Paternal grandmother wants custody of my 11y/o daughter...HELP!!!!

[LisaJoy79]

I will agree with Ld, however, I'd like to know why if the OP saw that her daughter's shoes were too small and her shirts didn't fit... why she didn't get off her behind and go buy her child some clothes and shoes or do we just abdicate ALL parental responsibility when you ask someone to temporarily watch your child?


You can't have it both ways.... take care of your own kid, then you don't have to worry about grandma at all. Go work at McDonalds.

CourtClerk, I just have one question for ya:

It was stated that I said, "I don't mind honestly if my daughter's paternal grandmother wants to continue to help me financially with my daughter until I can take care of my baby again "

In response to you telling me that I can't have it both ways, I want to know how is THAT above statement that you "quoted" me on indicating in ANY way that I want it BOTH ways?? I will re-type it again since I can't read names, nor not know the accurate definitions of some terms that have been stated about me: I DON'T MIND HONESTLY IF MY DAUGHTER'S PATERNAL GRANDMOTHER WANTS TO CONTINUE TO HELP ME FINANCIALLY WITH MY DAUGHTER UNTIL I CAN TAKE CARE OF MY BABY AGAIN. With that being said(again), what I was saying was: My child's paternal grandmother has ALWAYS been nice enough to help me financially with my child. I don't mean 100% financially. I mean if my daughter needed medicine that I couldn't afford(not covered by Medicaid), or if she needed something for school, or mainly it was for medicine. My daughter has severe seasonal allergies. In spite of the biological father(the paternal grandmother's son) being a total deadbeat, even when I had jobs, if my baby needed something that I couldn't get(maybe because I hadn't gotten paid from my job yet), my child's paternal grandmother would help. Yes, this would be while I was on my own. MEANING when I had my own apartment, own car, own job.

I have by NO MEANS been an unfit, nor lazy parent. I am NOT expecting it BOTH ways. If that was the case, I wouldn't have ever posted this message. If ANYONE wanted ANYTHING BOTH ways, its the biological father. When I was on my own, he was at home with mommy. When I wasn't on my own, he was either at home with mommy or living with a girlfriend. I've TRIED to make a family with him, he was not ready then, and he's not ready now. Why? Because he IS getting it BOTH ways. His mom(the paternal grandmother) has paid his child support FOR him for 10 months back in 2006, his mom has ALWAYS been angry with me for putting her son on child support because he doesn't take care of his child. Currently, HE is the one having it BOTH ways: His mom is taking care of our child, and trying to gain custody for HIS sake(so the child support could stop maybe, hell, I don't know!), while the whole time, he's not even LOOKING for employment like I am, and STILL lives at home. With mommy. I wish like HELL that I could be out on my own again, for the sake of both me & my daughter. But I know that this a difficult time for me right now, and this too, shall pass. My daughter is NOT about to go unattended nor not taken care of because I'm going through financial difficulties at this time. If I wanted it BOTH ways, then I surely would NOT fight the fact that the paternal grandmother wants custody of my child. I more than likely would have went out to the "clubs" & CELEBRATED at the fact that, "Yeah!!! I'm about to BE FREE!!!!!! NO MORE KIDS!!!!!!!"

Please read my questions carefully. I know you are a "senior", but wow....I couldn't tell. Nope, I'm not by ANY MEANS trying to attack you. Just wanted you to see what it feels like to be talked to like you're nobody, like you're a lazy parent, and like you are trying to scream "victim", or like someone stated to me in this forum, a "martyr"...

Did I get it right this time???

 

[LisaJoy79]

This isn't a professional advice site. It's a free advice site. Not everyone who posts here is a lawyer. Some are lawyers, some know the law based on personal experience, and some just know where to look to find the answers you seek.

The biggest difference between coming here and paying a lawyer is, while we say what we think, the lawyer will only think what he thinks while he smiles at you and takes your money. If you can afford to be treated like a client you should be hiring a lawyer anyway.

But remember: you're not paying opposing counsel or the judge, and they don't have to worry about hurting your feelings, either. Nor will they.

