Relocation about to get a monkey wrench

[Acceptance]

What is the name of your state? Maryland
My boyfriend and I have been planning a move overseas with his teenage daughter and our 4 y.o. daughter for about two years. My whole family lives there and is very supportive of us. We have a house waiting for us and know the schools the girls would attend. His family is very angry about this decision and wants us to stay. Our relationship with them is terrible and we really do not associate with them, but they do see his daughter. My boyfriend has been going to therapy and doing some other things to get healthier and has realized trough this process how dysfunctional his family is.
The last conversation he had with his mother, after he found out that they have been brainwashing his daughter about the move and everything else and telling her to lie to us and bad mouthing us, he told her she would not see her again. She called me the other day to do her usual complaining and BS and then threaten me with :”I am her grandmother and have rights. I will see her if I have to take him to court.” I reassured her that he was just speaking out of anger and I was sure he had no intention of keeping her from seeing his daughter. I told her she was always welcome at our house and could come by to visit with the kids anytime. Since she is not talking to him she said she would never step foot in that house again. So, it is not that we are keeping her from seeing her grand daughter, she chooses not to come by. He would be ok with her picking her up for the day, just not with spending the night anymore. We are only trying to do what we feel is in her best interest by protecting her from the dysfunction and emotional abuse. His brothers and sister-in-laws all have been telling us for months that we should not let her go spend the night there and that if she was their kid she sure would not.
Can she keep us from moving? What are our rights, what can we do? If we move and she gets some sort of visitation who would be responsible for the expenses back and forth? What do we do?

Thanks,

Trying to get some AcceptanceWhat is the name of your state?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

What is the name of your state? Maryland
My boyfriend and I have been planning a move overseas with his teenage daughter and our 4 y.o. daughter for about two years. My whole family lives there and is very supportive of us. We have a house waiting for us and know the schools the girls would attend. His family is very angry about this decision and wants us to stay. Our relationship with them is terrible and we really do not associate with them, but they do see his daughter. My boyfriend has been going to therapy and doing some other things to get healthier and has realized trough this process how dysfunctional his family is.
The last conversation he had with his mother, after he found out that they have been brainwashing his daughter about the move and everything else and telling her to lie to us and bad mouthing us, he told her she would not see her again. She called me the other day to do her usual complaining and BS and then threaten me with :”I am her grandmother and have rights. I will see her if I have to take him to court.” I reassured her that he was just speaking out of anger and I was sure he had no intention of keeping her from seeing his daughter. I told her she was always welcome at our house and could come by to visit with the kids anytime. Since she is not talking to him she said she would never step foot in that house again. So, it is not that we are keeping her from seeing her grand daughter, she chooses not to come by. He would be ok with her picking her up for the day, just not with spending the night anymore. We are only trying to do what we feel is in her best interest by protecting her from the dysfunction and emotional abuse. His brothers and sister-in-laws all have been telling us for months that we should not let her go spend the night there and that if she was their kid she sure would not.
Can she keep us from moving? What are our rights, what can we do? If we move and she gets some sort of visitation who would be responsible for the expenses back and forth? What do we do?

Thanks,

Trying to get some AcceptanceWhat is the name of your state?

What does the mother of the teenage daughter say about the move? To what country would the move be?

 

[Acceptance]

The mother does not even have visitation rights, has paid no child support for about 5 years, is in active addiction, does not even have a home, car, or anything else to her name at this point, and hardly calls to speak to her. She has been calling a bit more lately, but other than X-mas and maybe B-days we did not hear from her in 4 or 5 years.
We would be moving to France.
Thank You,
Acceptance

 

[rmet4nzkx]

The mother does not even have visitation rights, has paid no child support for about 5 years, is in active addiction, does not even have a home, car, or anything else to her name at this point, and hardly calls to speak to her. She has been calling a bit more lately, but other than X-mas and maybe B-days we did not hear from her in 4 or 5 years.
We would be moving to France.
Thank You,
Acceptance

He would still need her permission to get a passport and to relocate, her visitation does not change that fact, he can't simply steamroller this move out of the country especially since you have family there and plan to stay there. Are you planning on paying for her to come to France to visit the child or plan to regularly return to the US so the children can visit mom/family? You may have more of a problem with mom than with GM.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Since the teenager will be at lycée level what dies would she attend? The general die, The technological die, The professional die, will she qualify for University? Does mom understand the French school system?
Will she be boarding there? Is she fluent in French?

