8 yr old son sleeping in same bedroom as mother on visitation days

[Isis1]

OP, see, you can't PROVE mom is not taking her meds. only because you think so. see, i've had a lapse in medical coverage. guess what? doc gave me script to last a year. they do funny things like that, you know.

and you can't PROVE mom left child alone to go to the park. you can't PROVE the child swam alone in the pool. you only have the word of the child. so it's only hearsay. the child was not actually harmed.

 

[peabuddy]

@CJane

I have never looked at my divorce as a battle. an unsurmountable struggle maybe, but not a battle. Ofcourse I dont like the fact our son is sleeping on an air mattress when she can provide a REAL bed and room. I also don't like the fact that she has let our son go places unattened where children his age have been aubducted and killed with in the time it takes to drive thru a Mc Donalds.

@Isabella

You seem to have a dislike for me which is cool...
I would think that she would have to PROVE SHE IS
After our son told me this, I confronted her with it. she first told me that it was the park in the complex and that she went up there right after he left. then she said that she was on the balcony watching him the whole way, then she said he wasn't gone long, and she told him to only stay 15 minutes and come right back. as for the pool she said thier were other adults up there and he was safe. finally she said that it was none of my business where our child goes or who he goes with when he is with her. At the end of the somewhat conversation she did say that what she did was wrong.

would that be proof enough??

 

[Proserpina]

@Isabella
You seem to have a dislike for me which is cool

Do you believe that the reason you and Isabella may not be agreeing is because she dislikes you? Really?

To answer your question, no. You have to have a valid reason for even having Mom ordered to take a blood test (which would show the presence or absence of therapeutic levels of the drug). Do you?

... After our son told me this, I confronted her with it. she first told me that it was the park in the complex and that she went up there right after he left. then she said that she was on the balcony watching him the whole way, then she said he wasn't gone long, and she told him to only stay 15 minutes and come right back. as for the pool she said thier were other adults up there and he was safe. finally she said that it was none of my business where our child goes or who he goes with when he is with her. At the end of the somewhat conversation she did say that what she did was wrong.

would that be proof enough??

No, it would not.

Her: I didn't say anything of the sort.
You: Yes you did
Judge: Dad, can you prove that Mom said this?
You: Yes, because she did!
Her: Judge, Dad is obviously trying to discredit me. I did not say this.

So. What PROOF do you have?

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Ok one more time

You do not get to control mom or how mom parents her child.

You do not get to control if the child has air mattress in mommys room

You do not get to control everything.

Isabella may or may not like you. Shoot I dont like you but my answers are still correct. Personally I think you are selfish, overbearing, arrogant, controlling and a whole lot more. Yet the answers are still correct.

 

[forthecause]

@Dogmatique

Her posistion previously with the casino was front desk represenative she worked for them for aprox. 8mos 1-07 -9-07
She worked for the company from 09-07 to 10-08. Her posistion was Director of Sales Administration for a large timeshare company.(where I also work) then in Nov-08 went back to the casino to the same posistion as before.

Mine has a similar crazy ass work schedule. They gave me primary (temp) with her having liberal visitations. My work schedule mimics the childrens school and everything so in that aspect it provides a more stable approach. So that's one thing to consider**************.

The disruption now is that he's with me maybe 1-2 nights at a time then 1-2 with her. We did agree on bith of us living in the school dist that he has been in since K he's now 3rd. No I offered 7 dyas at a time 5 days at a time 14 days at a time. But I've always tried to keep the time split down the middle. (equal and fair in my book) she has never offered any type of schedule. She claims it is due to her days off change frequently and she never knows what her hours will be.(9-5, 10-6, 8-4, etc.)

Again, stability, stability, stability. More than likely you being primary with her having liberal visitations. Living in the same school district would support this logical approach.

As far as proof of the 2 instances, My son told me that mom let him go to the park all by him self and when he did get home mom was asleep in her bed with the lights off. when I asked him had she let you do this before he said yes she let him go to the pool by himself to swim a couple of days before the park.

Again, heresay. But belive me, I sympathize with you. But she has to be caught red handed quite frankly. Like Is said...PROOF

There is 1 tier 3 and the other two are tier 2. All had criminal acts with children that were 10yrs or younger.