Clt747:

I'm not offended. However, I'm NOT about to let people (professional, unprofessional, legal, non-legal) talk to me in any way they feel just because they know HALF of the story. I am aware that this is not a legal site, and I'm not dealing with lawyers. However, when I stated my case, I was prepared for the good advice, as well as bad advice. I was prepared for my feelings to be hurt, and prepared for positive feedback as well.

Just like no-one has to worry about "hurting my feelings", I don't have to worry about brown-nosing or really caring about if someone wants to judge me just because they are sittin' pretty.....for now at least, anyway...

I CAN afford to pay a lawyer. However like anyone else that's blessed with COMMON SENSE, I just wanted some advice first. BEFORE going to spend money on a lawyer. Thank God, so far, I don't need a lawyer at this moment.

Since my situation at hand makes me feel as though I AM at the bottom, guess what, Clt747??? I have no place else to go but UP!!!!!!!

 

[>Charlotte<]

I'm not offended..Just like no-one has to worry about "hurting my feelings", I don't have to worry about brown-nosing or really caring about if someone wants to judge me just because they are sittin' pretty.....for now at least, anyway...

Just so we're clear on this: nobody here cares whether you kiss up to us or not. But for someone who "doesn't care if someone wants to judge you", you sure are filling up this thread with posts about how "not offended" you are.

I just wanted some advice first. BEFORE go spend money on a lawyer.

And you got it. Take what you need and leave the rest. Or feel free to keep going on and on about how much you don't care what we think. Your choice. Fine with us, either way.

Since my situation at hand makes me feel as though I AM at the bottom, guess what, Clt747??? I have no place else to go but UP!!!!!!!

Lisajoy79, this is probably the truest thing you will have heard all day: you are nowhere near the bottom.

 

[LisaJoy79]

Oh, and by the way. Take a look around and you'll notice something. Whenever a thread reaches the point where the OP feels s/he's being insulted, some new junior member will usually chime in and chastise everyone for being "mean" and then proceed to post a nice, sweet, supportive message to the OP. This is invariably appreciated by the OP who ends up thanking that poster. What's funny is, "that" poster often gives no legal advice at all or the legal advice they do give is incorrect. I love comic irony.

Right...I do too...hmmmm

Thank you SO MUCH for letting me know what you are about. You've basically just stated to me that a new junior member will post nice, sweet messages to the OP, as opposed to you "senior members", who'll be brutally honest. Either way, I can handle it-I know, hard to believe,huh???

Anyways...I thought that you told me a little while ago that the posts on this thread are not legal nor professional. Actually, you stated "This isn't a professional advice site. It's a free advice site. Not everyone who posts here is a lawyer. Some are lawyers, some know the law based on personal experience, and some just know where to look to find the answers you seek.

The biggest difference between coming here and paying a lawyer is, while we say what we think, the lawyer will only think what he thinks while he smiles at you and takes your money. If you can afford to be treated like a client you should be hiring a lawyer anyway.

But remember: you're not paying opposing counsel or the judge, and they don't have to worry about hurting your feelings, either. Nor will they."

I took that as since this is not a professional site run by professional people, that I should NOT rely SOLELY upon everyone's advice, as it is not, how you've just stated, "Not a professional site". Clt747, I really don't care what your rank is on this forum or anywhere else. However, I believe I DID thank EVERYONE for their posts to me, whether their reply was positive or negative.

You're right. I can go on & on ALL DAY & NIGHT on this forum. If you were in my shoes, maybe you would be more sensitive with your information as well.

But like always, THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT.

I hope you got that "thank-you" this time....

 

[LisaJoy79]

Just so we're clear on this: nobody here cares whether you kiss up to us or not. But for someone who "doesn't care if someone wants to judge you", you sure are filling up this thread with posts about how "not offended" you are.



And you got it. Take what you need and leave the rest. Or feel free to keep going on and on about how much you don't care what we think. Your choice. Fine with us, either way.



Lisajoy79, this is probably the truest thing you will have heard all day: you are nowhere near the bottom.

