Teen Marriage

[taylor812]

Now how mature is that? That isn't you taking care of the baby, but other taxpayers.

SHE OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T WANT TO MILK THE SYSTEM. SHE WANTS TO GO TO SCHOOL AND GET AN EDUCATION SO SHE CAN SUPPORT HERSELF AND HER CHILD. I'M SURE LATER IN LIFE WHEN SHE GETS A GOOD JOB, SHE WILL END UP PAYING THAT BACK, PLUS MORE. SOME PEOPLE DO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, OTHERS REALLY DO NEED IT JUST FOR A LITTLE HELP WHILE THEY GET ON THEIR FEET.

Bama--I truly believe that you love your baby. But, at 15, you are not a mature adult. I am not slamming you, it is just a fact of your age. And what if something did happen to your fiancé? What if he left, or gets hurt and can't work?

THERE IS ALWAYS A POSSIBILITY OF THIS HAPPENING NO MATTER WHAT AGE THE PARENTS ARE AT.

]

Being an adult isn't saying these things aren't going to happen....it is knowing that they are a real possibility.

GOOD QUOTE, I TOTALLY AGREE.

 

[TLWE]

First, I can read the post without you "hollering" your responses in all caps.

SHE OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T WANT TO MILK THE SYSTEM. SHE WANTS TO GO TO SCHOOL AND GET AN EDUCATION SO SHE CAN SUPPORT HERSELF AND HER CHILD. I'M SURE LATER IN LIFE WHEN SHE GETS A GOOD JOB, SHE WILL END UP PAYING THAT BACK, PLUS MORE. SOME PEOPLE DO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, OTHERS REALLY DO NEED IT JUST FOR A LITTLE HELP WHILE THEY GET ON THEIR FEET.

Having a baby with welfare as your backup plan is highly irresponsible and immature.

THERE IS ALWAYS A POSSIBILITY OF THIS HAPPENING NO MATTER WHAT AGE THE PARENTS ARE AT.

I agree. However, if this happens and she has just turned 16 and has a newborn...the chances of her getting a job that will support the family are highly unlikely. An older more mature couple would A) have an emergency plan in place, like a savings account and B) the mother would have a better chance at a higher paying job than a 15 or 16 year would.

 

[dakoto70]

In this

Why does everyone have to be so negative. I think this is what is wrong with the US today. I strongly disagree about her waiting to get married because if she waits then there will be no commitment other than the baby. Simply put that isn't enough for most people. I may be old fashioned but once you and him get married the baby will bring you closer. You will grow to truly love each other as husband and wife. Trust me I know after only knowing my husband for 3 mths before we married, you don't fall in love over night, yea you get that feeling, but the commitment and true love comes with time if both parties are not selfish. Only with time. I truly believe if you and him have good morals and treat each other good you can make it without divorce. Each of you have to forget about yourself, you have to grow up quick. Focus on your schooling, taking care of the baby and your relationship. You have your own family to care for now, no more playing around. You can keep in touch with your friends but don't expect them to still hang out with your and even if they want to you shouldn't because you are a wife and a mother now and that chapter of your life is over. Don't worry though once you get through it you will be smarter and wiser and can begin another chapter in your life of enjoying your family and other interests. You'll make other friends in your lifetime with probably more meaningful relationships. Trust me everyone says high school and college is the best time of your life, well it isn't for everybody. I am much happier today with my own family than I was living with my very loving parents.

My grandmother was in your shoes at 14 she was pregnant by my grandfather who was 19. They married and made it. I'm sure people will say, "But yea that was back then" but I don't see the difference just because society has changed and is more accepting of divorce and living together. Which both I am strongly opposed to except in EXTREME circumstances. Both of them went on to have six kids and both graduated from college in the 1960's.

They worked hard, saved their money and have always paid for everything in cash. It can be done. You just have to want it, taste it, live it and breath it. Focus on your goal. Don't let anyone tell you no and know in your heart what you have to do to make yourself and family happy. You can do it!

