unwed pending court visitation HELP PLEASE

[wieletwarzy]

Anyone else see this:



The baby is ten months old, pregnancy lasts nine. So basically she had sex with him and they broke up and she then has a problem with him wanting a paternity test? Really?

Actually I didn't have a problem with the paternity test. And the paternity test isn't the issue here. I have no problem with a man wanting to make sure before he invests his emotions and money on a child.

 

[wieletwarzy]

Actually not based on OP:


So mom hadn't spoken to him in almost 2 years, the baby was 10 months old ... yada yada yada...

And actually you're correct. We found out I was pregnant and I moved back to nevada immediately. There is much more to the story than all this. But none of that matters. What matters is what's going on now and how important it is for him to establish a relationship with our child. If you would like the full story of me and his relationship just let me know. I'll be more than happy to share.

 

[wieletwarzy]

Child is 13 mo's now...But (IMHO) baby will be fine spending time with Dad without Mommy hovering about.

And to be technical a year and a half went by with out speaking to him. We went our separate ways and that was that. So I could say almost 2 years or I could say a little over a year. Either way it adds up

 

[wieletwarzy]

Okay, okay, so he's behaved badly. You haven't done everything correctly either.

So, let's just put this bed. He'll file for visitation, the judge will decide on a plan, and that's that. I do hope the judge doesn't order supervised visits. He's already had an overnight.

Not related to this thread, but... I know there are specific situations that require supervision, but in general, I wonder about the purpose of supervised visits. How many parents visit a daycare for 10 short visits with their child before leaving him there every day because the child doesn't have a relationship with the caretakers? How many parents insist on supervising their child's classroom for the first 2 weeks of school because their child doesn't have a relationship with the teacher? In many cases, the father of the child is less trusted to care for his own child than is an unrelated stranger. I think that's sad.

Yes he has had 1 night with her. But imagine how long this court process is going to take and the longer he has to abide by what I request the longer he will refuse to have anything to do with her. So after 6 months of not seeing her or even 3 for that matter then supervised visits should be a must. If him an I were getting along it would be a completely different story. Then I would trust him to not take her to cali and not return her. I would let him have more unsupervised visits and even at one point I agreed she could go with him for 1 week per month for 3 months, but he wouldn't agree to that. Like I said he wants her for extended periods of time. Not going to happen. She is a baby and on a schedule and knows nothing but me, her sister and my family. I don't see why he can't take it slow with her. Last time he was here they were playing and he got on his knees and chased her and she started crying with a horrified look on her face. Im not saying it's because he's a bad guy at all, that she reacted that way. What I'm saying is she does not know him so she got scared and ran straight to me. Not only that but our daughter hasn't stepped foot in a daycare. My mother watches her in my home.

 

[wieletwarzy]

I view daycare and school differently than you do. Its a group situation with lots of other children and other distractions present, and while you hope that your child bonds with the provider or teacher, you actually don't want a parental type bond to form.

With a parent, you want a strong bond to form. You want the child to be happy and excited to see the parent...not scared and apprehensive because the person or people with whom their primary bonds are forged, are not there. I honestly cannot imagine ANY parent/grandparent/aunt/uncle etc., who was meeting the child for the first few times to expect "alone time" with the child. I simply cannot understand or relate to those who do.

I can understand a father not wanting to bond with a child if there was a chance that he would end up not being the father, so I can understand why some fathers wait for the paternity test first. However, I simply do not understand those who refuse to visit in the other parent's presence when they have not been part of the child's life. I don't think that they are thinking about the child at all.

I couldn't agree more. And I'd like to point out aswell to everyone that I let her stay one night with him because he had visited twice before then. She was a little familiar with him by that point. But let's role play for a minute. Put yourself in my shows and I'm acting like him. I just found out I'm the father. Would you say "ok, here ya go!, see you guys in two weeks or even a month". Now I know some of you will criticize and make crude comments with what I just said but seriously think about it. I'm actually trying to prove a point here.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Yes he has had 1 night with her. But imagine how long this court process is going to take and the longer he has to abide by what I request the longer he will refuse to have anything to do with her. So after 6 months of not seeing her or even 3 for that matter then supervised visits should be a must. If him an I were getting along it would be a completely different story.

The bolded says everything I need to know about you.

Then I would trust him to not take her to cali and not return her.

That's paranoia, in my opinion...

I would let him have more unsupervised visits and even at one point I agreed she could go with him for 1 week per month for 3 months,

...especially after a comment like that.

but he wouldn't agree to that. Like I said he wants her for extended periods of time. Not going to happen. She is a baby and on a schedule and knows nothing but me, her sister and my family.

And yet, you offered 1 week/month.

I don't see why he can't take it slow with her. Last time he was here they were playing and he got on his knees and chased her and she started crying with a horrified look on her face. Im not saying it's because he's a bad guy at all, that she reacted that way. What I'm saying is she does not know him so she got scared and ran straight to me.

I'm sure he could have comforted her given the opportunity.

Not only that but our daughter hasn't stepped foot in a daycare. My mother watches her in my home.

Irrelevant

 

[I'mTheFather]

I couldn't agree more. And I'd like to point out aswell to everyone that I let her stay one night with him because he had visited twice before then. She was a little familiar with him by that point. But let's role play for a minute. Put yourself in my shows and I'm acting like him. I just found out I'm the father. Would you say "ok, here ya go!, see you guys in two weeks or even a month". Now I know some of you will criticize and make crude comments with what I just said but seriously think about it. I'm actually trying to prove a point here.

That is apparent.