless of whether or not he chooses to treat the strep, correct? So we can expose her to it, yet again, if it clears up before she goes back... The poor child is going to end up in the hospital.

I am not sure on that one. Unresolved strep can lead to complications later in life. If I remember correctly it can cause a pretty serious kidney disorder. (again, though my memory is fuzzy on what later complications it causes, I just know that it causes later complications if not resolved).

I would seriously discuss the issue with her doctor, and then maybe consider an emergency motion to suspend visitation until dad treats and gets rid of his strep.

 

[Ladyback1]

I am not sure on that one. Unresolved strep can lead to complications later in life. If I remember correctly it can cause a pretty serious kidney disorder. (again, though my memory is fuzzy on what later complications it causes, I just know that it causes later complications if not resolved).

I would seriously discuss the issue with her doctor, and then maybe consider an emergency motion to suspend visitation until dad treats and gets rid of his strep.

You would be correct. Untreated Strep can lead to some significant health issues, including damage to the heart.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/strep-throat/basics/definition/con-20022811