Teen Marriage

[nextwife]

"Tammy8, your statement about not wanting to know your "real" parent was sick and diluted. It was also a genuine bash against birth parents. You are an insult to many adoptee's! I myself am one and i have wonderful adoptive parents, but I still wondered about my birth parents."

Tammy's comment was in response to the ridiculous comments about adoptive parents not being considered "real" parents. Her parents (that raised her) were very real and did all the very real things that good parents do to take care of their kids. I took her comment as taking exception to the idea that her parents were any less "real" than the bioparents were. They gave her a real home, real love, and a real sense of responsibility. There are birth parents who don't always do that. She was not dissing her bioparents, but respecting the fact that she considered the parents who raised her to be the most real.

My daughter's biofather was never known. Her birthmother left her in an orphanage in Bulgaria at a few weeks old and returned to Greece. Yes, someday, my child will wonder about her bioparents, but she certainly is enjoying all the "real" love and support her parents are there to give her everyday and does not concern herself with differentiating between us and her bioparents.

But she does not feel abandoned or lost, she feels loved.

 

[coosi]

I realize adoption is an emotional issue. If eveyone read the original question, BamaBaby said nothing about adoption. She just wanted help on how to marry the baby's father...

 

[monnickasmommy]

FYI-BAMA1519

Raising a child can be a very difficult time - I will share you a little about my family

1. My husband and I got married I was 19-he was 26 , we had our first child in October 98 - he was barely making $$ I was sill working for the City Vistors Center making 6.00 a hour - on my feet all the time- We lived in a run down shack- It was a one bedroom small kitchen and a living room, I was 8 months Pregent , I told my husband I had to quit working so I did we tried to live on his 250.00-300 paycheck could not do it, Thank god for YARD SALES. I went back to work on the weekends when our son now 4 was 6 months old- I will have to tell my husband was there for him to support him while I worked- My mom was there to be First Grandson nane for the days I needed her. I no longer worked at age 22 Our next son was born in 2000, we almost lost him to sleep apena, he is now 3 years ADHD/Impulisive Behavior, wild child-costly he just had a $9000 ear surgery done, going deaf in one year, he has speech problems, he wears a size 2t-3t clothes very tiny- WE love him still thought- Now our Missy Monnicka - she is 14 months old and spoiled rotten- She has cost our Insurance about $20,000.00 ! Yes I did say that correctly ! Premmie---Thank GOD for good insurance they paid it all - (he most recent trip to the hospital is $20,027.00 for trying to eat a penny got out of the diaper bag, Helecopter was 15554.12 (I WILL SAY THIS IN BIG LETTERS FOR ALL THOSE THAT ARE BASHING WALFARE WHAT EVER NY HUSBANDS INSURANCE DONT COVER YOU WILL she is on State Aid, you can make $12.80 a hour in AZ and get medical aid-My son will always get state Aid- because of SSI he is on at 3 years old- for being 1/2 deaf.

What I am trying to tell Bama1519- Hang in there get a good job that pays good in Insurance, Only use Aid if you need it. My husband and I are filing Bankruptsy and the end of this year due to our children because we took the time out to care for them. Insurance is the most inportant thing you need for your child . .

Shop Yard sales, Trust me you dont need Dillards, Walmart, JC Penny Clothes babies grow to fast !!! You save alot of money that way - My little sister and I have our girls they are 9 weeks apart we shared clothes and we still do- so if you have family that have girls or boys ask if you can have there clothes if they dont want them.

Diapers- Do not buy too many when there small- My daughter went from a Premmie diaper to a size 2 in 3 months !!! Buy what you need- Buy paper towel for wipes, my sister does it is cheaper and they go along way- use washclothes too. I do when I am out of wipes, they wash in hot soapy water. Diapers do not cost 4.95 every two days. we had 2 in diapers it cost us 20.00 every 3 weeks. we got the BIG bags . Store Brand , dont need papmers , I use Dry bottoms love them just fine

When is your due date ? What does his parents think of this ?

I was at the Surgery Center the other day my daughter was have ear tubes put in- I heard the girls talking about a 11 year old girl had a baby in there City- last year and they said she is doing fine and that both Grandparents have Joint Custody of there Grandchild. I was like WOW !!!!

