What can I do? My ex only pays $160 a month for child support.

[Sadsinglemom]

As long as the tax payers are supporting your child, the State is going to leave you with $50.

Are you averse to getting a job?

Not at all, I work a lot of hours, 6 days a week so I value the money I earned, that's why I fell uneasy seeing my son's dad spending money on materialistic items instead helping him. He would spend $500 on his shoes but refused $100 helping us, not to mention he never visits our son, he would show up once a year on the kid's birthday because I invited him. I feel like maybe I shouldn't contact him at all. I don't know what to do

 

[Eekamouse]

Not at all, I work a lot of hours, 6 days a week so I value the money I earned, that's why I fell uneasy seeing my son's dad spending money on materialistic items instead helping him. He would spend $500 on his shoes but refused $100 helping us, not to mention he never visits our son, he would show up once a year on the kid's birthday because I invited him. I feel like maybe I shouldn't contact him at all. I don't know what to do

If you have no contact with your ex, how can you KNOW what he spends on things or how much income he has?

 

[Sadsinglemom]

If you have no contact with your ex, how can you KNOW what he spends on things or how much income he has?

Awhile back he posted on this one forum where we both were members and we have mutual friends. I don't exactly know his income, but I know he works more than 2 days weekend.

Anyway I'd like to thanks everyone in this forum for taking their time replying to me. Happy new year everyone <3 <3

 

[Proserpina]

*** Deleted because I'm an idiot.***

Quoted because you're not.

 

[stealth2]

As difficult as it may seem, there are worse things for a kid than being poor. BTDT (as a Mom). It's up to us - as parents - to help them learn what's important in life. My two learned how to shop for bargains, how to cook from scratch, how to work for what the want, and how to distinguish not only between wants and needs, as well as how some wants can be parlayed into better things.

For example, my youngest wanted to play a particular sport. Her first coach told her that - if she worked hard - she could get money for college. And work hard she did - making that "want" a "need" for her future. She'll (hopefully LOL) be graduating from a private 4 yr college, where she had everything covered except housing due to her sport.

Both of my kids know how to make do. Sure, they like nice stuff, but know it doesn't grow on trees. And yes, their Dad does quite well for himself, financially. It is what it is. Growing up poor didn't hurt them one bit.

 

[RRevak]

Not at all, I work a lot of hours, 6 days a week so I value the money I earned, that's why I fell uneasy seeing my son's dad spending money on materialistic items instead helping him. He would spend $500 on his shoes but refused $100 helping us, not to mention he never visits our son, he would show up once a year on the kid's birthday because I invited him. I feel like maybe I shouldn't contact him at all. I don't know what to do

Here's what you do: grow up, let go of the "he spends his money elsewhere" crap, understand that the $50 monthly is ALL the financial support you'll prob ever get from dad, and raise your son to know you're a hard working mom who loves him enough TO work hard to provide the best life you can for him. That's really all you can do.

 

[RRevak]

As difficult as it may seem, there are worse things for a kid than being poor. BTDT (as a Mom). It's up to us - as parents - to help them learn what's important in life. My two learned how to shop for bargains, how to cook from scratch, how to work for what the want, and how to distinguish not only between wants and needs, as well as how some wants can be parlayed into better things.

For example, my youngest wanted to play a particular sport. Her first coach told her that - if she worked hard - she could get money for college. And work hard she did - making that "want" a "need" for her future. She'll (hopefully LOL) be graduating from a private 4 yr college, where she had everything covered except housing due to her sport.

Both of my kids know how to make do. Sure, they like nice stuff, but know it doesn't grow on trees. And yes, their Dad does quite well for himself, financially. It is what it is. Growing up poor didn't hurt them one bit.

My kids love the thrift stores. They call shopping there adventures because they never know what fun and exciting stuff they'll find. My oldest does like the mall from time to time but says she prefers thrift because she has an easier time finding clothes that fit her unique style. All of them help with couponing and my oldest likes to help see how much money we can save each grocery trip. We even high five at the register when we go over the amount we anticipated saving. She wants expensive shoes and knows that unless she does chores to earn them, she isn't getting them. They all help cook dinner and my oldest likes to help pick the Groupon that helps us eat out for our once a month splurge. Really, being poor doesn't HAVE to hurt kids if parents keep things in a positive perspective

 

[Just Blue]

My kids love the thrift stores. They call shopping there adventures because they never know what fun and exciting stuff they'll find. My oldest does like the mall from time to time but says she prefers thrift because she has an easier time finding clothes that fit her unique style. All of them help with couponing and my oldest likes to help see how much money we can save each grocery trip. We even high five at the register when we go over the amount we anticipated saving. She wants expensive shoes and knows that unless she does chores to earn them, she isn't getting them. They all help cook dinner and my oldest likes to help pick the Groupon that helps us eat out for our once a month splurge. Really, being poor doesn't HAVE to hurt kids if parents keep things in a positive perspective

My eldest grew up in a town that was VERY affluent. She was the "poor kid" (we were middle class). No expensive trips...no Dior clothing...But she got a great education and watched the rich kids sink into drug abuse and alcoholism.

My daughter is one of hardest working and emotionally stable people I have ever met.

 

[Indiana Filer]

My kids love the thrift stores. They call shopping there adventures because they never know what fun and exciting stuff they'll find.

We call them "treasure hunts" for the same reason.

 

[stealth2]

My kids love the thrift stores. They call shopping there adventures because they never know what fun and exciting stuff they'll find. My oldest does like the mall from time to time but says she prefers thrift because she has an easier time finding clothes that fit her unique style. All of them help with couponing and my oldest likes to help see how much money we can save each grocery trip. We even high five at the register when we go over the amount we anticipated saving. She wants expensive shoes and knows that unless she does chores to earn them, she isn't getting them. They all help cook dinner and my oldest likes to help pick the Groupon that helps us eat out for our once a month splurge. Really, being poor doesn't HAVE to hurt kids if parents keep things in a positive perspective

Yep, my two love thrifting. One of their favorite outings together is for #2 to go to the city where # lives and they have a day of thrifting. I'm not a big couponer, but I taught them to compare prices and what things it's worth buying brand vs generic. They'll pick pennies up off the street - 'cause they add up! I remember when #2 and I (and Grandma) went to Russia. She picked up every coin she say. Our relatives thought it so quaint (and they are not well off) - until she'd picked up enough to take all six of us for coffee and pastries. Then light bulbs went on.

My kids knew we weren't well off, and I have no doubt there were times they cast an envious eye at their friends/classmates who came from wealthier families. But... they also knew what they had that the others often didn't (as did the others) - a parent who was *there*. One who rearranged the work schedule to be at the games, concerts, performances. One who was always available to help with homework, studying for tests, helping with projects. One who was willing to take the kids/friends to an all-day music festival despite hating the genre. One whose house was always open to any friend. One who was always willing to stretch a meal and add an extra chair or three.

LOL This past Thanksgiving, I came home from what I thought was my last trip to the store, to discover #1 had invited some people. How many? Well..... unclear. You see.... She'd posted on her FB page, inviting any friend (in the tri-state area!) with nowhere to go to join us. OMG - talk about a panic attack! In the end, we only ended up with two extras, but had developed a battle plan for more - as well as another trip out. (This is the same child who spend an earlier TDay preparing sandwiches and handing them out to the homeless in her city.)

So, OP, the moral of our stories is this.... Do not be sad for your son. Be proud of the opportunity to bring him up to be a loving and caring person, one who knows the value of money, time and hard work. One in whom you have nurtured empathy, understanding, and strength of character. He will grow into a man you can be proud of.