 

[LdiJ]

He would still need her permission to get a passport and to relocate, her visitation does not change that fact, he can't simply steamroller this move out of the country especially since you have family there and plan to stay there. Are you planning on paying for her to come to France to visit the child or plan to regularly return to the US so the children can visit mom/family? You may have more of a problem with mom than with GM.

She may be old enough to sign her own passport application, in which case mom's signature would not be needed. If dad has sole custody mom's signature is also not needed.

In any case, she was asking if the grandparents could stop them from moving, not if the mother could. The answer to that question is NO.

 

[Acceptance]

Knowing she cannot keep us from moving is a great relief! Thank You! We have had her passport for a few years. We never required mom_s permission or involvement since we had court papers granting him sole custody and she does not even have visitation rights unless agreed upon by him and our family therapist.
As far as the mother, if she wanted to say something about the move, what legal avenues do we have considering the following?
1. she has no custody or even visitation rights as above mentioned.
2. she is still in active addiction
3. she has no home, car, etc. and cannot provide any type of safety, security or stability (unless using her mother and her home).
4. she has not made one child support payment for over 3 or 4 years and when they recently intercepted her working and tried to garnish her check she quit her job.

As far as the grandmother, my primary concern right now, even if she cannot keep us from moving, what legal grounds do I have if she tries to take this to court and does get visitation? It would be kind of hard from France to US and vice versa. We would be willing to pay expenses of visiting every other time, but not every time. Sometime over the summer and Christmas vacations would be agreeable with us provided she would be willing to split the cost with us.

 

[knd2517]

Knowing she cannot keep us from moving is a great relief! Thank You! We have had her passport for a few years. We never required mom_s permission or involvement since we had court papers granting him sole custody and she does not even have visitation rights unless agreed upon by him and our family therapist.
As far as the mother, if she wanted to say something about the move, what legal avenues do we have considering the following?
1. she has no custody or even visitation rights as above mentioned.
2. she is still in active addiction
3. she has no home, car, etc. and cannot provide any type of safety, security or stability (unless using her mother and her home).
4. she has not made one child support payment for over 3 or 4 years and when they recently intercepted her working and tried to garnish her check she quit her job.

As far as the grandmother, my primary concern right now, even if she cannot keep us from moving, what legal grounds do I have if she tries to take this to court and does get visitation? It would be kind of hard from France to US and vice versa. We would be willing to pay expenses of visiting every other time, but not every time. Sometime over the summer and Christmas vacations would be agreeable with us provided she would be willing to split the cost with us.

It's highly unlikely that there would be anything she could do about it if she were awarded visitation and you wouldn't come back to give it to her. MD is not going to pursue extradition from another country over GPV.

Personally, if it were me, I would just go before she knows you left. Let her have a few visits before hand but then vamoos. If it's going to be awhile, you might consider some counseling for the girl before the GM completely ruins her.

KND

 

[Ithildriel]

As far as the grandmother, my primary concern right now, even if she cannot keep us from moving, what legal grounds do I have if she tries to take this to court and does get visitation? It would be kind of hard from France to US and vice versa. We would be willing to pay expenses of visiting every other time, but not every time. Sometime over the summer and Christmas vacations would be agreeable with us provided she would be willing to split the cost with us.

If you are willing to give her time over the summer and Christmas, why not just pre-emptively offer her some time, as long as she pays for the flight 100%, and see if that will stop her from going to court?

Personally, I don't think I would want my child in another country with crazy granny who may or may not put her back on the plane, but you know her better than me.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Granny and mom could get together and mom could file for custody and to stop the move. I am concerned that you didn't answer my questions because that addresses the best interest of the child with the move and could add potentially to mom & GM case.

 

[Acceptance]

Since the teenager will be at lycée level what dies would she attend? The general die, The technological die, The professional die, will she qualify for University? Does mom understand the French school system?
Will she be boarding there? Is she fluent in French?

