special needs child

[untert]

Im not complaining about having primary care of my daughter-it takes 2 so help out.
Also, kind of hard to encourage a father daughter relationship when he wants nothing to do with her and when she isnt doing good he harrasses me- not asking about her but instead calling me names and verbally abusing me.
I would rather do this all on my own that deal with him but he is her father but like I said it takes more then a DNA test to prove that. Maybe if he showed any interest in her I would feel differently. When she was at his house his mom took care of her, did everything for her-I know this because his mom told me. He doesn't do any therapy with her, doesn't work with her on any of her goals, shelters her because she is different and doesn't like people staring....
Crazy that I have to send my daughter there when they obviously dont seem to like having her around. I have family members that dont seem to care for her and I block them out of our lives too. Except us for who we are or dont be apart of our lives. Im not going to make anyone be around my child that doesn't want to be-its their lose not mine.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Im not complaining about having primary care of my daughter-it takes 2 so help out.

You have my sincere wishes that the relationship you and your SO have works out long term.

Also, kind of hard to encourage a father daughter relationship when he wants nothing to do with her and when she isnt doing good he harrasses me- not asking about her but instead calling me names and verbally abusing me.
I would rather do this all on my own that deal with him but he is her father

You don't need to encourage it, just don't discourage it. If he wants to see her try to make it possible. Let her be the one to tell him to pound sand because she reached that conclusion by herself.

Maybe if he showed any interest in her I would feel differently

If your SO stands in that place long enough, she will choose him to hold it. It should again be her choice alone.

I have family members that dont seem to care for her and I block them out of our lives too. Except us for who we are or dont be apart of our lives. Im not going to make anyone be around my child that doesn't want to be-its their lose not mine.

I think you are on the right track mom. Don't let stares bother you. There is no shame in being disabled. I have been noticeably disabled for decades. If someone doesn't like it, they can go pound sand.

 

[Banned_Princess]

I just want to point out, that dads in jail.

very little he can do for her in there.



just because he is in jail, is not abandonment



it would be better if you just go to court to change the custody order to take into consideration her condition.

sorry you got a pos for a babys father. alot of us do. but she will get older, and get used to her daddy being different then home. don't try to alienate him, its just bad. and it speaks alot for your character that you want to get rid of him and have boyfriend adopt. (which you have already been told has to be done as a married couple, and by that time dad will be home, and you wont have much of a leg to stand on.

now stop crying about how life is, and go on living it the way god made it.

 

[untert]

Thank you for your help. I understand laws are laws. I just want whats best for my child. I feel that when her father makes these decisions he doesn't seem to get that it does have an effect on her.
I also dont want to keep having to reintrodue my daughter to her father because he makes poor decisions and has to be gone for a period of time. She already has bad anxiety when I leave that seems to be getting worse instead of better. She is 3 and should be getting out of this. She is non-verbal but its like me and her have a non-verbal communication. I can figure out what she wants or needs just by a gesture that others dont see.
Its hard when someone doesn't take the time to understand and get to know someone who cant express their needs but expects to take the child for the weekend. Makes me feel bad that she isnt being given what she wants or needs.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

I am confident she will live up to her potential with you for a mommy.

 

[untert]

I am confident she will live up to her potential with you for a mommy.

Thank you for your support. It does mean a lot to me! I have made a promise to myself and my daughter 2 years ago when she was diagnosed that I would go and do whatever I had to for her. Thanks again!
I will keep my head up and hope for the best as always for my daughter.

 

[mistoffolees]

My boyfriend isn't complaining. He wants to help. We have talked about getting married and hopfully adopting my daughter so he can put insurance on her to help with some of the medical costs, but he cant do that unless he adopts her. Its more then what her father does, he wont fork over a dime for his child.

That doesn't give him the right to force Dad out of the picture.

And it's almost certainly not true the he has to adopt the child to put her on his insurance. In most cases, if he marries you, he can put her on his insurance. And since he can't adopt her without marrying you, anyway, insurance is not a reason to adopt.

And thats part of my point, her father got to see her everyother weekend up until he went to prison yet I dont recieve any support from him because as soon as I went for child support, he quite his job and moved in with his parents. The court didnt even make him pay the min monthly amount, kept telling me he has no job so cant pay anything. He helped make her so help take care of her financialy-only fair but doesnt seem to work that way. I am told I have to care for her and get everything she needs.

And that's right. You chose to have sex with a deadbeat, so you have to bear the consequences. What do you want them to do? Start harvesting his organs while he's in prison and sell them on the black market so you have money?

And, besides, failure to pay support is not a reason to deny visitation in ANY state.

Also, if I dont provide for her the walker and communication devices we have been trying to use with her it can be called neglect. Yet, he doesn't supply any of this and it is called parental differences-REALLY?
Just stupid how everything works.

Yes, it's stupid that you chose a deadbeat to have sex with, carried the baby to term, and then expected that he'd magically turn into Ward Cleaver.

