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hexeliebe
Guest
Your tax dollars soon to be at work...
It's called WELFARE!!!
It's called WELFARE!!!
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coosi
Guest
Bama,
This is the information you are looking for. Please look long and hard at all the facts before you make a final decision. Being young doesn't automatically mean you can't be a good parent, but it does mean you will miss out on a lot (you will also gain a lot, of course). Consider what's best for everyone, I'm sure you want the best for the precious life you carry.
http://www.coolnurse.com/marriage_laws.htm
Ps
I have to say if internet forums are any guide, you certainly sound at least as mature as some of the "adults" on here.
Make good choices...
This is the information you are looking for. Please look long and hard at all the facts before you make a final decision. Being young doesn't automatically mean you can't be a good parent, but it does mean you will miss out on a lot (you will also gain a lot, of course). Consider what's best for everyone, I'm sure you want the best for the precious life you carry.
http://www.coolnurse.com/marriage_laws.htm
Ps
I have to say if internet forums are any guide, you certainly sound at least as mature as some of the "adults" on here.
Make good choices...
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3kidsmom
Guest
OH My....
you SURE do sound like you are ready to raise a baby with WONDERFUL morals!!
Bama, you want to play adult games, and make adult choices, then you should learn to take your lumps like an adult!
Remember, what goes around comes around, just wait, in oh, 10-12 years or so , we will see you on Jenny Jones, with your kid going to boot camp, if this is they type of example you present.
Good Luck.... You are going to need it.... and LOTS of it!
you SURE do sound like you are ready to raise a baby with WONDERFUL morals!!
Bama, you want to play adult games, and make adult choices, then you should learn to take your lumps like an adult!
Remember, what goes around comes around, just wait, in oh, 10-12 years or so , we will see you on Jenny Jones, with your kid going to boot camp, if this is they type of example you present.
Good Luck.... You are going to need it.... and LOTS of it!
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bamababy1519
Guest
I'm only doing what I think is best for my child, i'm sorrry if you people do not agree or have different opinons, and i'm not trying to fill a void. My grandparents have had me since I was 9 weeks old, I"m not gonna let that happen to my baby.
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hexeliebe
Guest
Sure you won't.
You'll hold on to that child no matter what pain it causes him/her.
Hell, why not have a few more while you're at it? Them welfare checks look mighty good when you're trailer needs new siding.
You'll hold on to that child no matter what pain it causes him/her.
Hell, why not have a few more while you're at it? Them welfare checks look mighty good when you're trailer needs new siding.
". My grandparents have had me since I was 9 weeks old, I"m not gonna let that happen to my baby"
Bama,you need to STOP projecting your unhappiness about being raised by your grandparents onto your child. Likely your Grandparents did not CHOOSE the situation that put them into their parenting situation with you. That changes your situation from that of adoptive parents
An adopted child is usually raised by two secure, loving parents, generally more setlled, more financially secure and better educated (see the new census report noted in the Adoption forum). They planned, hoped and prayed for a baby. They are done growing up, done partying, don't care about "missing stuff". They have more time available to spend with their chilkd. They generally have life insurance and health insurance. They often already have a home. They have been together for some time and KNOW that their marriage has been good enough to last through the several year adoption process. The child they adopt is the most important thing in their lives.
Do you think my adopted daughter has any angst or unhappiness about the fact that we are her parents? NO! She is very happy, and she has two parents who love, support her, and include her in their travels. She has a mom and dad. WE are they. I know many adoptive parents who were themselves adopted and they do not at all feel the way you think a child who is adopted thinks. They love their parents, and also appreciate the unselfish choice the bioparents made for them.
Her meds alone (WITH a prescription plan) are $60 a month, combined. She has needed 4 surgeries (two for crossed eyes, one for ear tubes, one for tubes and adenoidectomy. The after insurance costs were about $1500 each surgery, and that doen't include the out of pocket for other doctor visits. Do YOU have the ability to provide your child health insurance? How are you going to pay for any procedures your child may need?
