Things that cannot be said enough...

[ProSeDadinMD]

I'm guilty of the "I before E" thing myself

Don't request any "evaluation" of your ex that you don't expect to be put through also.

 

[CJane]

I was an English major w/a Poli Sci minor. It's going to be very difficult for you to out-grammar or out argue me.

Do not say "This is why I hate lawyers" or "I'll pray for you because you're mean". Honestly, we don't care. All of us sleep pretty well at night, and you probably hate us because you know we're right and it sucks to be you.

And for the sake of all that is holy - if you have a problem with ME or anyone else... don't PM me (them) about it. I'm certainly not afraid of public discourse and I WILL post your PM in order to respond to it.

 

[kik1999]

OG, your story in the courtroom reminds me of a situation with my daughter and her seeking out the guidance counselor at her school for help with feeling like she was put in the middle. Long story short, my ex and I have gotten along for the most part for her entire childhood, except recently. My daughter knew for maybe a week, that things, well, weren't the way the used to be, so she sought help at school ~ and I was contacted by the counselor to consent to her attending a kids group for children of divorced parents. I told my ex, that our 8 year old is taking it upon herself to seek assistance, we need to grow up and act like her parents ~ not like her peers. If we could be flies on the wall, and listen to our daughter re-tell the story from HER perspective, we'd BOTH feel like a bunch of idiots. That nipped it in the bud, we've dropped the fued, and realized that we both have one thing in common, whether we like each other or not.

I'm sure we'd all feel stupid at times if we could hear our kids re-tell the stories from thier perspective.

 

[LdiJ]

Remember that "parent" is not a noun it is a verb.

Its actually both.

 

[JacobJoel]

hhmmmm

i did that PM in a disagreement once. only once. it was a clash of cultures coming through. i teach respect and privacy concerning disagreements/misunderstandings and did things according to how i expect people to do them.

but it is a different world, the legal world. it didn't work.

 

[Silverplum]

Do not say "This is why I hate lawyers" or "I'll pray for you because you're mean". Honestly, we don't care. All of us sleep pretty well at night, and you probably hate us because you know we're right and it sucks to be you.

CJane!
Get OUT of my HEAD!!!

 

[stormyautumn]

It seems like we have more of people's significant others posting when if the parent themselves really cared they would be on here posting their own fight. So what does that tell you about the parent? If you are fed up with what's going on between your BF, GF, Husband, Wife and their ex, you knew what you were getting into. Don't come on and say "But I'm the one taking care of them, I'm the one doing this or that" You chose to!

 

[CJane]

A friend of mine is dating a guy w/2 kids... shared custody...

We were talking last night and she said "Their mother is just going to have to get used to the idea that I'm going to be in their lives and I'm going to have influence and control over those kids when I'm with them."

I just looked at her and said "You've been my friend since way before I got divorced. You have seen what I've gone through w/SH and his wife. Why in the hell would you adopt that attitude and put yourself in the position that the girls' SMom is in?"

She had honestly never looked at it from that perspective.

Seriously people... when you marry/date/shack up with someone with kids... you're not second fiddle... you're 3rd or 4th. The babymomma/daddy will always and forever be able to influence every single decision your new lover makes.

 

[tuffbrk]

Yeah - that's why I stick with younger men - they don't have kids yet! Seriously though - I've been a SM, was one when I was all of 20 yo. My own children didn't have 1 Christmas that their Dad wasn't flipping out because their brothers were late. You spend a lot of time listening to your spouse complain, biting your tongue at both parties continued inability to effectively co-parent and then straddling a fence with the kids themselves - not too involved so as to overstep and not so disinterested that the kids think you're cold...oh yeah - I gave up my weekends (what was I thinking?!) to deal with everyone else's problems.

Fun, fun, fun...you'd think someone would have gotten me a sarcastic T-shirt at least! Hmmm....suggestions for a sarcastic SM T-shirt?

 

[Gracie3787]

It seems like we have more of people's significant others posting when if the parent themselves really cared they would be on here posting their own fight.

That's only partly true. In some situations, like mine, the spouse of a NCP posts because the NCP is so busy working to pay CS that they literally don't have time to do all of the research, etc.

Another situation, like mine, is that as intelligent as my hubby is, I am the one who can comprehend legal issues way more than he can. Of course, it balances out in the long run, I don't know anything about cars and trucks, but he sure does. LOL.

The problem with spouses posting is when they do everything for the spouse and takes over to where they are trying to be the party even though they aren't. Actually it ends up hurting thier spouse in court. When I first began researching my hubby didn't want to hear about anything, then I plopped it all in his lap and expalined that if he was going to go into court he darn well better know what he's talking about, "cause they won't let me speak for him in court.

 

[JacobJoel]

when i first posted on here i thought that what i was doing, the information i was getting was going to make a difference.

i did it because of the situation my husband is in, personally. he fights gulf war and now some other physical issues as well as sensitivity to computer monitors.

i thought i was going to make a difference, that we were going to move on what i discoverd because the situation was just untenable.

i was wrong.

when i realized nothing was going to change, for a number of reasons, i quit. deleted some posts he found threatening and haven't asked (many) questions since.

and i do absolutely nothing w/the kids. i have to pick them up today and i wouldn't even do it till he cleared it with their mom and grandmother and give explicit directions on the way it was to be handled.

and that is how it will be.

 

[stormyautumn]

and i do absolutely nothing w/the kids. i have to pick them up today and i wouldn't even do it till he cleared it with their mom and grandmother and give explicit directions on the way it was to be handled.

and that is how it will be.

Are you sure this is how you want to live your life?

 

[JacobJoel]

No, it's not. and it doesn't reflect who i am. for reasons that are just not appropriate to go into here it is a band aid for a situation that i realize i am powerless to make better.

i've been married for less then a year. to date everything that i have said or done has been misinterpretated or relayed in appropriately to such a degree that it has worn on my nerves and my husband's health.

until he decides to get it together, in some way, my goal is to ride the wave quietly.

i'm sure i'm making mistakes but i have done all that i would advise anyone else to do and this is my 'final option'.

don't get me wrong. i am not evil with the kids and i am not evil to the wife. in fact, i hardly speak to her (less room for hassle) and i talk to the kids. about anything that has to do with nothing concerning their parents.

but no interaction that hasn't been tediously reviewed for possibly problems and then addressed. and NOTHING that even remotely resembles parenting.

 

[CJane]

but no interaction that hasn't been tediously reviewed for possibly problems and then addressed. and NOTHING that even remotely resembles parenting.

And this is why I will never be a step-parent.

 

[Suzz]

It seems like we have more of people's significant others posting when if the parent themselves really cared they would be on here posting their own fight. So what does that tell you about the parent? If you are fed up with what's going on between your BF, GF, Husband, Wife and their ex, you knew what you were getting into. Don't come on and say "But I'm the one taking care of them, I'm the one doing this or that" You chose to!

Possibly true in some cases, but in others, the parent may not have the computer skills. I love my father dearly, but the man could not type his way out of a paper bag! A year before he retired, the Sheriff put a computer in Daddy's office. The cover never came off, the only time it was ever turned on my daughter did so by accident, and the day he retired we removed all the Post-Its from the cover