Will this constitute proof of abuse?

[CJane]

The thread title is "proof of abuse." Is there...proof?

No, apparently not. There are journal entries created by Dad's seriously over-stepping bed-warmer... and photos that are 'hard to see'. And normal childhood injuries/lice issues.

Also? The kids - when asked by Dad's seriously over-stepping bed-warmer - have said they don't want to go w/Mom alone.

I think there's proof of SOMETHING but it's not abuse/neglect.

Also, if MY kid drew a picture at school of someone surrounded by bongs, etc I would be SHOCKED and AWED if the school did not call CPS immediately.

 

[Ohiogal]

If Mom already only has visitaton once/month, the kids already live with Dad, etc why are you NOW trying to prove neglect. Obviously SOMETHING happened.

Other than that? I'm w/everyone else. OVerstepping overstepping overstepping inappropriately overstepping and WAY inappropriate interfering.

Good Lord.

Notice she never said that there were any court orders for this. I notice also that mom gets blamed for everything and dad is a perfect saint -- so apparently he had NOTHING to do with his children's issues or rather, nothing to do with his children, during those times of hardship. Says a lot.

 

[Ohiogal]

No, apparently not. There are journal entries created by Dad's seriously over-stepping bed-warmer... and photos that are 'hard to see'. And normal childhood injuries/lice issues.

Also? The kids - when asked by Dad's seriously over-stepping bed-warmer - have said they don't want to go w/Mom alone.

I think there's proof of SOMETHING but it's not abuse/neglect.

Also, if MY kid drew a picture at school of someone surrounded by bongs, etc I would be SHOCKED and AWED if the school did not call CPS immediately.

I don't see abuse and neglect. I see children who are desperately trying to please the BUD and dad and maybe not liking mom's boyfriend. I want to know why the family counseling and NOT individual counseling for the children. Oh yeah, then BUD couldn't feed the children their lines.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Is it okay to admit I laughed at the image of a child drawing bongs? It's sad and sick, but it just sounded kinda funny.
And before anyone gets on me for it, I have had my child draw inappropropriate pictures at school. Usually with people with anatomical additions, though. Not drug paraphernilia.

 

[Ohiogal]

Is it okay to admit I laughed at the image of a child drawing bongs? It's sad and sick, but it just sounded kinda funny.
And before anyone gets on me for it, I have had my child draw inappropropriate pictures at school. Usually with people with anatomical additions, though. Not drug paraphernilia.

Then to correlate with this thread, your children need counseling (or a video camera) as you are having sex in front of them with your BUD.

(PLEASE NOTE THE SARCASM!)

 

[kimberlywrites]

I saw a tv ad for "beer pong." I was shocked there would be ads condoning pongs. I had my pong and bong confused. That's how pure and untainted I am.

 

[JELA]

If Mom already only has visitaton once/month, the kids already live with Dad, etc why are you NOW trying to prove neglect. Obviously SOMETHING happened.

Other than that? I'm w/everyone else. OVerstepping overstepping overstepping inappropriately overstepping and WAY inappropriate interfering.

Good Lord.

Thank you for your responses. I was aware before I posted this that I would get attacked especially for the visitation comment. I'm just trying to provide all the details. And inappropriate or not, their not feeling safe enough to visit without someone trusted around says a lot to me. Plus, at that point, we didn't realize that was overstepping. Our psychologist said to not do that again and neither of us have since then.

Normally, when the boys ask us difficult questions like why did mom let him hit us, we delicately talk around it. We've said sometimes people do not realize that what they're doing is harmful and that it doesn't mean mom doesn't love them. I've also always prompted and/or taken them to buy stuff for Mother's Day, Christmas and birthday's too.

We would have done this when the boys first moved in with us but we lacked the money. And our counselor did call CPS, but they said since the boys lived with us they weren't in harms way any more. But what about the one time a month they go over and come back with problems and the youngest gets in trouble at school for the next few days or weeks? Sorry, that just frustrates me.

And yes, looking back, we should have taken pictures or gone to the doctor. I always felt that if we could just sit down and talk to them we could find some way to parent co-operatively. We were not asking for anything difficult - just no hitting, smacking, cussing, sexuality or drugs around the boys. She did not want to be told what to do though so she would not schedule time to discuss a parenting plan.

The final straw happened around Christmas when she kept calling the school to speak to the boys. It would disrupt the youngest's day greatly and would cause trouble at home too. He always acts up for days or weeks after speaking to her or visiting with her. He's the one that experienced the most neglect and abuse - he was the "bad" child and the older was the "good" child (according to the boys).

My fiance had spoken to her about disrupting the boys in school before and told her it caused problems, but her response was that she could do whatever she wanted. So he told her that he'd see her in court. He's seeking supervised visitation and that's why he's trying to prove neglect/abuse.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you for your responses. I was aware before I posted this that I would get attacked especially for the visitation comment. I'm just trying to provide all the details. And inappropriate or not, their not feeling safe enough to visit without someone trusted around says a lot to me. Plus, at that point, we didn't realize that was overstepping. Our psychologist said to not do that again and neither of us have since then.

