NewB please help

[LdiJ]

She cannot pay for her own lawyer. We do (I feel) need someone who is at least experienced in divorces to guide us through the process.

If she came here and asked about this, she would be advised to insist upon her own attorney, (and to beg or borrow the money to retain one) and perhaps even to petition the court for you to pay for the attorney.

Seriously....you can't share an attorney. An attorney can only represent one of you...the one who pays him/her. You leave yourself open to all kinds of issues of you try to share one...including the whole divorce/property settlement getting overturned if she hires one after the fact.

 

[ceara19]

The bolded part isn't guaranteed if she supported him through higher education.

In Texas it is. VERY rarely, a judge may order that one party help pay for SCHOOLING, but the money is paid directly to the school and is NOT spousal support.

 

[ljt_tech]

I tried to be fair but I will not be trampled over either.

Oh yeah Merry Xmas everyone.

I got home after work last night to find an empty house. My wife had taken our daughter and was intending on spending the holidays at her parents house after we had agreed let our daughter open her gifts on Xmas eve (at our house) since I would be working Christmas. I called and made her bring her home to comply with our original agreement. She did; then she went out all night (by herself) after she agreed to take me to work in the morning and watch our daughter. She hung up the phone on me when I tried to ask her about coming home and would not answer the phone nor tell me where she was at/going. Apparently she had gotten to drunk last night to remember to wake up on time. I ended up having to call my in laws to come by and give me a ride to work as well as watch our daughter so that I wouldn’t have to miss.

Can this help me in my case for custody of my daughter and assets?

I will now file for full custody of our daughter. I will not be aiding her in what we had originally discussed. I will attempt to get the house (since she cannot pay it) and the car (same reason). I will not be lenient with her or sympathetic to her “needs” as we are NOT together and I do NOT have to put up with that type of behavior. I am not her babysitter so that she can go out and goof off. I spoke to her this morning and she said it was an accident (oversleeping) and that she just wanted to go out one last time before she had to go out and get a job. I get the feeling she wants me to just beg for her to come back because her whole reasoning for acting the way she did was because we are not a together anymore, and that if I wanted her to act different we would have to be together. That is not an option anymore.

Is there a general ball park of how much a lawyer would cost? I do not want to spend more than I have to.

How long does the average divorce take?

Once again thank you all for your advice and information. I really do appreciate it.

 

[ljt_tech]

I also wanted to know if this would have any affect on my case?

I went to work during my schooling (fulltime student and fulltime work). She started school earlier last year but we had seperated for around six months and I left her alone at her parents house to basically fend for herself while living in my car (I was wrong for doing that on many levels and realize that now). During that period she went to school and work and took our daughter to day care ( I paid for day care) by herself. We patched things back up early in 06 as I had moved out of our inlaws house to an apartment and took her back to live with me. The apartment was far from her school and job so she ended up quiting both saying her job was not worth it since she only got paid enough to afford her gas. The job was related directly to her schooling and would have helped her advance in her career. She quit her school because she says she was to stressed during the six months of me not helping her that she just needed a break. (a break turning into quiting all together). She blames me for her quiting. Granted I did have a part to play in it but when she moved into the apartment I was doing everything allowing her to focus simply on her school and work. I took my daughter to school took care of her and paid all the bills. Any advice or info would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

[stealth2]

I ride the bus in the mornings at 5 AM so my wife would still be responsible for getting our daughter to and from daycare. I leave the house at 4:45AM and dont get back until 7PM.

This is going to make it extremely difficult for you to get any sort of time with the child except weekends - and it's unlikely that you'll get EVERY weekend.

 

[ljt_tech]

This is going to make it extremely difficult for you to get any sort of time with the child except weekends - and it's unlikely that you'll get EVERY weekend.

I only started riding the bus because my wife refused to take me to work in her car. The car started making a really bad noise and she did not want to drive it until it was repaired (yet she used it to go out, before the battery finally died). I will attempt to get the car and repair it so that I will be able to work a decent schedule. I work 4 tens now sat-tue but my boss understands my situation and agreed to be flexible with my schedule for the time being. I am also looking into 24 hr daycare since I work weekends.

 

[stealth2]

I will attempt to get the car and repair it so that I will be able to work a decent schedule.

So... you plan to drive it with a suspended license?

Even then I do not have a license (got suspended) nor a car.

Impressive.

 

[ljt_tech]

Joint legal custody still normally requires one parent to pay child support. One parent is almost always designated as the primary and is entitled to receive child support. Personally, with her anger issues, I would go for primary custody if I were you. It is very difficult to change things down the road unless it is by mutual agreement.

Here's a great website with lots of info and forms on Texas law.
http://www.texaslawhelp.org/TX/StateSubTopics.cfm/County/ /City/ /demoMode/= 1/Language/1/State/TX/TextOnly/N/ZipCode/ /LoggedIn/0/iTopicID/495/sTopicImage/familyjuvenile.gif/bAllState/0

Thank you very much for such a great site.
Having the forms to view the input fields and the wording really helps me understand the whole process. Not to mention the instructions which give you play by play of the divorce process. Kudos to you ceara19.

 

[ljt_tech]

So... you plan to drive it with a suspended license?
Impressive.

No. I only have to pay 260 surcharge to DMV to get it re-instated and get an SR-22 insurance on the vehicle. I intend to have that taken care of by the time the divorce is finalized as it will take at least 61 days from the time I file the initial petition.

 

[LdiJ]

I only started riding the bus because my wife refused to take me to work in her car. The car started making a really bad noise and she did not want to drive it until it was repaired (yet she used it to go out, before the battery finally died). I will attempt to get the car and repair it so that I will be able to work a decent schedule. I work 4 tens now sat-tue but my boss understands my situation and agreed to be flexible with my schedule for the time being. I am also looking into 24 hr daycare since I work weekends.