MD
She is still in High School about to start 11th grade. She is not fluent but can understand a little and is now taking classes. Again, her mom is not involved at all and has not been for years. Not only at the financial level but emotional as well. She has shown no interest in pursuing a relationship with the children (he also has a 20 y.o. son who lives on his own and wouls stay in the States). My step-daughter would essentially be a foreign student (as foreign exchange students do coming to the USA). This is something I did years ago by coming to the States. I did not speak or understood any English then, but you quickly catch on when there is no other choice. So that would be the plan. She would not be boarding as we would live there. She would live at home and go to school every day just as she does here. I hope this clarifies things some.

Thanks Again,
Acceptance

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Since the teenager will be at lycée level what dies would she attend? The general die, The technological die, The professional die, will she qualify for University? Does mom understand the French school system?
Will she be boarding there? Is she fluent in French?

MD
She is still in High School about to start 11th grade. She is not fluent but can understand a little and is now taking classes. Again, her mom is not involved at all and has not been for years. Not only at the financial level but emotional as well. She has shown no interest in pursuing a relationship with the children (he also has a 20 y.o. son who lives on his own and wouls stay in the States). My step-daughter would essentially be a foreign student (as foreign exchange students do coming to the USA). This is something I did years ago by coming to the States. I did not speak or understood any English then, but you quickly catch on when there is no other choice. So that would be the plan. She would not be boarding as we would live there. She would live at home and go to school every day just as she does here. I hope this clarifies things some.

Thanks Again,
Acceptance

I know how the school system works in France, that is why I asked the questions and since she isn't already fluent in French, it is unlikely that she will pass her exams and her future insofar as employment there is bleak. Do you think her mother will want her begging for money on the Metro?
It doesn't matter what mom's past behaviors have been, she is still entitled to petition the court for custody and to stop the move. As it is, this move is not in the teenaged childs best interest, especially if it is meant to be permenant.

 

[LdiJ]

I know how the school system works in France, that is why I asked the questions and since she isn't already fluent in French, it is unlikely that she will pass her exams and her future insofar as employment there is bleak. Do you think her mother will want her begging for money on the Metro?
It doesn't matter what mom's past behaviors have been, she is still entitled to petition the court for custody and to stop the move. As it is, this move is not in the teenaged childs best interest, especially if it is meant to be permenant.

Rmet...you are completely off base on this one.

Yes, mom could petition the court but under the circumstances there is virtually no chance of mom winning....you KNOW that.

This move is a MARVELOUS opportunity for this teenager. She will learn to speak French fluently...probably quite quickly, which can be nothing but an asset for her in the future. She will get to experience another culture. Yes, it may set her back a year in school while she learns to speak french but that is nothing compared to the value of the whole experience.

She may choose to stay in Europe....she may choose to return to the US as an adult. However this move is a very positive thing for this child.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Rmet...you are completely off base on this one.

Yes, mom could petition the court but under the circumstances there is virtually no chance of mom winning....you KNOW that.

This move is a MARVELOUS opportunity for this teenager. She will learn to speak French fluently...probably quite quickly, which can be nothing but an asset for her in the future. She will get to experience another culture. Yes, it may set her back a year in school while she learns to speak french but that is nothing compared to the value of the whole experience.

She may choose to stay in Europe....she may choose to return to the US as an adult. However this move is a very positive thing for this child.

Thank you for confirming that I was correct, mom can petition the court to stop the move.

As you have been told, we cannot predict how a judge will rule.

You know nothing about the school system in France, Italy perhaps, but not France, and this is a child moving with a non native parent (father USC) to a country where she doesn't speak the language, not a foreign exchange student with intent to return, a child who if they don't succeed and attend University or the grandes écoles there is little chance of employment because of the French system of a job for life, thus many students who graduate from the lycee are put on a public dole and thus end up begging on the Metro or preforming on the streets if they have a talent. Perhaps that is how OP ended up in the US? France has a hard enough time integrating French speaking immigrants and have little sympathy for non French speaking Americans. Under these circumstances it is not in the best interest for the child to move to France, visit there, certainly, but not emmigrate, thus, mom and or mom and PGM do have a chance of stopping the move of the teenaged child.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Maryland:

Changes brought about by relocation of parent may, in given case, be sufficient to justify change in custody; result depends upon circumstances of each case. Domingues v. Johnson, 23 Md. 486, 593 A.2d 1133 (1991).