8 yr old son sleeping in same bedroom as mother on visitation days

[Proserpina]

Sorry, gotta chirp in here.....

If you want to bring up what CPS would classify as a adequate living enviornment, it would be one room for 2 children, sex and age appropriate.

Do you have a reference for this?

 

[forthecause]

I'll dig it up for you dog, NP

I have had these people in our lives since june and that was what they have quoted, so I should be able to find it.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Ok it is not Illegal for child to sleep in same room as mom. That thought is just ridiculous. Shoot there was a time when most houses were basically one room with the whole family sleeping in same room/kitchen and living room all a part of that same space. There was a time when it was the norm. The mom could get a studio apartment for her and son and you would have no say. Stop being petty and grow up. The fact that you are trying to use that as an excuse to show you are a better parent is just sad. When will parents start acting like adults. You might as well stick your tongue out at her and say nanny nanny boo boo. I am sick sick sick of seing the immaturity that people show on this board when it comes to being revengeful and trying to claim they just want the best for the child when really all they want is to stomp their lil foot and scream "me me me I want it all my way" like a two year old child having to share their toy. Grow up.

 

[peabuddy]

@ Dogmatique

Normally A person does what they say they'll do unless they are purposely decieving you or unknown factors prevent them from doing so.

I can only state the fact that she held a job that paid over $70k per year and when we split up, within a week left that job and went back to the casino she previously worked for at $15hr ad checks-in hotel guests. That seems to be below her skill set. She said to me a few weeks after she went back to the casino; "You can try for child supoport and allimony but good luck now". How would you view that situation.

I have submitted an alternating 4day /3day weekly schedule totaling an equal 7 days out of every 14. I have addressed this every week as I juggle back and forth my son desire and right to spend time with his mother as well as trying to make a broken marrige work.

How her mental illnes effects our child is this: she has 2 instances let him go to the park and pool on his bike by his self while she lays asleep in bed or curled up in a depressed state. This I learned from our son a few weeks ago.
As I have lived with a manic depressive bi-polar women for a decade I have seen her go from I highly active person to a almost comatose state for days at a time. while on her meds she maintained a balnce. as of late the things I see he do demondtrates a lack of parental guidaince. Now I know children go to parks and pools all the time, though when there are 3 child sex offenders with in a 2 block radious or your home would you let an 8yr child out of your site to ride thier bike up to the park or a POOL for that matter

how her not taking care of her illness overflows to our child is kind stated above with the park, pool, and sleeping while he's unatended

we have no court order. I filled the complaint on Sept 8-08 and origionally filed for temp physical custody Oct 10-08. I am representing myself. She hired an attorney. I served her papers on 10-15-08 for the temp order hearing date 1-15-09 On 1-12-09 she said she wanted to handle this out of court. I agreed to that. the lawyer then filed papers to nullify everything prior back to the complaint. Origionally I offered joint legal and physical custody and she went for sole on both. Based on what has happened since jan of this year my thoughts are that she has not improved mentally. I understand that no one is perfect by any means though there was a reason she stopped the meds in the first place and there is reason to lead me to double guess her abillity now.

@ Isabella

It's not the fact that we no longer live with each other it is the fact she stopped her meds and deteriated mentally.
I do not know for a fact the she is off her meds. other than she has no insurance and lexapro is not a OTC drug nor cheap. With insurance we payed somshere in the neighborhood of $100 month in script bills for her. when we split I found over 6mos of pills in various boxes unused.

And for what I promised her; that was never broken. I supported her emotionally, I contributed equally with finaces, I even gave up my carear to move closer to her family in WI. Once we moved to Las Vegas; 4 month afgter she stopped her meds she had an affair with 2 different men over the last year of our living together. Sure evey one has problems in a marrige though the bond of the vows were not broken by me. Everyone is entitled thier own opinion on that, however, I do not live rent free with them. They are older in years and I assist with my mom's emphysema. Not that I don't provide a single residence like she does..doesn't mean I can't or won't Family is the most important thing to me.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Do you have a reference for this?