The lousy $9 an hour job is not really enough for him to even have a place and take care of himself. Oh, does he have disability insurance, health insurance? Betcha not. As spouse, you'd get stuck as financially liable if he gets laid up. And if he does, what do you live on? You have no way, YOURSELF, to support your family. Every woman should be able to stand on her own feet before she has dependents. Otherwise she locks herself into a life in which she stays (and thus her kid stays) in BAD relationships because she has no means or ability to take care of herself and thus is afraid to leave.
Bama,you need to STOP projecting your unhappiness about being raised by your grandparents onto your child. Likely your Grandparents did not CHOOSE the situation that put them into their parenting situation with you. That changes your situation from that of adoptive parents
An adopted child is usually raised by two secure, loving parents, generally more setlled, more financially secure and better educated (see the new census report noted in the Adoption forum). They planned, hoped and prayed for a baby. They are done growing up, done partying, don't care about "missing stuff". They have more time available to spend with their chilkd. They generally have life insurance and health insurance. They often already have a home. They have been together for some time and KNOW that their marriage has been good enough to last through the several year adoption process. The child they adopt is the most important thing in their lives.
Do you think my adopted daughter has any angst or unhappiness about the fact that we are her parents? NO! She is very happy, and she has two parents who love, support her, and include her in their travels. She has a mom and dad. WE are they. I know many adoptive parents who were themselves adopted and they do not at all feel the way you think a child who is adopted thinks. They love their parents, and also appreciate the unselfish choice the bioparents made for them.
Her meds alone (WITH a prescription plan) are $60 a month, combined. She has needed 4 surgeries (two for crossed eyes, one for ear tubes, one for tubes and adenoidectomy. The after insurance costs were about $1500 each surgery, and that doen't include the out of pocket for other doctor visits. Do YOU have the ability to provide your child health insurance? How are you going to pay for any procedures your child may need?
The lousy $9 an hour job is not really enough for him to even have a place and take care of himself. Oh, does he have disability insurance, health insurance? Betcha not. As spouse, you'd get stuck as financially liable if he gets laid up. And if he does, what do you live on? You have no way, YOURSELF, to support your family. Every woman should be able to stand on her own feet before she has dependents. Otherwise she locks herself into a life in which she stays (and thus her kid stays) in BAD relationships because she has no means or ability to take care of herself and thus is afraid to leave.
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bamababy1519
Guest
Coosi
I really want to thank you for your reply, you're the only who gave me the adivice I needed without all the preaching. Thank you for the compliment I believe i'm mature enough to take care of my baby, and as far as missing out on all the parties and what not, no big deal, I honestly just love to sit home and read, I hate loud places and parties. I know all of you think adoption is best and part of me does agree with you but I already love my unborn child so much it's a part of me and giving it up for adoption would be like a small piece of me dieing. Please try to understand where I am coming from. As for the welfare comments, if welfare is what it takes to raise my child the so be it.
I really want to thank you for your reply, you're the only who gave me the adivice I needed without all the preaching. Thank you for the compliment I believe i'm mature enough to take care of my baby, and as far as missing out on all the parties and what not, no big deal, I honestly just love to sit home and read, I hate loud places and parties. I know all of you think adoption is best and part of me does agree with you but I already love my unborn child so much it's a part of me and giving it up for adoption would be like a small piece of me dieing. Please try to understand where I am coming from. As for the welfare comments, if welfare is what it takes to raise my child the so be it.
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CCPENNOCK
Guest
Please think of your own life. When we are 15 we don't think of what our lives could be. Maybe you would like a carreer or college or marriage. Not that you can't have those things but it is much tougher when you have a baby. How are you going to finish school when you have to get up at 1:00am and 5:00am for feedings? Think of yourself and the life you can have and the life your baby can have. I know you can love this baby but the greatest love you can show is giving this baby and yourself a chance at life.
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taylor812
Guest
Coosi, very good response....
Even though all the responses here have really good points this girl has CLEARLY already made her decision to raise her child NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS or says so nothing is going to change her mind. She seems to be trying her best to make sure things go as good as possible for the child. I know there are MANY pregnant teens out there (I was one) but not all will end up screwing their childs life up.
