Will this constitute proof of abuse?

[Proserpina]

My only problem with the responses I've received, aside from their total lack of respect or professionalism, is their total deviation from what I asked. I did not ask if I was over-stepping any boundaries. I did not ask if I had any rights. I did not ask if dad would be considered just as responsible.

I thought I could weed through the petty bitterness I've seen on other threads and find a kernel of useful information. In a way, I guess I have. It is abundantly clear I need to appear as though I do not care one way or the other what happens to these boys.

This isn't about emotion. It's about what the courts will and won't consider, you know? You know as well as everyone else on this thread - no, the entire board - that nobody is even vaguely suggesting that you should not care, or appear not to care, about the boys. You're letting emotion overtake the legal reality there.

But this isn't your fight. If Dad wants things to change - DAD has to make the moves. If you see abuse, and the kids' Dad sees abuse, you report that abuse.

Because come on, when all is said and done - the responses you've seen here today are nothing compared to what a judge would say if you presented this thread to him verbally, the way you have here today. If this has gotten to be too emotional today, take a step back and read the forum for a while. Read the old threads. Go back a year or two, even. You're going to see a pattern of "coulda shoulda woulda", and you're in a position now where you can either hurt Dad's chances, or help him. Pick the right one.

Let Dad take care of things. Research for him by all means...but if you really, truly want to support him and his kids, then you DO need to step back and let the kids parents sort this out.

 

[2Mistakes]

I stand by what I said a few pages back.

Bottom line . . . .

You suck.

 

[TheGeekess]

My only problem with the responses I've received, aside from their total lack of respect or professionalism, is their total deviation from what I asked. I did not ask if I was over-stepping any boundaries. I did not ask if I had any rights. I did not ask if dad would be considered just as responsible.

I thought I could weed through the petty bitterness I've seen on other threads and find a kernel of useful information. In a way, I guess I have. It is abundantly clear I need to appear as though I do not care one way or the other what happens to these boys.

This is what you don't understand. Emotion has no place in a court room. Legal is not emotional, is not about emotions, doesn't care a bit about what you feel. But until you can grasp that, you are an overstepping step, a legal stranger who doesn't know her place.

 

[JELA]

This is what you don't understand. Emotion has no place in a court room. Legal is not emotional, is not about emotions, doesn't care a bit about what you feel. But until you can grasp that, you are an overstepping step, a legal stranger who doesn't know her place.

I do not plan on bringing emotion into the courtroom, should it go there. I understand that what is morally right is not necessarily what is legally right.

What I don't understand is how asking advice on behalf of my fiance is overstepping my boundaries. Everything else I have done has been at his request as well.

As for the mother, she didn't make the time to do the things I do for them now when they lived with her, much less now. She isn't concerned that I'm doing too much for the boys. She just wants standard visitation and to parent her children as she sees fit even if it falls under legal descriptions of abuse. She wants to live with her druggy, loser boyfriend, stay on welfare and party for the rest of her life with as little responsibility as possible.

 

[LdiJ]

I do not plan on bringing emotion into the courtroom, should it go there. I understand that what is morally right is not necessarily what is legally right.

What I don't understand is how asking advice on behalf of my fiance is overstepping my boundaries. Everything else I have done has been at his request as well.

As for the mother, she didn't make the time to do the things I do for them now when they lived with her, much less now. She isn't concerned that I'm doing too much for the boys. She just wants standard visitation and to parent her children as she sees fit even if it falls under legal descriptions of abuse. She wants to live with her druggy, loser boyfriend, stay on welfare and party for the rest of her life with as little responsibility as possible.

And she gets to do that, as long as the children are not abused or neglected, by legal standards, while in her care...and neither you, nor your husband decides what meets legal standards...only the judge does.

 

[Just Blue]

This isn't about emotion. It's about what the courts will and won't consider, you know? You know as well as everyone else on this thread - no, the entire board - that nobody is even vaguely suggesting that you should not care, or appear not to care, about the boys. You're letting emotion overtake the legal reality there.

But this isn't your fight. If Dad wants things to change - DAD has to make the moves. If you see abuse, and the kids' Dad sees abuse, you report that abuse.

Because come on, when all is said and done - the responses you've seen here today are nothing compared to what a judge would say if you presented this thread to him verbally, the way you have here today. If this has gotten to be too emotional today, take a step back and read the forum for a while. Read the old threads. Go back a year or two, even. You're going to see a pattern of "coulda shoulda woulda", and you're in a position now where you can either hurt Dad's chances, or help him. Pick the right one.

Let Dad take care of things. Research for him by all means...but if you really, truly want to support him and his kids, then you DO need to step back and let the kids parents sort this out.

I REALLY like this newbie!!

JELA, You should read this posters thread...SHE WAS SLAMMED! HARD! But she didn't whine, complain, play dumb...SHE LEARNED! With GRACE!

 

[JELA]

And she gets to do that, as long as the children are not abused or neglected, by legal standards, while in her care...and neither you, nor your husband decides what meets legal standards...only the judge does.

I'm aware that the judge is who has the final say. But my fiance is the one who has to provide proof that it is abuse according to the law which is what I'm trying to get a clearer picture of here.

 

[Just Blue]

I'm aware that the judge is who has the final say. But my fiance is the one who has to provide proof that it is abuse according to the law which is what I'm trying to get a clearer picture of here.