 

[untert]

I understand why he cant pay child support now but for the last 3 years, he could have gotten a job or did something to contribute to his daughter. And if I had to give up an organ for something my child needs, I would. Any parent would as long as it didnt harm yourself in the process-obviously I cant give someone a vital organ.
Also, he wasnt a deadbeat until I went after him for child support. He was working up until the day I file for support.
Also, people need to realize that sometime **** happens. Its not like I was planning on having this baby. I was actually in the process of trying to leave without getting hurt. He was very abusive and controlling. I knew I had to get out but everytime I tried I got hurt physically. You can say then I shouldnt have been having sex with him then but you dont know the whole story-I again would have gotten hurt. I tried getting help but nobody believed me and he denied everything and turned it around on me. I think I am paying for my mistakes now and every day-so spare me the lecture on sex.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Misto is correct. Once you are married, your hubby can put her on his insurance.

 

[mistoffolees]

I understand why he cant pay child support now but for the last 3 years, he could have gotten a job or did something to contribute to his daughter. And if I had to give up an organ for something my child needs, I would. Any parent would as long as it didnt harm yourself in the process-obviously I cant give someone a vital organ.
Also, he wasnt a deadbeat until I went after him for child support. He was working up until the day I file for support.
Also, people need to realize that sometime **** happens. Its not like I was planning on having this baby. I was actually in the process of trying to leave without getting hurt. He was very abusive and controlling. I knew I had to get out but everytime I tried I got hurt physically. You can say then I shouldnt have been having sex with him then but you dont know the whole story-I again would have gotten hurt. I tried getting help but nobody believed me and he denied everything and turned it around on me. I think I am paying for my mistakes now and every day-so spare me the lecture on sex.

Yet you chose to carry the baby to term.

And if you 'would have gotten hurt' if you hadn't had sex with him - did you report the rape to the police?

 

[Isis1]

That doesn't give him the right to force Dad out of the picture.

And it's almost certainly not true the he has to adopt the child to put her on his insurance. In most cases, if he marries you, he can put her on his insurance. And since he can't adopt her without marrying you, anyway, insurance is not a reason to adopt.



And that's right. You chose to have sex with a deadbeat, so you have to bear the consequences. What do you want them to do? Start harvesting his organs while he's in prison and sell them on the black market so you have money?

And, besides, failure to pay support is not a reason to deny visitation in ANY state.


Yes, it's stupid that you chose a deadbeat to have sex with, carried the baby to term, and then expected that he'd magically turn into Ward Cleaver.

that is not entirely true. NY actually allows for visitation to be suspended if child support is not being paid. not alot, but it's been happening.

 

[mistoffolees]

that is not entirely true. NY actually allows for visitation to be suspended if child support is not being paid. not alot, but it's been happening.

That's rather surprising. Has it been tested on appeal? Sounds like a violation of the parent's constitutional rights.

 

[Ohiogal]

Love how people reach out for help in a serious situation and all they can do is look at the bad and pick everything apart.
So since everyone thinks they know me and want to ripe me apart some more. Maybe you should shut your mouth and actually read what I posted: You don't know me and you don't know what I have been through, you don't know where Im going in life so please keep that in mind.
I will definitly try to hang on to my current boyfriend because we all know it wont be for long-right? Or maybe you should just not even coment on that because again there is a story.
I don't need everyones opinions on my life choices just want some help to make my daughters life the best it can be for her

No we don't know you. What we know is you want to play musical daddies because your current bed buddy is so much better than the one you ALLOWED to impregnate you. That man you are disparaging -- without him, you wouldn't have a child. He has every right to be a part of HIS daughter's life. You go on about YOUR mistakes as if you want them excused but you don't want to give him the same -- or ANY -- respect.

That says volumes about you.

 

[Ohiogal]

When it states "BF" I am talking about my daughters "Biological Father"
Always Assuming-this is just a bunch of crap anyways, very few of you are actually willing to help just ripe everything apart people say.
Just as bad as my daughters BF- as in biological father. Not my BF as in my boyfriend

Actually is your daughter's FATHER -- the only FATHER she has. Your boyfriend is nothing legally.

 

[Ohiogal]

We have thought and went over all of the what ifs of the future. I just don't find it fair that my boyfriend is helping me take care of her and has no ties to her at all. He has done so much for her and her biological father doesnt seem to care if she gets the help she needs. I do care though and I know its my responsibility to give that to her but I cant do it on my own.
And I call him her biological father because that is all he is to her-takes more to be a daddy then a DNA test.
Also, I find it crazy how the laws work-I cant use against him that he is prison. Yet he made the decisions to drive without a drivers liscense, drink while driving, assult a cop, flee the officer, and refuse to submit a chemical test. If he chooses to do all this and not support his child I think I should be able to use it somehow to my advantage.

Hey, you chose to screw him and allow him to impregnate you. YOU thought he was perfectly fine to be daddy when you were in the throes of passion or orgasm. Maybe you should have made better choices. And he is her father. The ONLY father she has. Your boyfriend is NOTHING.