Normally, when the boys ask us difficult questions like why did mom let him hit us, we delicately talk around it. We've said sometimes people do not realize that what they're doing is harmful and that it doesn't mean mom doesn't love them. I've also always prompted and/or taken them to buy stuff for Mother's Day, Christmas and birthday's too.

We would have done this when the boys first moved in with us but we lacked the money. And our counselor did call CPS, but they said since the boys lived with us they weren't in harms way any more. But what about the one time a month they go over and come back with problems and the youngest gets in trouble at school for the next few days or weeks? Sorry, that just frustrates me.

And yes, looking back, we should have taken pictures or gone to the doctor. I always felt that if we could just sit down and talk to them we could find some way to parent co-operatively. We were not asking for anything difficult - just no hitting, smacking, cussing, sexuality or drugs around the boys. She did not want to be told what to do though so she would not schedule time to discuss a parenting plan.

The final straw happened around Christmas when she kept calling the school to speak to the boys. It would disrupt the youngest's day greatly and would cause trouble at home too. He always acts up for days or weeks after speaking to her or visiting with her. He's the one that experienced the most neglect and abuse - he was the "bad" child and the older was the "good" child (according to the boys).

My fiance had spoken to her about disrupting the boys in school before and told her it caused problems, but her response was that she could do whatever she wanted. So he told her that he'd see her in court. He's seeking supervised visitation and that's why he's trying to prove neglect/abuse.

You just don't get it. YOU have no right to ask MOM for anything. You really need put in your place. How many times have you called the school? Attended school conferences? Attended doctor's appointments? Are you on the paperwork at the school? The doctors?

Seriously. YOU ARE OVER STEPPING TO THE EXTREME.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Thank you for your responses. I was aware before I posted this that I would get attacked especially for the visitation comment. I'm just trying to provide all the details. And inappropriate or not, their not feeling safe enough to visit without someone trusted around says a lot to me. Plus, at that point, we didn't realize that was overstepping. Our psychologist said to not do that again and neither of us have since then.

Normally, when the boys ask us difficult questions like why did mom let him hit us, we delicately talk around it. We've said sometimes people do not realize that what they're doing is harmful and that it doesn't mean mom doesn't love them. I've also always prompted and/or taken them to buy stuff for Mother's Day, Christmas and birthday's too.

We would have done this when the boys first moved in with us but we lacked the money. And our counselor did call CPS, but they said since the boys lived with us they weren't in harms way any more. But what about the one time a month they go over and come back with problems and the youngest gets in trouble at school for the next few days or weeks? Sorry, that just frustrates me.

And yes, looking back, we should have taken pictures or gone to the doctor. I always felt that if we could just sit down and talk to them we could find some way to parent co-operatively. We were not asking for anything difficult - just no hitting, smacking, cussing, sexuality or drugs around the boys. She did not want to be told what to do though so she would not schedule time to discuss a parenting plan.

The final straw happened around Christmas when she kept calling the school to speak to the boys. It would disrupt the youngest's day greatly and would cause trouble at home too. He always acts up for days or weeks after speaking to her or visiting with her. He's the one that experienced the most neglect and abuse - he was the "bad" child and the older was the "good" child (according to the boys).

My fiance had spoken to her about disrupting the boys in school before and told her it caused problems, but her response was that she could do whatever she wanted. So he told her that he'd see her in court. He's seeking supervised visitation and that's why he's trying to prove neglect/abuse.

OhioGal is a GAL. She knows what she's talking about. If you go into court like this you will screw it all up for dad. In fact, do not even enter the court room, mmmmkay?

 

[2Mistakes]

Thank you for your responses. I was aware before I posted this that I would get attacked especially for the visitation comment. I'm just trying to provide all the details. And inappropriate or not, their not feeling safe enough to visit without someone trusted around says a lot to me. Plus, at that point, we didn't realize that was overstepping. Our psychologist said to not do that again and neither of us have since then.

Normally, when the boys ask us difficult questions like why did mom let him hit us, we delicately talk around it. We've said sometimes people do not realize that what they're doing is harmful and that it doesn't mean mom doesn't love them. I've also always prompted and/or taken them to buy stuff for Mother's Day, Christmas and birthday's too.

We would have done this when the boys first moved in with us but we lacked the money. And our counselor did call CPS, but they said since the boys lived with us they weren't in harms way any more. But what about the one time a month they go over and come back with problems and the youngest gets in trouble at school for the next few days or weeks? Sorry, that just frustrates me.

And yes, looking back, we should have taken pictures or gone to the doctor. I always felt that if we could just sit down and talk to them we could find some way to parent co-operatively. We were not asking for anything difficult - just no hitting, smacking, cussing, sexuality or drugs around the boys. She did not want to be told what to do though so she would not schedule time to discuss a parenting plan.