P.S., Clt747: Thanks SO much for telling me that I'm not on the bottom. I guess that since I was continuously being talked down to, (Baystategirl says that I should "learn to read", Silverplum says that if I don't know the meaning of a word, to "look it up.") I'm not here to badger no-one. However, you people feel that since you are "seniors" or whatever the hell...that you can say whatever to people. Its even funnier that when we react to your comments, that you basically say, "hey! chill out!! no-one is saying what you think they're saying." I'm not ignorant like people have hinted "in code". But if I was to NOT speak up to you people, then you would feel that you can say whatever to me, whenever. Positive or Negative.

I'm responding to you & everyone on this thread. Good or Bad. Just like the advice I have been given. Good or Bad.

So again, thanks for letting me know that I'm nowhere near the "bottom", as so many have attempted to make me feel on this thread

Clt747, Be Blessed...

 

[Ohiogal]

Clt747:

I'm not offended. However, I'm NOT about to let people (professional, unprofessional, legal, non-legal) talk to me in any way they feel just because they know HALF of the story. I am aware that this is not a legal site, and I'm not dealing with lawyers. However, when I stated my case, I was prepared for the good advice, as well as bad advice. I was prepared for my feelings to be hurt, and prepared for positive feedback as well.

You want good advice based on HALF of the story. Boy you are wrong. THIS is a legal site. It is about legal advice though not everyone is an attorney. You get advice based on what you have posted and what you have posted seems to be that you want grandma to help financially but no other way. You can make that rule however be prepared that grandma doesn't have to give you any money.

 

[Silverplum]

Silverplum says that if I don't know the meaning of a word, to "look it up.")

Golly, but you're hard to please. That's what I said, just like any English teacher you'll ever meet.

You said you took umbrage at a certain word and thought it meant something it did not mean. (Well, that's not precisely how you put it, but it's all there to re-read.)

I helpfully provided the definition for you.

Now you're displeased some more.

Oh.

 

[Just Blue]

Golly, but you're hard to please. That's what I said, just like any English teacher you'll ever meet.

You said you took umbrage at a certain word and thought it meant something it did not mean. (Well, that's not precisely how you put it, but it's all there to re-read.)

I helpfully provided the definition for you.

Now you're displeased some more.

Oh.

Based on OP's postings to other threads I am now doubting the mental well-being of OP.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Based on OP's postings to other threads I am now doubting the mental well-being of OP.

Ditto!

 

[LisaJoy79]

You want good advice based on HALF of the story. Boy you are wrong. THIS is a legal site. It is about legal advice though not everyone is an attorney. You get advice based on what you have posted and what you have posted seems to be that you want grandma to help financially but no other way. You can make that rule however be prepared that grandma doesn't have to give you any money.

Hi Ohiogal:

No, actually I did not tell HALF of the story. I just didn't want to take up anymore time than

I already had posting my OP. The point I was trying to make was that I had to move back

home with my parents a year ago due to the fact that I lost my job because of my trouble

with the law. I was FULLY prepared to face hardships, that's why I moved my daughter & I

back to my parents' home. It was either move back with them, or move where ever I

could. I chose my parents' house However, once I moved back to my parents' house,

almost everytime I disciplined my daughter(mostly it was a punishment, but yes, honestly,

sometimes she would receive a spanking), my parents thought that I was "too hard" on

my daughter when it came to my disciplinary skills, although that was the way that my

parents used to discipline me! So, by me not feeling that I could not be an effective

parent under my parents' roof at the time(which I totally accept), I felt that my last resort

was to call my daughter's paternal grandmother & ask her for help. I honestly did not feel

that I had a choice in the matter. Either it was me continuously arguing with my parents about my motherhood skills(which again, I learned STRAIGHT from them), or, let my

daughter run over me when the time came for us to move out into our own place again. THAT, was NOT GONNA happen! I can't imagine MY child trying to tell ME what to do when I

am the PARENT!! Maybe it was a bad decision on my part. However, I just needed a temporary arrangement for my daughter's sake. PLUS, due to my legal troubles, I was

unemployed. YES, I was then, and still am NOW seeking employment diligently. Paternal grandmother came into play YEARS ago when my child's father moved to Chicago, IL. He

was working in Chicago,IL. I received NO child support from him while he was in Chicago, IL. Being that his mom(paternal grammy) was initially upset with me because I DID put

