special needs child

[untert]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota
I have a 3 year old daughter, who is diagnosed with Angelman syndrome. Her biological father had no visitations until she was 9 months old then started with supervised visits and eventually went to unsupervised every other weekend. Her father has not had any contact with my daughter since may 2011 (this year) and I found out he was arrested and sent to prison for 27 months. When my daughter was going for visits, he refused to get any equipment she needed in order to keep developing and making gains. He didnt help with any therapy and conplained about all her health problems. He has not paid me any child support in the last 3 years either. I have also had to get harrassment orders against him due to him calling/texting me all the time. The last restraining order he broke and is suppose to be serving 90 days for.
My question is: My boyfriend of 2 years-which long story short, I dated for 5 years before getting with my daughters biological father then after splitting with him my boyfriend and I started dating again, who has been there for everything with my daughter-doctor appts, surgery, seizures, sickness, financially-wants to adopt my daughter and continue onward with our family. I would like to know what I can do in order to make this happen? My daughters father says he wants to be in her life but doesn't do anything to be in her life or to make a positive impact.
Since my daughter does have special needs I feel it is very important to keep her on a consistant schedule and work on therapy goals every day and that doesn't happen when she was going to her BF house. Since may, my daughter has made very good progress with goals and we are seeing improvments-I just want to keep that going for her.
Please HELP!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[mistoffolees]

Same answer as the other 10,000 times this question has been asked.

If Dad agrees, your BF will be able to adopt (although you should definitely have an attorney to do it so that it's done right).

If Dad objects, chances of your BF being able to adopt are very slim.

 

[untert]

Isn't there abandonment laws? or something that I can stand on for a chance? You don't seem to understand the confusion my daughter goes through. Then in 2-3 years Im suppose to send her back to his house wondering when he will be gone again-this isn't his first time in prison/jail.
I just think people need to consider what these kids go through and how a stable family would be better then a blood family thats never around

 

[Zigner]

Isn't there abandonment laws? or something that I can stand on for a chance? You don't seem to understand the confusion my daughter goes through. Then in 2-3 years Im suppose to send her back to his house wondering when he will be gone again-this isn't his first time in prison/jail.
I just think people need to consider what these kids go through and how a stable family would be better then a blood family thats never around

Well, sometimes people think about that BEFORE they procreate. I'm just sayin'...

 

[untert]

I understand that..but why should my daughter have to suffer for my mistakes. She didn't ask for a dead beat dad that doesn't help with anything.
My daughter has enough stuff to deal with on a daily basis besides wondering where she is going and who is going to always be there for her.
And I'm sorry that I created a child with a worthless piece but there is more to the story that I just don't think you would want to hear. All Im asking for is some advice on my situation not what I should and should not have done before.

 

[LillianX]

Mistoffolees DID give you advice. It just wasn't what you wanted to hear.

Minnesota recognizes abandonment. I'm fuzzy on the details, but it goes something like this: You file something with the court to terminate dad's rights. Dad gets served. The clock starts ticking, and goes for six months. If, in those six months, dad has meaningful contact with the child (and if he's in jail for those six months, a judge might well view a letter, or even an attempt to call her as meaningful contact), the court MAY terminate his rights. I believe you and your boyfriend are also going to need to be married first.

Adoption isn't a do it yourself thing... you absolutely need an attorney for it. Take everything I've just written with a grain of salt. The details are fuzzy, as I said. The only things I'm sure of are that it's possible, there's a 6 month period after the filing, and that an attorney is vital to the process.

 

[CJane]

Same answer as the other 10,000 times this question has been asked.

If Dad agrees, your BF will be able to adopt (although you should definitely have an attorney to do it so that it's done right).

If Dad objects, chances of your BF being able to adopt are very slim.

Are you sure? I'm doubtful that her boyfriend (as opposed to a husband) would be able to adopt, whether Dad consented or not.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Try and keep the sucker( oops I meant SO) happy until dad gets out of jail, plus six months. Then hope you get the process done before your relationship falls apart for the second time. You might try getting dad to agree and sign while in jail.

 

[untert]

Thank you for your advice and I did take the first persons advice as well.
I kind of assumed I would need to get her BF to sign over his rights but every time I bring it up, he is more into punishing me and having something attached to me instead of thinking about the child. I try to show him the stable, loving environment she is in would be better. She also needs more insurance on her so I dont have to keep paying but he doesn't see that because Im the one paying the bills not him.
He likes to control everything and this is his power over me now-so he thinks. All I care about is my little girl and keeping her healthy, happy and developing. But if I could do it without him in the picture I think it would be a lot better for my daughter.

 

[mistoffolees]

Are you sure? I'm doubtful that her boyfriend (as opposed to a husband) would be able to adopt, whether Dad consented or not.

Thanks for the correction.

What I SHOULD HAVE said is "if Dad agrees, and if you and BF get married and stay married for a while, then husband should be able to adopt".

 

[Proserpina]

Thank you for your advice and I did take the first persons advice as well.
I kind of assumed I would need to get her BF to sign over his rights but every time I bring it up, he is more into punishing me and having something attached to me instead of thinking about the child. I try to show him the stable, loving environment she is in would be better. She also needs more insurance on her so I dont have to keep paying but he doesn't see that because Im the one paying the bills not him.
He likes to control everything and this is his power over me now-so he thinks. All I care about is my little girl and keeping her healthy, happy and developing. But if I could do it without him in the picture I think it would be a lot better for my daughter.

....wait, is this the boyfriend posting?

 

[untert]

Love how people reach out for help in a serious situation and all they can do is look at the bad and pick everything apart.
So since everyone thinks they know me and want to ripe me apart some more. Maybe you should shut your mouth and actually read what I posted: You don't know me and you don't know what I have been through, you don't know where Im going in life so please keep that in mind.
I will definitly try to hang on to my current boyfriend because we all know it wont be for long-right? Or maybe you should just not even coment on that because again there is a story.
I don't need everyones opinions on my life choices just want some help to make my daughters life the best it can be for her

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

I kind of assumed I would need to get her BF to sign over his rights but every time I bring it up, he is more into punishing me and having something attached to me instead of thinking about the child. .... All I care about is my little girl and keeping her healthy, happy and developing. But if I could do it without him in the picture I think it would be a lot better for my daughter.

We are getting hosed. This is not mom it is the bf pretending to be mom. Stolen someone else's kid lately?

 

[untert]

When it states "BF" I am talking about my daughters "Biological Father"
Always Assuming-this is just a bunch of crap anyways, very few of you are actually willing to help just ripe everything apart people say.
Just as bad as my daughters BF- as in biological father. Not my BF as in my boyfriend

 

[Proserpina]

Love how people reach out for help in a serious situation and all they can do is look at the bad and pick everything apart.
So since everyone thinks they know me and want to ripe me apart some more. Maybe you should shut your mouth and actually read what I posted: You don't know me and you don't know what I have been through, you don't know where Im going in life so please keep that in mind.
I will definitly try to hang on to my current boyfriend because we all know it wont be for long-right? Or maybe you should just not even coment on that because again there is a story.
I don't need everyones opinions on my life choices just want some help to make my daughters life the best it can be for her

Maybe you'd like to pay an attorney - or rather, have your girlfriend pay for an attorney - to guide you further.

She should realize that abandonment may be completely OFF the table if Dad is incarcerated, too.