Taking the kids while Dad is away

[MrsK]

See, my kids ssibs (at their Dad's) do. And believe me - I tend to assume my kids COULD have done whatever before I take their word for it because they have good reason to feel resentful of their ssibs. So I go to great lengths to find out what actually happened before I make a final decision in that regard. It would be nice if their Dad did.

I totally see your point, Stealth.

Why are your kids resentful of the other kids? I dont know your story.

 

[stealth2]

I totally see your point, Stealth.

Why are your kids resentful of the other kids? I dont know your story.

It's a long one. But to cut it down to bare bones, the ssibs (#3, B11 and #4, G8) are much favored over our two (#1, B14 and #2, about to G12) by all accounts. As an example...All 4 kids are expected to clean their rooms before coming to breakfast in the morning on weekends. All #4 has to do is cry MOMMY! DADDY #2 messed up my side of the room! and #2 is told to go clean it up before she has breakfast. No explanations, nothing. And while #2 can be a handful - it's not her style. #1 accidentally grabbed a PS2 game that was #3's one w/e and brought it home. When he realized it, he called his Dad and said we'd mail it back. He first got a tongue-lashing for stealing from his sbro and was then punished the next time they were there. Want me to go on?

 

[BTB225]

OP- do ALL the kids have the same initials???

I am assuimg (and perhaps I shouldnt have) because if one of MY kids carved their initials into something, I would immediately know the culprit b/c NONE of my children have the same initials...they are RN, EN, and NK..my stepdaughters are KK. So it would be easy to tell who was getting punished.

No, all the kids don't have the same initials, however - as someone pointed out, that does not mean squat.
There is BB, LJ, JJ..

THe oldest, CJ - would not even have any reason to be in there, because he has a bed and dresser in the basement - which is where he wanted it to be when we first moved in.

 

[BTB225]

It's a long one. But to cut it down to bare bones, the ssibs (#3, B11 and #4, G8) are much favored over our two (#1, B14 and #2, about to G12) by all accounts. As an example...All 4 kids are expected to clean their rooms before coming to breakfast in the morning on weekends. All #4 has to do is cry MOMMY! DADDY #2 messed up my side of the room! and #2 is told to go clean it up before she has breakfast. No explanations, nothing. And while #2 can be a handful - it's not her style. #1 accidentally grabbed a PS2 game that was #3's one w/e and brought it home. When he realized it, he called his Dad and said we'd mail it back. He first got a tongue-lashing for stealing from his sbro and was then punished the next time they were there. Want me to go on?

Wow, that is awful! He owned up to the accident, enough said. Punishment seems a little harsh.
There is no favortism at our house. Each is in charge of making their own bed, putting their own laundry away, etc.
No toys are in the bedroom, there is a playroom for toys that -those who play in it, pick up. Most of the time, it seems to work out. It's the attitudes that annoy me.
That and the sneaking food. I would like to install security cameras in the kitchen to see who eats it all (back to the ghost in the house thing)

 

[bononos]

Aside from this current issue, you, hubby, and mom need to sit down, set up rules and discuss punnishment that YOU can instill when Dad is or isn't there.

 

[BTB225]

And you were told in the first replies that you are under no obligation to take the kids.

QUOTE]


Yeah, I know. And for that advice I am appreciative. It helps me a lot.

I just wonder if I resuse to allow entry into my home now, what she can do when my husband returns back home. Can she refuse him visitation or take him back to court again

 

[BTB225]

Aside from this current issue, you, hubby, and mom need to sit down, set up rules and discuss punnishment that YOU can instill when Dad is or isn't there.

Thanks. I can try, but since Mommy swears at the kids, allows them to be destructive, etc at their own home - I highly doubt she will brainstorm with me how I can dole out punishment!!
They act like this because she lets them get away with it. Anything I manage to do, is immediately un-done when they go back home.

We've asked about taking her to court for full custody, but the lawyer said be ready for a long, expensive battle

 

[AmarieNorton]

I just wonder if I resuse to allow entry into my home now, what she can do when my husband returns back home. Can she refuse him visitation or take him back to court again

Well first off, I think you should let her know in advance that you're not going to allow them to come over when daddy isn't home. This way she can make other arrangements beforehand. I personally wouldn't turn them away at the door (although it would seem that you do have the "right" to do that if you wish). When you husband comes home, things should go back to normal. Although she may try she's not supposed to be able to refuse visitation. She'll be pi$$ed but she really has no reason to take him back to court.

 

[bononos]

Well first off, I think you should let her know in advance that you're not going to allow them to come over when daddy isn't home. This way she can make other arrangements beforehand. I personally wouldn't turn them away at the door (although it would seem that you do have the "right" to do that if you wish). When you husband comes home, things should go back to normal. Although she may try she's not supposed to be able to refuse visitation. She'll be pi$$ed but she really has no reason to take him back to court.

This is a big change in circumstances. She could easily take this back to court, but by that time, Dad will be back home.

 

[BTB225]

Well first off, I think you should let her know in advance that you're not going to allow them to come over when daddy isn't home. This way she can make other arrangements beforehand. I personally wouldn't turn them away at the door (although it would seem that you do have the "right" to do that if you wish). When you husband comes home, things should go back to normal. Although she may try she's not supposed to be able to refuse visitation. She'll be pi$$ed but she really has no reason to take him back to court.

Thank you - no I would not turn them away at the door!! I would probably call her and tell her no more.

And you're right, there probably wouldn't be any reason for her to take him back to court. She is still getting her child support money each week.
I think she just wants the weekends she works "free" to be with her boyfriend.
But that is not going to happen at my expense. I could be out doing more things with my own son and NOT listening to HER 17 year old swear up a storm just because his video game or whatever is "not cooperating"

 

[AmarieNorton]

This is a big change in circumstances. She could easily take this back to court, but by that time, Dad will be back home.

I suppose she could but if she takes this back to court based on the fact that the step-mom won't babysit her kids (which she's not required to do) I don't see her getting too far.

 

[BTB225]

I suppose she could but if she takes this back to court based on the fact that the step-mom won't babysit her kids (which she's not required to do) I don't see her getting too far.

Thank you. That was pretty much what I was wondering, if she could and if the judge would probably do anything about it.... which I can't see why they (judge) would - they are not my kids... legally I am not responsible for them, and they don't come over to see me - they come to see their father. Well, if he is not even here due to work, then why are they still coming?
Because she needs someone to look after them while she is at work, because they can not be trusted to be at home alone for any length of time.
Now, the younger one I can see, 7.5 years is young, but he has that 17 year old brother who could look after him....not to also mention that she works 5:30 - 2, so it's not even a full 8 hours, since the kids don't get up until 8 or after.

 

[bononos]

I suppose she could but if she takes this back to court based on the fact that the step-mom won't babysit her kids (which she's not required to do) I don't see her getting too far.

She'll take it back to court based on the fact Dad is gone for months at a time and is not seeing his kids for his visitation time and she has no clue when Dad plans to return.

 

[Zephyr]

Thank you - no I would not turn them away at the door!! I would probably call her and tell her no more.

And you're right, there probably wouldn't be any reason for her to take him back to court. She is still getting her child support money each week.
I think she just wants the weekends she works "free" to be with her boyfriend.
But that is not going to happen at my expense. I could be out doing more things with my own son and NOT listening to HER 17 year old swear up a storm just because his video game or whatever is "not cooperating"

so you could lock the game up- and he wouldn't have it to swear at then.....

 

[bononos]

so you could lock the game up- and he wouldn't have it to swear at then.....

OR...have him give it to another child, who doesn't have any toys or food or a roof, that will not verbally abuse the game.