Stopping over Ex's house to see child...

[NYCTeacher]

Maybe i should have put more of my background information in there....I have been in and out of court about 6-7 times over the last 6 years....When our daughter was 1 i filed for Paternity and 'visitation' i was awarded one overnight and 1 'dinner' on sundays(about 15% of overnights), i filed again when our daughter was 3, that time i was awarded ever EOW and 3 weeks over the summer(about 20% of time) then through filing again, i was awarded Every thursday to friday overnight and 1-3-5th weekends as well as a tuesday dinner and half the summer(about 40-45% of overnights)....You see, my methods work, it's only recently i ran into a judge who felt very strictly about the 'unforeseen/significant change of circumstances' part of the law and i was denied because 'she started school', wasn't unforeseen. That's why i'm working this angle.

Now the question i wonder is, if i was a women and came in here and said "The father of my child has been neglecting his parenting time, he is supposed to have him for dinners, but never comes to see him, he hasn't shown up for those visitations for 2 years.....I've documented all of this, can i file to have those times included with my time, since he has neglected them' If you all would have said "Yes! and here is how you do it!"
(i was going to post a thread in a couple days saying that exact thing, in a 'womens' words....but it's too obvious what you all would say)

 

[Silverplum]

I told y'all who it was.

Maybe i should have put more of my background information in there....I have been in and out of court about 6-7 times over the last 6 years....When our daughter was 1 i filed for Paternity and 'visitation' i was awarded one overnight and 1 'dinner' on sundays(about 15% of overnights), i filed again when our daughter was 3, that time i was awarded ever EOW and 3 weeks over the summer(about 20% of time) then through filing again, i was awarded Every thursday to friday overnight and 1-3-5th weekends as well as a tuesday dinner and half the summer(about 40-45% of overnights)....You see, my methods work, it's only recently i ran into a judge who felt very strictly about the 'unforeseen/significant change of circumstances' part of the law and i was denied because 'she started school', wasn't unforeseen. That's why i'm working this angle.

Now the question i wonder is, if i was a women and came in here and said "The father of my child has been neglecting his parenting time, he is supposed to have him for dinners, but never comes to see him, he hasn't shown up for those visitations for 2 years.....I've documented all of this, can i file to have those times included with my time, since he has neglected them' If you all would have said "Yes! and here is how you do it!"
(i was going to post a thread in a couple days saying that exact thing, in a 'womens' words....but it's too obvious what you all would say)

 

[Ray246]

It's not about me LdiJ, what it is is, "Anyone who would try to keep a good, caring parent away from their child is obviously suffering from some sort of personality disorder." (That's not what i'm trying to do to the mother, she's welcome over my home when i have our daughter anytime, even after i get 95% Physical custody)

There could be a good number of reasons your ex might not want you at her home visiting your child 4 evenings a week other than a disorder. There is a reason after all you two decided to disolve your marriage. You have a parenting plan in place and your ex is being kind enough to let you visit the child at her home outside of that schedule. If she no longer wanted you to visit at the home but continued to allow you to see the child is there not somewhere else you could go for your visitation time? If she decided she wanted some of those evenings back for the two of them to spend together is she suffering from a disorder? Good luck with getting 95% Physical custody.

 

[Proserpina]

I told y'all who it was.

I know...I'm just killing time before a doc's appt.

 

[NYCTeacher]

There could be a good number of reasons your ex might not want you at her home visiting your child 4 evenings a week other than a disorder. There is a reason after all you two decided to disolve your marriage. You have a parenting plan in place and your ex is being kind enough to let you visit the child at her home outside of that schedule. If she no longer wanted you to visit at the home but continued to allow you to see the child is there not somewhere else you could go for your visitation time? If she decided she wanted some of those evenings back for the two of them to spend together is she suffering from a disorder? Good luck with getting 95% Physical custody.

I don't really expect 95% to be honest, i'm VERY happy with what i have now...I can pretty much see my little one anytime i want.....The problem there is about 60% of the time when, while i can see her now, the nutty ex holds the 'keys' and uses those keys to control what i do with our daughter and pulls those keys when ever she flips her hair.....She's just not sane enough to be a gatekeeper, so i think i need to take over that responsiblity...

Luckily, right now the ex lives with her parents, with her mother acting as the 'primary daycare' and the ex is hardly home...or out of bed....so when i stop over, i'm dealing with grandma for everything...so the clear sailing with grandma gives me a chance to get my ducks in a row for court.

 

[CJane]

Maybe i should have put more of my background information in there....I have been in and out of court about 6-7 times over the last 6 years....When our daughter was 1 i filed for Paternity and 'visitation' i was awarded one overnight and 1 'dinner' on sundays(about 15% of overnights), i filed again when our daughter was 3, that time i was awarded ever EOW and 3 weeks over the summer(about 20% of time) then through filing again, i was awarded Every thursday to friday overnight and 1-3-5th weekends as well as a tuesday dinner and half the summer(about 40-45% of overnights)....You see, my methods work, it's only recently i ran into a judge who felt very strictly about the 'unforeseen/significant change of circumstances' part of the law and i was denied because 'she started school', wasn't unforeseen. That's why i'm working this angle.

Now the question i wonder is, if i was a women and came in here and said "The father of my child has been neglecting his parenting time, he is supposed to have him for dinners, but never comes to see him, he hasn't shown up for those visitations for 2 years.....I've documented all of this, can i file to have those times included with my time, since he has neglected them' If you all would have said "Yes! and here is how you do it!"
(i was going to post a thread in a couple days saying that exact thing, in a 'womens' words....but it's too obvious what you all would say)

If you were a MAN and posted the same thing, we'd tell you to file to have that time of Mother's removed. But then, there's a WORLD of difference between ORDERED time that is NOT utilized, and NON-ORDERED time that is ALLOWED by the other party.