The standard that he is trying to use is the standard for foster care. It does not apply to this case. So I dont know the poster even brought it up.

 

[stealth2]

Yes...that was one of the symptoms that my stepdaughter came back with from her father's house. Sometimes step parents are asking questions for legit reasons.. It might be more beneficial to children if answers were given to legit questions instead of hammering step parents all the time for trying to help. Trying to help and over stepping are two different things..

Where in OP's situation has anyone mentioned stepparents? If you have a further question about your (wife's) situation, maybe you should add it to your own thread instead of using OP's for your own purposes.

Seriously... Mom is unlikely to be dinged for sharing a room (NOT a bed) with her son. Dad has made no mention of anything inappropriate occurring. And it's not illegal. At this age? My kids and I lived in a very small house, and we all shared the 1 BR. Along with a dog and two cats. That wasn't illegal, either.

 

[peabuddy]

@Hisbabygirl77

When I left her, I offered joint physical and legal custody, she refused that. The fact that I have maintain a civil relationship with this woman even thogh she had multiple affairs does not change the fact that there are certain actions that now show her ability to parent should be reviewed and questioned. Yeah a one bed aprtment is not the worst place for a child to live in but it not the best either. I want the best for my child. unfortunatley for him it wont be as a family with her. If she feels the same maybe just maybe she would sacrifice a few things to provide that for tour child. example being maybe taking the money she goes out and gets drunk with and the IPhone she now spend $30 extra a month on and put it towards a 2nd bedroom. It's only $75 more per month at her complex. Its not that she cant afford it she just chooses not to and I do not think that is providing EVERYTHING for the betterment of the child. It shows me that she's is being immature and selfish for her wants. It's not what I want for me but what is the best possible situation for Gavin. She can provide this for him she just chooses not to. Like you say love is not a feeling, it's an act of will. It seems to me that she is not willing

 

[forthecause]

The standard that he is trying to use is the standard for foster care. It does not apply to this case. So I dont know the poster even brought it up.

ya, when I just went to look it all up, thats what I just read too His.

So I have no idea why the CPS caseworker was making me and mother abide by those standards, but she was

 

[Proserpina]

The standard that he is trying to use is the standard for foster care. It does not apply to this case. So I dont know the poster even brought it up.

That's what I thought.

 

[forthecause]

@Hisbabygirl77

When I left her, I offered joint physical and legal custody, she refused that. The fact that I have maintain a civil relationship with this woman even thogh she had multiple affairs does not change the fact that there are certain actions that now show her ability to parent should be reviewed and questioned. Yeah a one bed aprtment is not the worst place for a child to live in but it not the best either. I want the best for my child. unfortunatley for him it wont be as a family with her. If she feels the same maybe just maybe she would sacrifice a few things to provide that for tour child. example being maybe taking the money she goes out and gets drunk with and the IPhone she now spend $30 extra a month on and put it towards a 2nd bedroom. It's only $75 more per month at her complex. Its not that she cant afford it she just chooses not to and I do not think that is providing EVERYTHING for the betterment of the child. It shows me that she's is being immature and selfish for her wants. It's not what I want for me but what is the best possible situation for Gavin. She can provide this for him she just chooses not to. Like you say love is not a feeling, it's an act of will. It seems to me that she is not willing

I do see were spending habits may be a conern, but it's not bad parenting. Roof,food,supervision,and mentally healthy and love seems to be the progressions of the court.

