Set my mind at ease...

[CJane]

I think that you should go....if for no other reason than to make sure that he doesn't try to claim that you have violated the restraining order....and to make sure that the new orders include the public pickup.

The judge won't think that you are crazy if you explain that it has actually made life easier for you as well.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Except I still think he'll think I'm crazy, but I'm ok with that, I guess.

Question: The original restraining order that HE has against me says "Adult abuse w/o stalking" and the one SHE has says "Adult abuse w/stalking".

My attorney at the time explained that this was because Stupidhead and I had cohabitated in a romantic manner and therefore there couldn't BE stalking.

But the renewal of HIS order says "Adult abuse w/stalking"... is this something I should mention?

I'm going to call the Sheriff's Dept tomorrow and see if I can just stop by Wednesday and pick up the stuff so they don't have to try to find me to serve me. Is this kosher?

 

[escape2paradise]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Except I still think he'll think I'm crazy, but I'm ok with that, I guess.

Question: The original restraining order that HE has against me says "Adult abuse w/o stalking" and the one SHE has says "Adult abuse w/stalking".

My attorney at the time explained that this was because Stupidhead and I had cohabitated in a romantic manner and therefore there couldn't BE stalking.

But the renewal of HIS order says "Adult abuse w/stalking"... is this something I should mention?

I'm going to call the Sheriff's Dept tomorrow and see if I can just stop by Wednesday and pick up the stuff so they don't have to try to find me to serve me. Is this kosher?

I understand your reasoning for liking the restraining order, but from a legal standpoint, doesn't it make you look bad? When you go to court for the contempt charges couldn't you just ask to modify the parenting plan to reflect public pick ups, drop offs etc....since that has been the status quo for the past year? Would a simple modification like this require the typical change in circumstances?

 

[LdiJ]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Except I still think he'll think I'm crazy, but I'm ok with that, I guess.

Question: The original restraining order that HE has against me says "Adult abuse w/o stalking" and the one SHE has says "Adult abuse w/stalking".

My attorney at the time explained that this was because Stupidhead and I had cohabitated in a romantic manner and therefore there couldn't BE stalking.

But the renewal of HIS order says "Adult abuse w/stalking"... is this something I should mention?

I'm going to call the Sheriff's Dept tomorrow and see if I can just stop by Wednesday and pick up the stuff so they don't have to try to find me to serve me. Is this kosher?

I don't see why you can't pick up the paperwork at the Sheriff's office. If its not kosher, they will tell you its not.

Yes, I would mention that its supposed to be "adult abuse without stalking".

 

[CJane]

I understand your reasoning for liking the restraining order, but from a legal standpoint, doesn't it make you look bad?

I don't think it makes me look bad... last time, the judge noted that it was consented to as opposed to ordered after hearing evidence. And he told me that he's very well known for issuing an RO when it's asked for because he looks at it as a win/win situation.

I don't think it'll hurt me professionally... I think it's pretty obvious when you pull it up on the online courts thing, since we all have the same last name, that it's a stupid domestic issue. I hope so, anyway.

When you go to court for the contempt charges couldn't you just ask to modify the parenting plan to reflect public pick ups, drop offs etc....since that has been the status quo for the past year? Would a simple modification like this require the typical change in circumstances?

No, a modification of CUSTODY is the only thing that requires a change in circumstances - so I could request that it be added... and I think I will, just so it's there if/when Stupidhead ever lets the RO go.

But here's the deal... the RO also prevents me from speaking to his wife, prevents me from calling him during business hours, prevents me from emailing him and prevents me from speaking to him about ANYTHING except the kids. ALL of that works for me VERY well. A modification to include public location pick-ups won't do that.

 

[Suzz]

But here's the deal... the RO also prevents me from speaking to his wife, prevents me from calling him during business hours, prevents me from emailing him and prevents me from speaking to him about ANYTHING except the kids. ALL of that works for me VERY well. A modification to include public location pick-ups won't do that.

Would it be worth the time, money, trouble, etc. to go back to court and try to have the custody/visitation papers revised to include all of this? (though I might ask that the calling during business hrs. be revised to include except in case of dire emergency, though we'd hope that type of situation would fall under common sense, but with your ex who knows?)

 

[CJane]

Would it be worth the time, money, trouble, etc. to go back to court and try to have the custody/visitation papers revised to include all of this? (though I might ask that the calling during business hrs. be revised to include except in case of dire emergency, though we'd hope that type of situation would fall under common sense, but with your ex who knows?)

I wouldn't ever start a case to include this stuff... not with our history. Believe me that it would turn into a 2 year battle for full custody/supervised visitation. BTDT.

Now, when we're in for a mod anyway, as I think we will be w/in the next year (before these new ROs expire), then yes, I will ask for all of that to be included.

But I think I'm going to make an effort to find out what it'd take to make the ROs permanent anyway.

 

[Ozark_Sophist]

Is it possible to request they be made permanent? Mutual?

A mutual restraining order would require you to complete your own petition. I don't believe it is possible for permanent restraining orders. MO Rvsd 455.040.

 

[CJane]

A mutual restraining order would require you to complete your own petition. I don't believe it is possible for permanent restraining orders. MO Rvsd 455.040.

Bleh. I don't wanna file my own petition! LOL That's ok, I'd never convince anyone I'm a skeered of him anyway - her maybe, but not him.

I just read through the statute, and this site as well (very informative, btw... I learned you should wear shoes to court!)...

http://www.16thcircuit.org/Depts/dept_faq.asp?dept=dmv

And... I found this...

http://www.courts.mo.gov/page.asp?id=533

Man, I'm so glad I'm employed now so I can spend all day googling statutes.

