unwed pending court visitation HELP PLEASE

[wieletwarzy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I have a 13 month old baby. When she was 10 months old is when we established paternity. The father didn't want anything to do with her until paternity was established. When it was established everything was great! The father lives in California 6 hours away. We talked on the phone after a year and a half of not speaking. I told him he can see her when ever he wanted to. We made plans to talk about a schedule with her and on his first visit (he brought his wife and daughter that is 4 months younger than our daughter) we got into an argument and he threatened to file for emergency custody and immediately started saying I was with holding her from him because I was taking her to my friends house because he never came to see her that day while I was at work. He said he would call the cops and send them to my house and work. He said he didn't go see her because he wants her by himself. He's never met her before all this! Now we've been fighting constantly. I told him he can see her supervised with me or my mother till court. He refuses to have visits supervised and keeps harassing me and telling me hes going to get sole custody. Because of all the fighting I have limited the supervised visits now to only letting my mom supervise so I don't have to see him. He lied on the court papers saying he pays 200 a month in child support but he has no records of that cause he never payed. He also said I have been with holding her from him and denying visitation which I havenot done. I just told him it needs to be supervised. I tried to file a tpo but was denyed because there is no abuse. But with all the fighting and harassment I ended up losing my job. But I am starting a new one that pays way more. I have pictures of them together and a notarized document from when I let her stay the night with him in my state. I am to the point now where I want to deny visitation because he's a liar, he harasses me and keeps telling me I'm gonna look bad in court because I'm making him have supervised visits. Our baby doesn't know him! All I want is for them to establish a relationship first before anything but he wont. What do I do? Am I bad for making the visits supervised because we aren't getting along? Please help me. There is no drug use, no violence and no mental issues. I am a single mother to my baby and my 9 yr old. Doing it all on my own.

 

[wieletwarzy]

ps...

I told him in the beginning that I didn't want his money. I was just happy he wanted to be in her life. Because my 9yr olds father hasn't seen or payed child support for 6 years and I don't want my baby to grow up with out her father. I know first hand how sad it is for my 9yr old. He went to a child support hearing in California cause the case is interstate cause I live in nevada. I am on welfare but after this new job I won't be any longer. He was ordered to pay 98 dollars a month. I told him I would give it back to him so he can make 2 trips a month out here to see her. I want him to be there for her but he won't because he feels he deserves 50/50 even tho she doesn't know him. I wouldn't be opposed to 60/40 only because me and my family all have a bond with her. My mom babysits. There is no day care involved. I've seen him with her and I know he will be such an amazing father! Hes a great guy! But extremely stubborn. I just want her to become familiar with him. I don't know what to do.

 

[Proserpina]

I told him in the beginning that I didn't want his money. I was just happy he wanted to be in her life. Because my 9yr olds father hasn't seen or payed child support for 6 years and I don't want my baby to grow up with out her father. I know first hand how sad it is for my 9yr old. He went to a child support hearing in California cause the case is interstate cause I live in nevada. I am on welfare but after this new job I won't be any longer. He was ordered to pay 98 dollars a month. I told him I would give it back to him so he can make 2 trips a month out here to see her. I want him to be there for her but he won't because he feels he deserves 50/50 even tho she doesn't know him. I wouldn't be opposed to 60/40 only because me and my family all have a bond with her. My mom babysits. There is no day care involved. I've seen him with her and I know he will be such an amazing father! Hes a great guy! But extremely stubborn. I just want her to become familiar with him. I don't know what to do.

Given that he's got a somewhat patchy history with visitation (and apparently hasn't bothered to start things in court himself), I think a 50/50 timeshare is a little much for him at this point....and he seems to be ignoring the fact that you live in two different states.

It might be different if you'd lived together until now, but that's not the case.

I don't think short term supervision is too much to ask, either - not given your situation. Have you tried to show him examples of parenting plans? Different options? Deltabravo.net does have some you can look at.

 

[wieletwarzy]

reply

Correction: he did file a petition to establish custody and visitation. I have talked to him about plans yes. I've brought up many plans to him. But he put down in his petition that he wants month on month off. I refuse to have my baby be away from me that long. He also had said he'd be willing to do 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. I told him my car isn't reliable and he told me that's not his fault. That if I was one minute late from picking her up that he would file motions thru the court. I told him I'd be willing to pay no more than 300 a month in travel expenses. But he said he doesn't want to be the one traveling. He wants her for extended amounts of time. 50/50. No less than that. I am doing everything I can to get a more reliable car, just to prepare for what ever the judge says. In my counterclaim I said I wanted him to have supervised visits every other weekend. That's what an attorney told me to say. The free one in the law library

 

[Proserpina]

Correction: he did file a petition to establish custody and visitation. I have talked to him about plans yes. I've brought up many plans to him. But he put down in his petition that he wants month on month off. I refuse to have my baby be away from me that long. He also had said he'd be willing to do 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. I told him my car isn't reliable and he told me that's not his fault. That if I was one minute late from picking her up that he would file motions thru the court. I told him I'd be willing to pay no more than 300 a month in travel expenses. But he said he doesn't want to be the one traveling. He wants her for extended amounts of time. 50/50. No less than that. I am doing everything I can to get a more reliable car, just to prepare for what ever the judge says. In my counterclaim I said I wanted him to have supervised visits every other weekend. That's what an attorney told me to say. The free one in the law library

Okay then.

 

[wieletwarzy]

reply

Sorry. So my question is will he be granted 50/50? How would I motion the court to make him provides pay stubs, taxes and receipts for all proof of what he claimed. Can I do a discovery?

 

[LdiJ]

Sorry. So my question is will he be granted 50/50? How would I motion the court to make him provides pay stubs, taxes and receipts for all proof of what he claimed. Can I do a discovery?

There is almost no chance that he would be granted a 50/50 timeshare unless you actually cave in and agree to that. No judge is going to agree to every other month or every other two weeks where an infant or toddler is concerned.

 

[wieletwarzy]

reply

Thank you for letting me know that.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you for letting me know that.

He very well could be granted joint custody or shared parenting however.

 

[Proserpina]

He very well could be granted joint custody or shared parenting however.

Neither of which equate to a 50/50 timeshare.

Just so OP doesn't get confused.

 

[Ohiogal]

Neither of which equate to a 50/50 timeshare.

Just so OP doesn't get confused.

Never said it did.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Did either party move or have you both lived in different states?

Since he doesn't know the child, ask that the visits start where the child lives. It needs to be a graduated plan that if he flakes out, he starts again.

Google long distance plans toddler. He will not get what he is asking for.

 

[wieletwarzy]

reply

When I was pregnant I moved back to nevada. She was born here. Will the judge take in consideration that I have givin him ample opportunity to see her via physical visits and skype and he shows that if it's supervised he will not visit her?

 

[wieletwarzy]

and

Is it possible that I could fight for sole custody and be the one that decides when and where the visits take place just because of my schedule? This new job I will be working 4 10 hr shifts. Off for 3. But my oldest daughter is in mma classes and soccer. Would the judge make me limit things in my oldests life just so he can visit with our baby?

 

[Silverplum]

When I was pregnant I moved back to nevada. She was born here. Will the judge take in consideration that I have givin him ample opportunity to see her via physical visits and skype and he shows that if it's supervised he will not visit her?

Skype with an infant? Not impressive or fun.