Kids finally have an appointment with a counselor...

[doc2b]

Hate to say it, but take it to court. They have joint legal custody - they get to agree, or the court decrees it.

Now, I have used the services of FOC to write letters to the other parent to "help" them find the way. Now, my X chooses to NOT listen, but I have it documented that I tried.

The Wayne FOC doesn't really seem to help with that kind of stuff. They're bogged down all the time and he can barely ever get through to get simple questions answered. Can he bring this stuff up at the hearing they already have scheduled next month for parenting time modification, or does he have to file a separate motion?

 

[doc2b]

I have to tell you something really similar happened to me as a kid... My mom took me to our doctor who said my stomach problems were caused by stress and said to see a counselor. My mom didn't agree & took me for a second opinion - turns out I did have a physical problem, it really wasn't all in my head. I can't really blame mom for wanting to make sure it's not physical first.

Honestly, though - my daughter's ped said before she sent my dd to a specialist for her stomach issues, she wanted to put dd on anti-acids (pepsid or zantac) first. She said the first thing the specialist would do is just that and they told her not to waste anyone's time or money - to try that first. She said that stomach problems caused by stress in children is VERY VERY common these days. Frighteningly common she said. (and she's talking about regular kids w/ regular lives) She said try Pepsid, if that doesn't work Zantac (because the different ingredients work for different people) - she said to give it to them twice a day every day. She said that will stop the build up of stomach acid and should do the trick. You would Not Believe the difference it made!

Mom and dad are both continuing with the testing and treatment of the stomach issues and headaches, but the counseling was supposed to happen concurrently (these kids have gone through a lot-like any other that have divorced families-but they've seen mom physically attack dad, they've been taken from him and hidden for extended periods of time and told they wouldn't see him again, told he's not their father...just a lot of stuff that warrants getting them someone to talk through this stuff with them).

My stepkiddo is on a daily antacid script from her PCP and a restricted diet with high fiber, so we're all working on making sure all of the common sense stuff is being addressed as well (although there's no way to control what she's eating at school-and believe me, we've tried to educate her, but the kiddo loves the stuff that seems to bother her the most). Some days are okay, others aren't as much. We've tried a diet journal to log what she eats and when her stomach starts acting up, but she's back and forth so much, it's nearly impossible to get an accurate picture of whether there's a food/drink trigger or anything like that.

 

[wileybunch]

On the stomach issues ... they can very much be caused by stress, obviously. And, some medical stomach issues that are first can be triggered by stress. "Stress" is also a very broad term. Even wonderful things happening in someone's life can amount to "stress" as far as the body is concerned. This is not legal advice and you may have already done this, but look out for things she could be allergic to and also milk products (lactose intolerance) and also things that trigger IBS such as again dairy, onions, caffeine. Can I ask if we're talking stomach -- true stomach -- up high between ribs sort of thing? Or abdomen, down low, in the vicinity of the belly button?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I rarely talk to a human when dealing with FOC. I send them a fax with my issues AND ever last piece of documentation that I have my hands on (like emails, etc) and make my request. At least my FOC office does get letters out in about the 7-10 day frame.

When my X tells me about their "conversations" with FOC, I know that he is lying because you don't just can't get them on the phone.

 

[doc2b]

On the stomach issues ... they can very much be caused by stress, obviously. And, some medical stomach issues that are first can be triggered by stress. "Stress" is also a very broad term. Even wonderful things happening in someone's life can amount to "stress" as far as the body is concerned. This is not legal advice and you may have already done this, but look out for things she could be allergic to and also milk products (lactose intolerance) and also things that trigger IBS such as again dairy, onions, caffeine. Can I ask if we're talking stomach -- true stomach -- up high between ribs sort of thing? Or abdomen, down low, in the vicinity of the belly button?

She's been tested for food allergies (last year) and came up with nothing, although she has pretty serious pollen allergies which are getting riled up. She's not allowed caffeine or acidic drinks anymore, dairy hasn't seemed to be an issue (she doesn't do a lot of milk or cheese because she doesn't like it that much). It's hard to try eliminating one thing at a time to see if it aggravates things because she is between both homes so frequently and that requires cooperation, which isn't happening. She has pains and cramping in the stomach area (under the ribs), but has gurgling/nausea down in the abdomen (someimes together, sometimes separate). The next step, according to the docs, would probably be to scope her and see if there's something going on, but we're trying like crazy to avoid that if possible. She was diagnosed with IBS, but it was kind of a bogus Dx because the doc that saw her was not her regular ped (a temp) and did absolutely no testing or history on her at all...just said that the symptoms all point to IBS. Not saying she doesn't have it, but it would be reassuring to rule out other things and have an actual diagnosis so she could be properly treated.

