Willing parents

[Silverplum]

Gayle246, please refrain from giving a semblance of "legal advice" that is actually only your (incorrect, legally) opinion.

Legally, nhawkjo is in the wrong. Period. Morally, I think she's in the wrong, too. She picked this guy for the father of her child. If he's not good enough now, it's too late.

Nhawkjo, you DID get valid legal advice. You're like so many others: if you don't hear what you WANT to hear ("he's a loser! you're right!"), then you attack the advice-givers.

You go ahead and consult with a Real Lawyer in Idaho. I've looked around on the 'net and can find nothing that supports your position. You can darned well do the same, considering it's YOUR child and YOUR case. Quit bitchin' and get to work.

 

[nhawkjo]

I just want to say, thanks for your reply. I was reading your message and the replies and I was appauled at what people were saying to you. I wish you the best of luck and go for it, he is a loser and you or your daughter shouldn't have to pay for that for the rest of your life. I myself married one, and nine years after we separated and divorced (no child support) he has decided to take one daughter and put her in someone elses home, doesn't want her, but doesn't want me to have her either. The courts aren't fair, and I really don't think they are looking out for our children, it is very sad.

Thank you for that. I am so dissapointed right now. I just want to know my daughter is safe from harm.

 

[Silverplum]

The time to shield your child from the potential harm of a potentially harmful parent is at the time you select that person to be the parent of your child.

The government, the law, you, the child, NO ONE can "make" him be the person you want him to be. So get your legal ducks in a row and handle the situation for the next 18 years.

Do you really think you're the first female here to post this situation, writing those messages, hating the X and wanting to get rid of him??

*edited to add*
And shame on me for not checking up on you first before I bothered with you. You've already posted about this last week, received valid answers, and now you're back with new posts. Uncool. Now you're really on your own.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=220323

 

[casa]

Thank you for that. I am so dissapointed right now. I just want to know my daughter is safe from harm.

Safe from what harm? Are you now saying that in addition to being a 'loser' that the child's father is dangerous?

You should know that sometimes a parent (especially younger parents) don't automatically take to parenting- Sometimes it takes awhile until they come around. Of course it's not ideal and it's not fun to be the parent who Is there or the child in that situation- but trying to end contact with the parent for the rest of the child's life is a serious action to take. Mostly all courts need a stepfather willing to adopt and a bio father willing to terminate rights in order for what you want to happen. In the other cases, it's because a parent has seriously abused or harmed the child- and it's in the child's best interest to have rights terminated.

Before you tell me I don't know- I do. My child's father was absent for a number of YEARS (not just months) and when he grew up and figured out what he'd given up, he came back into her life. Because I love my daughter (how I felt about the father was irrelevant) I encouraged them getting to know each other. They had counseling and worked their way up in timeframe of visits- and now years later they have an important relationship. Not a day goes by that I don't feel I made the right decision by my CHILD.

Before you have children life can be about what you want and what you think and what you need- but once you bring another life into world, you need to understand that child is a person unto themselves and be willing to do what is right for the child (Beyond yourself).

Think this one over....or you'll only waste time, money and grow your resentment within you and your child like a cancer.

 

[candi4687]

To add my two cents.... If you MUST have "legal advice" you can contact a lawyer to get a free consultation there in your state. I am not quite so sure that would help you though. Even though you will NOT allow yourself to believe these people here they are in fact right. How do I know.. I BEEN THERE!!! My ex wanted to sign over ALL rights IF he would not be held responsible for the $$$. Unless you are married to another man then no one will allow him to give up his rights. Your child deserves to have both parents EVEN IF he don't care or is not there. Only thing I can suggest is to start documenting everything such as when he visits, calls, or gives you money.... EVEN WHEN IT DON'T HAPPEN. You can ask others here or a lawyer about legal abandonment MAYBE. You will have to establish a paternity test even if you find your "LOOP HOLE". Good Luck in whatever you decide to do. By the way, to have pure hatrid for this man is not going to help you in ANY way. Oh and another thing, you don't ONLY have 18 years to deal with this man... you have the REST OF YOUR LIFE! Sucks I know but this is just something to think about. A LOT of men are young dumb and only think with one head!!! He may wise up or get some advice that this baby is so young that IF he were to be able to give up rights (assuming the child is his) he wont EVER have a say so in seeing or having ANYTHING to do with this child. I know it sounds pathetic to you now but most men do come around and decide to take some part in their childs life and that is what you should seek for the best intrest of your daughter, not how to "GET RID OF HIM".

Think about this what if he were to give up his rights..... What do you plan to tell this child about her dad? .... What will you say if she ask how you HELPED her have a relationship with her father? Darlin your child is young but she will grow up and WILL ask MANY MANY questions!!!! So prepare yourself now.

 

[stealth2]

I just want to know my daughter is safe from harm.

Yet just the other day you wrote:

I am not afraid of him harming her or being a bad influence, I just prefer to not stir the pot up. I am happy being a single mom. I love not having ot share her and not having to fight with someone about how to raise her and which holidays will she spend with me...etc.

So..... you don't really seem to have anything to keep her safe FROM wrt Dad. Except the dread of having to share her with someone else. Go figure.

