It seems to me that alot of the posts here contain thoughts that I am trying to be selfish, overbearing, controling, and dicredit or in other ways show that my soon to be is a bad parent.
Thing is, when you start with something that really is pretty innocuous and get shot down, then start adding in more "details", it starts to look like you're fishing for any possibility to cut the other parent out. We see that from a lot of posters, both Moms & Dads.
I asked only if a mother and a son sleeping in the same room was leagal or not. Also I mentioned that I was considering asking for temp physical.
Yes, well... it is legal.
When Dog asked on what grounds, I did not move on to or bring up those factors because I relized the sleeping arrangements was idiotic. It was the first reply. I simply answered the question.
See, and we kind of figure that a truly concerned parent will bring up the most concerning issue first. If your most pressing issue is the boy sharing a room with Mom? Then the other issues strike us as not so important to you.
I have had concern for the wellbeing of our child when he is in her care from the start. The last thing I wanted to do to a (then)7yr old is keep him from his mother. After multiple instances my concern has grown larger and larger.
But, if you are TRULY concerned for his safety, you'd so something regardless.
I would hope ANY parent would want to have the ability to change or moderate what they feel is negatively impacting thier child.
As stated above - every parent DOES have that ability - but one needs proof that a judge believes.
It looks like it is not illeagal for parents and thier opposite sex child to share a room. The relevence of the apt complexes were to show that most do not permit it, so it would seem to be wrong.
Suppose Mom had a 2BR apt. The boy could STILL share her room and no one would be the wiser. And it would still not be illegal. Just because the complexes don't want more than one person per BR doesn't make it illegal.
That doesn't change me thinking it would be more positive for our son to have his own room, bed and space for his clothes and toys, not cramming it all in her room.
Probably yes, at some point. But most kids make that type of move/request on their own. Your son is not likely to be 16 and sleeping on an air mattress in Mom's room.
As for proof of her letting our 8yr old (not 11/12) travel 4blocks (not our street and the adjoining; no further) to a city park, swim alone, and being off her meds is something I do not have.
I suppose I would have to be there with video camera in hand to prove it happened.
I feel this is Jeopardizing to our son.
And... this may well be considered a difference in parenting choices. There are parents who will not allow their children out of their sight long after the kids should be given that level of independence. There are others who let them go off much younger than many. 8? Is on the cusp. Most people would raise eyebrows at 6, few at 10. By 8, mine were allowed to be on their own in the neighborhood as long as I knew where they were going and who would be there, and that I was contacted before they went elsewhere.
See... I figure that I don't REALLY know where the sex offenders live. Because not all of them are registered. They have to be caught first. But... I refuse to allow my kids to grow up afraid and dependent. So I have taught them well and carefully, and allowed them to spread their wings appropriately. Doesn't mean I'm a bad parent, or that I don't care. Believe me - there have been many days when I waited for them with a knot in my stomach. But they've learned to take care of themselves, and they've learned that they are much more capable than others may let them believe.
Can I prove that she is purposely underemployed?
I do know coworkers of hers that have stated to me she was offered full time, and opted out for what ever reason.
Coworkers aren't proof.
It seems that the valid factor here is that she DOES have an erratic work schedule. Each week is different days off and scheduled hours. I have had the same days off for the past 2yrs, as well as a consistant shift 8-4p.
because of this her time with our son is sparce and incosistant, which should so a instability to care for him.
In these economic climes, I wouldn't count on a judge dinging her for working odd hours unless she is really never home for the boy and/or has no alternative care. Perhaps you could look into right of first refusal so that if she DOES work hours when she'd need a sitter, the boy would come to you instead. THAT would be a reasonable request.
Ya know... I have the same type of schedule. I work retail. I close anywhere from 1-3 nights a week. The other 2-4 I open. The days I work, the hours I work... can vary based on our coverage. When my kids were younger, either one of my parents would come to my house to stay with them until I got home, or they'd go to my parents' and then we'd usually spend the night with my taking them to school from there in the morning. Now, they're old enough to stay home on their own, doing homework, etc.
Unstable? I suppose some would see it as such. I don't. They see me every day. They talk to me every day. I know what goes on in their lives on a daily basis - who the mean girl is, who's the new cute guy at school, what the oldest's g/f is up to, etc. My "unstable" schedule has in no way impacted my parenting.
As a child from a broken home, my mom worked 2 jobs to provide for us as well as some of you mothers here in this thread. It's what she had to do. She always made sure when we lived somewhere (postage stamp or 1+ acre) my brother, sister and I had our own rooms. She would working most of the time an a sitter was looking after us. I can tell you it impacted the three of us negatively to have a sitter most of the time. we didn't understand why mom was always working and not playing with us. she didn't have the help of my father, he wanted nothing to do with us. If a woman in the 70's with three kids can provide seperate beds and rooms, I would think a clearhead woman in the 21st century can do the same. For what ever reasons I see it that she chooses not to with this for our child and that upsets me as a father who is very much dedicated to our sons' wellbeing.
Careful - you're looking at a return punt asking about why, if you think a woman in the 21st century should be able to provide a home with a bedroom for each of her children, a man in the 21st century shouldn't be able to do the same. Without relying on Mommy and Daddy. Think carefully before you lob that one in court.
Personally? I figured it made more sense for us to live in a home I owned free and clear, in a town I was familiar with, until I got my bearings and figured out what we were doing next. That little house brought us close and built relationships that are solid. Not only myself with each of the kids, but between the two of them together. And ya know... even with the space we have now? On weekends? We're a big pile-up in the FR on the weekends. And my kids are far from 8.
I would like to have primary custody of our son. I see that a court may or may not agree with me based on the discussion here. Obviously not being a lawyer, or medical professional I have seeked out advise. Thank you for all of yours
No one will ever be able to give you a definitive answer on what a court will decide. But you have holes in your case. Big ones. Wouldn't you rather find out now than when you're standing in front of the judge?