I was done with highschool when I got pregnant, but I was only 18. The father left. I had to do it on my own, but like bamababy, I had family support as well. I went and got a part time job, took some classes, got a good education, was still able to spend the first year and a half at home with my daughter, which was really good for her. Then I went and got a really good job, which I am pretty successful at. I owe all of that motivation to my daughter. My daughter is 6 now, and we're doing great. We are quite a pair and I don't doubt for a minute that she would have been happier somewhere else, with another family. Even though she MIGHT have been "better off" I wouldn't say happier.
Bamababy- I won't lie. I did struggle a lot, and I still do struggle sometimes. Being such a young parent is very hard. NOBODY could even begin to tell you how hard it will be, you will just have to learn, and you will. That is life though. Also, it is a really good thing that you aren't into partying, but just think of this... one of the hardest parts of having a child sometimes, is that you can't do everything you WANT to do. Your friends will want to go to the mall, hang out, or go to the movies but you won't be able to go. Who wants a winey kid or baby while they are hangin out? Certainly not a bunch of 15-16 year olds. Those things add up and you will probably start feeling a little left out. You probably won't be able to take your Senior trip, or do ANY of those things... I did miss out on a lot, and not just parties.. heck, I still do miss out on some stuff I want to do, but when I think about, I would have missed out on much more if my daughter was not in my life.
You DO seem to be a mature young lady for your age... Now, for the marriage part I have one question. WHY NOW? What is the rush? Babies change your whole relationship. They can also really change a person, for the worst or better. I think you should at VERY least wait until after the baby is born to decide for sure if you want to go through with it.
My advice to you now is read some books that have to do with parenting.. they have tons out there.
Best of luck to you. Feel free to send me a private message any time, if you have any questions, need support, advice, whateva!
Even though all the responses here have really good points this girl has CLEARLY already made her decision to raise her child NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS or says so nothing is going to change her mind. She seems to be trying her best to make sure things go as good as possible for the child. I know there are MANY pregnant teens out there (I was one) but not all will end up screwing their childs life up.
I was done with highschool when I got pregnant, but I was only 18. The father left. I had to do it on my own, but like bamababy, I had family support as well. I went and got a part time job, took some classes, got a good education, was still able to spend the first year and a half at home with my daughter, which was really good for her. Then I went and got a really good job, which I am pretty successful at. I owe all of that motivation to my daughter. My daughter is 6 now, and we're doing great. We are quite a pair and I don't doubt for a minute that she would have been happier somewhere else, with another family. Even though she MIGHT have been "better off" I wouldn't say happier.
Bamababy- I won't lie. I did struggle a lot, and I still do struggle sometimes. Being such a young parent is very hard. NOBODY could even begin to tell you how hard it will be, you will just have to learn, and you will. That is life though. Also, it is a really good thing that you aren't into partying, but just think of this... one of the hardest parts of having a child sometimes, is that you can't do everything you WANT to do. Your friends will want to go to the mall, hang out, or go to the movies but you won't be able to go. Who wants a winey kid or baby while they are hangin out? Certainly not a bunch of 15-16 year olds. Those things add up and you will probably start feeling a little left out. You probably won't be able to take your Senior trip, or do ANY of those things... I did miss out on a lot, and not just parties.. heck, I still do miss out on some stuff I want to do, but when I think about, I would have missed out on much more if my daughter was not in my life.
You DO seem to be a mature young lady for your age... Now, for the marriage part I have one question. WHY NOW? What is the rush? Babies change your whole relationship. They can also really change a person, for the worst or better. I think you should at VERY least wait until after the baby is born to decide for sure if you want to go through with it.
My advice to you now is read some books that have to do with parenting.. they have tons out there.
Best of luck to you. Feel free to send me a private message any time, if you have any questions, need support, advice, whateva!
Teen mother
Not all young mothers turn out to be welfare slobs. Living off of the system and spitting out kid after kid. I do not agree that babies should be raising babies. BUT it is happening and no matter how much is preached about birth control, not having sex, waiting until marriage it is happening. instead of cutting on this girl why not use your wisdom to help her. How would you feel if you were 15 scared and pregnant and everyone treated you like scum and tried forcing you to put your baby up for adoption? No matter all the yelling and screaming that you do to this girl it is not going to change the fact that she is ALREADY pregnant. nothing is going to change that.
