unwed pending court visitation HELP PLEASE

[Ohiogal]

i'll take a peppermint mocha on ice!


OP, despite the party line of "noooooo, you are a coward for not doing things the way i say because i've been on this forum for years", there are a few knowledgeable people that don't consider it as running away. and yup, some of those people are court officials. like judges. so let that slide off your back.

you live in a different state as dad. that's a fact. so let's work with the facts.

living in a different state...a 50/50 timeshare isn't going to happen unless you and dad can make it work.

offer supervised visits to start. in the child's community. once a month....every two weeks. work the way up to a weekend. think of in one year time he'll be at a one weekend a month, every other holiday or half of each holiday and anytime dad is in town he can contact you 72 hours in advance for extra time. skyping, phone calls and generous summertime. anytime you decide to move in dad's direction, or dad moves closer to the child the parenting share plan can be revisited for an increase.

Seriously? I could agree with that until this poster decided to play freaking god and stated that 50/50 was not good for ANY child and she knew it! That is what I find ridiculous.

 

[Ohiogal]

Well, that was hard to predict. Completely unexpected.

Y'all owe me some Starbucks.

Maybe the OP should not have equated herself to God in knowing what is good for every child. That is the point at which she became a troll. If she would have continued talking about her child, the rest of you had it covered. She decided she knows what is right for every child and any other thing is SELFISH.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Why supervised visits? Per OP, dad has already had an overnight with the child, and it sounds as though he's had other visits.

It seems that the supervision part is what dad objects to most.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I have a 13 month old baby. When she was 10 months old is when we established paternity. The father didn't want anything to do with her until paternity was established. When it was established everything was great! The father lives in California 6 hours away. We talked on the phone after a year and a half of not speaking. I told him he can see her when ever he wanted to. We made plans to talk about a schedule with her and on his first visit (he brought his wife and daughter that is 4 months younger than our daughter) we got into an argument and he threatened to file for emergency custody and immediately started saying I was with holding her from him because I was taking her to my friends house because he never came to see her that day while I was at work. He said he would call the cops and send them to my house and work. He said he didn't go see her because he wants her by himself. He's never met her before all this! Now we've been fighting constantly. I told him he can see her supervised with me or my mother till court. He refuses to have visits supervised and keeps harassing me and telling me hes going to get sole custody. Because of all the fighting I have limited the supervised visits now to only letting my mom supervise so I don't have to see him. He lied on the court papers saying he pays 200 a month in child support but he has no records of that cause he never payed. He also said I have been with holding her from him and denying visitation which I havenot done. I just told him it needs to be supervised. I tried to file a tpo but was denyed because there is no abuse. But with all the fighting and harassment I ended up losing my job. But I am starting a new one that pays way more. I have pictures of them together and a notarized document from when I let her stay the night with him in my state. I am to the point now where I want to deny visitation because he's a liar, he harasses me and keeps telling me I'm gonna look bad in court because I'm making him have supervised visits. Our baby doesn't know him! All I want is for them to establish a relationship first before anything but he wont. What do I do? Am I bad for making the visits supervised because we aren't getting along? Please help me. There is no drug use, no violence and no mental issues. I am a single mother to my baby and my 9 yr old. Doing it all on my own.

And what's that second bolded part mean??

 

[Isis1]

Why supervised visits? Per OP, dad has already had an overnight with the child, and it sounds as though he's had other visits.

It seems that the supervision part is what dad objects to most.

And what's that second bolded part mean??

dude. i totally forgot about that part.

take out the unsupervised visits. work your way up to out of state longer visits.

because you are not getting along, is not a reason to restrict his visitation. hard lesson to learn, you'll learn it. i have faith in you. it's what we all had to go through as a single parent.

 

[wieletwarzy]