. My family is here for my husband and I, my husband has no family- his mom died when he was 20 . I wish you the best of luck and I hope that everything works out for the best of you and your family.

 

[JETX]

Monnickasmommy:
Thank you for the story, but since I am the forum unsympathetic cad, you have had three kids in FOUR years!!!
So, what have you done to make sure you don't have ANY more children??

You had a child in October 98 and this one was apparently healthy. Then another in 2000, with some serious physical problems. Then another apparently in 2002, again with apparent physical problems. And my God.... eating a penny out of a DIAPER BAG???

Do you still use ANY funds from public assistance??? If so, stop having kids!!!

And now, because of YOUR choices, the rest of the taxpayers (and workers contributions to Social Security) will have to pay for YOUR choice to say "Ahhh, lets have another child, honey!!".

 

[stealth2]

I'm just sitting here boggling.

 

[CMSC]

My husband and I are filing Bankruptsy and the end of this year due to our children because we took the time out to care for them.

.

Parents who are PREPARED for parenthood do NOT go bankrupt because of their children and taking care of them!
This statement is just stupid, you blame your kids for going bankrupt? Is it really because of them or because of you having another child after you knew one cost so much?

If you have excellent insurance and do all the things to save money you told the original poster to do then you should not be going bankrupt.

 

[tammy8]

Thanks Nextwife!

"Tammy8, your statement about not wanting to know your "real" parent was sick and diluted. It was also a genuine bash against birth parents. You are an insult to many adoptee's! I myself am one and i have wonderful adoptive parents, but I still wondered about my birth parents."

Tammy's comment was in response to the ridiculous comments about adoptive parents not being considered "real" parents. Her parents (that raised her) were very real and did all the very real things that good parents do to take care of their kids. I took her comment as taking exception to the idea that her parents were any less "real" than the bioparents were. They gave her a real home, real love, and a real sense of responsibility. There are birth parents who don't always do that. She was not dissing her bioparents, but respecting the fact that she considered the parents who raised her to be the most real.

I am the only natural child to my parents. It is my 2 brothers and sister that are adopted. They were actually children of my Mom's sister, so we all "know" who she. The "kids" came to live with us at 4, 3 and 6 monthes when my Mom went to take the kid's diapers and food only to return a couple of hrs later to find the oldest (4 at the time) frozen to the bed in his urine soaked underwear, the 3 yr old with a bashed in head from a pyscho bf who btw had taken the diapers back to the store for a refund to buy himself a Mcdonald's burger. So anyway the kids remember bits and pieces of their childhood before us so why should they wonder who and where the bioparents are today?

And you know what? When my Mom took these kids the only thing that her own sister said about it was about how bad it made her mad that Mom had taken any sort of income she would ever have (WELFARE!).

Oh well Ms Teen mom, come back to us in a couple of yrs and tell us how great your education is going, how great that $9 hr job is going for your bf and how great your life is. Then we might believe that you are a success story.

Good luck!

 

[coosi]

Okay, everybody can get off their soapbox already.
Bamababy's probably in Georgia already (yawn...)

 

[monnickasmommy]

JETX--

FYI - Yes I am fixed by My husbands insurance.

Monnickasmommy:
Thank you for the story, but since I am the forum unsympathetic cad, you have had three kids in FOUR years!!!
So, what have you done to make sure you don't have ANY more children??
Answer
Yes I am fixed by My husbands insurance.



You had a child in October 98 and this one was apparently healthy.
Perfectly

Then another in 2000, with some serious physical problems.

Not by my choice - I went to the Doctor everymonth like a good mom would -

Then another apparently in 2002, again with apparent physical problems.

Once again NOT by my choice I had her a month early , HOW would you feel like loosing one of your OWN children due to being Premature, with resportory distress, they tried everything to stop it she is a beautiful healty baby now .