 

[doc2b]

I rarely talk to a human when dealing with FOC. I send them a fax with my issues AND ever last piece of documentation that I have my hands on (like emails, etc) and make my request. At least my FOC office does get letters out in about the 7-10 day frame.

When my X tells me about their "conversations" with FOC, I know that he is lying because you don't just can't get them on the phone.

Thanks for the tip-he is brand new to FOC (they just opened his case within the last 2 weeks), so he doesn't know how to handle things just yet.

My husband's ex is best of buds with the FOC workers...apparently she has a backstage pass up at the courthouse and gets special treatment-they even give her legal advice!

 

[wileybunch]

She's been tested for food allergies (last year) and came up with nothing, although she has pretty serious pollen allergies which are getting riled up. She's not allowed caffeine or acidic drinks anymore, dairy hasn't seemed to be an issue (she doesn't do a lot of milk or cheese because she doesn't like it that much). It's hard to try eliminating one thing at a time to see if it aggravates things because she is between both homes so frequently and that requires cooperation, which isn't happening. She has pains and cramping in the stomach area (under the ribs), but has gurgling/nausea down in the abdomen (someimes together, sometimes separate). The next step, according to the docs, would probably be to scope her and see if there's something going on, but we're trying like crazy to avoid that if possible. She was diagnosed with IBS, but it was kind of a bogus Dx because the doc that saw her was not her regular ped (a temp) and did absolutely no testing or history on her at all...just said that the symptoms all point to IBS. Not saying she doesn't have it, but it would be reassuring to rule out other things and have an actual diagnosis so she could be properly treated.

If you all suspect it can be IBS, I'd like to suggest that you give her some aloe juice. You only need a few ounces of it, it's quick and easy and really does help with IBS for some where prescriptions had to be used previously. It's easy enough to try. You can get it at any health food store or even at WalMart (very large container only ~$7).

 

[doc2b]

If you all suspect it can be IBS, I'd like to suggest that you give her some aloe juice. You only need a few ounces of it, it's quick and easy and really does help with IBS for some where prescriptions had to be used previously. It's easy enough to try. You can get it at any health food store or even at WalMart (very large container only ~$7).

Her PCP isn't sure it's IBS at this point, but it's not ruled out at all.

I'm all for the natural and noninvasive solutions (and dad would have no problems with it), so if that's an option, I'll grab some this afternoon! I doubt there is any way it would interact with the scripts she's on, but our pharmacist is really helpful, so I'll phone him just to be safe (I'd hate for anything to happen, even if by coincidence, and have dad or I get blamed). I'm assuming it is alkaline or something? Helps like an antacid without all the chemicals? I'll google it and find out more-thanks!

I was hoping that our insurance would cover the test for celiac disease or gluten intolerance but it doesn't...it's somewhere around $400 and we'll have to save up for that one.

It's funny you suggested aloe juice...my grandpa swore by aloe juice for everything under the sun (he claimed it helped keep him looking young) Makes me miss him...

 

[MichaCA]

This may sound weird on here, but I am a total fan of Primal Defence probiotics...and give a small amount to daughter when I can tell there's not been enough 'fiber' in her diet, or she's run down. Its essential for the body and I personally think all doctors should talk about it when any stomach upsets...get it at the health food store just like aloe juice.

I have a digestive disease, and even those docs still don't talk about it unless I bring it up. But its an essential, even for tummy upsets, I believe.

 

[doc2b]

This may sound weird on here, but I am a total fan of Primal Defence probiotics...and give a small amount to daughter when I can tell there's not been enough 'fiber' in her diet, or she's run down. Its essential for the body and I personally think all doctors should talk about it when any stomach upsets...get it at the health food store just like aloe juice.

I have a digestive disease, and even those docs still don't talk about it unless I bring it up. But its an essential, even for tummy upsets, I believe.

I don't think it sounds weird at all...the original post has kind of gone off topic, but with good suggestions
I'm a kefir fan, myself, but can't get the others to get on board (they think it's kind of icky ) I'll tell hubby about the one you recommended...I don't know if probiotic is considered a medical "treatment" or not, though (bear with me, I know that sounds dumb)...if mom doesn't like that dad is giving it to her, can he get into trouble? I don't see it as much different than giving an aspirin for a headache or vitamin supplements, but that's just my opinion.