As for the bipolar....u would be barking up the wrong tree there. My soon-to be has made that the forfront of her arguments, and it just doesnt mean a damned thing in the scheme of it all. I have been primary and she wanted it reversed at the temporary on the grounds of me living with parents and bipolar. Epic fail. Told you about the living with parents part, but bipolar does not equal bad parent, and all they need to hear is "I take my meds" and that ones over.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

@Hisbabygirl77

When I left her, I offered joint physical and legal custody, she refused that. The fact that I have maintain a civil relationship with this woman even thogh she had multiple affairs does not change the fact that there are certain actions that now show her ability to parent should be reviewed and questioned. Yeah a one bed aprtment is not the worst place for a child to live in but it not the best either. I want the best for my child. unfortunatley for him it wont be as a family with her. If she feels the same maybe just maybe she would sacrifice a few things to provide that for tour child. example being maybe taking the money she goes out and gets drunk with and the IPhone she now spend $30 extra a month on and put it towards a 2nd bedroom. It's only $75 more per month at her complex. Its not that she cant afford it she just chooses not to and I do not think that is providing EVERYTHING for the betterment of the child. It shows me that she's is being immature and selfish for her wants. It's not what I want for me but what is the best possible situation for Gavin. She can provide this for him she just chooses not to. Like you say love is not a feeling, it's an act of will. It seems to me that she is not willing

You dont have to agree with her parenting choice or how she spends her money. You have no say unless she is abusing or hurting the child which from what you have stated she is not. You dont like it? You dont think its best? You dont agree? Well tough. Its not all about what you think. Its her child too and her time its none of your business. You dont get to control the situation. Wouldnt we all love everything to be just as we want it. Heck ya but thats not how it works. You may think she is immature that is your opinion Shoot I think your very immature but thats just my opinion because guess what legally your opinion of her and mine of you means nothing.

 

[Proserpina]

I can only state the fact that she held a job that paid over $70k per year and when we split up, within a week left that job and went back to the casino she previously worked for at $15hr ad checks-in hotel guests. That seems to be below her skill set. She said to me a few weeks after she went back to the casino; "You can try for child supoport and allimony but good luck now". How would you view that situation.

Depending on the circumstances of her leaving she may well be seen as deliberately underemployed to avoid financial obligations....but much remains to be seen. So, do you know the circumstances? What was her old position? How long was she there compared to the previous casino job?

I have submitted an alternating 4day /3day weekly schedule totaling an equal 7 days out of every 14. I have addressed this every week as I juggle back and forth my son desire and right to spend time with his mother as well as trying to make a broken marrige work.

Honestly, I wouldn't been too keen on that either at this point - that's a whole heck of a lot of disruption for an 8 year old. But if you were able to keep him in the same school it may not be so bad. Was that the only offer you made? Did she counter?

How her mental illnes effects our child is this: she has 2 instances let him go to the park and pool on his bike by his self while she lays asleep in bed or curled up in a depressed state. This I learned from our son a few weeks ago.

What proof of this do you have?

As I have lived with a manic depressive bi-polar women for a decade I have seen her go from I highly active person to a almost comatose state for days at a time. while on her meds she maintained a balnce. as of late the things I see he do demondtrates a lack of parental guidaince. Now I know children go to parks and pools all the time, though when there are 3 child sex offenders with in a 2 block radious or your home would you let an 8yr child out of your site to ride thier bike up to the park or a POOL for that matter

Is there a reason you didn't mention this before? Are these offenders level 3s? 1s? Is this a legitimate threat to your child's safety or are you looking for reasons to change things?

how her not taking care of her illness overflows to our child is kind stated above with the park, pool, and sleeping while he's unatended

Again, you need PROOF. Not anecdotes, but proof.

we have no court order. I filled the complaint on Sept 8-08 and origionally filed for temp physical custody Oct 10-08. I am representing myself. She hired an attorney. I served her papers on 10-15-08 for the temp order hearing date 1-15-09 On 1-12-09 she said she wanted to handle this out of court. I agreed to that. the lawyer then filed papers to nullify everything prior back to the complaint. Origionally I offered joint legal and physical custody and she went for sole on both. Based on what has happened since jan of this year my thoughts are that she has not improved mentally. I understand that no one is perfect by any means though there was a reason she stopped the meds in the first place and there is reason to lead me to double guess her abillity now.