And my God.... eating a penny out of a DIAPER BAG???
Yes, she walks now so she gets into everything- it was zipped, I did not think I had $$ in it . My sister is the only one that knew that something was not right with her - I thought she was sick- (her son has TEF/EA) so she knows when something is not going down the right way she was turning blue from not breathing-
Our place is kept tidy just for her and baby proofed -

Do you still use ANY funds from public assistance??? All we get is medical

NO I DONT get food stamps or cash aid , WE BUY OUR FOOD $130.00 last me and my family a month- that is not soup-pork chops, tacos, good healthy food. WE dont waste food, if there is left overs my husband takes it to lunch with him. WITH MY HUSBANDS HARD EARNED MONEY $14.55 A HOUR - BRINGS HOME ABOUT 2134.OO A MONTH BEFOR TAXES, CHILDSUPPORT (ex-wife), uniforms, medical !! If so, stop having kids!!! Cant have no more !!!

And now, because of YOUR choices, the rest of the taxpayers (INCLUDING MY HUSBANDS)
(and workers contributions to Social Security) will have to pay for YOUR choice OUR SON- who if I had lots of your $$ can hire a malpratice attorney to sue his last hearing doctor that put his ear tubes in behind the ear drum and in the ear canel ---where it caused a infection that was eating the bone in his ear. WHO MADE THAT MISTAKE NOT ME!!! I had no idea until his ear was bleeding one day- took him to a good ear specialist and he had to do reconstrive surgery that OUR INSURANCE PAID not state !!! Our son had to have speech all summer long while other kids got to play !!
I am a perfetly heathy person, except migraines, BUT i live .
------ My husbands works for a living I know a lot of other People that have lived on the system for 8 years !!
NO job, no car NO effort, that abuse the system, we only go the the ER if we are dying not just because a child has 101. fever !~ or sneezing. we use store brand medince- I DO NOT AND WILL NOT LIVE ON IT THE REST OF MY LIFE .

My children are in preschool , as soon as I get them going for a full day of school you bet I am getting a job.


The reason why we got on State Ad is because of the proverty is so low in AZ- (right to work state, you may have a job one day and you may not be working the next day)

If YOU THINK YOU HAVE A EXTRA 20% OF WHAT MY HUSBANDS INSURANCE DONT PAY MAIL IT TO ME TO PAY FOR THE BILLS !!!

is your children perfect-

CMSC

Parents who are PREPARED for parenthood do NOT go bankrupt because of their children and taking care of them!
ours is mostly medical - Would you like to pay for me to learn sign lang. to teach my kids to communicate with me? GOD made my kids special for me and my husband.

This statement is just stupid, you blame your kids for going bankrupt? NO-

Is it really because of them or because of you having another child after you knew one cost so much? I love my children , and we want to inprove our living .

If you have excellent insurance and do all the things to save money you told the original poster to do then you should not be going bankrupt. We have other reason to -- ..
My husband cares alot about another child FROM HIS EX WIFE THAT A MILITARY PERSON IS ALLOWING HER TO RUN AND HIDE THE CHILD away from him--- SO THEREFOR HE HAS TO LET THINGS GO TO FIGHT FOR HIS RIGHTS house, van, ect.. because the military wont do diddly squat to him hiding her and allowing them to keep moving !!! Even with a court order !!!!

 

[CMSC]

Would you like to pay for me to learn sign lang. to teach my kids to communicate with me? GOD made my kids special for me and my husband.

HUH???? You couldn't learn sign language on your own? You chose to have a child and that child turned out to have special needs, nobody needs to PAY for you to learn to care for them! Good lord! Many places even offer FREE sign language and alternative learning courses.

 

[hexeliebe]

QUOTE]Originally posted by monnickasmommy




Would you like to pay for me to learn sign lang. to teach my kids to communicate with me? GOD made my kids special for me and my husband.

[/QUOTE]

I'll call my daughters who are 8 and 10. They can teach you sign language. They have a friend in their school who is deaf and learned it on their own so they could play with this child.

Oh, I forgot, they aren't lazy or looking for an excuse. They just learned it. I guess it wouldn't work trying to teach you.

 

[monnickasmommy]

I know some sign language- I am not lazy - he teaches me sign language from pre school- he can speak he just gets frustrated when I dont understand him on what he is saying so we point to things that he wants.

Here in Az where I live the schools teach all children sign language for "all" children .
My son is not retarted I guess disabled like some children - he is just slow and little- he is the smallest kid in his class by height and weight but the smartest kid.