*** In this day and age a 19 yr old getting a 14 yr old pregnant could be prosecuted for RAPE. It is all fine and good that your grandparents went on to make a life for themselves and that is a great story. But I on the other hand was PG at 17 got married at 18 and was divorced by 19. I didn't love him and thought OH MY GOD I AM PG WHAT DO I DO the biggest mistake of my life was getting married when I did. And it is also great that some people get together not because they love each other but because other forces make them get together and they than live a happy and healthy life. My mom is a perfect example of that. SHe married my step father not because she loved him, she did like him, but she married him so my sister and i had a father figure in our lives. He was great for us and took us on like we were his own and they have been together for 27 years so yes it can work but I firmly believe that unless you love someone you should not be married to them. I don't think at 15 this girl should add a marriage on top of having baby. It is enough for her to raise the baby and raise herself so they can be self sufficient and if this guy loves her than can be together and wait awhile before they get married. And this is all my personal opnion.

 

[bamababy1519]

I would like to thank all of you for your positive comments, it has encouraged me to do what I feel is right and that is to raise my little girl. I know it's going to be hard, but I am taking a nationaly accredited homeschool program which allows me to get my highschool diploma twiced as fast as other high school students, I can get a decent job with that, and then i'll be attending Wallace State for the Physical Therapist Assistant's program which will take me 2 years to complete and then I can get a really good job. MY fiance is also attending G.E.D classes so he can get a better job (But if any of you live in Alabama you know it's true when I say a job like that is very hard to come by without a degree/diploma of some kind) And he will also be looking into some college programs. I know saying it'll happen and it actually happening are two very diferent things and it will be hard to make it a reality, but I will strive to reach my goals, I know their will be struggles and let downs, but I will make a life for my child, it make take a while but she will have everything she needs, she may not get everything she wants right now or when she's small, she will have the neccistys (Major Typo.) I have no intentions on "milking" the system, I don't want your tax dollars to support my daughter, I may not be able to do it all on my own, but I have the support of my family and my community right now, and when I get totally on my feet, it may be 5 years from now, but I will pay them back 10 times over. Once again thank you all for your comments and your encouragment.
From the way it sounds several of you had gotten married while you were young or pregnant. Jeremy and I have been together for almost 2 years, we waited a year before we had sex, I loved him before that, I know we'll argue about many things when we get married but that's life, it's how it goes, I beleieve we will make it, we were together a pretty good while before I got pregnant, we know what we want for our daughter and that's alot, like I said I will strive to reach my goals and he will do the same.

 

[ChristinaR]

Bamababy, Please schedule in some counseling and some good parenting classes, They will both be a great help to you now and in the future. Good luck.

 

[bamababy1519]

I'm currently taking MomsToday classes at a local clinic.

 

[dakoto70]

I hope

I hope everything woks you for your child and for you. Just remember everything is for the best interest of the child. Think of her everytime you want to do something and just as yourself if it is best for her. Yes it will be hard and it will be a struggle but something worth having is worth fighting for.

 

[tammy8]

PEOPLE!!!!

Now who are the dumb ones? My BIGGEST mistake was NOT getting pregnant as a teen, squeezing out a couple of kids and then being to get FREE medical care, a FREE apartment, FREE food, and finally a FREE education! Instead I chose to practice safe sex and end up, middle age with no children, and no FREE lunches at all!!!!!

Ummmmm duhhhhh I just realized that the reason I can't afford kids now, can't afford healthcare, can't afford a nice house or further my education is BECAUSE I AM PAYING FOR FRIGGIN WELFARE OF THESE IDOITS OUT HERE!!!!!!!!

BTW, my parents adopted and raised 3 children besides myself. No one of us have ever wondered "where" the REAL parent was because the REAL parent was in the house fixing our lunches, helping with homework, loving and nuturing us to be productive adults!!!!!

 

[coosi]

Definately an emotional issue!

BamaBaby,

Learn everything you can (but you still won't be prepared because no one really is!)

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/teenagepregnancy.html

When your belly is so big it feels like the skin is splitting open (try some Vitamin E oil), and your feet and ankles are all swelled up and you're so big you feel like an absolute COW, just remember, being pregnant is the easiest part of being a parent...

 

[taylor812]

Re: PEOPLE!!!!

