Non-biological and not legal parent?

[ihatepillows]

Communicate a desire to still be in the child's life to the father at a time when it's appropriate. Preferably after giving in to something they want and having buttered them up a bit.

I would do everything I could to not drive a wedge between daughter and father. Even if it weren't true I would tell the daughter that her father loves her and is only acting in what he feels is her best interest so that the father feels comfortable and not threatened while the child is still supported. The worse thing that can come of that is she will just think you don't understand.

I am not religious and I never liked art. Didn't stop me from getting an A in art class. This teen girl is rebelling and needs to be told that she needs to try regardless of it being against her views.

I would offer to take the child to counseling myself to the father in hopes that it would mean time we could spend together there and back.

Thats just what I would do if I really wanted to stay in her life. What you do is obviously up to you but if you really care about her, based on the little bit I've read you type, the father needs to be in her life.

Having someone stressful in your house that you don't love can cause you to act out to those around both of you. Having you out of the home and away might actually bring them closer together if you just stay out of it as well. And he is the father.

No. Communication is not possible. I have worked with him for years. As you get older, you get more attached to what you believe in and he is one of those people. He has told his daughter she is useless and a failure. I've told him numerous times to stop degrading her as it is not discipline, but bullying.

Read the post up.

He sees me as the mother of his child. He doesn't let me be a legal parent because he doesn't want me to have that privilege and uses his child as leverage, not looking at what is beneficial to her needs. If I'm not around, he doesn't cook for her or anything. I make sure to leave food for her.

 

[Proserpina]

She's an Athiest and she does have her reason behind it. She's not learning a subject because:
1. She is being forced to learn a belief she doesn't want to.
2. She knows the basics, this knowledge isn't useful to her whatsoever in the future
3. She has told me she wants to leave because she feels uncomfortable and is actually being bullied for being an Atheist in a Christian school.

This stops her from achieving what she wants to.

This is typical teen behavior and she's not special for not being Christian. She also has NO idea whether or not this knowledge will be useful unless she possesses a crystal ball. She could be born again tomorrow morning and she'd have a whole new set of priorities and desires.

You on the other hand are enabling her; she needs to be doing her school work regardless of her feelings towards the subject.

And you're welcome.

 

[ihatepillows]

No. Communication is not possible. I have worked with him for years. As you get older, you get more attached to what you believe in and he is one of those people. He has told his daughter she is useless and a failure. I've told him numerous times to stop degrading her as it is not discipline, but bullying.

Read the post up.

He sees me as the mother of his child. He doesn't let me be a legal parent because he doesn't want me to have that privilege and uses his child as leverage, not looking at what is beneficial to her needs. If I'm not around, he doesn't cook for her or anything. I make sure to leave food for her.

Her hobby is studying religion, it's her favorite subject aside from english. Just because she doesn't know the versus by number and name for the test, doesn't mean she doesn't understand the message it gives. She chose to be Atheist. Her father isn't religious either, he enrolled her in that school because it's "a lot of money meaning it gives better disciplinary action".

 

[stealth2]

Her being an atheist is a moot point. The only relevant point is that she is not your child, and you will not be getting custody of her. Some visitation may be a possibility, but not custody. Period. End of story.

 

[acmb05]

She's an Athiest and she does have her reason behind it. She's not learning a subject because:
1. She is being forced to learn a belief she doesn't want to.

So you are saying that every kid in school should not be forced to learn something if they don't agree with it.

2. She knows the basics, this knowledge isn't useful to her whatsoever in the future

Well now that would all depend on what job she has in the future. Are you a palm reader?

3. She has told me she wants to leave because she feels uncomfortable and is actually being bullied for being an Atheist in a Christian school.

Again are you a palm reader? How do you know it won't be the same in public school?

This stops her from achieving what she wants to.

No it does not. Her not wanting to learn it and you coddling her and telling her she does not have to stops her from achieving what she wants. Pure laziness.

 

[acmb05]

Her hobby is studying religion, it's her favorite subject aside from english. Just because she doesn't know the versus by number and name for the test, doesn't mean she doesn't understand the message it gives. She chose to be Atheist. Her father isn't religious either, he enrolled her in that school because it's "a lot of money meaning it gives better disciplinary action".

Then she needs to study more.

 

[mistoffolees]

No. Communication is not possible. I have worked with him for years. As you get older, you get more attached to what you believe in and he is one of those people. He has told his daughter she is useless and a failure. I've told him numerous times to stop degrading her as it is not discipline, but bullying.

I see. He's getting older and more set in his ways, but you're not?

He sees me as the mother of his child. He doesn't let me be a legal parent because he doesn't want me to have that privilege and uses his child as leverage, not looking at what is beneficial to her needs. If I'm not around, he doesn't cook for her or anything. I make sure to leave food for her.

No, he doesn't let you be a legal parent because YOU ARE NOT A LEGAL PARENT. You've been told that over and over and it doesn't sink in. Even if he wanted you to be a legal parent, you would not be a legal parent. It's not him that's blocking it, it's the laws in your state (actually, pretty much every state has the same laws in that respect).

She's an Athiest and she does have her reason behind it. She's not learning a subject because:
1. She is being forced to learn a belief she doesn't want to.
2. She knows the basics, this knowledge isn't useful to her whatsoever in the future
3. She has told me she wants to leave because she feels uncomfortable and is actually being bullied for being an Atheist in a Christian school.

This stops her from achieving what she wants to.