Are you qualified to make that statement? Are there any psych reports proving a decline in function?

@ Isabella

It's not the fact that we no longer live with each other it is the fact she stopped her meds and deteriated mentally.
I do not know for a fact the she is off her meds. other than she has no insurance and lexapro is not a OTC drug nor cheap. With insurance we payed somshere in the neighborhood of $100 month in script bills for her.

Lexapro went generic in 2006. A 30-day script can run as low as $25 (and that's without insurance).

Look, you started out by asking if the sleeping arrangements were illegal. Then you raised these other issues.

Be honest - are you genuinely in fear for your son's safety?

 

[CdwJava]

Here is what you do ... go back to court to revisit the custody and visitation orders. Cite your reasons for wanting whatever condition syou want to see imposed and see what the judge says. It's rather simple. Go before the court, have your say, see if the judge agrees with you, and let him render an enforceable, legal order.

I doubt he will order her to get a better job or work more hours unless it is clear she can do better and she is not living up to her financial obligations.

I doubt she will order the child out of her room unless it can be shown the child is being physically or emotionally harmed by the arrangement. On its face, such an arrangement is not improper or unlawful.

- Carl

 

[peabuddy]

@Dogmatique

Her posistion previously with the casino was front desk represenative she worked for them for aprox. 8mos 1-07 -9-07
She worked for the company from 09-07 to 10-08. Her posistion was Director of Sales Administration for a large timeshare company.(where I also work) then in Nov-08 went back to the casino to the same posistion as before.

The disruption now is that he's with me maybe 1-2 nights at a time then 1-2 with her. We did agree on bith of us living in the school dist that he has been in since K he's now 3rd. No I offered 7 dyas at a time 5 days at a time 14 days at a time. But I've always tried to keep the time split down the middle. (equal and fair in my book) she has never offered any type of schedule. She claims it is due to her days off change frequently and she never knows what her hours will be.(9-5, 10-6, 8-4, etc.)

As far as proof of the 2 instances, My son told me that mom let him go to the park all by him self and when he did get home mom was asleep in her bed with the lights off. when I asked him had she let you do this before he said yes she let him go to the pool by himself to swim a couple of days before the park.

There is 1 tier 3 and the other two are tier 2. All had criminal acts with children that were 10yrs or younger.

As I stated what my thoughts were I am not a medical professional. There are no psych reports I have access to. I have only her actions to base my thoughts. I know there is no legal ground on that. though from what i'm gathering from these posts asl ong as she says she's taking her med the judge will say OK?? If that was the case wouldn't they also have to take the word of any parent who says "No you honor I do not beat my kids", after the other parent says thay did?? wouldn't she have to prove that she is on her medication. with a current script from a doctor or pharmacy??

Lexapro was the only meds I knew of her taking. The $100 month was an aprox. She stoped discusing with me what went on at the doctor office and restricted my access about the time she started working for the timeshare company.

I started this thread with the question of the legality of thier sleeping arangements. as well as stating that I was considering asking for temp physical custody. I should have stated "resubmiting" for temp instead.


I fear that her choices have already put my son in a possible dangerous situation. The fact that she let an 8yr old boy leave an apartment complex and ride his bike 4 blocks down a 4 lane road to a city park unsupervised is action enough to feel my son could be in danger.

 

[CJane]

My BED last night = Me, 4 yo Boy, 13 yo girl. My BEDROOM = Me, 4 yo boy, 13 yo girl, 2 dogs, 2 cats. For some reason, the 9 yo girl decided to sleep elsewhere, but usually, she's in here too.

And when I was investigated by CPS AND a GAL, and the boy and both girls shared a room in a 2BR house, there was NO problem AT ALL.

Dude, you need to pick REAL battles. Unless your child is in DANGER, where he's SLEEPING at night is NOT an issue. Even if.