Realistically you are NOT going to get full custody. Courts rarely give full custody to either parent these days. Its almost always some form of joint custody, even if its just joint legal custody (joint decision making). With your work schedule its unlikely that you will even get primary custody, although you could get something close to a 50/50 timeshare.

Nothing you have described makes your wife legally unfit....and believe me, if a judge won't find your wife legally unfit, a judge won't allow you to put the child in 24 hr daycare when she could be with her mother instead.

 

[Bali Hai]

I do not disagree with her request. Just because I want a divorce does not mean I dont still love her.
I have no problem helping her out with necessities in life such as feminine products or food but I refuse to fund her social life and/or habits. Especially since I will be the only one providing day care and all the bills of the house including rent until she finds a job.



She cannot pay for her own lawyer. We do (I feel) need someone who is at least experienced in divorces to guide us through the process.

STRIKE ONE!

 

[Bali Hai]

I tried to be fair but I will not be trampled over either.

Oh yeah Merry Xmas everyone.

I got home after work last night to find an empty house. My wife had taken our daughter and was intending on spending the holidays at her parents house after we had agreed let our daughter open her gifts on Xmas eve (at our house) since I would be working Christmas. I called and made her bring her home to comply with our original agreement. She did; then she went out all night (by herself) after she agreed to take me to work in the morning and watch our daughter. She hung up the phone on me when I tried to ask her about coming home and would not answer the phone nor tell me where she was at/going. Apparently she had gotten to drunk last night to remember to wake up on time. I ended up having to call my in laws to come by and give me a ride to work as well as watch our daughter so that I wouldn’t have to miss.

Can this help me in my case for custody of my daughter and assets?

I will now file for full custody of our daughter. I will not be aiding her in what we had originally discussed. I will attempt to get the house (since she cannot pay it) and the car (same reason). I will not be lenient with her or sympathetic to her “needs” as we are NOT together and I do NOT have to put up with that type of behavior. I am not her babysitter so that she can go out and goof off. I spoke to her this morning and she said it was an accident (oversleeping) and that she just wanted to go out one last time before she had to go out and get a job. I get the feeling she wants me to just beg for her to come back because her whole reasoning for acting the way she did was because we are not a together anymore, and that if I wanted her to act different we would have to be together. That is not an option anymore.

Is there a general ball park of how much a lawyer would cost? I do not want to spend more than I have to.

How long does the average divorce take?

Once again thank you all for your advice and information. I really do appreciate it.

STRIKE TWO!

 

[Bali Hai]

That is the only reason she finally calmed down. I threatened to call the police. I am the one at fault in the divorce thus I feel guilty persuing any further legal action against her than what is necessary. Granted she does not have the right to put her hands on me but I also do not wish to put her in jail. I do not currently have day care set up either. With all the holiday expenses I wont have any money until the new year. Even then I do not have a license (got suspended) nor a car. I ride the bus in the mornings at 5 AM so my wife would still be responsible for getting our daughter to and from daycare. I leave the house at 4:45AM and dont get back until 7PM.



I am asking for custody. She wants full custody. These are some of the things that we cannot agree on. I told her last night that I wanted joint custody. She (I feel) only wants full custody in order to recieve child support.



I did and she exploded with her whole "I put you through school and you owe me" speech. I can't see her sitting down and compromising with me on anything. She will have to be told by a judge before she would ever comply with what is required of her.



I will. I just wanted a second opinion on the matter. Thank you all for your input. It is really clearing up a lot of misconceptions I previously had about divorce. I have also been doing alot of research online and have printed out the laws regarding divorce including alimony and child custody (not to mention family violence). I intend on presenting them to her in order to show her that things CAN be a lot worse. She thinks she is getting screwed in this whole thing but in reality I am being more than fair to her and her requests.

STRIKE THREE. YOU'RE OUT!

 

[Bali Hai]

Thank you very much for such a great site.
Having the forms to view the input fields and the wording really helps me understand the whole process. Not to mention the instructions which give you play by play of the divorce process. Kudos to you ceara19.

You ain't seen nothing yet junior.

 

[ceara19]

Realistically you are NOT going to get full custody. Courts rarely give full custody to either parent these days. Its almost always some form of joint custody, even if its just joint legal custody (joint decision making). With your work schedule its unlikely that you will even get primary custody, although you could get something close to a 50/50 timeshare.

Nothing you have described makes your wife legally unfit....and believe me, if a judge won't find your wife legally unfit, a judge won't allow you to put the child in 24 hr daycare when she could be with her mother instead.

Mom will be hurt by her PERSONAL behavior much more then dad will be by his WORK schedule. What may be a legal normality in most states is usually just the opposite in Texas. California lawyers complain about how screwed up the Texas court system is.

The STANDARD for Texas is joint LEGAL custody, with one parent being named "managing conservator" and the other parent getting EOW visitation. While, overall, mothers do end up as the managing conservator more often then fathers in Texas, the courts tend to be VERY hard on mothers that put their personal lives ahead of the children's needs. Mom's habit of disappearing for days while she goes out to party will be a tremendous blow if she is asking for primary custody. A Judge will recognize that a child is better off in daycare then with a mother that may disappear at the drop of a hat. The fact that he calls the in-laws to babysit when mom's a no-show only helps his case.

If it were me, I would file for a divorce, a TRO to remove mom from the house, temporary custody and temporary child support. As a MARRIED couple, proving mom is legally unfit is NOT necessary in order to get custody. All that needs to be proven is that the OP is MORE capable of caring for the child at this time.