court ordered child support on my child's father in July 1998 because of failure to help me take care of our child, she still wanted part in my child's life. I had NO PROBLEM with that,

because of the fact that I was letting her father spend time with her for "free" while I'm out working two jobs to pay the rent for my daughter and me. I'm starting to digress, let me

stop After some time, paternal grammy started to assist me with my child's needs, mainly medical(she is an RN-so I was trusting her medical judgments-yes, my daughter had a

family pediatrician then, and still does now). I felt that since paternal grammy was helping me with my child on occasions, and wanted to see my daughter even after the father

moved to Chicago and back, we (paternal grammy & me) were getting along GREAT. As a matter of fact, ANYTIME my child's father was not living with his mom, his mom & I got

along great, because I was working, and so was paternal grammy. My child's father used to work payroll jobs, but when CS would catch up with him and start to deduct his pay,

then the father would quit his job. So after my daughter went to live with her paternal grammy back in October of last year, I was still doing what I needed to do, which was seek

employment. Honestly, I AM at the point where I'm about to go to Mickey D's!! Its gettin' rough for me!! And THAT was the OTHER initial reason as to why I decided to place my

child with her paternal grandparents. However, if I bring up the words CHILD SUPPORT to my child's father, or if I even ask him when will he start to help me with our child, he WILL

go on the offensive. I have ALWAYS let my child see her father's side of the family, whether my child's father was paying CS at the time or not. However, his mom & I continued to

get along(I'm sorry, we would get along up until I brought up the words CHILD SUPPORT to her also-whether I was working, not working, or going to school). The paternal grammy

also has an adoptive daughter who is the same age as my daughter(who is 11 y/o). When my daughter would come to visit me on the weekends(they lived across town from us),

my child would tell me the things that made her feel bad. Like being bossed around by the other little girl that's there, and other things that kids do to each other to make the other

feel bad. My daughter has always been "passive", as opposed to the adopted daughter, who's "bossy". Yes, I am and still will continue to teach my child to "stand up for yourself!". I

am fully aware that girls will compete & argue, as well as be the best of friends, and get along. However, I felt I had two choices: either go pick my daughter up from her paternal

grammy, or let it continue(my daughter telling me what she didnt like). Yes, my child is spoiled, because she's an only child. And like I just stated, I know that "kids will be kids"-but

you know how it feels to be a parent...whether you are single or married.


If I insinuated to ANYONE on this thread that all I want is grandma's money, I apologize. The only problem I have is the fact that now since I'm ready to bring my daughter back(my

daughter has BEEN ready to come back, but since she was transferred to her grandma's school district, I at least wanted her to finish the school year out over there-it was

economical for everyone involved). Grandma can have ALL THE CONTACT in the world with my daughter. However, TAKING her from me??? Nope. No can do. I DID also tell the

paternal grandma that I will be happy to pay her back for the expenses that she incurred while taking care of my child. I know, people have told me that I shouldn't pay her back

because my daughter is her grandchild, and she was supposed to help me out by taking my daughter in temporarily. However, I didn't want to come across as "lazy", or "selfish".

Plus, since the paternal grammy is very protective of her 30 y/o son that's not working nor helping with the care of our child, I wouldn't want her to go to court lying to the judge

telling him that, "Your honor, my son HAS taken care of his daughter. I have the receipts to show for it.") She's already proven to me that she will lie for her son, because she's paid

his child support for him for about 10 months back in 2006. It helped, don't get me wrong. However, I didn't think it was fair that her son(my child's father) should receive easy

credit for something he has NOT done. SHE deserved the credit, and the respect for doing what she has done. And that's what I have been giving her. I'm not working, but I receive

food stamps. The least I did for my child was buy extra food for her and I took it to her paternal grammy when she needed it. The remainder of my food stamps went to my

parents' household, because they are retired, and are on tight budget as well.

I was just doing what I felt was right at the time. We have all made tough & wrong decisions at some point in our lives. And I guess it is more easy to know what to advise me on if

you are really here with me to see things for yourselves(no offense)

Thanks again for you advice.

 

[LisaJoy79]

Golly, but you're hard to please. That's what I said, just like any English teacher you'll ever meet.