 

[MichaCA]

No, its not a medical thing at all, and it is like kefir in that it has natural probiotics in it which help with the overall immune system, boosts the whole processing of elimination specifically, but that helps with stress and tummy issues. Whenever a person has stress, takes medications, or has low fiber, our natural probiotics get stripped out, so its a supplement just like we take vitamins for a supplement. Its just an overall, IMO necessary for all persons, booster...I always take it when stressed or having any physical issues. I know some take it daily just like vitamins. So no biggie there. I wouldn't even bring it up, I would just try it on a small scale along with easily digestable vitamins, etc, the aloe juice...all that whole foods kind of stuff.

 

[doc2b]

Well, we got her the aloe juice and kefir (just making a "smoothie" out of them)...she hates it, but is willing to gag it down because she had a whole day without any stomach complaints and actually no headache either (The aloe juice is pretty disgusting to me, but we all tried it and my hubby and stepson thought it was okay, so maybe it's just an acquired taste).

Couple of new questions for everybody...

Dad has found out in all this mess, that mom has contacted some of the doc's offices and tried (only succeeded at one) to have notes put in the kids files that she is the only one they are ever to contact for any reason regarding the kids appointments/info. Their dentist's office actually had the note in the computer because they had a new girl working the desk who didn't know that she wasn't allowed to put in such a request there without court documents. After my husband found this out, he called around and discovered that it was attempted at one other office, and at another she called and had the billing address changed from our address (dad holds the account there) to her own, so he's not getting any of the correspondence from that office-he's liable for the bills if they're not paid because it's still in his name He got sent to "pre" collections at one office a while back because of a similar problem where she was getting the bills and chose not to pay them for 6 months, but they were still in his name. Is there any way to get this to stop?

Also, my stepdaughter had to get some glasses last week. She went back to mom's yesterday morning and apparently forgot to pack them in her school bag. Dad and I didn't find out until 9pm last night, and the kids' mom told him that I needed to drop them off at the school today (she didn't want to come get them yesterday, and didn't ask dad to drop them off on their side of town while we were out doing errands). Mom was basically going off on their daughter about dad being a jacka$$ and if he or I won't bring the glasses to school, since she "paid for them" she'll keep them at her place from now on and he'll have to buy "his own pair" for our house. Not to go off on a rant, but dad pays for the vision premium, pays for the medical supplement each month (which covered 75% of the copay) and as a favor, paid for the extra glasses case that got sent home to mom's house (which she complained about because it wasn't the one "she" wanted). That said, dad paid more for the glasses than mom did, and yet doesn't consider them to be his-they belong to his daughter. We can't afford, at this point, to be buying another pair of glasses (and I don't think we should have to).

At this house, it's the kids' responsiblity to pack their own schoolbags up and make sure they have everything they need. If something is forgotten, we'll usually try to get it back to them at school, but it's not always possible. Mom is telling their daughter that it's not her responsibility to remember to get all her stuff, it's dad's. Maybe it's just me, but my parents held me a heck of a lot more responsible for my own stuff than that at an earlier age...

The biggest issue is, how does dad approach mom about not discussing her issues with him in front of or directly with their 8 year old daughter and son? This is an ongoing thing, and it stinks that she thinks it's okay to put their kids in the middle of everything just because she's not grown up enough to try and talk to dad about it.

Lastly, dad and mom's court date is in about a week and a half. They're going in front of a referree. It's a silly question, but how does dad address the referree? With the judge, it's "your honor"...what do you say when speaking to the referree?

Thanks!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I recommend a checklist for the child in an obvious place:

1. schoolbag
2. glasses
3. Keys
4. whatever

You get the drift. Yes, there is nothing wrong with making a child responsible, but not everyone is what I called "born organized." Sometimes we have to learn that along the ways.

How do I make my child remember to have her key to get herself back in the house? I have her lock up the house when we are leaving in the a.m. Etc. Also suggest having the bag packed the night before so that there isn't a last minute scramble.

 

[doc2b]

I recommend a checklist for the child in an obvious place:

1. schoolbag
2. glasses
3. Keys
4. whatever

You get the drift. Yes, there is nothing wrong with making a child responsible, but not everyone is what I called "born organized." Sometimes we have to learn that along the ways.

How do I make my child remember to have her key to get herself back in the house? I have her lock up the house when we are leaving in the a.m. Etc. Also suggest having the bag packed the night before so that there isn't a last minute scramble.

That is a great idea!
I'll type one out now

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Works better if the CHILD helps to make it. The part of "writing" it helps to transport that concept to the brain.