Ummmmm duhhhhh I just realized that the reason I can't afford kids now, can't afford healthcare, can't afford a nice house or further my education is BECAUSE I AM PAYING FOR FRIGGIN WELFARE OF THESE IDOITS OUT HERE!!!!!!!!

Excuse me!!!!! I understand your frustration of having to pay tax dollars because if taxes weren't taking out of my check, I'd be VERY WELL OFF, but it is the system that is messed up. It is the system who allows a person to pop out kid after kid and keep giving them our money, okay??????? If you are going to sit there and call people idiots, I wouldn't be calling the people on welfare the idiots. I just have to stand up for the people that NEED the assistance to get on their feet, and use it as needed, and don't take advantage of it, even if it is a small percent. I remember, I made $10 an hour when I was a single 20 year old parent, I lived on my own, and I didn't receive any child support. I wasn't receiving any help from the state... My cupboards were empty. I had no money for food. I went to the State and asked them for FOOD STAMPS and they said I made too much money at 10 bucks an hour as a single mom!!!! I was going to school more then part time, working full time, and they couldn't even help me get food????!!! UGH! THAT STILL makes me mad. LUCKILY I had family to help me. If not, I mine as well should have quit my job, and quit going to school so I could get HELP from the state. See what I mean about the system being f'd up? The lazier and worse off you are, the more help you get.

[QUOTE from TLWE] First, I can read the post without you "hollering" your responses in all caps.

Sorry!! I was not meaning to come across as hollering, just using those to seperate my reply from the quote I was replying about. I will stop that.

Having a baby with welfare as your backup plan is highly irresponsible and immature.

[Reply]
I agree that having a baby with welfare as a backup plan is irresponsable and immmature, but she has plans on getting an education, and that is mature and responsible. If you're going to make judgements on something that may be considered negative, you should also take into consideration what she plans on doing postively as well. analogy- it's like saying killing someone is wrong, which it is, but killing someone that has commited murder is justifiable. My point is (if not clear) is don't be so quick to judge her now. If in a few years from now she is still on welfare, with no education, that is when it'd be justifiable to say she is being highly immature and irresponsible.

[MY QUOTE]THERE IS ALWAYS A POSSIBILITY OF THIS HAPPENING NO MATTER WHAT AGE THE PARENTS ARE AT.

[your reply] I agree. However, if this happens and she has just turned 16 and has a newborn...the chances of her getting a job that will support the family are highly unlikely. An older more mature couple would A) have an emergency plan in place, like a savings account and B) the mother would have a better chance at a higher paying job than a 15 or 16 year would.

[My reply]
Thats a good argument there. it was just annoying me how everyone was saying "if you put the child up for adoption, they will get to grow up with 2 parents, and have a better life, and bla bla." I think people that adopt are wonderful people and end up being great parents, I don't doubt that for a second. It just annoyed me because so many people get married and then get pregnant, do it all right, and things still end up messed up for the child, and you don't hear anyone telling them to put their kid up for adoption because the kid will probably have a better life.. because acording to the statistics, they probably will!! It's so common for people to get divorced nowadays.. No matter what age the people are at. Granted, they are more likely to get a dirvoce if they marry at a really young age.. It still happens to a lot of people.

 

[ChristinaR]

http://www.teenpregnancy.org/resources/data/genlfact.asp

Take a look at the link above, it will give you some of the statistics for teen pregnancy. What everyone has advices here wasn't meant to be cruel it just plain facts that children having children seldom works out good for either child involved.
I would also suggest that Bamababy read through the site, it has a ton of valuable information listed.

Who suffers the consequences?


Teen mothers are less likely to complete high school (only one-third receive a high school diploma) and only 1.5% have a college degree by age 30 Teen mothers are more likely to end up on welfare (nearly 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare)

The children of teenage mothers have lower birth weights, are more likely to perform poorly in school, and are at greater risk of abuse and neglect.

The sons of teen mothers are 13 percent more likely to end up in prison while teen daughters are 22 percent more likely to become teen mothers themselves.

 

[coosi]

http://www.teenpregnancy.org/resources/data/genlfact.asp

Take a look at the link above, it will give you some of the statistics for teen pregnancy. What everyone has advices here wasn't meant to be cruel it just plain facts that children having children seldom works out good for either child involved.
I would also suggest that Bamababy read through the site, it has a ton of valuable information listed.

