Non-biological and not legal parent?

[ihatepillows]

I'm divorcing my husband and he is the biological parent of a 14 year old daughter. Even so, we both want custody. He was never willing to legalize me as a parent and I am not her biological mother, but I consider his daughter my daughter and have been taking care of her for 12 years. My daughter wants to stay with me instead of her dad because he is verbally abusive and she feels unsafe around him. (She talks to me about it)

Do I have any chance of having custody of my daughter even though I'm not her biological nor legal parent? What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? My lawyer said there is no way, but is there some way?

 

[acmb05]

I'm divorcing my husband and he is the biological parent of a 14 year old daughter. Even so, we both want custody. He was never willing to legalize me as a parent and I am not her biological mother, but I consider his daughter my daughter and have been taking care of her for 12 years. My daughter wants to stay with me instead of her dad because he is verbally abusive and she feels unsafe around him. (She talks to me about it)

Do I have any chance of having custody of my daughter even though I'm not her biological nor legal parent? What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? My lawyer said there is no way, but is there some way?

Nope. Where is the mom?<<hint: it's not you

 

[stealth2]

Yeah - where's your STEPdaughter's Mom?

And btw - there IS a reason why you're asked what state is applicable.

 

[sometwo]

what state?

My daughter wants to stay with me instead of her dad because he is verbally abusive and she feels unsafe around him. (She talks to me about it)

So when you've seen him abusive what have you done about it? How long has then been going on? For years ? You allowed it to continue? Did you not do anything about it?

Where is mom?

 

[AbbaDabba730]

I am really not sure how people can be lawyers....hearing this type of stuff on a daily basis. I certainly couldn't handle it.

Oh and OP what makes you think you can just have custody of someone elses kid? Have a kid of your own. You played house while you were with the child's father. Play time is over.

 

[LdiJ]

I am really not sure how people can be lawyers....hearing this type of stuff on a daily basis. I certainly couldn't handle it.

Oh and OP what makes you think you can just have custody of someone elses kid? Have a kid of your own. You played house while you were with the child's father. Play time is over.

I think that one was a little unfair. They were married, not playing house. They also have been married for 12 years so we are not talking a short term marriage either.

She most likely is this child's psychological mother. However, that doesn't change the legal realities. While there are some states where sometimes its possible for a stepparent to get custody by virtue of being a defacto or psychological parent, her attorney says that there is "no way" so its not going to happen in her state.

 

[mistoffolees]

While there are some states where sometimes its possible for a stepparent to get custody by virtue of being a defacto or psychological parent, her attorney says that there is "no way" so its not going to happen in her state.

And, of course, she never said what state she was in, so there's no way to check.

 

[Isis1]

AND where is mom!!

 

[LdiJ]

AND where is mom!!

From the way the original post is worded, I would guess that she is deceased. I could be completely wrong, but that is the impression I got.

 

[ihatepillows]

what state?



So when you've seen him abusive what have you done about it? How long has then been going on? For years ? You allowed it to continue? Did you not do anything about it?

Where is mom?

He has not been directly and physically abusive, but he has kicked down doors when my daughter locks herself in the room.

As for the abuse, I take her out of the house when it happens. She is mostly out of the house to friends. The thing is, I work the most in the family so I'm out of the house most of the time. He has never struck her or anything but it's an ongoing problem. My daughter doesn't feel safe around him.

I live in California, for those of you who are curious. Her real mom isn't fit to take care of her. (Drug addict/ Been in and out of jail)

 

[ihatepillows]

From the way the original post is worded, I would guess that she is deceased. I could be completely wrong, but that is the impression I got.

Her biological mom was taken out of her life years ago. I'm personally not sure where she is now.

 

[ihatepillows]

I think that one was a little unfair. They were married, not playing house. They also have been married for 12 years so we are not talking a short term marriage either.

She most likely is this child's psychological mother. However, that doesn't change the legal realities. While there are some states where sometimes its possible for a stepparent to get custody by virtue of being a defacto or psychological parent, her attorney says that there is "no way" so its not going to happen in her state.

Correct.

And my lawyer did say that, but she's still 14. I told her when she turns 18 she can come live with me, but she's not very comfortable. Her father yells at her very often to the point where she cries all the time and I don't want her to go through that when we finalize the divorce.

I want to take care of her. I've been taking care of her since she was 2 and a half.

 

[Ray82]

Correct.

And my lawyer did say that, but she's still 14. I told her when she turns 18 she can come live with me, but she's not very comfortable. Her father yells at her very often to the point where she cries all the time and I don't want her to go through that when we finalize the divorce.

I want to take care of her. I've been taking care of her since she was 2 and a half.

Make friends with her father and let him know you think she may need counseling to get through your divorce. Maybe he'll let you spend time with her.

Let child know her father cares about her instead of playing the friend by being the person she can talk to. She is a teenager not a girlfriend.

A lot of teens feel their parents are verbally abusive. A lot of the tension in the house might be solved by your staying out of it and letting people move on.

 

[Proserpina]

Correct.

And my lawyer did say that, but she's still 14. I told her when she turns 18 she can come live with me, but she's not very comfortable. Her father yells at her very often to the point where she cries all the time and I don't want her to go through that when we finalize the divorce.

I want to take care of her. I've been taking care of her since she was 2 and a half.

Honestly, you need to be speaking with your attorney. As has been said "defacto parent" status notwithstanding, stepparents generally have no standing to sue for custody (or even visitation for the most part).

Your situation is beyond the scope of an internet message forum.

 

[ihatepillows]

Make friends with her father and let him know you think she may need counseling to get through your divorce. Maybe he'll let you spend time with her.

Let child know her father cares about her instead of playing the friend by being the person she can talk to. She is a teenager not a girlfriend.

A lot of teens feel their parents are verbally abusive. A lot of the tension in the house might be solved by your staying out of it and letting people move on.

You don't think I've tried being friends with him already? I've been married to him for 12 years. As a mother who has been taking care of her all her life as someone she trusts and goes to.

And I've been with my husband for a long time. I know him first hand. He doesn't show his care for his daughter at all. She is going to a school that doesn't fit her, a Christian private school, and she'd not christian. She is failing because they test her on things from the bible. She isn't religious. I want to take her out and enroll her into a highschool better suited for her and he wouldn't let me. He doesn't have any interest in her school other then to yell at her when she doesn't get A's. I take care of her like any single mother takes care of her daughter. To the point where she feels unsafe because he is yelling and destroying things around him is a problem.

I take care of all of her financial needs aside from private school financial because her father forces her to go to that school where she does horribly at.