Again. You ALREADY have Tuesday dinners. You ALREADY have EVERY Thursday night. You already have EVERY 1st, 3rd, 5th weekend. And now you think the judge should order Mom to make the child available to you on M W and F for a few hours? You're utterly mad.

I think you've finally run into a judge that can see your efforts to end run custody for what they are, and is willing to preserve some measure of normalcy in the child's life.

You, sir, suck. And I say that if you had a uterus.

Though you did remind me of a good laugh we had here on the boards once upon a time, when my ex wanted the courts to grant him the ability to "stop by" my house anytime he wished during my parenting time to "check up" on the kids. He was laughed at by all of us here - men and women - and also by the judge in our case, and the judges sitting on the appeals court. The word I believe the Appeals Court used was "Absurd".

 

[NYCTeacher]

If you were a MAN and posted the same thing, we'd tell you to file to have that time of Mother's removed.

Then lets start with this premise, i don't believe there is a difference.....So lets say this is the mothers ordered time that isn't being utilized by her(which it is). I swear it's like pulling teeth on this forum!

What would i do to file to have that time removed?

 

[CJane]

Then lets start with this premise, i don't believe there is a difference.....So lets say this is the mothers ordered time that isn't being utilized by her(which it is). I swear it's like pulling teeth on this forum!

What would i do to file to have that time removed?

No. It's not. Just because you don't SEE a difference, doesn't mean there ISN'T a difference.

This is MOM'S time. Kiddo is at Mom's house. Kiddo is in Mom's care/custody/control. You are contacting the CHILD and making arrangements with her to see you on Mom's time. Mom has so far ALLOWED that to happen. But that is not the same thing as if Mom were calling YOU and saying "Come get kiddo, I have plans" or whatever. THAT would be her not USING her time, and if it carried through for long enough could be a change in circumstances. THAT is not what THIS is.

You are using the child as a go between in an attempt to usurp Mom's time. And the judge will clearly see that. Probably already has.

 

[NYCTeacher]

This is MOM'S time. *snipped incorrect portion* You are contacting the CHILD and making arrangements with her to see you on Mom's time. Mom has so far ALLOWED that to happen. But that is not the same thing as if Mom were calling YOU and saying "Come get kiddo, I have plans" or whatever. THAT would be her not USING her time, and if it carried through for long enough could be a change in circumstances. THAT is not what THIS is.

So what you are saying is, i need to make this so consistent that the mother begins expecting me and making other plans away from the child/home because she knows I will be taking over during that time....Once the mother begins to expect me to care for the child and has consistent plans away from the home, changes her work schedule, THEN i drop the bomb of the paperwork! I can get that done EASY! It'll take a couple of months, but it's shouldn't be hard to work at all!

 

[ecmst12]

There is a difference between changing the visitation schedule and changing custody. The difference between 40% and 50% is a change in custody and requires a change in circumstances in the child's life (not yours or mom's). The difference between 20% and 40% is NOT a change in custody so does not require a change in circumstances.

You are delusional and I don't know why anyone is still talking to you at all, troll.

 

[NYCTeacher]

There is a difference between changing the visitation schedule and changing custody. The difference between 40% and 50% is a change in custody and requires a change in circumstances in the child's life (not yours or mom's). The difference between 20% and 40% is NOT a change in custody so does not require a change in circumstances.

You are delusional and I don't know why anyone is still talking to you at all, troll.

In NY they only count overnights, technically, i could have every day, as long as our daughter doesn't sleep over and it wouldn't change it 1%....That's why you want to start out this way, day's can very easily turn into overnights, even without an order and once they are overnights long enough....

 

[LdiJ]

So what you are saying is, i need to make this so consistent that the mother begins expecting me and making other plans away from the child/home because she knows I will be taking over during that time....Once the mother begins to expect me to care for the child and has consistent plans away from the home, changes her work schedule, THEN i drop the bomb of the paperwork! I can get that done EASY!

You are simply never going to get it. I feel very sorry for your child.

 

[Silverplum]

So what you are saying is, i need to make this so consistent that the mother begins expecting me and making other plans away from the child/home because she knows I will be taking over during that time....Once the mother begins to expect me to care for the child and has consistent plans away from the home, changes her work schedule, THEN i drop the bomb of the paperwork! I can get that done EASY! It'll take a couple of months, but it's shouldn't be hard to work at all!

 

[NYCTeacher]

You are simply never going to get it. I feel very sorry for your child.

Even with all that you don't think i'll get this extra time? I'm doing the best i can for our daughter, taking as much time as humanly possible with her, i even cut back my time at work so i could spend more time with her, taken Co-parenting, parenting, First Aid, CPR, AED Classes, I've done everything i could except quit my job and buy a house across the street from her mothers, i'm almost where i need to be so that i feel she's safe.

This is all my fault! I should have went for full custody from the get go!

 

[LdiJ]

Even with all that you don't think i'll get this extra time? I'm doing the best i can for our daughter, taking as much time as humanly possible with her, i even cut back my time at work so i could spend more time with her, taken Co-parenting, parenting, First Aid, CPR, AED Classes, I've done everything i could except quit my job and buy a house across the street from her mothers, i'm almost where i need to be so that i feel she's safe.

No, there is no way that a judge is going to give you that time. Its simply not going to happen. I think that you have all that you are ever going to get.