Well geesh! Instead of putting the description of the "abuse" in your little note-book, perhaps DAD should have taken his kiddo to the ER and had it checked out.

 

[JELA]

Well geesh! Instead of putting the description of the "abuse" in your little note-book, perhaps DAD should have taken his kiddo to the ER and had it checked out.

You're right. That's one of those "should woulda coulda" things we're not too pleased with ourselves over right now, but we can't go back in time and change it so we're left with what we have right now.

I'm fairly certain I said it before, but as this has gotten a bit monstrous, I'll say it again. We had hopes that she would try to "do the right thing" and co-operate with what my fiance was trying to talk to her about or he wouldn't have tried to talk to her about it from the beginning and just surprised her with a petition.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. I just heard that recently and it couldn't be truer.

 

[TheGeekess]

And she gets to do that, as long as the children are not abused or neglected, by legal standards, while in her care...and neither you, nor your husband decides what meets legal standards...only the judge does.

He's not even her blinkin' husband yet, he's a FIANCE*!!

*Not yelling at you, Ld....

 

[TheGeekess]

I do not plan on bringing emotion into the courtroom, should it go there. I understand that what is morally right is not necessarily what is legally right.

What I don't understand is how asking advice on behalf of my fiance is overstepping my boundaries. Everything else I have done has been at his request as well.

As for the mother, she didn't make the time to do the things I do for them now when they lived with her, much less now. She isn't concerned that I'm doing too much for the boys. She just wants standard visitation and to parent her children as she sees fit even if it falls under legal descriptions of abuse. She wants to live with her druggy, loser boyfriend, stay on welfare and party for the rest of her life with as little responsibility as possible.

If Dad wants information, we'll be glad to help him. After he gets his own login.

I'm done with you. You're not even married to this man yet, and you're trying to force Mom out of her children's lives.

You have NO RIGHTS.

You have NO SAY.

YOU ARE NOT EVEN THIS MAN'S WIFE.

 

[Ohiogal]

and yes this is stepmom4 ever responding to this thread....She has a right to be concerned about children that may be in danger

Prove that the children are in danger. They are emotionally distraught due to being forced into a situation with a not proven dad -- what happens if paternity is established and DNA shows he is not dad? The marks and such? What if they are self inflicted? What if the children are making up stories? Whether to please BUD or supposadad or because they are mad at mom? Prove also that ANY OF THIS was done by mom's boyfriend or mom and NOT OP and her lover.

 

[Ohiogal]

Look. I know you haven't liked/appreciated all of the responses and I am guessing that you think that the responses telling you to step back and butt out are wrong - but please, if you take nothing away from this entire thread, at least take this:

Once dad has established paternity and has established custody/visitiation, You - as a person, an individual and your husband's wife/whatever the heck relationship you are to him at this moment in time - are by all means allowed to care for these kids. But you are NOT allowed - by law, and this IS a LEGAL site - to do what you are doing in terms of overstepping your LEGAL boundaries.

You've had legal advice and it has been correct, accurate legal advice. Yet you keep missing the point, you keep ignoring or not understanding the basic premise and that is you have NOTHING to do with this, legally. At all.

You.
Can.
Cause.
Him.
To.
Lose.
Any.
And.
ALL.
Contact.
With.
His.
Children.

Do you understand this? I'm not being mean. I'm not being rude. I'm trying to get it through to you (though gawd only knows why, because far wiser people have been trying all day) that you are HURTING any chance the man has of having a healthy established relationship with his kids.

Get your husband/fiance/boyfriend/whatever he is, get him to register and ask his own questions about HIS children.

You say he cares. You say he is concerned.

GET HIM TO SHOW IT!

One issue -- there is NO proof that they are HIS children. Except possibly an AOP. But the court has NEVER found that he is daddy according to OP.

 

[Ohiogal]

My only problem with the responses I've received, aside from their total lack of respect or professionalism, is their total deviation from what I asked. I did not ask if I was over-stepping any boundaries. I did not ask if I had any rights. I did not ask if dad would be considered just as responsible.

I thought I could weed through the petty bitterness I've seen on other threads and find a kernel of useful information. In a way, I guess I have. It is abundantly clear I need to appear as though I do not care one way or the other what happens to these boys.

You have nothing. PROFESSIONALISM? What have you done that deserves professionalism from anyone -- YOU have broken the law in a variety of ways. You have secured medical treatment for children that are NOT yours and NOT your partner's legally -- without having any legal RIGHT to secure such. Dad is breaking the law as well quite frankly. HE HAS NO CUSTODIAL rights. So lawbreakers do not deserve respect.


And no one said you couldn't care but you definitely cannot pretend to be their mother. YOU ARE NOT AND NEVER WILL BE. Not even if you get a ring on your finger from supposadaddy. Pretend they are your neices or nephews or cousins. You can care for them, feed them, give them clothes and a bed and love them but you can't make decisions about them.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm fairly certain I never said or implied that we give the boys the 3rd degree after visiting with their mom. You and others may have ASSumed that, but that is again not the case. Many things ASSumed on here are not the case.

You have admitted that dad has never established paternity and there are NO court orders. You have admitted to making medical and school decisions and acting as their mother in those positions. You have admitted to writing a journal in order to attempt to stick it to mom and yet you have NO PROOF that it is abuse.

Basically you have admitted to overstepping and you have no proof of abuse. Those are not assumptions but facts presented by you.