You said you took umbrage at a certain word and thought it meant something it did not mean. (Well, that's not precisely how you put it, but it's all there to re-read.)

I helpfully provided the definition for you.

Now you're displeased some more.

Oh.

No Silverplum:

I am QUITE pleased with most of the advice that I have received. I knew that I would receive brutally honest truths, as well as nicer truths. It didn't matter which way or the other as to who said what and how. However, I will respond to the replies according to the way the person replied to me.

I believe that I DID thank-you for correcting me and giving me the definition of a word that I misunderstood.

Thanks again!

 

[LisaJoy79]

Based on OP's postings to other threads I am now doubting the mental well-being of OP.

Baystategirl:


Like I've explained before: I will respond to the replies according to the way the person replied to me.

No hard feelings....that's where I stand. No matter what I say in any thread, you will probably always have a negative statement to say to me. Prime example: Yesterday, I DID misspell your username. Sorry! I misspelled it, making it appear on the thread as "babystategirl". You DID correct me, and in return I said "thanks". However, when you told me I needed to "learn to read"- that was a personal attack towards me. However, when I respond defensively, everyone wants to say, "Oh my God!!! what's wrong with her??"

Whatever...it's all good

Be Blessed sweets...

I'm all good.

 

[LisaJoy79]

Based on OP's postings to other threads I am now doubting the mental well-being of OP.

Ditto!

Shay-Pari'e:

I don't believe that you gave me any advice on my issues, nor do I remember responding to you concerning your responses to me However, I HAD read some of your other replies on other threads, and you have a great sense of humor Whether you are meaning to or not, you had me laughing this morning at some things that I was reading that you wrote!

Be Blessed!

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

What is the name of your state? Mississippi

First off I just want to say that I am not on here to bad mouth ANY grandparent They are a blessing to us ALL, and will always have my respect!

However, this is my dilemma: I am a 29 y/o single mom of one 11y/o daughter. I am currently unemployed, and have had to recently move back to my parents' home because I am

unemployed. Since I do not have the money to take care of my daughter properly right now, (I honestly ran into trouble with the law in 2006. I was never imprisoned, but I am

currently serving a 3-year non-adjudicated probation sentence for my charge of felony false pretense with the intent to defraud a financial institution). Before I got in trouble with

the law, I have always been able to maintain a decent paying job, mainly in the call center/customer service sector) I just wanted to add that in to let you know that yes, I DID mess

up and do dirt, but that does not mean that I was "uneducated", nor a "common troublemaker", & am paying dearly for my crime as I type!! Although I am unemployed at this time,

I do receive financial help for my daughter from my parents, and my daughter's paternal grandparents. That's where my problem has begun: In October of 2007, I asked my

daughter's paternal grandmother could she please take my daughter in at that time, because I still loved my child, and wanted her to be taken care of properly. My parents are

retired, my daughter's paternal grandparents currently brings in at LEAST $100k/annually, combined. My daughter's father is on a court ordered child support order to pay $150.00

/month, which was established in July of 1998. Out of 10 years, I have probably received maybe 2 years' worth of child support. My daughter's father is also unemployed, and stays

with his parents as well. To make a long story short, my daughter has been living with her paternal grandparents now for 7 months. At this point, I don't feel comfortable with my

daughter living with her paternal grandparents anymore, because of some things that she have told me that have been said(nothing detrimental, but enough for my daughter to take

note of-she's beginning to feel that it's her fault, and feel she's in all of our way, which I remind her DAILY of my love for her, and I also tell her this is NONE of her fault, I am going

to make it better, I just know it will take time). Since I have seen how her paternal grandparents take care of her, I am not pleased. Some of her shirts are too small, her shoes,

she needs more because at least 1 pair are torn a little, and things of that nature.) I'm not saying that her grandparents are neglecting her, that is NOT the case. However, I feel

uncomfortable with her there. I have told her paternal grandmother on MORE than one occasion how much I love her & appreciate her for what she is doing for my child. When I

call & let her know of my concern, (which she said she wanted me to still be involved in my daughter's life while she lived with them) it seems as if I'm bothering her, or getting on

her nerves. Now, I hardly call at all, because I do not want to "bother" anyone. Yes, her father lives in the house with his daugher and family, but he does not contribute to the well-

being of our child, his mom is the one who takes care of my daughter. My parents have agreed that until I get back on my feet, that they will continue to help me with my child, as

they always have been. When I informed my daughter's grandmother(paternal) that I'm taking my baby back, she became angry and threatened to take me to court to ask for

custody of my daughter.