 

[nhawkjo]

Yet just the other day you wrote:



So..... you don't really seem to have anything to keep her safe FROM wrt Dad. Except the dread of having to share her with someone else. Go figure.

A lot has changed since that day! You have no idea what he is capable of. You are right though, I did contradict myself. My bad!

 

[nhawkjo]

The time to shield your child from the potential harm of a potentially harmful parent is at the time you select that person to be the parent of your child.

The government, the law, you, the child, NO ONE can "make" him be the person you want him to be. So get your legal ducks in a row and handle the situation for the next 18 years.

Do you really think you're the first female here to post this situation, writing those messages, hating the X and wanting to get rid of him??

*edited to add*
And shame on me for not checking up on you first before I bothered with you. You've already posted about this last week, received valid answers, and now you're back with new posts. Uncool. Now you're really on your own.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=220323

No, you are wrong! I am not on my own. I WILL find a loop hole and I will get his rights signed over. I do not hate him, I just hate what he has done. I actually have really painfull feelings for him. I wish him well... I want him and his new life to move on... I am sorry I even signed on to this joke of a web site. REAL legal advice is not what I saw here, just distane and hatred!

 

[stealth2]

Unless he's a serial child molester, the only "loophole" you'll find is getting married to a guy who wants to adopt the kid.

 

[nhawkjo]

I just want to say, thanks for your reply. I was reading your message and the replies and I was appauled at what people were saying to you. I wish you the best of luck and go for it, he is a loser and you or your daughter shouldn't have to pay for that for the rest of your life. I myself married one, and nine years after we separated and divorced (no child support) he has decided to take one daughter and put her in someone elses home, doesn't want her, but doesn't want me to have her either. The courts aren't fair, and I really don't think they are looking out for our children, it is very sad.

It is very sad. Unfortunatley it is people like those who have made those horrible replies to me that keep the laws like they are. Either because they have been jaded by someone else and has made them bitter. This guy, I admit should never have been the one I had a child with. It is too late for that. Thanks for your encouraging words...even though it is personal, I would rather hear encouraging words than hateful judgements. This was about him, not me. I AM TEH ONE RAISING OUR DAUGHTER! Good luck to you too. I will be praying for you and your daughter! Jo

 

[Ambr]

What is the name of your state? IDAHO

A little background: His name is not on the BC. He is not the man I thought he was when I almost married him a couple years ago.
Thank you!

Never married? Name not on the BC?

Custody / Visitation / Support order established anywhere?

Just how is his paternity established?

 

[mom2three]

You are inconsistent throughout this thread. Example: first you say this:

The father of my 11 month old has agreed to sign over his parental rights...

then you say this:

He only "wants" rights to spite me.

Does he want rights or not??

Second of all, you came here for advice. But you admonish posters for giving said advice. I think you came here wanting people to say what you want to hear.

Talk to a lawyer.

 

[nhawkjo]

Never married? Name not on the BC?

Custody / Visitation / Support order established anywhere?

Just how is his paternity established?

There is no question of his paternity as far as we (him and I) he is the only man I have been with besides on when I was 18. I am almost 26 now. There is no question in my mind. All I wanted to know is... if he is willing, which he says he is, how can I get a judge to allow him to sign his rights over. I have plenty of support. I have BEEN doing this on my own for this long, I can keep doing it. He would rather sign his rights over in a heart beat, BUT if I even think about asking him for support he will fight for custody so fast my head would spin... just to spite me! He doesn't give one lick about her. He has two other children that he pays child support. Why my child? He could care less. When we talk he asks how I am doing and my family etc... he will not acknowledge her name or anything. Why am I the one being beat up here when he is the one who walked out on his own child?

 

[Ambr]

There is no question of his paternity as far as we (him and I) he is the only man I have been with besides on when I was 18. I am almost 26 now. There is no question in my mind.

I didn't mean my comment to be rude. I was asking a legit question.

From what I am reading and understanding, he has never established his legal rights. How can he give up something that LEGALLY he has never had. Why are you asking him to relinquish something that he doesn't have.

See where I am going with this?

 

[nhawkjo]

You are inconsistent throughout this thread. Example: first you say this: then you say this: Does he want rights or not??

Second of all, you came here for advice. But you admonish posters for giving said advice. I think you came here wanting people to say what you want to hear.

Talk to a lawyer.

First of all he would take her ONLY to spite me! He is a vindictive man only out to serve himself! If I got a judge tomorrow who would allow him to sign away his beautiful and fun and joyful daughter HE WOULD WITHOUT EVER THINKING TWICE!!!! Is that a father? And no, he is not young, he is almost 30! He has NO excuses and I wish people would stop making them for him!
Second of all this is a legal advice forum...who do you think I supposed I was talking to?
... legal advice ring a bell... and besides you can tell me what the law is and what it is not, it's HOW you say it that I can't understand. I have never in my life been judged so harshly and treated so poorly!...and I have been in many cultures and traveled all around the world. I asked for advice... not for people (who have obviously been rubbed the wrong way) to tell me that my child is "half of a loser"... that is not legal advice that is harrassment! They should all be ashamed of themselves!
So, before you judge me like most of the rest of the posters, please consider that you do not know the entire story and that I may not be the bad guy here!
But, thanks anyways for your concern as heart felt as it wasn't!