to be a little more clear

Let me put it this way. Before he came to nevada to meet her the first time we both agreed the visit would be supervised. Because he's never met her before and she was 10 months old at the time. He got here and everything changed. He wanted me to drop her off at his hotel room while I went to work. I told him no that we had already discussed how things were going to be. I haven't spoke to the guy in almost 2 years and he wants her unsupervised? I don't think so! So then when I told him no he threatened to send cops to my work and my home, demanding I let him take her. Then when he realized I wasn't going to give in he threatened to file emergency custody. Which is funny cause at that time he met her once and spent 2 1/2 hours with her. But yet he wants to take my child. The only home she's known because he's immature and clearly not sensible. So I denied further visitation because of that threat. Keep in mind, father lives in California, so he could take off with her at any moment. I will not let that happen. He lied on court documents saying he's paying child support and hasn't payed one dime. So I'm motioning the court to make him prove it. I have gone over many different long distance visitation plans and he denies them all. He strictly wants her 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. Or month on, month off. She is 13 months old! He will not visit her if it has to be supervised... so pretty much he's saying he won't be a father to her if he doesn't get his way. He claims on the petition that I am with holding child. Which I have never done except when he threatened to file emergency custody. Which he can't do anyway because his rights have never been established yet and she is not in danger. He made many promises to skype with her and he only did once. He made excuses why he didn't all the other times. And I let her stay one night with him because we had made an agreement that if he continued to skype for 2 weeks before his trip she could stay the night. We'll guess what? He didn't hold up his agreement but I let her stay overnight anyway... cause he did make the trip. Then he goes to the child support hearing and right after the hearing he calls demanding he take her for 2 weeks. I told him no because she had a dentist appointment and a wellness check up during the time he wanted her. So then again he started claiming I was with holding her from him. He's a nut job. He's mentally unstable. He's not thinking about her at all. He keeps telling me I'm not the mother of his child, that I'm just the "babys mamma" because I won't let him take our baby to cali for weeks and/or months on end. I sent him a visitation plan that says he can visit monday thru Sunday between 10am and 6pm. Now one would think that's reasonable. Moms at work, I have many hours during any day of the week to see my child, right? Well he says thats unreasonable. Only because he wants it his way. The threats got more frequent and he got meaner the longer the fights carried on. So now I told him to leave me alone, that all visits will be thru my mom. Same schedule. I just don't want anything to do with him cause he stresses me out with all these threats and lies, I can't think straight. So I haven't heard from him now in a few weeks... no calls, no texts. It's been peaceful. So now I'm not needing advice anymore cause every attorney I've talked to said the same thing. He's pretty much going to not like what the judge orders. And I don't feel bad anymore. After everything he's done and said and the way he acted... I don't pitty him one bit

 

[I'mTheFather]

Let me put it this way. Before he came to nevada to meet her the first time we both agreed the visit would be supervised. Because he's never met her before and she was 10 months old at the time. He got here and everything changed. He wanted me to drop her off at his hotel room while I went to work. I told him no that we had already discussed how things were going to be. I haven't spoke to the guy in almost 2 years and he wants her unsupervised? I don't think so! So then when I told him no he threatened to send cops to my work and my home, demanding I let him take her. Then when he realized I wasn't going to give in he threatened to file emergency custody. Which is funny cause at that time he met her once and spent 2 1/2 hours with her. But yet he wants to take my child. The only home she's known because he's immature and clearly not sensible. So I denied further visitation because of that threat. Keep in mind, father lives in California, so he could take off with her at any moment. I will not let that happen. He lied on court documents saying he's paying child support and hasn't payed one dime. So I'm motioning the court to make him prove it. I have gone over many different long distance visitation plans and he denies them all. He strictly wants her 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. Or month on, month off. She is 13 months old! He will not visit her if it has to be supervised... so pretty much he's saying he won't be a father to her if he doesn't get his way. He claims on the petition that I am with holding child. Which I have never done except when he threatened to file emergency custody. Which he can't do anyway because his rights have never been established yet and she is not in danger. He made many promises to skype with her and he only did once. He made excuses why he didn't all the other times. And I let her stay one night with him because we had made an agreement that if he continued to skype for 2 weeks before his trip she could stay the night. We'll guess what? He didn't hold up his agreement but I let her stay overnight anyway... cause he did make the trip. Then he goes to the child support hearing and right after the hearing he calls demanding he take her for 2 weeks. I told him no because she had a dentist appointment and a wellness check up during the time he wanted her. So then again he started claiming I was with holding her from him. He's a nut job. He's mentally unstable. He's not thinking about her at all. He keeps telling me I'm not the mother of his child, that I'm just the "babys mamma" because I won't let him take our baby to cali for weeks and/or months on end. I sent him a visitation plan that says he can visit monday thru Sunday between 10am and 6pm. Now one would think that's reasonable. Moms at work, I have many hours during any day of the week to see my child, right? Well he says thats unreasonable. Only because he wants it his way. The threats got more frequent and he got meaner the longer the fights carried on. So now I told him to leave me alone, that all visits will be thru my mom. Same schedule. I just don't want anything to do with him cause he stresses me out with all these threats and lies, I can't think straight. So I haven't heard from him now in a few weeks... no calls, no texts. It's been peaceful. So now I'm not needing advice anymore cause every attorney I've talked to said the same thing. He's pretty much going to not like what the judge orders. And I don't feel bad anymore. After everything he's done and said and the way he acted... I don't pitty him one bit

Okay, okay, so he's behaved badly. You haven't done everything correctly either.