Not all young mothers turn out to be welfare slobs. Living off of the system and spitting out kid after kid. I do not agree that babies should be raising babies. BUT it is happening and no matter how much is preached about birth control, not having sex, waiting until marriage it is happening. instead of cutting on this girl why not use your wisdom to help her. How would you feel if you were 15 scared and pregnant and everyone treated you like scum and tried forcing you to put your baby up for adoption? No matter all the yelling and screaming that you do to this girl it is not going to change the fact that she is ALREADY pregnant. nothing is going to change that.
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Anonymous57
Guest
I'm sorry to hear so many people giving you a hard time. I know it looks bleek but with you being from Alabama most people don't understand.
I am from Alabama and now live in Florida. I have known many people in your situation and the environment to a young mother is much more friendly in Alabama than in most other areas of the US. I say this because people are more friendly up there and willing help you out. Probably because most people are so religious. It can be a good thing but I myself am not the religious kind. Alabama is definitely like a different country when it comes to most of the other places in the US and until a person has lived there they need not to talk so rude. It will be a struggle and I commend you for wanting to raise your child yourself. I think it is selfish to give the child up for adoption.
However, you cannot do it alone. By the way everyone else, $9.00 a hr job is hard to come by in Alabama. The standard/cost of living is much lower there. Many people make that kind of money. I've know people to live off those wages just fine. You can rent a nice apartment for 200-300 a month up there. The majority of people live by help from family members and people in the community. Don't be so hard on this young 15 yr old. She needs encouragement.
I think your mom and dad should allow you to get married. And most people I know would allow it too. You have to strive for yourself to finish school and college (if you wish). I say college if you wish because if you are resourceful enough and plan on living in Alabama your whole life you probably can get by. College isn't for everyone. But if you want to move away then you definitely need to go to college.
As for your boyfriend, he is doing the right thing by wanting to marry you and you are lucky he isn't claiming it isn't his baby, running off and leaving you all alone. You certainly got lucky there.
I was in your shoes at 18 and left Alabama after knowing my now husband only 3 mths. We married and 1 mth later I was pregnant. I am graduating from college this year and we now have 2 kids. He still needs to attend college too. That was six years ago and we have accomplished with no help from either of our parents through working our butts off and not putting the kids in daycare. We own two cars that we bought brand new and paid them off. He only makes 25,000 to this day but when I graduate I should make double his amount and pay off my student loans no problems.
It can be done. Have faith in yourself and don't let anyone put you down.
Sorry for the length everyone. I just felt this had to be said.
I am from Alabama and now live in Florida. I have known many people in your situation and the environment to a young mother is much more friendly in Alabama than in most other areas of the US. I say this because people are more friendly up there and willing help you out. Probably because most people are so religious. It can be a good thing but I myself am not the religious kind. Alabama is definitely like a different country when it comes to most of the other places in the US and until a person has lived there they need not to talk so rude. It will be a struggle and I commend you for wanting to raise your child yourself. I think it is selfish to give the child up for adoption.
However, you cannot do it alone. By the way everyone else, $9.00 a hr job is hard to come by in Alabama. The standard/cost of living is much lower there. Many people make that kind of money. I've know people to live off those wages just fine. You can rent a nice apartment for 200-300 a month up there. The majority of people live by help from family members and people in the community. Don't be so hard on this young 15 yr old. She needs encouragement.
I think your mom and dad should allow you to get married. And most people I know would allow it too. You have to strive for yourself to finish school and college (if you wish). I say college if you wish because if you are resourceful enough and plan on living in Alabama your whole life you probably can get by. College isn't for everyone. But if you want to move away then you definitely need to go to college.
As for your boyfriend, he is doing the right thing by wanting to marry you and you are lucky he isn't claiming it isn't his baby, running off and leaving you all alone. You certainly got lucky there.
I was in your shoes at 18 and left Alabama after knowing my now husband only 3 mths. We married and 1 mth later I was pregnant. I am graduating from college this year and we now have 2 kids. He still needs to attend college too. That was six years ago and we have accomplished with no help from either of our parents through working our butts off and not putting the kids in daycare. We own two cars that we bought brand new and paid them off. He only makes 25,000 to this day but when I graduate I should make double his amount and pay off my student loans no problems.