Reason to be concerned....YES. But a small piece to a bigger puzzle. Stipulate that the children must be in her constant supervision. That was one for my temp. If she works, she gets no visit. She must be with them all the time and is not allowed to hire a sitter.

As I stated what my thoughts were I am not a medical professional. There are no psych reports I have access to. I have only her actions to base my thoughts. I know there is no legal ground on that. though from what i'm gathering from these posts asl ong as she says she's taking her med the judge will say OK?? If that was the case wouldn't they also have to take the word of any parent who says "No you honor I do not beat my kids", after the other parent says thay did?? wouldn't she have to prove that she is on her medication. with a current script from a doctor or pharmacy??

I carried my script with me to all my hearings for lithium. But have not been asked once to show it.

As for beating a child, proof. Credible witnesses with no invested interests. A bf/gf woun't work and would be dismissed in a heart beat I asure you. Even grandparents and other relatives have a tough time making a sworn oath pass cuz they are related to one of the parties. And it cant be like a "I see them once a year thing" as well

I have a friend to both of us who can testify about the inner workings of our household, who has been in our home once a week at least with an established relationship to both parties and the children. But he is still there to testify for cross examination**************

I started this thread with the question of the legality of thier sleeping arangements. as well as stating that I was considering asking for temp physical custody. I should have stated "resubmiting" for temp instead.


I fear that her choices have already put my son in a possible dangerous situation. The fact that she let an 8yr old boy leave an apartment complex and ride his bike 4 blocks down a 4 lane road to a city park unsupervised is action enough to feel my son could be in danger.

And you have the rights to be concerned, but you will need some form of proof!

 

[Proserpina]

My BED last night = Me, 4 yo Boy, 13 yo girl. My BEDROOM = Me, 4 yo boy, 13 yo girl, 2 dogs, 2 cats. For some reason, the 9 yo girl decided to sleep elsewhere, but usually, she's in here too.

And when I was investigated by CPS AND a GAL, and the boy and both girls shared a room in a 2BR house, there was NO problem AT ALL.

Dude, you need to pick REAL battles. Unless your child is in DANGER, where he's SLEEPING at night is NOT an issue. Even if.

Y'know if I had the time tonight I'd be doing some back-checking. This is starting to look incredibly familiar.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Mine has a similar crazy ass work schedule. They gave me primary (temp) with her having liberal visitations. My work schedule mimics the childrens school and everything so in that aspect it provides a more stable approach. So that's one thing to consider**************.

Ok his ex doesnt have crazy schedule as he said she is working 30 hours a week. So no thats nothing to consider HE is actually the one who by his own admission has to live with his parents because of HIS job

Again, stability, stability, stability. More than likely you being primary with her having liberal visitations. Living in the same school district would support this logical approach.

She has stability she has a house and roof for her child. Where do you get no stability?

Again, heresay. But belive me, I sympathize with you. But she has to be caught red handed quite frankly. Like Is said...PROOF



Reason to be concerned....YES. But a small piece to a bigger puzzle. Stipulate that the children must be in her constant supervision. That was one for my temp. If she works, she gets no visit. She must be with them all the time and is not allowed to hire a sitter.

an 8 year old under constant supervision? So your saying the 8 year old cant play in their front yard without mommy outside staring at him? gimme a break can you say CONTROL FREAK

I carried my script with me to all my hearings for lithium. But have not been asked once to show it.

As for beating a child, proof. Credible witnesses with no invested interests. A bf/gf woun't work and would be dismissed in a heart beat I asure you. Even grandparents and other relatives have a tough time making a sworn oath pass cuz they are related to one of the parties. And it cant be like a "I see them once a year thing" as well

huh

I have a friend to both of us who can testify about the inner workings of our household, who has been in our home once a week at least with an established relationship to both parties and the children. But he is still there to testify for cross examination**************



And you have the rights to be concerned, but you will need some form of proof!

Of which OP has noone because at first he tried using that child didnt have their own room. When he realized that was just plain idiotic he moved on to other allegations that NO he cant prove.

 

[forthecause]

Ok his ex doesnt have crazy schedule as he said she is working 30 hours a week. So no thats nothing to consider HE is actually the one who by his own admission has to live with his parents because of HIS job

Ok seriously?? get off the roof is the only sign of stability garbage, it just wont cut it!