Of course by NO MEANS do I feel I am an unfit parent;

I have NEVER had any run-ins with CPS ,nor the authorities when it comes to the welfare of my

babygirl. Although I am flattered that my daughter's paternal grandmother wants her permanantly, I feel it would be unfair to both me & my daughter, for we BOTH have talked

about this, and NEITHER of us wants to be apart from each other. I have NEVER denied her father nor his family the right to visitation with my daughter, although like I have

mentioned, he is VERY MUCH behind in child support, and does not take care of her now, and they are currently living under the same roof. I by NO MEANS DO NOT want to lose my

daughter, and she does not want to lose me. I will NEVER deny visitation to my daughter's father nor his family, because I never have(although I feel I should, because he has

always been a dead beat dad). I know I need a job as well, I am diligently seeking employment, but because of my criminal background at this time, I have been turned down by at

least 6-7 companies. I'm waiting as I type to hear from Wal-Mart as to whether they want to hire me or not. I am very hurt, & confused. I DO NOT think it will be fair for my

daughter's father & his family to have my daughter, and they KNOW I have ALWAYS been a good parent, I just made the wrong decision one day,and am now paying for it. That

charge has NOTHING to do with the way I treated my daughter. I have NEVER abused nor neglected her in ANY type of way. She is currently with me RIGHT NOW, laying in the bed

asleep. I don't mind honestly if my daughter's paternal grandmother wants to continue to help me financially with my daughter until I can take care of my baby again, but I can't i

magine being without my child on a permanent basis! Especially with her father having her with him for free at his parents' house!! Please, I am SO SORRY for the length, but I am

desperate for any advice/opinion/input.

Thanks SO much!

PS-I am currently very worried and paranoid as to what my daughter's paternal grandmother will say or do, because she is threatening to take my child from me. Also, I failed to

mention that my daughter's father has a drug problem. He smokes marijuana on a DAILY basis, has been accused of stealing from his mom, does not even ATTEMPT to look for

employment(I have tried to even help him get a job thru people I know, he just won't budge!). Again, I am NOT here to badger my child's paternal grandparents, but I DO feel the

only reason why my daughter's father and his family is trying to take my daughter from me is because ever since my daughter's father has been on court ordered child support, his

mom & he have always had a certain degree of anger towards me for that. I was and always will do what I feel is best for my daughter.

Thanks for the advice in advance. And again, sorry for being so long:confused

I'm cutting to the chase, and responding to this.

YES! You are an unfit parent.

OH! And be blessed.

 

[LisaJoy79]

What is the name of your state? Mississippi

First off I just want to say that I am not on here to bad mouth ANY grandparent They are a blessing to us ALL, and will always have my respect!

However, this is my dilemma: I am a 29 y/o single mom of one 11y/o daughter. I am currently unemployed, and have had to recently move back to my parents' home because I am

unemployed. Since I do not have the money to take care of my daughter properly right now, (I honestly ran into trouble with the law in 2006. I was never imprisoned, but I am

currently serving a 3-year non-adjudicated probation sentence for my charge of felony false pretense with the intent to defraud a financial institution). Before I got in trouble with

the law, I have always been able to maintain a decent paying job, mainly in the call center/customer service sector) I just wanted to add that in to let you know that yes, I DID mess

up and do dirt, but that does not mean that I was "uneducated", nor a "common troublemaker", & am paying dearly for my crime as I type!! Although I am unemployed at this time,

I do receive financial help for my daughter from my parents, and my daughter's paternal grandparents. That's where my problem has begun: In October of 2007, I asked my

daughter's paternal grandmother could she please take my daughter in at that time, because I still loved my child, and wanted her to be taken care of properly. My parents are

retired, my daughter's paternal grandparents currently brings in at LEAST $100k/annually, combined. My daughter's father is on a court ordered child support order to pay $150.00

