special needs child

[Proserpina]

When it states "BF" I am talking about my daughters "Biological Father"
Always Assuming-this is just a bunch of crap anyways, very few of you are actually willing to help just ripe everything apart people say.
Just as bad as my daughters BF- as in biological father. Not my BF as in my boyfriend

Then that's quite insulting, isn't it?

Because he's just Dad. Not "bio" anything.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

When it states "BF" I am talking about my daughters "Biological Father"
Always Assuming-this is just a bunch of crap anyways, very few of you are actually willing to help just ripe everything apart people say.
Just as bad as my daughters BF- as in biological father. Not my BF as in my boyfriend

I apologize. It does happen here. The only way to get to the facts is to rip it apart. People work on their stories, before posting, to make themselves appear to be innocent injured parties, trying to fight an unjust system.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Regardless, of how bad her father is, he is her father. It should be up to him, to relinquish parental rights. It should not be up to you, to find a way to sneak them away. You owe your child more. If your SO really loves her, he will help provide for her, regardless of the custody. Ultimately it is your responsibility as custodial parent to provide support, not rely on others or manipulate the system to get others on the hook.

 

[tranquility]

Since my daughter does have special needs I feel it is very important to keep her on a consistant schedule and work on therapy goals every day and that doesn't happen when she was going to her BF house. Since may, my daughter has made very good progress with goals and we are seeing improvments-I just want to keep that going for her.
Please HELP!

The first thing I'd do if there was going to be a court battle in any way is to find an expert in the field who agrees with what the OP feels.

 

[mistoffolees]

When it states "BF" I am talking about my daughters "Biological Father"
Always Assuming-this is just a bunch of crap anyways, very few of you are actually willing to help just ripe everything apart people say.
Just as bad as my daughters BF- as in biological father. Not my BF as in my boyfriend

Glad you cleared that up.

But it doesn't change anything. Your boyfriend is not going to be able to adopt. Period.

If you and boyfriend get married and stay married for some time (typically at least a year) AND if Dad agrees, then your boyfriend (who would then be your husband) can adopt - but it still requires an attorney.

If Dad objects, your chances are slim.

Even if Dad agrees, it's probably not going to happen unless you're married.

And, of course, you need to both be aware that if your boyfriend/husband adopts and you and he later divorce:
1. Your boyfriend/husband could end up paying child support
or
2. Your boyfriend/husband could get custody - and you could end up paying child support to him.

I really suspect that the majority of people thinking of adoption haven't considered that.

 

[Proserpina]

Glad you cleared that up.

But it doesn't change anything. Your boyfriend is not going to be able to adopt. Period.

If you and boyfriend get married and stay married for some time (typically at least a year) AND if Dad agrees, then your boyfriend (who would then be your husband) can adopt - but it still requires an attorney.

If Dad objects, your chances are slim.

Even if Dad agrees, it's probably not going to happen unless you're married.

And, of course, you need to both be aware that if your boyfriend/husband adopts and you and he later divorce:
1. Your boyfriend/husband could end up paying child support
or
2. Your boyfriend/husband could get custody - and you could end up paying child support to him.

I really suspect that the majority of people thinking of adoption haven't considered that.

You are of course absolutely correct. How many times have we seen posters wanting to get out of the child support obligation because the child isn't theirs biologically? Or trying to get the adoption reversed/overturned because they get divorced?

It's very, very sad.

 

[untert]

We have thought and went over all of the what ifs of the future. I just don't find it fair that my boyfriend is helping me take care of her and has no ties to her at all. He has done so much for her and her biological father doesnt seem to care if she gets the help she needs. I do care though and I know its my responsibility to give that to her but I cant do it on my own.
And I call him her biological father because that is all he is to her-takes more to be a daddy then a DNA test.
Also, I find it crazy how the laws work-I cant use against him that he is prison. Yet he made the decisions to drive without a drivers liscense, drink while driving, assult a cop, flee the officer, and refuse to submit a chemical test. If he chooses to do all this and not support his child I think I should be able to use it somehow to my advantage.

 

[Zigner]

And I call him her biological father because that is all he is to her-takes more to be a daddy then a DNA test.

Says the BM.

 

[Proserpina]

We have thought and went over all of the what ifs of the future. I just don't find it fair that my boyfriend is helping me take care of her and has no ties to her at all. He has done so much for her and her biological father doesnt seem to care if she gets the help she needs. I do care though and I know its my responsibility to give that to her but I cant do it on my own.
And I call him her biological father because that is all he is to her-takes more to be a daddy then a DNA test.
Also, I find it crazy how the laws work-I cant use against him that he is prison. Yet he made the decisions to drive without a drivers liscense, drink while driving, assult a cop, flee the officer, and refuse to submit a chemical test. If he chooses to do all this and not support his child I think I should be able to use it somehow to my advantage.

Speak with a local attorney.