When two people are married, they tend to do things like get a home based on both incomes and accumulate debt based on both those incomes. When they seperate, they are going to need to get things together on their own. I am trying to tell you nicely that "I have a roof and he lives with his parents" WONT impress a judge. Like I said, my divorce judge told her that does not matter, he would not look at that factor any differently had it been her living with her parents.

And a inconsistant work schedule is instability. For crying out loud, you have a link at the bottom that even says it's best to work a schedule that revolves around your childrens school schedule.

She has stability she has a house and roof for her child. Where do you get no stability?

Again, from a work schedule that continuously varies in hours and days off.

By your logic that would mean the father should have won all the custody battles of the past, I mean, since the mothers were not working and the father was the only source of income back in those days.

an 8 year old under constant supervision? So your saying the 8 year old cant play in their front yard without mommy outside staring at him? gimme a break can you say CONTROL FREAK

Call it what you like, but I do not see how the father should risk all those predators around and a mother just never watching him.

And last I looked...visitation time is supposed to be time for that parent to spend with their child.

And further more, I hope you get to know the parents of children your kid tends to play with.

huh

ya

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Ok i dont know who you think your responding to but I am not the OP. I was stating that his living with his parents and her having her own place are equal. Even if her place is a one bedroom apartment it doesnt make either of them look bad. I was also stating that her job technically will make it so she is spending more time with the child if he is trying to use her work as an excuse.

Trust me I know who my kids play with I also know 8 year old children. They will play outside alone a parent doesnt need to be staring at them the whole dang time. Kids need a lil independence with boundries of course. Examply my older two are 12 and 11 they know they can ride their bikes on my street and the adjoining street. They are not allowed to go any further. They know if they want to be inside a friends house they have to come ask persmission. They know they are not allowed in anyones house until I have met them and gotten a chance to know them. They know they arent allowed to sleep at someones house unless I know them. So get off your high horse.

You were stating the mom has to be with child at all times. Ummm nope! not gonna fly.

 

[Proserpina]

By your logic that would mean the father should have won all the custody battles of the past, I mean, since the mothers were not working and the father was the only source of income back in those days.

You're missing the point completely. Whether it's deliberate attempt at obfuscation I don't know.

And last I looked...visitation time is supposed to be time for that parent to spend with their child.

You might want to look again. Using YOUR logic, whoever has parenting time should not seek a babysitter or spend any time away from that child, right?

And further more, I hope you get to know the parents of children your kid tends to play with.

And this has about as much relevance here as the price of Stilton Cheese.

 

[forthecause]

ok, to his and dog, I did misread your original argument on the whole her own home and him with the parents thing. yes, if that's the only arguement, then it is a wash.

as for the visitation hours and not being present and hiring sitters......I am sorry, if you get your child every other weekend (yes not in this case but as an IE) for a total of...36 hours, and you end up working 20+ of those hours...were in this instance is there a spending of quality time here? If you complain that you dont see your kids enough, I would have to imagine telling a judge that during your visitations, you hire sitters, it wont help.

and like I said, you can stipulate whatever you like, and the judge can agree or not. We stipulated the mother was to be off completly from work for her visitations, no sitters, and he decided that it was resonable.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

ok, to his and dog, I did misread your original argument on the whole her own home and him with the parents thing. yes, if that's the only arguement, then it is a wash.

as for the visitation hours and not being present and hiring sitters......I am sorry, if you get your child every other weekend (yes not in this case but as an IE) for a total of...36 hours, and you end up working 20+ of those hours...were in this instance is there a spending of quality time here? If you complain that you dont see your kids enough, I would have to imagine telling a judge that during your visitations, you hire sitters, it wont help.

and like I said, you can stipulate whatever you like, and the judge can agree or not. We stipulated the mother was to be off completly from work for her visitations, no sitters, and he decided that it was resonable.

I still think that is a lame argument in this day and age most houses have where either the one parent or both parents work. Ok look at it this way. When I was a single mom I worked two jobs around 70 hours a week and went to school at night about another 10 hours a week. Now because I was providing for my children I had to do this. I should not have been punished because of that. I did not need someone to tell me when I had my children I had to just be with them the whole time. My children could go outside and play without me being a hawk staring at them. Guess what that is not what a parent must do. I dont believe for a second your order states mom cant go out on the days she has her kids. This is still America. Not a communist country and you arent the great dictator that gets to decide how much and what quality of time the mother spends with her child. I worked a lot and went to school but I still needed me time as well. Your ex still needs that just as you do. Do you want someone telling you that you cant go out if you have the kids or that you cant use a sitter? Give me a break you are so caveman its not even funny.

