Need help!!!

[lilmansmom]

FYI to others, this is a handy reference for one-stop shopping re: best interests of the child by state, according to respective statutes.

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/best_interest.pdf

lilmansmom, if you look at your state, you'll see that New Mexico will bend over backwards to foster the parent-child relationship ("...to the maximum extent possible"..). Your ex is a parent. You really need to come to terms with that. Your time is better spent planning how to best handle this new dynamic, rather than trying to find a way to thwart Dad's efforts.

this article states in there that a judge will look into the relationship between father and child... he has none!! so how can he be awarded visits if he cant even show he has one except at birth?

 

[>Charlotte<]

He does see what his father has put us through, and he doesn't like his stepmom because of how she has acted in front of us.he does know alot for being only 7. My ex would see us at the store and not say one word. Now 7 years later he does?.. until he seeks his rights I will not allow my son to go with someone he hardly knows!!

Unless and until he actually has court-ordered visitation you have no legal obligation to do so. But when he is granted visitation, you'd better serve that kid up on a cracker with a side of smile.

 

[lilmansmom]

Unless and until he actually has court-ordered visitation you have no legal obligation to do so. But when he is granted visitation, you'd better serve that kid up on a cracker with a side of smile.

He has already filed paperwork for visitations.. what if he don't get it? will i still need to grant him this permission if and when a judge tells him sorry you had your chance?

 

[Proserpina]

He has already filed paperwork for visitations.. what if he don't get it? will i still need to grant him this permission if and when a judge tells him sorry you had your chance?

The judge is NOT going to say "sorry, you had your chance".

Get. Used. To. That.

We are NOT going to help you find ways to keep Dad away. We are just not going to do that.

Get used to that, too.

 

[Antigone*]

He has already filed paperwork for visitations.. what if he don't get it? will i still need to grant him this permission if and when a judge tells him sorry you had your chance?

A judge is not going to tell him that.

Ladies, this is going to be one of those threads where mom is just not going to get it. I predict this one will be a five pager.

 

[Proserpina]

He does see what his father has put us through, and he doesn't like his stepmom because of how she has acted in front of us.he does know alot for being only 7. My ex would see us at the store and not say one word. Now 7 years later he does?.. until he seeks his rights I will not allow my son to go with someone he hardly knows!!

Pick a story and stick with it.

First he's had no contact at all, and now your son sees Stepmom often enough to form HIS OWN opinion of her?

It's quite plain that these are not his opinions.

 

[Proserpina]

A judge is not going to tell him that.

Ladies, this is going to be one of those threads where mom is just not going to get it. I predict this one will be a five pager.

I agree, my dear Tigi.

I also predict another encounter with the OG Effect very soon.

 

[>Charlotte<]

this article states in there that a judge will look into the relationship between father and child... he has none!! so how can he be awarded visits if he cant even show he has one except at birth?

You're reading it the way you want to read it. What matters is the relationship the father wants to have with the son NOW. Your bitterness about the past counts for diddly. Do you have any idea how hard it is to strip a parent of his rights?? Have you not heard the stories about children who are actually abused, and the parents still have rights? Hell, many statutes even address the rights of parents who are convicted of sexual abuse of a minor--and make it a point to differentiate whether the minor was his child.

You're grasping at straws and trying to find something to keep this guy at bay. We're telling you, that's not going to work. But, hey, knock yourself out. It's your time to waste.

 

[lilmansmom]

You're reading it the way you want to read it. What matters is the relationship the father wants to have with the son NOW. Your bitterness about the past counts for diddly. Do you have any idea how hard it is to strip a parent of his rights?? Have you not heard the stories about children who are actually abused, and the parents still have rights? Hell, many statutes even address the rights of parents who are convicted of sexual abuse of a minor--and make it a point to differentiate whether the minor was his child.

You're grasping at straws and trying to find something to keep this guy at bay. We're telling you, that's not going to work. But, hey, knock yourself out. It's your time to waste.

i have read many stories, however, i have already written a statement of my point of view. It should be left up to our son it's not fair to our son that his father wants him one day and not the other because of his new family!! how hurtful is that to our son. It should be left up to our son to decide if he wants to see his father which at this time he wants nothing to do with him as well as his father who never wanted anything up until recently

 

[Proserpina]

i have read many stories, however, i have already written a statement of my point of view. It should be left up to our son it's not fair to our son that his father wants him one day and not the other because of his new family!! how hurtful is that to our son. It should be left up to our son to decide if he wants to see his father which at this time he wants nothing to do with him as well as his father who never wanted anything up until recently

No, it absolutely should not be left up to your son.

If your son decided tomorrow that he wanted to go and live with his Dad, you'd be okay with that?

No?

Then why would you be okay with him making the opposite decision?

Seriously, you need a reality check here.

1. Your ex WILL get visitation.

2. If you withhold the child, and do it often enough you CAN lose custody - to Dad.

3. You are very clearly projecting your feelings onto your son. This can be a form of alienation and again, do it enough and you can lose custody. How, for example, would your son EVEN KNOW Dad's reasons for not visiting? Unless you told him?

4. Your feelings don't matter one bit. Dad's rights are protected by the US Constitution. He has the RIGHT to parent his child until and unless his rights are terminated.

5. (before we start down that route) You cannot have Dad's rights terminated because there has been - LEGALLY - no abandonment.

6. You can make any statement you want in court, but it doesn't matter.

7. Acceptance is MUCH healthier for you.

Are we all on the same page now?

 

[breezymom]

this seems to be a defense argument instead of getting help!!

The "defense argument" IS supposed to give you help.

Do you honestly think you are going to walk into the court room and not have to have a viable defense against all these things people are pointing out to you? If you do, your reality is severely distorted. The people of whom are giving you these defense arguments are speaking from experience of one form or another.

Your son will be able to decide if he wants a relationship with his dad when your son is legal age. The argument, "it's not fair," doesn't hold up much anywhere in life, especially not in a court room.

 

[Just Blue]

i have read many stories, however, i have already written a statement of my point of view. It should be left up to our son it's not fair to our son that his father wants him one day and not the other because of his new family!! how hurtful is that to our son. It should be left up to our son to decide if he wants to see his father which at this time he wants nothing to do with him as well as his father who never wanted anything up until recently

Please be advised, if ordered, you will be required to have a mental health evaluation.

 

[Proserpina]

The "defense argument" IS supposed to give you help.

Do you honestly think you are going to walk into the court room and not have to have a viable defense against all these things people are pointing out to you? If you do, your reality is severely distorted. The people of whom are giving you these defense arguments are speaking from experience of one form or another.

Your son will be able to decide if he wants a relationship with his dad when your son is legal age. The argument, "it's not fair," doesn't hold up much anywhere in life, especially not in a court room.

I think that needs to be a 'stickie' item.

 

[Just Blue]

I think that needs to be a 'stickie' item.

SJ has stated that those that stated that "life is fair" should get a lick in the shin. He was/is right.

 

[Proserpina]

SJ has stated that those that stated that "life is fair" should get a lick in the shin. He was/is right.

Darn shin-lickers.

They get everywhere.