What should I do?

[TCool]

What is the name of your state? WI

Hey all, back again. I got an interesting call from the ex about our daughter today. First, let me remind everyone of our situation incase you guys forgot, or just don't know it (I'm important you guys should remember! ). Anyway, I have primary physical custody, there is joint legal custody, mother has visitation every weekend. For the past few months we have agreed that mother will have one week a month instead of every weekend due to the distance factor(although that'll be changing soon due to daughter starting school).

Well what has happened recently is that mom has not been able to take our daughter due to issues with her car and lack of babysitter, it has been almost 2 months since our daughter has been with mom. So back to the call I got today. She called and left a message saying her car is being fixed and she wants our daughter next week. The issue here is the way she plans on getting around the no babysitter thing. She said, "I want to just leave her in the car until my bf gets done with work, and he will get her." They both work at the same place, and she claims it will only be 10-15 minutes, but I doubt that. Even if it is 10-15 minutes only, I am not comforable with our daughter being left in a car all by herself.

So, I don't know what I should do here. I really had the urge to call her up and cuss her out for even suggesting something like that (don't worry, I didn't). Is there anything I can do or say to her to make it clear that she can't do that (assuming I'm correct that doing that would be illegal in some way)? Also, I'm sure once I tell her I am not comfortable with that she is most likely going to say "Well then I'll just go into work late" although I'm sure that won't happen because if she could do that then she wouldn't have even mentioned this. So, would it be out of line for me to find a way to ensure she is not leaving our daughter in her car out in the parking lot at her place of employment?

Maybe I'm overreacting here, but I'm starting to become concerned with my daughters safety. I just don't see how a mother could think it is a good idea to just leave a child in her car when she goes into work, and then rely on someone who isn't even responsible enough to keep himself out of trouble with the law to remember to get her (I know thats not legally relevant... kinda venting too). So, any advice at all? Legal or not, also feel free to verbally smack me up a bit if I'm out of line here.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Remind me of her age.

I would be balistic if I received a phone call of that nature. I'm looking for the statute on this, cuz it's illegal.

 

[TCool]

Remind me of her age.

I would be balistic if I received a phone call of that nature. I'm looking for the statute on this, cuz it's illegal.

My daughter or the mother? LOL daughter is 5 and mother is 25 even tho she acts like she's about 5 most the time.

I'd look into the statutes here, but what do I look for? Stupidity? Sometimes it sucks being so stupid when it comes to law.

I was pretty upset, I couldn't believe that she even thought of that. My sister was just warning me a few weeks ago to watch out for this very thing. I said "Well, she is dumb, but she can't be that dumb." Well, once again, she proved me wrong.

 

[TheGeekess]

OP says daughter is going to be starting school soon, so 5 or 6 yo . That's definitely a big no-no, leaving a child in the car alone.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Without having to look too far, how about calling the state police during regular working hours and asking them?

 

[penelope10]

Remind me of her age.

I would be balistic if I received a phone call of that nature. I'm looking for the statute on this, cuz it's illegal.

Absolutely---and if I saw a kiddo sitting alone in acar for 10-15 minutes at a time, multiple times, I'd call CPS.I might do it even sooner depending on the age of the child. Good grief you can get in trouble in TX for leaving a dog alone in a car for an extended period of time. (Imagine what CPS would do about a kiddo). Then Mom would be in deep doo-doo and YOU could be too for having knowledge that this was going on.

What on earth is Mom thinking? Reminds me of a story I once heard while I was briefly living in MO about a woman. (And of course this is a more extreme case than this would be.) This woman liked the night life and couldn't afford a sitter. So she put the kids in their P.J.s, loaded them up in the car with pillows and blankets, and then left them alone in the car at the parking lot of her favorite watering hole.

She went into the bar and drank and danced until the bar closed. Her excuse was that the doors were locked and the kids were asleep, thus no problem. She lost her kiddos pretty fast to CPS for doing this. Another patron called immediately when they saw these poor kids in the car......

 

[jbowman]

Yeah, this happened in San Diego also. Crappy mother.

http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20040828/news_1c28parents.html

 

[TCool]

Without having to look too far, how about calling the state police during regular working hours and asking them?

It is amazing the simple things you don't think of when your upset. I will definitely be giving them a call about this tomorrow. I'm hoping just having the knowledge that she could get in big trouble for this will keep her from doing it. Although, for some reason I highly doubt that.