***I don't dispute that teen pregnancy is difficult. I have a real problem with these types of statistics. Did you check the source of this information? I did.

Teen mothers are more likely to end up on welfare (nearly 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare)
***This one is based on a study conducted from 1979-1985. That's basically OVER 20 YEARS AGO! I guarantee it's WRONG.

Who suffers the consequences?

Teen mothers are less likely to complete high school (only one-third receive a high school diploma) and only 1.5% have a college degree by age 30 Teen mothers are more likely to end up on welfare (nearly 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare)
***And this leaves out more that it tells us. How about a GED? Compared to all mothers? Compared to non-mother teens? Compared to the total population? Useless.

Statistics are notorious for manipulation.

 

[ChristinaR]

Your right Coosi some of those Stats are out of date and some come from census, I will try to scan in some of my stats sheets for you later today or Monday if they are at my office.

The information was meant as a tool for this young mother, She needs to see what she is facing in the hope that she can and will change her and her child's future. It wasn't meant as gospel, Actually the Stat sheets that I have are newer and even bleaker than the ones listed. The recent ones I have are from the National Head Start Council, CPS and CASA.

 

[CJ Hurtig]

Teen Mother

Dear Teen Mom,

I know the people on this site come across as being harsh to you. It does sound harsh when you read the comments.

You are right about one thing, you did not ask to be lectured...you asked a question and you received unsolicited responses. Most of those responses angered and hurt you.

I can assure you, as a person who is now raising my niece who was born to a mother 15 years old, and brother 19 that the marriage is not likely to survive. But that doesnt mean it absolutely wont...just that the odds are against you.

As for life, and surviving in the world. IT is extremely difficult to provide for a baby at your age, or at any other age. There are so many things a parent has to give up in order to make sure their child has what they need. And doing this at 15 is even more of a sacrifice in that you will not be able to be a child...something that those of us are adults can look back and say "please dont miss your childhood...they are some of the best years of your life".

And while others see your choice as "selfish", I can see both sides. Realistically, it is going to be a struggle that neither you or your boyfriend could possibly anticipate or understand. But I commend you for trying. I will pray, even though I do not know you, that your marriage will work and you will both be together when your child is your age. I pray that for your sake, but mostly for your childs sakes.

I am not sure there is a perfectly good answer for this one. Few teenage mothers and fathers make it when coupled with a child. Relationships are difficult without children. Children complicate matters. Statistics show that 90% of teenage marriages do not survive. But the choice is obviously not ours, but yours.

I know that no matter how much it's preached to a kid not to have sex, the choice ultimately comes down to that teenager/child thinking for themselves. But Im certain you didnt have a clue how much this would change your life, and you wont know until that baby comes into the world and you have to deal with the reality. Nevertheless, I wish you well...not doom. Because it's going to be quite a struggle, even with your family on your side. You certainly dont need a lot of people against you.

My niece is fortunate that I really wanted another child. But I also have two other nieces in foster care as a result of irresponsible parents.

Take care. God bless.

 

[CMSC]

Bama,

This is the information you are looking for. Please look long and hard at all the facts before you make a final decision. Being young doesn't automatically mean you can't be a good parent, but it does mean you will miss out on a lot (you will also gain a lot, of course). Consider what's best for everyone, I'm sure you want the best for the precious life you carry.



Ps
I have to say if internet forums are any guide, you certainly sound at least as mature as some of the "adults" on here.

Make good choices...

coosi, you said it very well, especially in your PS.

Look bamababy stick with coosi she has good information. Don't be a statistic, try to be safe and smart in your decisions. I have not read through all the pages of this thread, but mostly what I see are people just complaining about another kid having a baby. They will get over it. Do you people volunteer in your community to teach teens before this all happens? How about becoming a mentor for kids whose parents don't give a flying f**k? No they arent' your children to raise, but if you want to complain about things in society why not help to make them better?

Tammy8, your statement about not wanting to know your "real" parent was sick and diluted. It was also a genuine bash against birth parents. You are an insult to many adoptee's! I myself am one and i have wonderful adoptive parents, but I still wondered about my birth parents.