 

[untert]

yes i am her biological mother but im also the one providing everything for her and staying up with her through the sleepless nights, dealing with her seizures, learning how to take care of all her medical needs so she can return home from the hospital, trying to get her to communicate and making sure she is evaluated for every therapy I feel is possible for her.
A child isn't easy to care for on your own and a special needs child is a little bit harder. Doesn't make it easier when there are people in her life not willing to help her succeed.
You can call me her biological mother because I know to her I am way more. She doesn't cry when she has to go with me, or look at me like where are you going. She doesn't end up in the hospital for no reason.
I love my child and would do anything for her and that is why I am trying to find help with this situation but again everyone just wants to point fingers.
I assume there is crap i can do because the courts look at every child the same but my child is different and i was hoping someone on here would be better then this and see that i am looking out for the best interest of my child.
So, judge all you want. Im use to it. I see it all the time when Im out with my daughter-i see the stare, i hear the comments.
This is no different-everybody just judges. Hope it makes you all feel great about yourselves.
As for some of you, thanks for the advices-knew most of it, because I did my research-but thanks for your time!

 

[Proserpina]

yes i am her biological mother but im also the one providing everything for her and staying up with her through the sleepless nights, dealing with her seizures, learning how to take care of all her medical needs so she can return home from the hospital, trying to get her to communicate and making sure she is evaluated for every therapy I feel is possible for her.
A child isn't easy to care for on your own and a special needs child is a little bit harder. Doesn't make it easier when there are people in her life not willing to help her succeed.
You can call me her biological mother because I know to her I am way more. She doesn't cry when she has to go with me, or look at me like where are you going. She doesn't end up in the hospital for no reason.
I love my child and would do anything for her and that is why I am trying to find help with this situation but again everyone just wants to point fingers.
I assume there is crap i can do because the courts look at every child the same but my child is different and i was hoping someone on here would be better then this and see that i am looking out for the best interest of my child.
So, judge all you want. Im use to it. I see it all the time when Im out with my daughter-i see the stare, i hear the comments.
This is no different-everybody just judges. Hope it makes you all feel great about yourselves.
As for some of you, thanks for the advices-knew most of it, because I did my research-but thanks for your time!

Don't assume nobody has had experience with a special needs child.

You're welcome.

 

[mistoffolees]

We have thought and went over all of the what ifs of the future. I just don't find it fair that my boyfriend is helping me take care of her and has no ties to her at all. He has done so much for her and her biological father doesnt seem to care if she gets the help she needs. I do care though and I know its my responsibility to give that to her but I cant do it on my own.
And I call him her biological father because that is all he is to her-takes more to be a daddy then a DNA test.
Also, I find it crazy how the laws work-I cant use against him that he is prison. Yet he made the decisions to drive without a drivers liscense, drink while driving, assult a cop, flee the officer, and refuse to submit a chemical test. If he chooses to do all this and not support his child I think I should be able to use it somehow to my advantage.

Bottom line is that when you help someone to create a child, they have every bit as much right to that child as you do. The law protects the child by ensuring that both parents have the right to be involved.

As for your boyfriend? No one's making him support your child. You and Dad should be doing that. If Dad isn't helping, you should be doing it yourself. The boyfriend has no obligation to support your child. If he CHOOSES to, then he has no right to complain.

Oh, and BTW, it takes more to be a mommy than a uterus. One of the roles of a parent is encouraging a child's relationship with the other parent - and you seem to be failing that one miserably.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Yeah and you are the only parent in the USA that is forced to take primary care of their child. If you don't want the responsibility, I suggest you adopt her out to someone who does.

yes i am her biological mother but im also the one providing everything for her and staying up with her through the sleepless nights, dealing with her seizures, learning how to take care of all her medical needs so she can return home from the hospital, trying to get her to communicate and making sure she is evaluated for every therapy I feel is possible for her.
A child isn't easy to care for on your own and a special needs child is a little bit harder. Doesn't make it easier when there are people in her life not willing to help her succeed.
You can call me her biological mother because I know to her I am way more. She doesn't cry when she has to go with me, or look at me like where are you going. She doesn't end up in the hospital for no reason.
I love my child and would do anything for her and that is why I am trying to find help with this situation but again everyone just wants to point fingers.
I assume there is crap i can do because the courts look at every child the same but my child is different and i was hoping someone on here would be better then this and see that i am looking out for the best interest of my child.
So, judge all you want. Im use to it. I see it all the time when Im out with my daughter-i see the stare, i hear the comments.
This is no different-everybody just judges. Hope it makes you all feel great about yourselves.
As for some of you, thanks for the advices-knew most of it, because I did my research-but thanks for your time!

 

[untert]

My boyfriend isn't complaining. He wants to help. We have talked about getting married and hopfully adopting my daughter so he can put insurance on her to help with some of the medical costs, but he cant do that unless he adopts her. Its more then what her father does, he wont fork over a dime for his child.
And thats part of my point, her father got to see her everyother weekend up until he went to prison yet I dont recieve any support from him because as soon as I went for child support, he quite his job and moved in with his parents. The court didnt even make him pay the min monthly amount, kept telling me he has no job so cant pay anything. He helped make her so help take care of her financialy-only fair but doesnt seem to work that way. I am told I have to care for her and get everything she needs.
Also, if I dont provide for her the walker and communication devices we have been trying to use with her it can be called neglect. Yet, he doesn't supply any of this and it is called parental differences-REALLY?
Just stupid how everything works.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

He does not need to adopt your daughter to help. He simply needs to provide emotional and financial support.