Called the Sheriff's Dept. I'm picking the paperwork up tomorrow afternoon before 5.

Why am I almost looking forward to going to court? Has this really become my form of entertainment?

 

[CJane]

Update

The R/O hearing was yesterday afternoon.

I was early and sat up in the front row. Stupidhead and SMom were there right at 130, but before the judge had entered. They sat in the back and were chatting with this other woman who was there for an RO as well. They were talking about how they're innocent and have never been in trouble in their lives and here they are in court of all places. Makes my skin crawl, really.

Anyway, when it was our turn, the judge asked Stupidhead if he really felt that the orders needed extended. Stupidhead looked over at me and said "Yes, sir, definitely. I just can't stand the thought of her being able to come near my wife or child."

The judge actually rolled his eyes.

Then he asked me how I felt about it, and I told him that I would be thrilled to consent to both restraining orders being extended for another year.

He then asked if the contempt motion was still pending and if we had a hearing date yet. I said yes to both and he said that he didn't want to get too far off track, but if I thought mediation would help, he'd order it now.

Stupidhead immediately said "Oh yes, your honor, I'd LOVE to attend mediation." Which made me grit my teeth because when he had ME on the defensive, he rejected the idea of mediation at every turn.

I said that I wasn't prepared to discuss it at this point, but we could discuss it at the hearing on the first.

The judge was ok with that, asked the deputy to escort me to the clerk's office to get my copies of the ROs and said "All of you just stay away from each other."

The deputy asked how I was doing, and I said 'great'. He laughed and said "You just walked out of a courtroom w/2 restraining orders against you and you're great?" So I told him that had I known having a restraining order against me would make my life so much easier, I would have consented last time. He laughed and said "Wait til the judge hears this, he'll love it."

So I'm a bit worried that he maybe WON'T love it.

Should I have gone ahead and consented to mediation? I honestly don't see it doing any good. How do you mediate something like this? I think it needs to be heard in open court and not postponed... I also don't think I should have to pay a mediator to get him to promise to follow an order that he should have already been following.

Help?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

In my OPINION, I agree with you. Take it to court. Don't make it look like you are always the bad guy (RO's, ya know) Daddy dearest needs to understand from the judge what is proper behavior!

 

[profmum]

CJane i think you gave the right response which is " judge lets talk about it at the hearing" and after the evidence the presented, the judge may most likely also feel that mediation is not an option with you folks or may order you into mediation, BUT after he has heard the facts of the contempt motion.

As you know for family courts in general, mediation is the line of first defense, and is always thrown out as an option.

Of course stupidhead is going to tout mediation.. he is one in egregious contempt..
honestly i think you did fine, i would have done the same.. as for the RO comments.. again i dont think you need to worry about IT.. you are taking a position by having the ROs extended so that all of you do better under it, most importantly the kids.. what else do the Courts care about?

but boy... you have a pair there with Stupidhead and his wife.. my Xfiles has new gf.. wonder if I am down the same path)

 

[CJane]

but boy... you have a pair there with Stupidhead and his wife.. my Xfiles has new gf.. wonder if I am down the same path)

Ya know, I'm choosing to believe that this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't married someone we've both known for years and years and who had a HUGE crush on him way back when. She ALWAYS had an issue w/me because I was with him. And now she's STILL pissed that she can't have him all to herself because we share kids.

She's the crazy person and he's kind of going crazy by association.

D'Man would never pull this crap w/Stupidhead.

 

[Suzz]

Not to hijack, but I can relate...

Ya know, I'm choosing to believe that this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't married someone we've both known for years and years and who had a HUGE crush on him way back when. She ALWAYS had an issue w/me because I was with him. And now she's STILL pissed that she can't have him all to herself because we share kids.

She's the crazy person and he's kind of going crazy by association.

D'Man would never pull this crap w/Stupidhead.

My dad's third wife actually introduced him to my mom (his second wife)(she and my mom had grown up together) ... Wife3 then married some other guy and moved to another state. Mom and Dad got married, had my sister and me, then split. Within a really short time Wife3 was suddenly back, split from her out of state hubby and hopping mad at my mom for marrying Dad. She and Daddy started seeing each other and she got her revenge on Mom by burning everything Mom still had at our house, plus several other things over the course of their marriage.

I was SOO glad when he divorced her.

Sorry ... it just brought up memories

 

[profmum]

Ya know, I'm choosing to believe that this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't married someone we've both known for years and years and who had a HUGE crush on him way back when. She ALWAYS had an issue w/me because I was with him. And now she's STILL pissed that she can't have him all to herself because we share kids.

She's the crazy person and he's kind of going crazy by association.

D'Man would never pull this crap w/Stupidhead.

I suppose I should take some comfort in the fact the new GF did not know Xfiles or myself before.. so far Xfiles is keeping her out of our daughters life, but i really dont care.. as long as she does not step over the GF/SMUM boundaries!!! If there is another person who may love my child.. well, hey better for the diva!!

My own DMan keeps a respectful distance but I keep all news of him away from Xfiles, because I suspect there will be some other motion filed as a result of it!! seriously!

 

[CJane]

Heh. SMom burned all the pictures of me and the kids that were in their photo albums and will NOT let them scrapbook anything at her house that is from time spent with me. Even the kids are starting to think she's crazy.

Stupidhead hasn't met D'Man yet... since, ya know, I'm not allowed to speak to him except about the kids. We've been seeing each other for just over a year, and he is GREAT with all my kids... but he would never dream of interfering w/the parenting or telling Stupidhead how to parent.

Ah well... keeps life interesting and I'm not the one paying legal fees.