Physical Custody

[Nevergrowup]

Okay. So she's actually absent the entire 4 days and nights? Every week? And this is a permanent position?

If you can answer yes to those questions, that would likely constitute a significant change in circumstance in terms of modifying custody.

It might seem like a silly question, but are you able and willing to be the primary parent here?

SO agree. If he would have posted those details in the first place I bet he would have gotten this advice way earlier.

 

[CJane]

So, what happened with Mom leaving town on the day of the deposition? And how long have you known that she's gone 4 days/week?

 

[StayGravity]

Okay. So she's actually absent the entire 4 days and nights? Every week? And this is a permanent position?

If you can answer yes to those questions, that would likely constitute a significant change in circumstance in terms of modifying custody.

It might seem like a silly question, but are you able and willing to be the primary parent here?

Yes that is every week. This is permanent.

I have always been able and definitely willing to be the primary.

 

[StayGravity]

So, what happened with Mom leaving town on the day of the deposition? And how long have you known that she's gone 4 days/week?

We ended up accepting their continuance request and scheduled the deposition on what was supposed to be the court date, because we knew that she would be in town that day. We found this information out at the deposition.

From the answers to my original question though it appears that because I do not have a FROR in my custody agreement, that I will have to wait until the court date and a new custody order.

 

[mistoffolees]

Yes that is every week. This is permanent.

I have always been able and definitely willing to be the primary.

Then file for a change of custody or a ROFR added to your existing order. If ex is away that much, you certainly have a change of circumstances to request a modification. Actually getting what you want will depend on you being able to show that it's in the child's best interests.

Good luck.

 

[gam]

What about offering mom a 50/50, instead of changing the primary?

If she is gone 4 days, then you can do a 4/3 split every week.

That might go over better with mom, and if not, it might go over better with a Judge.

 

[TheGeekess]

Yes that is every week. This is permanent.

I have always been able and definitely willing to be the primary.

Just so everyone has it handy, I want them to read your previous thread.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/communication-565825.html

You have tried every which way from Thursday to stick it to Mom.

Even though everyone seems to think you have a chance on this thread, I don't. A judge is not going to penalize Mom because she has a job in these lean economic times. And I'm the one who lives in Bama and has a pretty good idea about this state's court climate.

I do NOT see you prevailing, especially since you seem to be dragging Mom into court every 3-4 months or so for this, that or the other. Judges get tired of you frequent flyers.

 

[StayGravity]

What about offering mom a 50/50, instead of changing the primary?

If she is gone 4 days, then you can do a 4/3 split every week.

That might go over better with mom, and if not, it might go over better with a Judge.

I am willing to consider options with her. Problem is she probably wouldn't accept. She is an all or nothing type of person. She needs to be a part of our child's life and not just a parent on the side. She doesn't think the same as me though and feels that I only need visitation and she would like to cut that down to only every other weekend even when she considers her current working situation.

 

[gam]

I am willing to consider options with her. Problem is she probably wouldn't accept. She is an all or nothing type of person. She needs to be a part of our child's life and not just a parent on the side. She doesn't think the same as me though and feels that I only need visitation and she would like to cut that down to only every other weekend even when she considers her current working situation.

Often when ones in split situations become an all or nothing type, it's because the other party has gone about trying to get what they want, in an all or nothing way. It's common for both parties to panic, and then back each other into corners.

You already have your mind made up that mom will say no. Could be time for you to rethink HOW YOU HAVE GONE ABOUT THIS UP TO THIS POINT. Could be time to put yourself in the other parents shoes and see where they are coming from. Find knew ways of approaching mom without making her feel like your trying to take the child from her. Mom has to work, and now she has a job, and the first thing you want to do is use that job against mom to be primary parent.

Other ways to go at this without backing mom into a corner. Keep backing her into that corner and I will bet you she quits her trucking job. Then what do you have for that primary parent job?

Just my thoughts on rethinking, relooking and trying other ways.

 

[StayGravity]

Often when ones in split situations become an all or nothing type, it's because the other party has gone about trying to get what they want, in an all or nothing way. It's common for both parties to panic, and then back each other into corners.

You already have your mind made up that mom will say no. Could be time for you to rethink HOW YOU HAVE GONE ABOUT THIS UP TO THIS POINT. Could be time to put yourself in the other parents shoes and see where they are coming from. Find knew ways of approaching mom without making her feel like your trying to take the child from her. Mom has to work, and now she has a job, and the first thing you want to do is use that job against mom to be primary parent.

Other ways to go at this without backing mom into a corner. Keep backing her into that corner and I will bet you she quits her trucking job. Then what do you have for that primary parent job?

Just my thoughts on rethinking, relooking and trying other ways.

I understand your point. In my mind I have given her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe from someone on the outside looking it may look different to them, I do not know.

 

[mistoffolees]

I understand your point. In my mind I have given her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe from someone on the outside looking it may look different to them, I do not know.

Clearly, some people here see it differently. (See TheGeekess' post, for example). After reviewing your history, I agree. Everything with you appears to be about how to get back at Mom. Time to back of and think about the kids first rather than your knee-jerk response to attack Mom.

 

[StayGravity]

Clearly, some people here see it differently. (See TheGeekess' post, for example). After reviewing your history, I agree. Everything with you appears to be about how to get back at Mom. Time to back of and think about the kids first rather than your knee-jerk response to attack Mom.

That it is you're opinion. The OP was about whether I could have parenting time with our child while the primary custodial parent is out of town and have our child returned to her when she returned. I am not sure how that is trying to get back at mom but OK you are entitled to your opinion.

 

[mistoffolees]

That it is you're opinion. The OP was about whether I could have parenting time with our child while the primary custodial parent is out of town and have our child returned to her when she returned. I am not sure how that is trying to get back at mom but OK you are entitled to your opinion.

It's not this thread that shows your efforts to get back at Mom. It's your entire history.

And it's not just my opinion.

 

[StayGravity]

Just so everyone has it handy, I want them to read your previous thread.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/communication-565825.html

You have tried every which way from Thursday to stick it to Mom.

Even though everyone seems to think you have a chance on this thread, I don't. A judge is not going to penalize Mom because she has a job in these lean economic times. And I'm the one who lives in Bama and has a pretty good idea about this state's court climate.

I do NOT see you prevailing, especially since you seem to be dragging Mom into court every 3-4 months or so for this, that or the other. Judges get tired of you frequent flyers.

Please read that thread. Enjoy the read. Yes I get emotional sometimes. But no where does it say I have been in court every 3-4 months that is Assumption on your part and a false one.

I am glad Mom has a job. That is good for our child. It is not about penalizing mom. It's about having parenting time with our child when she is not with him.

TheGeekess, what is your purpose in this post? Is it because I have ticked you off in someway? Is it because you do not like me because I have emotions and disagree with you? You won't even answer a PM. Why are you afraid that you were wrong by posting the discriminate things you said?

Just apologize. It is OK no one will think you are weak. We all make mistakes. I haven't always been nice either and for that, I apologize.

 

[StayGravity]

It's not this thread that shows your efforts to get back at Mom. It's your entire history.

And it's not just my opinion.

Please provide your examples.