/month, which was established in July of 1998. Out of 10 years, I have probably received maybe 2 years' worth of child support. My daughter's father is also unemployed, and stays

with his parents as well. To make a long story short, my daughter has been living with her paternal grandparents now for 7 months. At this point, I don't feel comfortable with my

daughter living with her paternal grandparents anymore, because of some things that she have told me that have been said(nothing detrimental, but enough for my daughter to take

note of-she's beginning to feel that it's her fault, and feel she's in all of our way, which I remind her DAILY of my love for her, and I also tell her this is NONE of her fault, I am going

to make it better, I just know it will take time). Since I have seen how her paternal grandparents take care of her, I am not pleased. Some of her shirts are too small, her shoes,

she needs more because at least 1 pair are torn a little, and things of that nature.) I'm not saying that her grandparents are neglecting her, that is NOT the case. However, I feel

uncomfortable with her there. I have told her paternal grandmother on MORE than one occasion how much I love her & appreciate her for what she is doing for my child. When I

call & let her know of my concern, (which she said she wanted me to still be involved in my daughter's life while she lived with them) it seems as if I'm bothering her, or getting on

her nerves. Now, I hardly call at all, because I do not want to "bother" anyone. Yes, her father lives in the house with his daugher and family, but he does not contribute to the well-

being of our child, his mom is the one who takes care of my daughter. My parents have agreed that until I get back on my feet, that they will continue to help me with my child, as

they always have been. When I informed my daughter's grandmother(paternal) that I'm taking my baby back, she became angry and threatened to take me to court to ask for

custody of my daughter. I have NEVER had any run-ins with CPS ,nor the authorities when it comes to the welfare of my

babygirl. Although I am flattered that my daughter's paternal grandmother wants her permanantly, I feel it would be unfair to both me & my daughter, for we BOTH have talked

about this, and NEITHER of us wants to be apart from each other. I have NEVER denied her father nor his family the right to visitation with my daughter, although like I have

mentioned, he is VERY MUCH behind in child support, and does not take care of her now, and they are currently living under the same roof. I by NO MEANS DO NOT want to lose my

daughter, and she does not want to lose me. I will NEVER deny visitation to my daughter's father nor his family, because I never have(although I feel I should, because he has

always been a dead beat dad). I know I need a job as well, I am diligently seeking employment, but because of my criminal background at this time, I have been turned down by at

least 6-7 companies. I'm waiting as I type to hear from Wal-Mart as to whether they want to hire me or not. I am very hurt, & confused. I DO NOT think it will be fair for my

daughter's father & his family to have my daughter, and they KNOW I have ALWAYS been a good parent, I just made the wrong decision one day,and am now paying for it. That

charge has NOTHING to do with the way I treated my daughter. I have NEVER abused nor neglected her in ANY type of way. She is currently with me RIGHT NOW, laying in the bed

asleep. I don't mind honestly if my daughter's paternal grandmother wants to continue to help me financially with my daughter until I can take care of my baby again, but I can't i

magine being without my child on a permanent basis! Especially with her father having her with him for free at his parents' house!! Please, I am SO SORRY for the length, but I am

desperate for any advice/opinion/input.

Thanks SO much!

PS-I am currently very worried and paranoid as to what my daughter's paternal grandmother will say or do, because she is threatening to take my child from me. Also, I failed to

mention that my daughter's father has a drug problem. He smokes marijuana on a DAILY basis, has been accused of stealing from his mom, does not even ATTEMPT to look for

employment(I have tried to even help him get a job thru people I know, he just won't budge!). Again, I am NOT here to badger my child's paternal grandparents, but I DO feel the

only reason why my daughter's father and his family is trying to take my daughter from me is because ever since my daughter's father has been on court ordered child support, his

mom & he have always had a certain degree of anger towards me for that. I was and always will do what I feel is best for my daughter.

Thanks for the advice in advance. And again, sorry for being so long:confused

I'm cutting to the chase, and responding to this.

YES! You are an unfit parent.

Shay Pari'e:

Thanks SO much for that determination!! I was really wondering if I was or not

Thanks again!