 

[TCool]

Yeah, this happened in San Diego also. Crappy mother.

http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20040828/news_1c28parents.html

From that article:

"When you have children, it stops being about you."

I think that is something that some people need pounded into their head.

 

[Sculptor]

Hey there,

I'm in Maryland, so I don't know your laws, however, CPS got my ex on 2 counts of neglect for leaving my, then, 5 y.o. locked in the truck for no more than 5 minutes each time. Of course, the fact that he did this right outside the police station made it cut and dry!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Couldn't find legislation for Wisconsin, but it might fall under Child Endangerment.

http://www.emaxhealth.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-4815.html

The dangers of leaving a child alone in a car: The list we provide here is not exhaustive but it will surely make you aware of how fatal these dangers could be. When such tragedies occur with young children it does not matter whether they were left alone in the car intentionally or unintentionally.

(a) If the child is of an active age like 3-5 years, you could expect him or her to move around in the locked car and play around with the devices and controls in the car. The results could be spine chilling and the child could actually put the car into motion or, switch off the air or heater in the car. With this action, the child could either freeze to death or get affected by the deadly heat. You should also consider the possibility of the child unlocking the door from inside and getting out of the car. If the child is left alone in a car that is parked near a busy street, getting out of the car unattended could result in a fatal accident.

http://www.harrisonshope.org/m_nav/faq.html

Q22: How many states have legislation about leaving kids alone in cars?

A22: Twelve states have laws protecting children left unattended in cars. The states with this legislation are: California , Connecticut , Florida , Illinois , Louisiana , Maryland , Nebraska , Nevada, Pennsylvania , Tennessee (Effective July 1, 2007), Texas , and Washington.

Q23: Do any other states have similar legislation?

A23: Kentucky and Missouri have laws that take effect if an injury or fatality occurs when a child is left unattended in a motor vehicle.

Q24: Are there any states with pending legislation?

A24: Yes. In 2007, at least thirteen states have pending legislation including: Alabama, Arizona, Hawaii, Iowa, Kansas, Massachusetts, Michigan, Missouri, Montana, New York, North Carolina, Oklahoma, and Virginia.

 

[LdiJ]

Don't assume that the employer won't be willing to make some accomodations for this...many employers will. It depends on the nature of the job. Even if its not a job where the child could sit with the parent for 10-15 minutes, an employer might have no problem with a well behaved child sitting on the couch in the reception area for 10-15 minutes.

My two year old granddaughter is a popular visitor at my place of employment for about the same amount of time, once or twice a week. I suspect that once she is older, and I can park her in front of a computer and let her watch TV, that my employer would have no problem with her being there for much longer.

You can certainly insist that the current orders be followed, which would mean that mom would go back to having every weekend....and that might be the wise thing to do if you are truly concerned. In fact, that is honestly your only option if something else can't be worked out. You are bound by the existing orders unless you and mom agree to something else.

However, if that is not your preferred option, then you might insist that mom talk with her employer about ways to safely transition the child between mom and her boyfriend/husband. Mom might not even be aware that her employer might cooperate with facilitating that.

 

[Bloopy]

Don't assume that the employer won't be willing to make some accomodations for this...many employers will. It depends on the nature of the job. Even if its not a job where the child could sit with the parent for 10-15 minutes, an employer might have no problem with a well behaved child sitting on the couch in the reception area for 10-15 minutes.

I was thinking the same except that it may be LONGER than 10-15 minutes. This is likey the sugar coated version she's presenting.

I can't imagine why Mom wouldn't bring her in for that short of time for just a week.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Good call Ldij. My daughter went to work with me plenty of times. I could give her dry erase markers and a white board, and she would be well entertained. Armed her with scrap paper and EVERYONE got presents. I have been blessed that I had employers that were very understanding about my situation; it helped tremendously that my daughter brought lots of joy to the offices.

I still bring her on occasion. She can self entertain; but now, I can really have her do items for me that are now helpful.

 

[CJane]

I was thinking the same except that it may be LONGER than 10-15 minutes. This is likey the sugar coated version she's presenting.

I can't imagine why Mom wouldn't bring her in for that short of time for just a week.

Maybe Mom is a dancer

I have also been very fortunate in that my employers have always been very understanding of my children coming into work with me when necessary. I even took Twain with me from the time he was 1 week until he was 3 months old... every day, all day.

MANY employers are VERY flexible about something like this. Especially if it's only for a week and BOTH people who're doing the exchange are employees.