 

[forthecause]

lets see here......

7 days times 24 hours in a day is equal to 168 hours in a week
36 hours of visitation would then leave you left with 132 hours in a week
of that 132 most commonly, people work 40 hours in a week 92
and the average adult sleeps app. 6 hours a night, giving you 56 hours of me time**************..

How the hell you need more "me" time than that is kinda beyond me. And thats assuming you get your children 36 hours EVERY week.

Seriously, does your response to everything have to be about controlling?? I learned one fun fact from safe nest.....thats a common phrase controlling people like to use.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

lets see here......

7 days times 24 hours in a day is equal to 168 hours in a week
36 hours of visitation would then leave you left with 132 hours in a week
of that 132 most commonly, people work 40 hours in a week 92
and the average adult sleeps app. 6 hours a night, giving you 56 hours of me time**************..

How the hell you need more "me" time than that is kinda beyond me. And thats assuming you get your children 36 hours EVERY week.

Seriously, does your response to everything have to be about controlling?? I learned one fun fact from safe nest.....thats a common phrase controlling people like to use.

Ok listen I am not your ex so dont go getting all crazy. I dont know why she would need what vs how much time she has and this is not your post and is not about your situation so I am not going to respond to your situation on here any longer. If you want to post all of this on your own thread I would be happy to debate it with you but this is not your thread while I may not be fond of the OP and what he has stated I will respect that this is his post. I hope you will do the same.

 

[Ohiogal]

The grounds I feel are these:

Those are not grounds for temporary custody.

1 My wife told me she would get a 2brm apartment for them and she the leased a 1 bdrm.

So?

2. She held a high level posistion (70K) with paid insurance she (my opinion) puposely left that job and has gone to a 30hr weekly job with no insurnace and 1/4 of the pay to keep from having the possibilty of allimony or child support. (I myself have a job where insurance is not availible.

Your opinion matters not. What proof do you have that she is VOLUNTARILY UNDEREMPLOYED?

3. for the past 13mos she has yet to agree to any visitation schedule nor provide her own. That puts a large strain on our son as he really never knows when or where he'll be from one night to the next. Not to mention getting him to and from school.

And? Why haven't you petitioned the court for a visitation schedule?

4. She has been diagnosed with Bipolar manic depression, and since Nov 08' has not been on her medication nor was she taking the prescrobe medicine 1 yr prior to that. Which I feel is NOT in our sons best interest.

Prove it is a problem. If she has not been on the medicine for almost two years and she has still been around the child alone -- and you know that she has been unmedicated -- then you have found nothing wrong with it. So in those two years how has she harmed your son? Because you use that against her and you are just as neglectful if not more so.

So wheather or not she has insurance she has made consious decisions not to take care of herself which I belive flows over to our child.

Yet in two years she has had him with her on a consistent basis without you around.

I have moved in with my parents after the breakup and he has had his own room and has a loving inviroment with me. Not to say she doesn't love him.
I am saying her stae of mind may not be the best to competantly provide for him. She and I agreed that by OCT 09 she would have a 2brm and she has been offered full time with the casino she works at but has yet to accept and recieve insurance to assist with her illness.

And? How do you know she has been offered full time?

Since she has made concious decisions not to this for our child, It would not be in his best intrest for us to share physical custody like we have been. It has truely been a nightmare trying to ballance the time with us. not to mention homework not getting done, late nights with him at her friends house on school nights to midnight and not ever having a structured visitaion schedule. I'm not trying to bash her as a mother while we were living as a family she was a great parent.

You haven't proven that sharing custody is an issue for the child -- just for you. What court orders exist?

I understand parents and children ploping down on the couch for movie night and fallin asleep. but for the opposite sex (mother & son/ Father & daughter) does not seem appropiate. Nor do the 15 apartment complexes I have called in the las vegas area and asked about sleeping conditions for minor children

Oh well. Opinions are ..... not the important factor in court.