Things that cannot be said enough...

[kmb1179]

And as far as the whole step-parent issue goes, I would like to humbly ask the senior members to try to be a little understanding.

First, I want to say that legally, I totally get that a step-parent is no one. But sometimes the lines between emotions and the law can be blurred for some people.

In my case, my husband has custody of his 3 children, and they have lived with he and I for almost 4 years. Their "real" mom is not in the picture, by her choice.

Legally, I may be no one, but I AM the one who cares for them when they are sick, volunteers at their schools, helps with homework, etc.

Not looking for a fight, just wanted to point out that it can be hard to hear that you are no one, when day in and day out, sometimes you are the ONLY one.

But I do understand that legally, a step-parent is no one, which is why I stay out of any issues that husband and his ex have. I do not communicate with her unless she emails me asking questions about the kids, etc. If there are issues that need to be discussed, that needs to happen between the bio parents, only.

So I guess I have another peice of advice for step-parents/spouses of step-parents:

**If you are a ste-parent, do not think that you have rights. You have none. Get used to that idea.

**If you are a step-parent, do not interfere with the communication of your spouse and his/her ex. The results will not be good. Period. Let your spouse deal with his/her ex. Why do you want that headache anyways? Handle it like my husband and I do. He talks to his ex, and if it is even something that will materially effect me, he gets off the phone with her, he and I discuss it, then he calls her back and they finish discussing it. DO NOT TRY TO GET IN THE MIDDLE! You will get run over!

**Ducks for cover and runs**

 

[>Charlotte<]

Here's my biggest pet peeve, for the list.

Grow:

1. Thicker skin
2. A backbone
3. Up

Being told you're wrong is NOT the same thing as being "bashed." Just because we don't put little smiley faces all over the place and call you sweetheart and honey and offer you milk and cookies, it does NOT mean we're being mean to you, bashing you, or acting like jerks. Some of the advice you'll get here will be succinct and to-the-point. Look up the word "terse" and stop whining.

If you get your feelings hurt here, the opposing attorney is going to eat you for lunch.

 

[Silverplum]

More good additions, kmb. (And that's coming from a stepparent.)

 

[Silverplum]

..and offer you milk and cookies...

or pudding!

Darling sweetiecakes, here's some pudding to help you get over the fact that you selected this trash to be the other parent of your child...and now you will spend an unGodly amount of money and stress over this for a dozen years to come...have a cookie!

 

[kmb1179]

Here's another suggestion:

**Leave the drama for your mama. The Judge doesn't care.

In court, stick to the RELEVANT facts. The judge doesn't care about all the BS. Remember, that judge is going to decide your case. Do you really want to piss him/her off?

 

[Gracie3787]

Here's one that I didn't see anyone mention:

To spouses of parents: In legal matters, there is no WE. There is one mother, one father, and only two parties to a court order- the legal mother and legal father.

Do Not, post that "we paid", "we filed", etc. And for the sake of your spouse and your step child(ren) do NOT ever use the "we" word in court.

 

[kmb1179]

Do Not, post that "we paid", "we filed", etc. And for the sake of your spouse and your step child(ren) do NOT ever use the "we" word in court.

I agree, do not EVER say "we" in court, but I have to respectfully disagree with with not posting "we paid", etc. Sometimes, "we" do pay.

As in my husband and I both work, have a joint checking account that all of "our" money goes into, and "we" both pay all the bills around here.

When it was time to pay the kids' school tuition this year, "we" definately paid. Actually, "I" wrote the check for my step-children's tuition, it came out of "our" checking account, which "I" worked very hard to contribute to.

So, "we" definately paid.

 

[LdiJ]

Here is another:

Remember, that when its all said and done, you have to share your child(ren) with their other parent. Your child(ren) will be happier if the two of you can find a way to agree on how that is to be done, and can leave your egos at the door and learn to be at least civil to each other, if not friends.

That does not mean that you have to or should, roll over and play dead, and let the other parent call all the shots. What that means is that you recognize and respect the ex as your child's other parent, and you make a good faith effort to work together.

For example, if you are the CP, and the NCP wants extra time now and then, that mean that sometimes you say yes, and sometimes you say no. That way the NCP knows that you will accomodate when you can or when its appropriate, but will hopefully respect your right to say no when you cannot accomodate or when its not appropriate.

 

[LdiJ]

And another one:

Visitation is a priveledge, not an obligation for the ncp.

Visitation is an obligation, for the cp.

 

[LdiJ]

And one more:

If you really believe that your children are in danger, its ok to call CPS, but you better be prepared to get your butt into court for emergency orders the VERY NEXT business day. Don't just deny visitation. If you MUST deny a specific visit in order to protect your children, then either get your butt in court in advance for an emergency hearing if you can, or get your butt in court for an emergency hearing, immediately after.

 

[LdiJ]

And another one:

If your child tells you that they want to live with you after they have spent the summer with you, YOU CANNOT KEEP THE CHILD AND REFUSE TO RETURN THEM TO THE OTHER PARENT.

You MUST return the child and file a petition to modify custody.

 

[Ohiogal]

While you're at it...

your
you're

to
too
two

8 is not a word
U is not a word
2 is not a word
4 is not a word

and don't even get me started on elipses.

I still screw up AFFECT and EFFECT. Always. Forever. Even when I was teaching the ACT/SAT prep class I still had to look it up and copy it straight from the cheat sheets.

 

[Ohiogal]

No wonder Prince was banned!! Aged 7, indeed!!

H & I recently rewatched P.R., enjoyed and sang along.

Age 7? Darling Niki? OMG. I am still s******g over rub privates. Hey and if two girls have sex, who gets pregnant? What a weekend.

 

[Ohiogal]

Here's my biggest pet peeve, for the list.

Grow:

1. Thicker skin
2. A backbone
3. Up

Being told you're wrong is NOT the same thing as being "bashed." Just because we don't put little smiley faces all over the place and call you sweetheart and honey and offer you milk and cookies, it does NOT mean we're being mean to you, bashing you, or acting like jerks. Some of the advice you'll get here will be succinct and to-the-point. Look up the word "terse" and stop whining.

If you get your feelings hurt here, the opposing attorney is going to eat you for lunch.

The day I start offering milk and cookies is the day you all know I showed up here drunk. Or I just won a million dollars in the lottery and I am quitting my day job.

 

[>Charlotte<]

I still screw up AFFECT and EFFECT. Always. Forever. Even when I was teaching the ACT/SAT prep class I still had to look it up and copy it straight from the cheat sheets.

Not exactly a proper sentence, but remember "it will affect the effect" (and to remember which goes where, notice they're in alpha order).