None of that would stop her from achieving what she wants to. I've had to learn a lot of things that I didn't want to. And, most of the time, just knowing the basics was insufficient. Sometimes you need to know the facts.

If she wanted to learn, she'd learn. Instead, your power struggle games are interfering with her father's ability to be a parent. Get the heck out of her face.

 

[Ohiogal]

She's an Athiest and she does have her reason behind it. She's not learning a subject because:
1. She is being forced to learn a belief she doesn't want to.
2. She knows the basics, this knowledge isn't useful to her whatsoever in the future
3. She has told me she wants to leave because she feels uncomfortable and is actually being bullied for being an Atheist in a Christian school.

This stops her from achieving what she wants to.

Learning about different religious beliefs can be extremely useful -- it can help her understand other's perspectives and to have an open mind. She should be encouraged to learn about things that she may not necessarily believe if only to become enlightened and experience growth. And you have no right to make a decision regarding this child's education because legally you are a stranger.

 

[ihatepillows]

Then she needs to study more.

She doesn't need to remember numbers of theorems and postulates to know what they are.

 

[Proserpina]

She doesn't need to remember numbers of theorems and postulates to know what they are.

We seem to be beating a dead horse.

Your stepdaughter cannot choose to live with you for one very simple reason - you're not her parent.

We can go back and forth about this for another few pages, I suppose, but as has been said earlier the best you can hope for is some sort of visitation.

When she's 18 she can do what she wants.

 

[ihatepillows]

And this is regarding everyone. I have just talked to my husband and my lawyer with a very convincing argument. Turns out he IS unfit to take care of her with his financial mess and record. I'm going through the paperwork of adopting her now.

Also, seeing as she can accept Christians and they can't accept her, hence the bullying, I am pulling her out of that school ASAP.

As for him getting older and attaching himself to his beliefs, he is. I listen to the types of things my daughter wants to do in the future and make sure they are available to her to earn. I've been open to my husband for years, compromising and accepting his drug charges, in and out of the home, abandonment of his child, and jail time. He wanted an open marriage and I didn't want to. I didn't stop him when he slept with other people against what we compromised. You can only be accepting and open for so long before you realize this has nothing to do with two people as a couple. Hence why I'm divorcing him.

End of story. Thanks to the one person I mentioned who actually gave any helpful feedback.

 

[Banned_Princess]

So, who decided he was unfit?

 

[dannyt]

adoption isnt going to happen

And this is regarding everyone. I have just talked to my husband and my lawyer with a very convincing argument. Turns out he IS unfit to take care of her with his financial mess and record. I'm going through the paperwork of adopting her now.

Also, seeing as she can accept Christians and they can't accept her, hence the bullying, I am pulling her out of that school ASAP.

As for him getting older and attaching himself to his beliefs, he is. I listen to the types of things my daughter wants to do in the future and make sure they are available to her to earn. I've been open to my husband for years, compromising and accepting his drug charges, in and out of the home, abandonment of his child, and jail time. He wanted an open marriage and I didn't want to. I didn't stop him when he slept with other people against what we compromised. You can only be accepting and open for so long before you realize this has nothing to do with two people as a couple. Hence why I'm divorcing him.

End of story. Thanks to the one person I mentioned who actually gave any helpful feedback.

the only way you can adopt her is if both parents give up their rights. you cannot do a stepparent adoption when youre divorcing the parent. aint gonna happen. if you and dad divorce, its up to him wether or not to allow contact with his( not your) daughter

 

[cyjeff]

And this is regarding everyone. I have just talked to my husband and my lawyer with a very convincing argument. Turns out he IS unfit to take care of her with his financial mess and record. I'm going through the paperwork of adopting her now.

Also, seeing as she can accept Christians and they can't accept her, hence the bullying, I am pulling her out of that school ASAP.

As for him getting older and attaching himself to his beliefs, he is. I listen to the types of things my daughter wants to do in the future and make sure they are available to her to earn. I've been open to my husband for years, compromising and accepting his drug charges, in and out of the home, abandonment of his child, and jail time. He wanted an open marriage and I didn't want to. I didn't stop him when he slept with other people against what we compromised. You can only be accepting and open for so long before you realize this has nothing to do with two people as a couple. Hence why I'm divorcing him.

End of story. Thanks to the one person I mentioned who actually gave any helpful feedback.

So you are saying that you talked to the man you are divorcing AND your attorney on a Sunday afternoon and they both decided that you should become the legal parent of the child?

And that HE was unfit? Great, you can be the dad, then.... because you still haven't mentioned mom's thoughts on the subject.

Yeah, attorneys on Sunday afternoons that tell you what you want to hear...

Oh, and as to the unfit nature of the father... he was fit enough when he was doing all these things when you DIDN'T want to adopt the child... but now it is all too much.

Good luck with that in court.

 

[Banned_Princess]

the only way you can adopt her is if both parents give up their rights. you cannot do a stepparent adoption when youre divorcing the parent. aint gonna happen. if you and dad divorce, its up to him wether or not to allow contact with his( not your) daughter

I think you should calm down sparky.

Mom might give up her rights, dad might want his daughter adopted by OP, she is defacto parent, judge might agree to the adoption if no one objects.

Maybe dad wants to do the right thing, and let his daughter live with her, and visit with her instead, so his lifestyle can continue unabated.

OR maybe OP is just trying to make them look bad (other posters) by saying something that isnt so true.

you cant just say "aint gonna happen" because stranger things have in fact happened.