So, let's just put this bed. He'll file for visitation, the judge will decide on a plan, and that's that. I do hope the judge doesn't order supervised visits. He's already had an overnight.

Not related to this thread, but... I know there are specific situations that require supervision, but in general, I wonder about the purpose of supervised visits. How many parents visit a daycare for 10 short visits with their child before leaving him there every day because the child doesn't have a relationship with the caretakers? How many parents insist on supervising their child's classroom for the first 2 weeks of school because their child doesn't have a relationship with the teacher? In many cases, the father of the child is less trusted to care for his own child than is an unrelated stranger. I think that's sad.

 

[LdiJ]

Okay, okay, so he's behaved badly. You haven't done everything correctly either.

So, let's just put this bed. He'll file for visitation, the judge will decide on a plan, and that's that. I do hope the judge doesn't order supervised visits. He's already had an overnight.

Not related to this thread, but... I know there are specific situations that require supervision, but in general, I wonder about the purpose of supervised visits. How many parents visit a daycare for 10 short visits with their child before leaving him there every day because the child doesn't have a relationship with the caretakers? How many parents insist on supervising their child's classroom for the first 2 weeks of school because their child doesn't have a relationship with the teacher? In many cases, the father of the child is less trusted to care for his own child than is an unrelated stranger. I think that's sad.

I view daycare and school differently than you do. Its a group situation with lots of other children and other distractions present, and while you hope that your child bonds with the provider or teacher, you actually don't want a parental type bond to form.

With a parent, you want a strong bond to form. You want the child to be happy and excited to see the parent...not scared and apprehensive because the person or people with whom their primary bonds are forged, are not there. I honestly cannot imagine ANY parent/grandparent/aunt/uncle etc., who was meeting the child for the first few times to expect "alone time" with the child. I simply cannot understand or relate to those who do.

I can understand a father not wanting to bond with a child if there was a chance that he would end up not being the father, so I can understand why some fathers wait for the paternity test first. However, I simply do not understand those who refuse to visit in the other parent's presence when they have not been part of the child's life. I don't think that they are thinking about the child at all.

 

[Just Blue]

I view daycare and school differently than you do. Its a group situation with lots of other children and other distractions present, and while you hope that your child bonds with the provider or teacher, you actually don't want a parental type bond to form.

With a parent, you want a strong bond to form. You want the child to be happy and excited to see the parent...not scared and apprehensive because the person or people with whom their primary bonds are forged, are not there. I honestly cannot imagine ANY parent/grandparent/aunt/uncle etc., who was meeting the child for the first few times to expect "alone time" with the child. I simply cannot understand or relate to those who do.

I can understand a father not wanting to bond with a child if there was a chance that he would end up not being the father, so I can understand why some fathers wait for the paternity test first. However, I simply do not understand those who refuse to visit in the other parent's presence when they have not been part of the child's life. I don't think that they are thinking about the child at all.

One on one time is an EXCELLENT chance for Dad and child to bond. Exspecially without the other parent to interfere.

 

[LdiJ]

One on one time is an EXCELLENT chance for Dan and child to bond. Exspecially without the other parent to interfere.

We are just going to have to agree to disagree on that one.

 

[Just Blue]

We are just going to have to agree to disagree on that one.

I'm good with that.

 

[Ohiogal]

Anyone else see this:

I haven't spoke to the guy in almost 2 years

The baby is ten months old, pregnancy lasts nine. So basically she had sex with him and they broke up and she then has a problem with him wanting a paternity test? Really?

 

[Just Blue]

Anyone else see this:



The baby is ten months old, pregnancy lasts nine. So basically she had sex with him and they broke up and she then has a problem with him wanting a paternity test? Really?

Child is 13 mo's now...But (IMHO) baby will be fine spending time with Dad without Mommy hovering about.

 

[Ohiogal]

Child is 13 mo's now...But (IMHO) baby will be fine spending time with Dad without Mommy hovering about.

Actually not based on OP:

Because he's never met her before and she was 10 months old at the time. He got here and everything changed. He wanted me to drop her off at his hotel room while I went to work. I told him no that we had already discussed how things were going to be. I haven't spoke to the guy in almost 2 years and he wants her unsupervised?

So mom hadn't spoken to him in almost 2 years, the baby was 10 months old ... yada yada yada...

 

[Just Blue]

Actually not based on OP:


So mom hadn't spoken to him in almost 2 years, the baby was 10 months old ... yada yada yada...

Post one Mom say child is 13 months

 

[Just Blue]

Post one Mom say child is 13 months

I have a 13 month old baby.

^ from the OP 1st post.