The final straw happened around Christmas when she kept calling the school to speak to the boys. It would disrupt the youngest's day greatly and would cause trouble at home too. He always acts up for days or weeks after speaking to her or visiting with her. He's the one that experienced the most neglect and abuse - he was the "bad" child and the older was the "good" child (according to the boys).

My fiance had spoken to her about disrupting the boys in school before and told her it caused problems, but her response was that she could do whatever she wanted. So he told her that he'd see her in court. He's seeking supervised visitation and that's why he's trying to prove neglect/abuse.

Did you NOT read all the posts in this thread? Seriously. Or do you just not comprehend?

YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS SITUATION. NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING . . . . Shall I continue?

Cripes lady, leave these poor kids ALONE!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

It would be fine for DAD to tell MOM that she shouldn't make personal calls at school. But, and it is a big but here - he should NOT be stopping the children from talking with mom unless there is a court order otherwise.

 

[2Mistakes]

It would be fine for DAD to tell MOM that she shouldn't make personal calls at school. But, and it is a big but here - he should NOT be stopping the children from talking with mom unless there is a court order otherwise.

I'm confused here. Is the school pulling the kids out of class for mom to chit-chat?

If I tried to call my kids at school, the school would give my kids a message (at the earliest convenient time), but I would not be able to call my kids' school and have them taken out of class to come talk to me on the phone.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

The final straw happened around Christmas when she kept calling the school to speak to the boys. It would disrupt the youngest's day greatly and would cause trouble at home too. He always acts up for days or weeks after speaking to her or visiting with her. He's the one that experienced the most neglect and abuse - he was the "bad" child and the older was the "good" child (according to the boys).

Question is WHY did mom resort to this? Did they cut her off at home and she was left with no options? There is more to this story.

 

[The_Non-Mom]

I'm confused here. Is the school pulling the kids out of class for mom to chit-chat?

If I tried to call my kids at school, the school would give my kids a message (at the earliest convenient time), but I would not be able to call my kids' school and have them taken out of class to come talk to me on the phone.

Mom may have tried contacting the kids at school if she felt that was the only way to do so. It sounds like she isn't being allowed to speak to them when they are at home (so disruptive and all ), so she is probably getting desperate.

 

[JELA]

So did your dear guy ever establish paternity and get a court order for custody/visitation or support?

He's on the birth certificate and she's not denying it.

So why didn't dad teach his child his ABCs? Why didnt' dad make sure the children go to school completely and totally? Why didn't dad do anything to prevent the youngest from FAILING kindergarten?

Because after they separated, he was living with people that he did not feel it was safe to have the children around. He would take them places, but nowhere conducive to education. When he was finally living on his, he would keep them more regularly, but he also has dyslexia and struggles with that. He also lived too far away to be involved daily in their lives. She worked until late so it was the significant other who took care of the kids, much like in our case now. Only I do not abuse them.

Really? And you know this because you have a medical background and you have access to mom's home AND you are clinically trained and able to diagnose someone?

No, but we've taken him to the doctor and had him in our care and know what to look for according to the doctor's instructions. We also have the old medical records showing how much medication he was prescribed.

Do you know how to properly restrain someone? Oh and now we know how the fingernail marks got on the child's head. HE PUT THEM THERE. As for the comment "our family counselor" -- who does this counselor treat? The entire family? IF so that is a conflict.

I shouldn't rise, but I am anyway.

I'm fairly certain one would not restrain a child from hitting himself in the head by grabbing their head. Generally, you would hold their arms to their side.

And yes, the counselor treated the entire family and individually.

OH really? So has the child received a mental health diagnosis?

Yes. We sought psych evals within a few months of them being in our care. The oldest's results were inconclusive, but showed OD tendancies. The youngest's results showed combined ADHD, developmental dyslexia and a host of other learning disabilities. His current psychiatrist suggests that we retest now that he's been in a more stable and helpful environment.

YOU put together? YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS? You are nothing to this situation. Except a troublemaking, over stepping BUD.

Legally, you're right. Outside of that, I am their parent in all ways, more than any of the others including my fiance. I am the one who completes any school paperwork, takes them to any medical visits (on my insurance by claiming domestic partner), volunteers at school, discusses any behavior issues with the teachers, attends school functions, coordinates their playdates, takes them to and from school, helps with their homework, cooks their dinner and provides anything else they need. Their father works late like their mother so if I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done, like what happened when they lived with her. Is it ideal? No, but it's what it is.

We have been together 2.5 years. The boys have lived with us 1 yr and 8 mos. We're getting married next Spring. She's been with her significant other for 4.5 years.

HOW DARE YOU. HOW FRICKING DARE YOU, YOU SEX TOY BED PARTNER BLOW UP DOLL EQUIVALENT. You are NO BODY LEGALLY to these children. You are not their mom and you are not their dad and you have NO RIGHT to ask them any such thing.

I asked because their mom said to tell her when they tell us they wanted to see her. I've already covered you're other outburst. No need to rehash.