It can be done. Have faith in yourself and don't let anyone put you down.
Sorry for the length everyone. I just felt this had to be said.
I disagree
I disagree that she should get married JUST because she is pregnant. If I were the 15 year old I would stay single, raise the baby with the help of the father and when she turns 18 they are still together, if she wants too, than I would think about marriage. 15 is too young to have a baby and it is way to young to think about marriage.
If you can wait a couple of years than you will see if this thing will work out. I got married because I was pregnant at the age of 18 and I was divorced at the age of 19. I know now everyone ends in divorce and I probably wouldn't have listened to anyone any way so I learned the hard way. You have enough stressors going on in your life don't add marriage to it as well.
If he loves you and wants to be with you and the baby things will work out and you can get married later.
I disagree that she should get married JUST because she is pregnant. If I were the 15 year old I would stay single, raise the baby with the help of the father and when she turns 18 they are still together, if she wants too, than I would think about marriage. 15 is too young to have a baby and it is way to young to think about marriage.
If you can wait a couple of years than you will see if this thing will work out. I got married because I was pregnant at the age of 18 and I was divorced at the age of 19. I know now everyone ends in divorce and I probably wouldn't have listened to anyone any way so I learned the hard way. You have enough stressors going on in your life don't add marriage to it as well.
If he loves you and wants to be with you and the baby things will work out and you can get married later.
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Anonymous57
Guest
Why does everyone have to be so negative. I think this is what is wrong with the US today. I strongly disagree about her waiting to get married because if she waits then there will be no commitment other than the baby. Simply put that isn't enough for most people. I may be old fashioned but once you and him get married the baby will bring you closer. You will grow to truly love each other as husband and wife. Trust me I know after only knowing my husband for 3 mths before we married, you don't fall in love over night, yea you get that feeling, but the commitment and true love comes with time if both parties are not selfish. Only with time. I truly believe if you and him have good morals and treat each other good you can make it without divorce. Each of you have to forget about yourself, you have to grow up quick. Focus on your schooling, taking care of the baby and your relationship. You have your own family to care for now, no more playing around. You can keep in touch with your friends but don't expect them to still hang out with your and even if they want to you shouldn't because you are a wife and a mother now and that chapter of your life is over. Don't worry though once you get through it you will be smarter and wiser and can begin another chapter in your life of enjoying your family and other interests. You'll make other friends in your lifetime with probably more meaningful relationships. Trust me everyone says high school and college is the best time of your life, well it isn't for everybody. I am much happier today with my own family than I was living with my very loving parents.
My grandmother was in your shoes at 14 she was pregnant by my grandfather who was 19. They married and made it. I'm sure people will say, "But yea that was back then" but I don't see the difference just because society has changed and is more accepting of divorce and living together. Which both I am strongly opposed to except in EXTREME circumstances. Both of them went on to have six kids and both graduated from college in the 1960's.
They worked hard, saved their money and have always paid for everything in cash. It can be done. You just have to want it, taste it, live it and breath it. Focus on your goal. Don't let anyone tell you no and know in your heart what you have to do to make yourself and family happy. You can do it!
My grandmother was in your shoes at 14 she was pregnant by my grandfather who was 19. They married and made it. I'm sure people will say, "But yea that was back then" but I don't see the difference just because society has changed and is more accepting of divorce and living together. Which both I am strongly opposed to except in EXTREME circumstances. Both of them went on to have six kids and both graduated from college in the 1960's.
They worked hard, saved their money and have always paid for everything in cash. It can be done. You just have to want it, taste it, live it and breath it. Focus on your goal. Don't let anyone tell you no and know in your heart what you have to do to make yourself and family happy. You can do it!
Now how mature is that? That isn't you taking care of the baby, but other taxpayers.As for the welfare comments, if welfare is what it takes to raise my child the so be it.
Bama--I truly believe that you love your baby. But, at 15, you are not a mature adult. I am not slamming you, it is just a fact of your age. And what if something did happen to your fiancé? What if he left, or gets hurt and can't work?
Being an adult isn't saying these things aren't going to happen....it is knowing that they are a real possibility.
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