Me and my husband handle the kids just fine- He is here during the day with me until they go to school 1200pm and then he is off to work until 3 am-

How many of you sat in a NICU with newborn babies and watch them almost die if front of you ? These are also "gifted" children, some are born with eye problems, hearing problems, walking, this list can go on !! I can say I sat in a NICU room for 12 hours a day for 6 days in a row with our daughter.

Also I am PROUD of your girls learning it at a young age they can use it all the time then, can help them in the future with a job, if needed. I wish I did.

----HUH???? You couldn't learn sign language on your own? You chose to have a child and that child turned out to have special needs, nobody needs to PAY for you to learn to care for them! Good lord! Many places even offer FREE sign language and alternative learning courses.
-------------
Sorry not where I live , I have lived here for 24 years of my life and all we have is a small little town with weeds, dirt, cactus, lol

Sure, If they EVER taught it in High School where I went , I would have took it-
( I would have did good it in like I did all my other classes)
Thank GOD my husband has a very good friend that is deaf , and HE is going to teach me it !! FOR FREE .

 

[bamababy1519]

No Longer Responding

I am no longer responding to this forum, it has honestly gotten ridiculous. You people are awful, you act like she can help that her child was born 'special'. Our town is very much like her's I wouldn't be one bit suprised if no one here knew sign language. And coosi was right, i'm already married and in the proces of moving out. I hope all of you have fun down grading each other and squabbling.

 

[nextwife]

Resources to learn to sign:

I am conversant in Amaslan (American Signed Language). If any out there wish to find a resource to learn sign and finger spelling, please check out the following:

a. Contact whichever organization respresents the hearing impaired community in your area. They often have both social get togethers and workshops.. They may offer classes.

b. Many Technical Colleges offer extension courses at local high schools for signing classes. In our community, these are available and cost under $50 to county residents.

c. Interactive software. There are several computer programs that help teach the basics. There are also some internet sites.

http://www.voicerecognition.com/icommunicator/?source=overture&OVRAW=sign language software&OVKEY=language sign software&OVMTC=standard

http://www.readysetsign.com/index2.html

http://www.worldlanguage.com/Products/42714.htm

http://www.harriscomm.com/?source=overture&OVRAW=sign language software&OVKEY=language sign software&OVMTC=standard

d. See if you might be allowed to audit any signing classes at a nearby university. Sometimes adults not seeking credit are allowed to sit in on signing classes at the Universities. UWM, for example, in my community has signing classes, and there are programs that are not full tuition and some that allow audit.

Full language imput (via sign if little to no residual hearing) as early as possible is the single most important way for a hearing impaired child to develope language concepts and abstract thinking skills. I hope one of these resources will be available to you so that you can provide constant language imput to this child. By the time they are in preschool, the parents should have been feeding them constant word and conversation in sign. I have a friend whose son was born nearly deaf, and she has been providing intensive language imput since birth. Conceptually, he is at peer level. My daughter, due to orphanage inattention and their failure to properly treat ear infections, had a significant hearing impairment (which we have since corrected by surgery). She has now caught up, after 4 years of non-stop language exposure. But she would not be at this level without being fed a constant diet of words and sentences.


She came to us at age 2 with no language concepts at all and severly delayed (she did not even have a concept of self or her own name). PLEASE do not delay in acquiring communication skills in sign. The more extensive a child's language imput (in ANY form of language they are capable of understanding) from the beginning, the better the long term prospects are for fully developing the thinking processes a child will need for critical analysis later/ Language and thinking are now known to be intertwined. THe brain needs the labels for concepts to "catalogue" thoughts about them. So, the earlier the better.

 

[monnickasmommy]

My daughter, due to orphanage inattention and their failure to properly treat ear infections, had a significant hearing impairment (which we have since corrected by surgery).

My 3 year old has had two set of tubes in his hears - The last set is titatuim (however you spell it) they will NEVER come out of his hears. He had major Otis Media .


She has now caught up, after 4 years of non-stop language exposure. But she would not be at this level without being fed a constant diet of words and sentences.

My little boy is so funny to talk to he is just now putting words together . He did not speak until this summer-
I will check out your web sites .
Thank you